It was another baking-hot summer morning in Ponyville, but this time, Lapis was lucky enough to be inside - and in his own house. He was just pulling the blanket off his guest bed when he heard Lyra bursting through his front door. “Hey! Lapis, you home?”
“No,” Lapis called, rolling the blanket into a bundle and setting it on its end beside the door, then turning to regard the rest of the junk in the guest bedroom. “What’s up, Lyra?”
He heard the sound of hooves making their way down the hall, and a few seconds later, Lyra poked her head around the door. “Okay, so… wait, I don’t think I’ve ever looked in here before!”
“The guest bedroom?” Lapis asked, glancing back at Lyra as he walked over to one of the dressers. “Lyra, there’s only seven rooms in my house, and that’s if you count the closet. Weren’t you here when Bon Bon went poking around?”
“Uh… well, no, I thought she was out picking up powdered sugar,” Lyra said, her ears momentarily flopping back. “But I like what you’ve done with the nightstands! Has anypony actually slept in here?”
“Nope,” Lapis said, closing the dresser drawers. What am I even looking in this dresser for, anyway? It’s not like I need to bring clothes, I’ve got fur. “…Well, not besides Gilda. But anyway, what brings you here?”
“Oh yeah, right!” Lyra said, perking up. “So, you remember that concert I was supposed to have last week? The one that got canceled, because instruments kept disappearing?”
“Yeah,” Lapis said, floating the rolled-up blanket onto his back and turning for the door, Lyra quickly stepping out of the way. “Did you find… somepony’s instrument?”
“Nope, all the musician-ponies have their instruments already, Pinkie gave them all back,” Lyra said, following Lapis down the hall. “She took them, but only because she needed to get rid of the Parasprites. No, the Mayor’s hosting a redo!”
Lapis blinked, midway through trying to stuff the rolled-up blanket into the suitcase on his bed, then he turned. “Oh, awesome! When is it!”
Lyra was beaming. “Today! It’s the luckiest thing, too - I’ve been practicing the songs that I was going to perform at the concert anyway, so I’ve already got them memorized! It’s on the same schedule as last time, too - you coming?”
Lapis hesitated, glancing briefly back at the suitcase on his bed. “Uh…”
…I can do that tomorrow, he thought. “Yeah, I’m going. Concert starts at noon, right?”
“Yep!” Lyra chirped. “I’ll see you there- oh, also, Bon Bon’s making another tray of sweets to bring, but this time she’s doing gumdrops instead of pecan bars, and she might be getting just a little nervous. Listen, I know you probably have plans today, but it’d be a real help if you could lend her a horn… please?”
Oh. Lapis sighed, then nodded. “You’re in luck, I actually took the day off. Bon Bon’s shop is on Acorn Route, right?”
“That’s the place!” Lyra said, turning toward the front door. She got about three steps that way before hesitating. “Um, hey, what’re you doing with that suitcase?”
“Packing,” Lapis said, stepping out of his bedroom. “I need to get my tools replaced, the Parasprites ate clean through them. Couldn’t find a smith’s shop willing to sell a full set of tools here, so I’ve got a train to Amberhoof tomorrow at noon.”
“Amberhoof?” Lyra asked. “Aren’t they a mining town?”
“Yep,” Lapis replied. “And they’ve gotta keep their picks in working condition somehow, right? I’m betting they’ve got good smiths there - or, barring that, they know where I can find good smiths, and I end up taking a night’s vacation for some advice.”
“I guess that makes sense,” Lyra said, as she and Lapis entered his storefront. “I mean, who wouldn’t want to take a vacation to a dusty mining town on the edge of the real, actual Badlands?”
“Most tourists,” Lapis replied absently. “So, if I’m lucky, I shouldn’t have too much trouble finding myself an inn for a few evenings. You need practice picking vacations, Lyra.”
“Oh, like you’ve had practice, Mr. Worka-” Lyra cut herself off, and Lapis lurched to a halt midway through his door, his saddlebags hanging in the air above his back.
Lyra’s voice was softer, quieter when she next spoke. “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking, and it just slipped out, and… I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright,” Lapis said, not looking back. “You found out less than a week ago, there’s no way it’d just sink in instantly.”
He stayed quiet as he slung on his saddlebags and stepped through his doorway, Lyra following behind after a second or two. Lapis didn’t speak, doing his best to get lost in his thoughts - truth be told, he was more likely to find decent equipment in Canterlot. Unfortunately, there were two potential problems with any planned visit to Equestria’s capital, and both of them were alicorns. Lapis was already taking enough of a risk by living in the same village as the Element Bearers, he didn’t need to add “frequenting the home turf of pony goddesses” onto his list of mistakes.
