• Member Since 3rd Sep, 2013
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The Phantom Joker

You'll Never See Me Comin'!


And a Happy New Year! · 3:33pm Dec 24th, 2022

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Current Schemes

My Creed

I found this beauty on fanfiction.net. No idea who made it, though. But, nonetheless, I take this creed as my own.

Today, writers are scorned because of those too unversed to know.

Disdained, because of the those too ignorant to believe.
Despised, because of the realists who are too afraid to dream.
Misunderstood, because others are too unsure to try.

But we, as writers, know them to be wrong.

A writer is a person who dreams.
A writer is a person who wishes.
A writer is a person who escapes.
A writer is a person who lives.
A writer is a person who is not afraid.
A writer is a person who strives.

A person who expresses.
A person who believes.
A person who understands.
A person who knows.

I am a writer.

I dream of a world where anything is possible.
I wish for a world where war is just a myth.
I escape into a world where I can predict the future.
I live in a world of joy and mystery.
I am not afraid of the world I create.
I strive in the world where others give up.

I express myself in ways others dare not try.
I believe in things others are too afraid to trust.
I understand things others cannot, in a way that others cannot.
I know, in ways that others deny.

My favorite lines and quotes

"Guns are a coward's weapon. What are you without your side arm?" *gets shot by Lance* "A guy with a spare."-Dark Archer Stick and Detective Quentin Lance, Arrow

"Tell me, what does one do after such a spectacular, public failure?" "One adapts. One evolves. One becomes intent on reversing one's fortune."-Wade Eiling and Harrison Wells/Eobard Thawne, The Flash. (words to live by in my book)

"Failure is the fog through which we glimpse triumph." - Aldrich Killian, Iron Man 3

"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the chesse."- Aldrich Killain, Iron Man 3

"We create our own demons."- Tony Stark, Iron Man 3

"Revenge is underrated, that felt awesome!"- Dipper Pines, Gravity Falls

"'The Shack is hereby signed over to- SUCK A LEMON, LITTLE MAN?!'"-Gideon Gleeful, Gravity Falls

"Everything is different now."- Dipper and Mabel Pines, Gravity Falls

"No, sir! I ate a salamander and jumped out the window!"- Quintin Trembley, Gravity Falls

"Remember: Reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold, BYE!"- Bill Cipher, Gravity Falls

"Just this morning my mosquito bites spelled out 'beware.'" "That says 'bewarb'."- Dipper and Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls

"Yes, yes! Burn the child!" Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls

"If you utter so much as one sylible I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key."- The Grinch, How The Grinch Stole Christmas

"Hi! My name's Betrayus and I'll be your dictator today!"- Lord Betrayus, Pac-Man and the Ghostly Adventures

"FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!"- Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls

"I am so proud of me."-The Once-Ler (and me), The Lorax

"Lightbulb."- Gru (and me), Despicable Me

"You have a big gun, you are not 'The Big Gun.'"- Tony Stark, Iron Man 2

"Have some candy!"- King Candy, Wreck-It Ralph

"I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by."- Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

"You know, at the end of the day, Summerween isn't about candy or monsters. It's about when the whole family can get together to celebrate what matters most: PURE EVIL!" Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls

"Try not to hit any pedestrians!"-Wendy Corduroy, Gravity Falls

"My wisdom is both a blessing and a curse."- Soos (and me), Gravity Falls

"Thumbs up, indeed, my friend..."-Gideon Gleeful, Gravity Falls

"Studies show that keeping a ladder inside the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That's why I own ten guns, in case some maniac tries to sneak in a ladder."- Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls

"Sometimes I wonder: is life just a cruel joke with no punchline? That we're all just biding our time until the sweet release of death?"- Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls

"You think you can outwit me, boy? I'm Sherlock bleeding Holmes! Have you seen my magnifying glass? It's enormous!"- Wax Sherlock Holmes, Gravity Falls

"That was a typo. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE!"- Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls

"It's funny how dumb you are."- Bill Cipher, Gravity Falls

"Alpha twin! Alpha twin!"- Mabel Pines, Gravity Falls

"Bros before Dinos!"- Soos, Gravity Falls

"When life gives you lemons, call them yellow oranges and sell them for double the price."- Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls

"Ever since the Mystery Shack shut down, I've had to take a bunch of part-time jobs; Bus Driver, grave digger, really awesome cook. Hey, is the kitchen supposed to have that much fire in it?"- Soos, Gravity Falls

"You don't believe me? I will text you a photo!" "'Text' me a 'photo'? Now you're not even speaking english."- Grunkle Stan and Gideon Gleeful, Gravity Falls

