3/14/24 Still Alive Edition

There's only one pony in Ponyville that the Mane Six have never met. Pinkie Pie has never thrown him a party, Applejack has never sold him a mug of cider, and Twilight has never seen him check out any books. And as far as that unicorn, Lapis Print, is concerned, that's exactly how it should be.

Lapis can't risk them knowing where he lives, what he does for a living, or even what his name is - if he gets his way, the Mane Six won't even know he exists, and nopony in Ponyville will miss him once he's gone.

It should be a piece of cake - after all, it's not like the biggest magical power in Equestria is about making sure everypony looks out for each other, right?

(Rated Teen for language - mental cursing mostly.)

Prince Blueblood is many things.

He's a Unicorn, He's royalty, He's a stallion, He's entitled, He's high-class, And most importantly he's not here right now.

If Blueblood isn't here right now, then who's that?

Well, That's Blueblood, the new Blueblood that is, a human in the body of Blueblood.

What will follow the actions of the new prince can be nothing short of disastrous.

Warning, this story contains Jokes, Magical Politics, a human-turned pony who doesn't know about MLP, Prince Blueblood doing Blueblood things, "Wine-Moms", and a very large sum of money.
You have been warned.

Featured for the first time two hours after being published :) 24/4/2023

Fruit Punch, formally known as Mob, has ended up in Equestria somehow. No rhyme or reason to it. Oh by the way, he landed in the Great Galloping Galla, the first one since Princess Luna’s return... his presence may have fucked with the timeline a bit.

This story is a sequel to Twilight Gets a Puppy, Season 5

Now that the time travel shenanigans are finally over... maybe. Twilight, Rahs, and Spike can get on with their day to day and break in their new roomies properly, while keeping Starlight and Tempest from killing each other.
Or keep everyone from making bets about it.

Still this years not going to be any less annoying, with newborns, changes in dragon lord leadership, cutie mark crusades, Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie, Discord, of course, Fluttershy's brother, the battle for Rahs heating up between the six, Ogres and Oubliettes games gone mad, a massive prank war, the return of Daring Doo, added on top of the prophecy not having happened yet, and the Sparkles will again find themselves in the middle of everything.

As usual the lewd warning goes here cause of some situations and Cadence. I don't want to use the sex tag cause there isn't any and people might get confused by the current cover art.

Coverart by Marking

Revered by their populace, the four immortal Alicorns have ruled Equestria with benevolence and kindness for five centuries, curating a meticulous balance that must not be disturbed. The Two-One system has survived everything that was thrown at it, and anything that threatens to disrupt that balance should be crushed at all costs.

Right?

DISCLAIMER: Sex tag ONLY for innuendo and jokes! Only a minor AU, VERY LITTLE has been changed from canon!
WARNING: Contains A LOT of profanity because I can't help myself
Fantastic cover art provided by Hoodwinked MCShelster on DeviantArt!
Proofread and edited by DarthBall, newbie, T0ucan, and Pen Dragon
Additional help provided by various members of the Changing Expectations discord server

The Ever Expanding List of Inspirations:
Anzel's Memoirs of a Royal Guard and Secrets of a Royal Guard
Bpkyle777's Past, Present, and Future
ChroniclerOfFantasies's King of Queens
Crensler's To Know Hell and Finding Artemis
DanishDash's At Your Service
Darkwing Dust's Crystal Soul
dj_neon_lights' A DJ in the Night
Hilord17's The Anomaly in a Mare’s World
Hiver's New Beginnings and all of its sequels
Ice Star's All That Lingers
Irrespective's The Harem Noses, No Nose Knows, and This Nose Knows
KKSlider's Changing Expectations
Kotushk Fier's Nocturnality and With a Shine in His Eyes
Krystl_Fae’s The Son of Infinity
kudzuhaiku's The Sun Also Surprises and The Perilous Romance of Swans
Lightning Ace's The Humble Prince
MisterEdd's Shattering a Heart of Darkness
Pen Dragon's Gems I: The Sun Princess and its sequel
PinkiePieFox's Shimmering Night
RadBunny's Timeless and A Brush With Fate
Scibe of the Nightwings' Interruption and Intervention and Admiration and Admission
SilverWind102's The New Guy
Tallfry's One Bolt, Many Questions
ThatWritingDragon's A Dusk’s New Dawn
The Boss's Coming out of it...
TheEighthDayofNight's The Centurion Project
Thule117's Guardian
Urimas Ebonheart's Warframe: Equestria
wishcometrue's With the Thought of Us
Zoshe's Return of the Ancient Mage

First Featured: 5/3/22
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

And again on 11/5/22:
LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

And AGAIN on 1/18/23:
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO

Twilight's had enough to deal with being the newly crowned Princess of Friendship.
However, when someone returns from Equestria's distant past, things begin to turn a bit unusual.
Now she has to deal with this strange mage that has been calling the library home for far longer than she has.
Who exactly is he, and why is he returning now?

Featured on:
12/5/21
12/11/21

Edited: 9/19/22

Given a unique perspective on negative emotion, less than a foal's knowledge of ordinary magic, a healthy schadenfreude, and danger bearing down on all sides, the self-proclaimed "Weiss Noir" makes no plans accounting for his death, and plans to keep it that way, even after being torn away from earth, turned into a unicorn, and dumped into one of the most inhospitable locations and times in all of Equestria.

Stranded in the Frozen North, a place where biting cold ends lives, and one thousand years in the past, in a time when peril is the norm, rather than the exception, Weiss decides to indulge in sorcery most foul, stolen ideas, and human ingenuity to survive.

Given the choice between a mad slaver and a mad sage, however, there is no avoiding an inevitable tide of ponies escaping the conquered Crystal Empire to bask in the warmth of his well-stoked hate. Something which draws attention, enemies, and most worryingly, the rivalry of his "peers".

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