Besides, Lapis thought, if what Bon Bon’s said about Canterlot is right, I definitely won’t find anything there for cheap. And buying stuff that’s too expensive for my own good is… well, not the reason I’m in this situation, but it’s definitely the reason I’m so desperate to get out of it-
“So,” Lyra asked, her tone hesitant. “How’s Nikki doing?”
Lapis frowned. “She’s doing alright - actually, she was a huge help yesterday, when I took care of all the roofing jobs.”
“Oh, did she actually help you fix stuff?”
“Not so much,” Lapis said, shrugging and grinning over his shoulder. “But she did a great job of pointing out patches that I’d missed. You spend enough time sitting on rooftops, I guess you start noticing their little details.”
Lyra snorted. “Sounds like my kinda job!”
“I mean, if you work for birdseed, sure,” Lapis replied. “Speaking of jobs, I wonder how Bon Bon’s handling those desserts?”
“…you hayseeded, mud-rolled horseapple shish-kebobs!” Bon Bon snarled, glaring pure venom down at the baking sheet she’d just pulled from the oven. “Oh hi, Lapis.”
Lapis, who had only walked through the door to Bon Bon’s kitchen a few seconds before, quickly unfroze. So that’s what cursing sounds like here. “Hey, Bon Bon. I’m guessing the baking’s not going so well?”
“Hmm, I don’t know,” Bon Bon said, lifting the baking sheet onto the counter. “Why don’t you tell me?”
Lapis peered down at the criss-crossing spiderweb of long, shimmering black strings across the baking sheet, then cocked his head in confusion. “Well, you’ll have to cut them apart, but they look like they’ll be okay licorice strings to me.”
“They’re supposed to be gumdrops,” Bon Bon said, her tone flat.
Lapis’ jaw didn’t drop, but it did manage to lower his mouth into an astonished grimace. “…Alrighty then, I guess that’s a ‘no.’ Anything I can do to help?”
“Yes, actually,” Bon Bon said, offering him the baking sheet. “Could you get this mess scraped out of here while I look over my recipe again? Lyra should be able to help you, if-”
“Nope,” Lyra said, rummaging around in the cabinets. “I’m getting those lemon meringue cookies done, and then I’ve got to go practice for the concert.”
“No worries, I’ve got it covered,” Lapis said, levitating the pan over to his side, then briefly glancing around Bon Bon’s kitchen in search of a sink. The kitchen was a surprisingly stark room, with pinkish-orange polished-granite counters brightly lit by a line of windows on one wall, and by a trio of simple, elegant hanging lanterns on the opposite side. The cabinets were a pristine white, their tops covered with an assortment of esoteric cooking equipment - Lapis recognized a flour sifter adapted for hooves, and what looked like a stack of oddly-shaped mini-muffin pans, but the function of the rest eluded him. Just about the only exception to the cleanliness was Bon Bon’s sink, one side of which had a stack of still-dripping dishes, likely rinsed just before Bon Bon had opened the oven.
Lapis made his way to the sink, turned on the hot water, and started taking a brush to the pan. “So, what do you think went wrong?”
“Well,” Bon Bon muttered, burying her nose in a large binder on the counter, “I think what happened is that gumdrops melt and burn when you stick them in the oven for two minutes, instead of letting them sit and harden for eight hours. You know, like what ponies usually do, when they’re given more than four hours’ warning in advance.”
“Hey, I got the same amount of prep time you did,” Lyra said, getting out a mixing bowl and a series of measuring cups. “Honestly, I think Mayor Mare wasn’t really planning this concert in the first place.”
“Sounds about right,” Lapis said, frowning down at the baking pan in the sink, then pulling the dish-brush away - only to find strings of tarry burnt material trying to glue the two implements together. “Uh, Bon Bon, you got a dehydrator or something?”
“Hit that sheet pan with soap, baking soda, and a little bit of salt,” Bon Bon said, without looking up from her recipe. “Also, a what?”
“A dehydrator,” Lapis said, setting the sheet pan down and looking through the cabinets for baking soda and salt. “You know, a machine that blows hot air over stuff, helps dry it out faster than letting it sit out in the sun?”