"I can buy and sell you, old man!"- Gideon Gleeful, Gravity Falls

"When there's no cops around, anything's legal!"- Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls

"I've never had fishing buddies before; the guys at the lodge won't go with me! They don't 'like' or 'trust' me."- Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls

"Sounds like something a responsible parent wouldn't want you doing... Good thing I'm an uncle! Avenge me, kids! AVENGE ME!!!"- Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls

"Don't worry, brother; whatever happens I'll be right here, supporting you every step of the-- OH MY GOSH A PIG!"- Mabel Pines, Gravity Falls

"Dream big, you'll get big! That's the winner's way!"- Grubba, Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

"Everything falls into place...everything falls."- Toymaker, Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over

"This childish game will soon be over, then the real game will begin..."- Toymaker, Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over

"Help! I'm trapped in the game! It was cool in theory, but in practice it was really boring!"-Soos, Gravity Falls

"I'M GONNA DIE!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!! I'M GONNA THROW UP,THEN I'M GONNA DIE!!!"- The Grinch, How The Grinch Stole Christmas

"I was born free...but now I'm expensive."- a sign I saw in a resturant once

"If it's not one thing, it's your mother." - a sign I saw in a resturant once

"Bad spellers of the world, untie!" - a sign I saw in a resturant once

"Hey! You done good, you got all the leaves!"- Mater, Cars 2

"What do we do?" "It's very simple: You blow up." - Lightning McQueen and a Lemon, Cars 2

"Whatever you do, do not eat the free pistachio ice cream. It has turned."- Mater, Cars 2

"Durn it, I wish I had a neck."- The Cowboy Guy, Soos's Really Great Pinball Story. Is that a good title? Do they have to be puns or whatever?

"Prepare to meet yer maker, kids! Mah maker is Ballway Games in Redmond, Washington."-The Cowboy Guy, Soos's Really Great Pinball Story. Is that a good title? Do they have to be puns or whatever?

"The smell of jerky summoned me. JERKY!"- the Manataur whose name I forget, Gravity Falls

"I'm giving none of this to charity!"- Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls

"I was awoken by the sound of mockery. Where is it? Show me the object of ridicule."- Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls

"Bad coat!"- my little brother after kicking a coat and hurting his foot

"TV: It knows what I want."- Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls

"Finn McMissile, British Intelligence." "Tow Mater, Average Intelligence."- Finn McMissle and Mater, Cars 2

"Now that's how I like to start the day: you'll never feel more alive than when you're almost dead."- Finn McMissle, Cars 2

"Charlie! Why won't you interview me?!"- Mabel Pines, Gravity Falls

"Is that a threat I smell? *gags* Beyond the halitosis you so obviously suffer from."- King Candy, Wreck-It Ralph

"I'm Turbo! The greatest racer ever! And I did not reprogram this world, just to let you and that halitosis-riddled warthog take it away from me!"- Turbo, Wreck-It Ralph

"Your dad was giving exploding pumpkins at the office!" "Have you ever been any help?" - Spider-Man and "Bob," Ultimate Spider-Man

"Get away from P- uh...from that random kid who we do not know personally!"- Power Man, Ultimate Spider-Man

"I know it's tough. But, heroes have to make the tough choices, don't they?"- King Candy, Wreck-It Ralph

"Comedy violation!" "Flag on the joke!" "First down, Doc Ock, resume play!"- Referee Spider-Men, Ultimate Spider-Man

"I'm only here because you promised bacon."- Grunkle Stan, Mabel's Guide to Dating

"My grandmother was right! I'm the world's most perfect man!"- Soos, Mabel's Guide to Dating

"SPACESHIP!!!"- Benny, The Lego Movie

"Who's Bruce Wayne? I bet he's a really cool guy."- BATMAN, The Lego Movie

"Dearly Beloved, we be gathered here today TO NAIL YOUR GIZZARDS TO THE MAST, YOU POXY CUR!"- Hector Barbossa, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

"This is madness." "This is politics."- Elizabeth Swann and Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

"My heart will always belong to you." - Davy Jones, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

"This party never stops! Time is dead and meaning has no meaning! Existence is upside down and I reign supreme! Welcome one and all to WEIRDMAGEDDON!"- Bill Cipher, Gravity Falls

"Like Grunkle Stan always says, 'When one door closes, choose a nearby wall and smash it down with brute force!'" Mabel Pines, Weirdmageddon III: Take Back The Falls