Bon Bon snorted, then walked over to a set of several jars full of colored liquid sitting on the counter. “Sounds like exactly what I need, but no. Although, now that you mention it, letting a pan of these sit in the sun for two hours might do the trick. …The baking soda’s under the sink, and the salt is in the top cabinet all the way to the right.”
“Thanks,” Lapis said, heading over to the far right cabinet.
“Don’t mention it,” Bon Bon replied, pulling a fresh sheet pan from a drawer and beginning to dab droplets of the thick, colored liquid from the jars onto the pan. “So, what’ve you been up to?”
“Well, yesterday I got the last of the backlog taken care of,” Lapis said. “And this morning, I’ve been packing.”
Bon Bon glanced sharply in his direction. “Where are you headed?”
“I’m taking a quick trip over to Amberhoof. I need to get a set of replacement tools for my smith’s shop, and besides, it’s about time I got the lay of the land a little,” Lapis explained, sprinkling the odd mixture that Bon Bon had recommended onto the sheet pan.
Bon Bon sighed, her ears flicking backward. “And here I thought you were taking a vacation.”
“I guess I am, if you look at it right,” Lapis said, glancing out the window. “Especially if I end up not being able to find somewhere to buy the smiths’ tools-”
Lapis’ eyes widened as he looked out the window - then, he dropped to his knees, quickly levitating the sheet pan back down into the sink and getting a telekinetic grip on his mask.
Bon Bon looked over, then rolled her eyes as she walked over to look out the window. “Pinkie?”
“Pinkie,” Lapis said, sliding the mask onto his face and standing to watch her pass by. Strangely, Pinkie wasn’t bouncing - instead, she was proceeding at a pretty standard pace, pulling behind her an oversized wooden wagon. Inside the wagon was what looked, at first glance, like an equally oversized fabric model of an unusually yellowish brain. On further inspection, it revealed itself to be nothing more than an enormous and especially rumpled pile of off-white fabric, seemingly all one sheet.
“What is it, you think?” Lyra asked, walking up to join them a second or two later.
Lapis shrugged. “Not sure,” he muttered, his voice muffled by the paper. “Whatever it is, it almost looks big enough to be a hot air balloon.”
“Well, it can’t be that,” Bon Bon said. “She’d need about three different licenses. A tarp or something, maybe?”
“Maybe,” Lyra said, watching as Pinkie rounded the corner and vanished from sight. “Who knows? It’s Pinkie. C’mon, these sweets aren’t gonna cook on their own!”
“Speak for yourself,” Bon Bon muttered, picking up the sheet pan full of colorful droplets and heading for the front porch.
The meringue cookies, it turned out, only took one hour to make to the gumdrops’ four. For Lapis, that meant he got to head back to his house and resume packing earlier than he’d expected.
Unfortunately, that meant he got time to think. What was sticking in his mind, as he tried to determine what would be a reasonable number of bits to take with him to Amberhoof, was part of his conversation with Lyra earlier that morning. Lapis couldn’t remember the last time he’d had trouble saying “anypony,” and that was the problem.
I’m getting too comfortable here, he thought, as he levitated the bag of bits into his suitcase. Way, way too comfortable.
He’d been here for over a month now, it only made sense that he would be starting to acclimate. But still, when he’d had that weird, Happy-Sauce-induced dream a few days ago, he hadn’t dreamed he was a human, or even a dwarf. No, he’d dreamed he was still a unicorn. And that worried him.
I figured acting had something to it, he thought, closing his suitcase and heading back into the kitchen to fix himself some lunch, but this is insane. Sure, I want these ponies to think I’d always been one of them, but… this is unnerving.
I’ve got to get out of here, fast. Because if I don’t…
Lapis dumped some beans into the small pot on his stovetop, following it shortly afterward with some vegetable stock and diced bell pepper. I knew Lyra was a musician, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard her play before. It’ll be nice to get a little bit of a break, assuming none of the Element Bearers are there. And even if they are, then as long as it’s not Pinkie, I should be fine. She’s the only one who knows what I actually look like…
…How much do the rest of them know?
Lapis paused, midway through stirring the concoction on his stove. As far as I know, Rainbow Dash and Rarity know nothing. Rainbow Dash, I’m positive about - whenever she’s in the sky, I haven’t gone within half a mile of her, and I sure haven’t seen her at ground level.
Pinkie Pie… she knows what I look like, but she doesn’t know what my name is, what I do, or where I live. And as long as the mask keeps working, I can keep that up.
Twilight knows that I can do Mend-Alls, but I don’t think she knows what I look like. On top of that, she definitely doesn’t know my name, or what I do. But, unfortunately, she’s got reasons to find out.
Applejack knows my name and my job, but she doesn’t know what I look like. Big Mac’s got a general profile of me, though, so if she decides to enlist his help, then I’m probably screwed.
Fluttershy… what’s she been up to, anyway? I don’t think I’ve seen her or Rarity at all, yet. I’m not worried about Rarity, but if one of Fluttershy’s animal friends spotted me…
Lapis hesitated. …Or if Nikki blabbed. But… no, there’s no way she’d do that.
…Probably. I’ll have to ask. Lapis sighed, then scraped a roughly-chopped tomato off his cutting board and into the pot. I hope she’s doing alright. It felt like she was pushing herself a little bit, yesterday.
After giving his pot a few minutes to cook down, Lapis lowered a spoon in and tasted his work - then frowned, considering. For vegan chili, it’s not bad, but it’s missing something.
Lapis glanced over at his windowsill. There, gleaming in the sunlight, sat the jar of Happy Sauce. Its smiley face was just as ominous as ever, and its contents still shimmered with all seven colors of the rainbow.
Hesitantly, he opened the jar, floated it over to the pot of chili, and slowly, carefully added a single drop. Then, after stirring the pot and giving all the flavors a few minutes to mingle, he raised another spoonful to his lips.
It wasn’t perfect, not quite. Even as diluted as it was, there was no extra flavor to the Happy Sauce - there was only a dull burn of spice, and a vague aftertaste of honey. But it was close enough.
“…Don’t worry about it, Mr. Fennel,” Fluttershy said, smiling down at the small, fuzzy creature in front of her, “of course I’m happy to help you and your pups.”
The critter that she was addressing, Mr. Fennel the rat, considered himself a sensible sort of animal. He kept himself tidy, he didn’t go sticking his nose into places where it didn’t belong, and he tried, generally, to ask for help no more or less often than he needed it. Mr. Fennel wasn’t entirely sure whether any of these principles was responsible for his doubting Fluttershy at her word, but he certainly didn’t believe her - he had yet to meet any creature, whether rat, pony, or anything else, whose idea of “fun” was lying in front of the same cluster of golf-ball-sized holes in the grassy fields outside Ponyville until all four of his cubs got bored with scampering through the abandoned burrow beneath. And if he ever met a creature besides Fluttershy who was willing to do so for three hours, well, he’d do his very best to keep in touch.
All of this was too much to say inside of a few seconds, though, so Mr. Fennel instead squeaked, “No, I mean it - if there’s a thing I can do for you, even one, then just let me know and it’s done!”
“Oh, thank you,” Fluttershy said, smiling again. “There’s nothing I can think of right now, but if I come up with something, I’ll be sure to-”
Fluttershy trailed off as a brown-and-red bird passed by overhead, trilling out a few brief notes of song midair. “Oh my. Please be careful with those tail feathers, Connie Bird, they’re only just molted.”
The bird flew onward uninjured, and Fluttershy shook her head, smiling to herself. “Young birds,” she murmured, and Mr. Fennel nodded in sympathy - he and his cubs lived below the floorboards of a house in the village, and the pair of lovebirds that lived on the roof of the same building kept getting into high-pitched disagreements over whose turn it was to do what.
Fluttershy paused, her brow furrowing. “…Well, there was one teensy little thing I’ve been meaning to ask,” she said, turning back to Mr. Fennel. “I was just wondering, have you seen anypony in Ponyville who’s friends with a pigeon named Nikki?”
Mr. Fennel cocked an eyebrow, then scratched behind his ears. “Well, it’s a darn shame, but I’m afraid I can’t say I have. But I can keep an eye out, if you’d like-”
“Oh, no thank you,” Fluttershy said. “It’s nothing important, I was just wondering…”
She kept talking, but Mr. Fennel wasn’t listening. He’d cut off as soon as he spotted another bird - this one was a pigeon, with a distinct greenish patch at the crook of one of his wings. The pigeon wasn’t looking at either Mr. Fennel or Fluttershy, but he was there, and Mr. Fennel wasn’t quite sure when he’d gotten there.