"Esteemed gentlemen of the United States Supreme Court, I urge you to reconsider your decision!" *Surpeme Court Babies babble* "Very well. But who would you have replace me?" "Mama!" "That old crone?"- Quentin Trembly and the Supreme Court babies, Gravity Falls

*gets shot in the chest by a machine gun, but is unharmed* "I should be dead! Thanks, happy pill!"- The Joker, Injustice: Gods Among Us

"You wanna die?! There's easier ways to kill yourself!" "Yeah, like yelling at the guy holding the AK-47."-Drug Dealer and Red Hood, Batman: Under The Red Hood

*tosses duffle bag onto bullet hole-filled table. Drug dealers open it, and are horrified by the contents.* "Damn." "Those are the heads of all your lieutenants. That took me only two hours. Wanna see what I can get done in and evening?" *aims AK-47 at drug dealers.* "Make no mistake. I'm not asking you to kick in with me. I'm telling you."- Red Hood and assorted drug dealers, Batman: Under The Red Hood

"Don't you use your fancy mathematics to muddy the issue!"- Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic

"The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them." ~ William Clayton

*decks Lex Luthor in the head with an Ecrisma stick, knocking him out and cutting his evil monologue short* "He was done."- Dick Grayson/Nightwing, Injustice: Gods Among Us

"You push that button and eight million die." "Eight million and two, darling. I was going to enjoy the fireworks from a safe distance, but now that you're here, what say we have one last dance?"- Batman and The Joker, Injustice: Gods Among Us

"Good evening, Troops! This is General J here, with a quick update on what's going on down here in Arkham City. As you can see, I'm looking much better. In fact, ohhh, I think I'm looking better than ever! Ha! Oh, I can hear you all now: "How did this happen?" "Can I get me some of that crazy cure?" "Oh, I want answers, damn it! NOW!" Well, here's the thing. Answers don't give you everlasting satisfaction, sometimes you have to brace yourself for disappointment. Now think about it. Imagine your favorite TV show. You've been through it all. The ups, the downs, the crazy coincidences, and then: BANG! They tell you what it's all about. Would you be happy? Does it make sense? How come it all ended in a church?"- The Joker, Batman: Arkham City

"Let's just say I'm Frankenstein's Monster... and I'm looking for my creator."-Magneto, X-Men:
First Class

"I am vengeance!" "I'm Batman."-Red Hood and Batman, Injustice 2

"That. Felt. Good. Titanium composite hollow point bullets with a C4 kicker. Fastest, most explosive ammo in the world. I made them myself. With the invasion over, Bruce and Superman started fighting again. I wasn't down with either of them. On the one hand, the Regime's right. Scumbag murderers and rapists deserve to die. But on the other hand, I'm no fan of government authority. Especially the dictatorial variety. So while the World's Finest fight each other, I fight for the people. The weak. The innocent. Anyone who can't protect themselves. When they cry out for a savior, I'll answer. As for the criminals who threatens them? They need to know that their actions have consequences. That the Red Hood is coming for them."- Red Hood, Injustice 2

16 ways to perplex, confuse or just scare people in a Computer Lab

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.

2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes,turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.

4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one it's set up with.

6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.

7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.

8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.

9. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

10. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.

11. Type on Chatroullette for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.

12. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.

13. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.

14. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.

15. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.

16. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.

You're Too Big a Harry Potter Fan when...

You mutter nonsense Latin words under your breath.

You call your least favorite teacher Snape.

Your computer says "You've Got Mail" and you run outside looking for an owl.

You actually ask for a broom for Christmas.

You mutter "lumos" under your breath every time you turn on a flashlight.

You sort everyone you meet into the four Hogwarts houses. (Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin.)

You were burned when you couldn't get through the flames of your fireplace.

You had to go to the hospital after you broke your nose running headfirst into the wall between platforms nine and ten.

You point a normal things like parking meters and say "Look at the things these muggles dream up!"

You try on every piece of silvery fabric your mom has to see if you turn invisible

Before getting up to get something, you always try to summon it first. Accio TV remote!

You were reduced to tears when you finally had book 5, 6, and 7 in your hands.

You refer to your Chemistry class as Potions

You spend hours tapping bricks in special orders hoping that a secret entrance to Diagon Alley will appear.

When playing chess, you yell orders to the chess players and get upset when they don't move.

You yell into the "fellytone." like the guy on the other end is on the other side of a football field

You get extraordinarily emotional every time you hear "Hedwig's Theme".

Despite being an American, you use the word "wicked" all the time because Rupert Grint does.

You get thoroughly overexcited every time you see a word somewhere that is distantly linked with HP (ie. Saint Hedwig's).

You name all of your pets after HP characters.