“…and ever since then, I’ve just wanted to make sure her wing was better, and that she wasn’t getting too worked up at all over her friend getting hurt,” Fluttershy finished. And as she said the word “wing,” Mr. Fennel realized he had seen a pony with a pigeon, just the day before. There’d been a unicorn stallion with a creamy-yellow coat and a blue mane up on the rooftop next to the house where Mr. Fennel lived. The unicorn had been fixing up the thatch on the rooftop, and the pigeon had been flying around the roof, pointing out little details, or else stretching one of her wings as if it ached.
Mr. Fennel opened his mouth to say so, but at that moment, the green-patched pigeon on the rooftop looked down at him. It wasn’t a glare, or even a stare; it carried no hatred or malice. But nonetheless, it was very apparent that the pigeon was watching Mr. Fennel, and - from the way he held eye contact - that he wanted Mr. Fennel to know he was being watched.
Slowly, Mr. Fennel closed his mouth, then shook his head. “Well, I’ll do my best to keep an eye out,” he squeaked. “Can’t make any promises, though - I’m sorry to say I spend most of my time trying to keep out of ponies’ sight. Anyhow, I’d best get back home pretty soon…”
Mr. Fennel was a sensible animal. He didn’t stick his nose into places where it didn’t belong - and if pigeon business wasn’t such a place, he didn’t know what was.
The walk to Town Hall turned out to be shorter than Lapis had expected - and, once he got there, it turned out the hole in the wall had finally been repaired.
He made his way inside, and found that the space was already starting to fill up a little - there weren’t any chairs, but there were a fair number of cushions scattered across the floor, and several of those had already been taken up by some of the town’s denizens. Aside from the cushions, most of the building still wasn’t decorated - there were curtains on the stage, and a small booth next to the stage that had a trombone sticking out of its side, but nothing like the Summer Sun Celebration’s banners and garlands were anywhere to be seen.
Still, the place looked like it was ready for a show. The ponies who were there were already chattering away, as were the ones filing in through the door, and a few of the musicians were already practicing just outside the booth. It didn’t take long for Lapis to spot Bon Bon, and he filed through the rows of cushions to join her in the front row. “Lyra holding up okay?”
“Oh, hey Lapis,” Bon Bon said. “She was nervous, but she always is before her concerts, and she always plays well anyway. How about you, how was the rest of your packing?”
“Went by pretty fast,” Lapis replied, taking a seat. “I was able to find a way to use the Happy Sauce, though - turns out, one drop in a saucepan of chili works out just fine.”
“Not better than chopping up another pepper, though,” Bon Bon said.
“Yeah, well, I haven’t been able to find any spicy peppers in the market stalls. Apparently, all the ones I know are imports from afar.” Lapis grimaced as he realized his ears were flopping backward, and he deliberately flicked them back upright.
“From… far enough?” Bon Bon asked, an odd weight in her tone.
It took Lapis a second to understand what she meant, but he shook his head. “No. Not from anywhere I’ve heard of. Argentineigh got my hopes up for a second, but only for a second.”
“Well, that’s no good,” Bon Bon grumbled. “I poked around in the library, since I knew you’d rather not go there, but… well, no luck. Wherever Amareica is, it’s not on any Equestrian maps I’ve been able to find, which means it’s either deep in a polar region, or else overseas. …What was the weather like there?”
“Nowhere polar, we have all four seasons,” Lapis said, grinning. “Summers were something else, though. We had thunderstorms every month, and tornadoes during half of them.”
“And nopony lodged a complaint with the local Weather Factory?” Bon Bon asked, cocking an eyebrow. “You must’ve really loved storms there.”
“I know I do,” Lapis said, smiling. “Not as much as my grandpa, though. Every time it would storm, he’d get this ancient, beat-up rocking chair and sit out on the porch, just to have a drink and watch the thunderheads blow in. Said he liked how the wind felt, like there was a power in it.” He snorted as another memory flashed in his head. “One time, some random robin got blown onto his face, and the wind pinned it there. He barely seemed to care. Just grabbed it off, dropped it over the side of the porch, and that was that - as long as it didn’t spill his beer, he didn’t mind.”
“Sounds almost like mah Gramps,” a voice rumbled over Lapis’ shoulder, and a few seconds later, a large red stallion with an orange mane stepped into Lapis’ field of view. “Fancy meetin’ you here, Lapis, Bon Bon.”
“Hello, Big Mac,” Bon Bon said, cocking an eyebrow at Big Mac. “Didn’t take you for a music lover. When did you get here?”
“Not too long ago,” Big Mac said, taking a seat on the empty cushion beside Lapis. “You two been here long?”
“Not so much,” Lapis said, “but Bon Bon and Lyra have been getting ready all morning. Lyra’s one of the players, and Bon Bon… hey, that reminds me, did the gumdrops turn out okay?”
“You mean the fruit leathers?” Bon Bon asked, holding up a small bowl filled with multicolored, rubbery-looking strips.
Lapis snorted. “Guess I do. Sorry, Bon Bon, I thought setting them out in the sun would work.”
“I was trying to make gumdrops,” Bon Bon explained to Big Mac, setting the bowl back down. “But I only got four hours’ warning, so haste made waste. How about you, anything exciting going on at Sweet Apple Acres?”
“E-yup,” Big Mac said. “Applejack and Ah finally got that apple cellar all full up. An’ what that means, is that the cider prep’rations are officially underway.”
Suddenly, Bon Bon was leaning toward Big Mac, her head almost over top of where Lapis’ lap would be, if he had one. “Does that mean cider season is starting soon?”
“Nope,” Big Mac chuckled. “It just means prep’rations are starting. There’s a long way to go yet before cider is served.”
“Oh,” Bon Bon said, returning to her seat. “Oh well. Anyway, the show should start pretty soon, so I’m going to go ahead and pass out the lemon meringue cookies. Either of you want one?”
“E-yup.”
“Sure,” Lapis said, and a few seconds later, Bon Bon had passed out the results of her work, and was wandering up and down the rows of cushions with her handouts, while Lapis and Big Mac crunched away at their cookies.
As soon as Bon Bon had gotten more than a few cushions away from them, Big Mac glanced over at him, then looked back over at the stage. It was at roughly this time that Lapis suddenly remembered the circumstances under which he and Big Mac had last met, and realized that, if Big Mac wanted to press him for further information, now was his opportunity. He needed to preempt the conversation, in a direction that wouldn’t give Big Mac time to bring up Applejack, now.
“So, how’s the family?” Lapis asked.
…Wait.
“Hm? Oh, they’re doin’ alright,” Big Mac said. “Granny Smith wasn’ happy that the old barn came down, but Ah think she was glad to help the new one come up. Hopin’ to make somethin’ else that’ll last a long while, Ah imagine. That reminds me, how’s that barrel o’ cider that Bon Bon an’ Ah delivered to you?”
“Oh, it’s great stuff,” Lapis said, trying not to visibly sag with relief. “I’ve been having a mug or two in the hotter evenings, and it’s really been helping me cool off. You gonna make any more of the stuff a little tart on purpose?”
Big Mac shook his head. “Nope. By the time we get to sellin’, it won’t be long before winter, and most folks around here want their mug of cider to warm them up by then. …Though, Ah might ask Applejack what she thinks about makin’ a few tarter barrels, and savin’ them for the spring.”
Uh, how about no? “Whoa, don’t worry about it,” Lapis said, quickly waving his hooves. “It was just a thought, you don’t have to go to that much trouble.”
Big Mac gave him an odd look, then grinned and rolled his eyes. “…Alright, Ah’m sorry, but Ah gotta ask. About how bad was it when you and Applejack firs’ met, that y’all’re so keen on avoidin’ her now?”
Lapis froze. Shit. Well, here we go. “…Uh, Applejack?” he asked, trying to stall for time and come up with some idea of escape - however, he only continued to draw a blank. “We’ve never actually met, it’s just that-”
“Just that, as soon as Ah said somethin’ about mentionin’ you to her, your ears about fell off the back of your head,” Big Mac said, fixing Lapis with a stare that, though friendly, was nonetheless firm enough to stop Lapis from attempting to object or right his ears. “Now, Lapis, Ah know Ah’m not the Apple bearin’ the Element of Honesty, but Ah’ll be honest with you anyhow - Ah know you’re avoidin’ my sister, and she knows it too. It ain’t my business, but all the same, Ah’d appreciate the courtesy of an explanation.”
Oh fuck, he’s really pushing. “It’s… really not that I’ve met her anywhere before,” Lapis said, rubbing the back of his neck with a hoof as he tried to block out the sound of his pulse in his ears. “I lived in Ponyville for three days before I even saw her, and even then, that was during the Summer Sun Celebration, back when she was keeping things under control in front of Nightmare Moon. We haven’t ever talked, and honestly, I don’t think she’s ever even looked at me.” …I mean, not unless I’ve slipped up somehow.