You know that Harry's birthday is July 31, 1980, Hermione's birthday is September 19, 1980 and Ron's birthday is March 3rd, 1980, and the Battle of Hogwarts was on May 2nd, 1998 even though it never said in the books.

You refer to Voldemort as "You-Know-Who", and your friends don't have any idea who you're talking about.

You were kicked out of the movie theater for standing on your chair, throwing your shoe at the screen and yelling "THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN IN THE BOOK!" over and over again, even for the most trivial differences.

You count the days until you're old enough for your apparating license, and everyone else thinks you're talking about driving.

Various Bits and bobs for others to put on their profiles if they want

Top 66 Most Annoying Things to Do In an Elevator

1. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

5. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

6. Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8. Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on; ask if they have an appointment.

9. Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

11. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

15. Swat at flies that don't exist.

16. Tell people that you can see their aura.

17. Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.

18. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

26. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

27. Put police tape in front of the door before entering.

28. Fart loudly when there are only two of you in the elevator. Argue vehemently that it wasn't you.

29. Do the "potty dance" all the way to the elevator door. Upon arrival, sigh and look greatly relieved.

30. Throw a rave.

31. Place potted plants and water fountains at strategic locations in the lift. When people ask what you are doing, tell them you "won't ride an elevator that's not fung shwei."

32. Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral".

33. Hum the first six notes of the "It's a small world" over and over again.

34. Lean over to another rider and whisper 'Noogie patrol coming!'"

35. Have a heated debate with yourself.

36. Bring a melon onto the elevator. Try to sell it to the other passengers.

37. Drum on every available surface.

38. Write a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out "pirate" maps to everyone as they enter.

39. Give psychotherapy to the other passengers.

40. Greet everyone coming on as if they were your best friend. Use the same name for all of them.

41. Say "ring ring," then pull a banana out of your pocket and start talking into it.

42. Propose to the other passengers.

43. Challenge people to duels.

44. Sell Girl Scout cookies.

45. Come on looking really scared, and say to another passenger..."I'm kinda nervous...this is my first time flying..."

46. Any time someone enters the doors, recoil in horror.

47. Shout "Food fight!"

48. Every time someone else talks, angrily shout: "Some people are trying to sleep here!"

49. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

50. Lick one of the buttons. Tell the other passengers you're sick and tired of people stealing your food the second you turn your back.

51. Elevators were practically MADE for river dance!

52. Bring a snowboard onto the elevator. Put it on. Every time the lift goes up or down, shout "WOO-YEAH! This is what I call sick air!"

53. Shave.

54. Every time the elevator goes down, loudly scream "OH MY GOD!! We're all gonna die! This is it! This is it! It's over! IT'S OVER!!" Look relieved when it stops moving. When you begin to drop again, repeat.

55. Ask the other passengers if they want to see your glass clown collection.

56. Practice your kung fu.

57. Make race car noises when people get on and off.

58. Ask everyone on the elevator: "Are you my mother?"

59. Fly a model airplane.

60. Do yoga.

61. Play the accordion

62. Enter the elevator with nothing on your head. Individually ask everyone if they like your hat.

63. Bring a rocking chair. Sit and knit.

64. Recite gangsta rap lyrics in monotone.

65. Enter with a shovel, and attempt to "dig for treasure."

66. Read "Green Eggs and Ham" at the top of your lungs. Sound out every word

If you are obsessed with fanfiction or fimfiction, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever had a dream involving a fictional character (not necessarily a sick dream), copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever done the evil laugh copy this onto your profile.

If you think you're insane because you say so, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever pushed a door that says "pull" or vice versa, copy and paste this to your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you ever suffered from FanFiction or FimFiction withdrawl copy this into your profile!

If books are your life and you couldn't possibly live without them, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want to be a writer someday, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are a MOVIE QUOTER, which means you go around quoting movies for fun, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you hope to write a bestseller someday, copy this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile(Not like there's anything else to do)

Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27, 2006, because it was "too small" and "off its orbit" for some scientists' likings. If you think Pluto should still be a planet, copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!

If you have a profile, paste this on your profile.

If you think you should be able to watch what you want on TV without being called immature, copy and paste this in your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you like to write, copy/paste this into your profile

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you're still reading this copy and past this into your profile.

Comments ( 267 )
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Are you ever going to update the gravity falls crossover story?

Hello, Hope you doing okay. I was wondering if you're going to updated the Evolution story.

Good day Joker, hope your doing well, just wondering if your going to update the story of the dreambender. I enjoyed reading it.

  • Viewing 263 - 267 of 267
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