“She’s got as much work on her plate as I do, probably more, and we’re just… part of different crowds, I guess,” Lapis finished. “She saves Equestria, and I fix broken tables, and we… we just keep to our own, y’know?”
During the whole of Lapis’ speech, Big Mac remained silent, scrutinizing him with a calm, calculating stare. Only once he was done did Big Mac speak. “…E-yup, Ah think Ah do. ...‘Pologies for proddin’ you, Lapis, Ah won’t ask about it any further.”
“Thanks,” Lapis sighed, and this time, he really did sag with relief. Whatever I just said, it must’ve made some sense. “And I’m sorry for any worry I’ve caused you, or Applejack- Oh, welcome back, Bon Bon,” he said, turning to face Bon Bon as she sat down. “How’d the cookies go over?”
“I think I have some new customers,” Bon Bon began, grinning. And as she continued, Lapis remained so intent on the conversation that he entirely missed Big Mac looking between Lapis and Bon Bon, then turning a firm, careful, evaluating eye upon Lapis, not looking away until the curtain parted on the stage a few moments later.
“Fillies and gentlecolts,” Mayor Mare said from atop the stage, and Bon Bon cut herself off mid-word as she, Lapis, and Big Mac turned to look. “I must report that there are, once again, a number of missing musical instruments… and that number is zero.”
The crowd quickly tittered, and Mayor Mare smiled, then continued. “Therefore, it is my great pleasure to announce that the First Annual Ponyville Players’ Performance will begin shortly. Please take your seats, and, if you’ve brought very young foals or fillies, escort them to the cry-room of the hall located just to the left of the main door. Thank you, and please enjoy the show!”
The Mayor left the stage to a smattering of applause, and a few ponies started making their way toward the back of the room as the lights began to dim. Lapis settled back into his cushion, and waited for the show to start.
A pegasus with a trombone stepped onto the stage first, and began to play a few moments later. He had an initial few squeaky notes, but after that, it was all smooth sailing. Lapis was surprised to find Big Mac nodding along with the music.
As the song went on, however, Lapis found himself unable to focus on the music, his mind instead wandering once again to the matter of where, exactly, Earth was relative to Equestria. Bon Bon seemed to believe that America was at least part of the same planet - and considering how Lapis had explained that he was lost without noting that he was a lost human, she’d jumped to the most likely conclusion.
Lapis couldn’t believe the same, however. Outside of the TV show, he’d never even heard of Equestria before, meaning that if it was on Earth, then there was an enormous cover-up being done. And erasing multiple continents and species from the maps and textbooks, let alone the existence of magic, would require a massive, internationally-collaborative effort from world governments - a few of which had, in Lapis’ eyes, recently demonstrated themselves to be far too incompetent to achieve any such thing.
The trombone player finished, and a unicorn with a banjo took his place as Lapis started to think further out. It could be that Equestria was on another planet, and it might even be possible that that planet was in the same solar system - Lapis had only taken one astronomy class, but from what he’d remembered of it, he knew that there might be a mystery planet in the solar system that the astronomers hadn’t found yet. They knew it was there, they could see the tiny wiggles that its gravitational pull was exerting on other objects. But, when they did the math on where the planet should be and trained their telescopes in that direction, nothing was there.
That theory has… a lot more than two problems, Lapis thought. But it definitely has two I can think of. It doesn’t explain the TV show, and it doesn’t explain Princess Celestia raising the sun. So, further out.
If Equestria were in another solar system, then it would allow for Princess Celestia’s movement of the local sun. But it still wouldn’t explain the TV show, barring that it was a signal somehow broadcast from Equestria that had been deemed safe to show to the public at large, while simply omitting the context of its origin… wait, no, the show definitely had a production team. Huh.
Lapis’ gut began to sink as the banjo player finished, and as a weathered-looking Earth-pony with a harmonica trotted out onto the stage, he thought even further out.
The concept of alternate dimensions… well, it was fun, but Lapis had never really believed it. The first time he’d ever given it serious thought, he’d been reading a book, and he still remembered his exact train of thought: If alternate dimensions exist, in which anything we can imagine is real, then that means there is, somewhere in infinity, a parallel universe where mysterious and powerful inter-dimensional forces beyond current scientific understanding or counteraction will cause a black hole to spontaneously manifest in this universe, two inches above this book, in three, two, one.
Shortly after having this thought, Lapis had noticed that he was still alive, and he had then taken this fact to have some minor implications for the concept of the multiverse, and decided to divert his studies toward a more practical application of physics. Now, though… now, he wasn’t so sure.
It left a lot of room for how magic existed here, but didn’t exist on Earth. It might also explain he could’ve gone from the inside of his university’s sciences library to the middle of the Everfree Forest in an instant - maybe there’d been a machine being tested in some nearby lab, that had functioned or malfunctioned just in time to push him in just the right direction on just the wrong axis of reality.
Or I’ve died, and been badly reincarnated. Or I’m asleep, and this is all just a really long, really weird dream. Or I just don’t have enough information, and trying to make any theories right now is useless, Lapis thought as the harmonica player finished, stepping offstage to thunderous applause. I need to find out more. And for that, I need equipment, and for that I need to get to Amberhoof.
Lyra was up next. She looked a little nervous as she stepped out onto the stage, her ears briefly attempting to flap backward. Then, from Lapis’ right side, Bon Bon shot her a wave. Lyra paused, then recognized Bon Bon, and all at once, her face lit up in a grin, and her lyre floated up to her side. Her first notes were like diving into warm, clear water, and the first chord was like discovering a shoal of dolphins waiting to play. She kept on, and just for a second or two, Lapis forgot everything else.
For now, I need to focus on what’s right here, right now, he eventually decided, as Lyra’s music floated through the air. Even if it doesn’t get me home right here and now, even if it makes no progress toward showing me the way home, what I’m doing right now is mostly an effort of will. Until that changes, to keep it up, I need ways to keep my strength up. To relax, to catch my breath, to not drive myself insane with guilt and obsession. If I don’t schedule time for equipment maintenance, then the equipment will schedule that time for me - and as over-analytical and panicky as I am, I’m definitely a piece of equipment that I can’t afford to replace.
Lyra’s performance wasn’t the last, but it was the last that Lapis cared about.
“…Alright, Lyra, I figured you were good,” Lapis said, as he, Lyra, Bon Bon, and Big Mac left Town Hall not long afterward, “but there was no way I could’ve guessed you were that good.”
“E-yup,” Big Mac said. “Y’all had formal training?”
Lyra giggled. “It’s just my special talent. …And practice. Lots and lots of practice.”
“Don’t I know it,” Bon Bon said, smirking as she pulled up alongside Lyra. “But it definitely paid off. Good job, Ly-Ly.”
“Thanks for being here, BB,” Lyra said, briefly bumping up against Bon Bon’s side. “Oh, and thanks to both of you, too,” she added, looking over at Lapis and Big Mac.
Oh. Good for them. “Don’t mention it, it was honestly my pleasure,” Lapis said, waving a hoof.
Big Mac, meanwhile was regarding both Lyra and Bon Bon with a surprised look. “Uh, pardon mah askin’,” he said, “but are y’all a couple?”
Lyra, Bon Bon, and Lapis all briefly glanced at Big Mac, then at each other.
Lyra was the first to speak, a grin slowly spreading on her face. “Um, yeah. We kinda have been basically since we met.”
Big Mac’s brow furrowed in confusion, and Lapis could practically see the gears turning in his head. “But…” he said.
Bon Bon cocked an eyebrow, the start of a crease forming on her brow. “That isn’t going to be a problem for you, right?”
“Nope,” Big Mac said, shaking his head. “Ah’m just surprised at mahself, that’s all. Y’all’ve lived here for four years now, how come Ah never figured it out?”
“Well, I haven’t lived here for as long as you have,” Lapis said, “but they don’t really seem big on PDAs to me.”
Lyra cocked an eyebrow at Lapis. “Uh, what?”
“Public displays of affection,” Lapis and Bon Bon said simultaneously.
Big Mac nodded. “E-yup, Ah suppose that’s true… now, hold on a moment!” he said, turning to Lapis. “You knew, too?”
Lapis shrugged. “Until just now, not really, but I had guesses. I only ever saw them with each other or me, for one thing, and neither of them ever mentioned going out with… well, anypony. Plus, they share a house. Far as I was concerned, it could be that they weren’t interested in the dating scene at all, they didn’t want to talk about it with me, or they were a couple. Whatever the case, it wasn’t my business, so I didn’t ask. …What, what’s with the look?” Lapis asked, seeing that Lyra was cocking her head at him.
“You totally could’ve just asked, y’know!” Lyra said, grinning. “We would’ve been happy to tell you, Lapis, you didn’t have to play Sherlock Hooves.”
Lapis waved a hoof. “Might’ve been rude. Besides, I usually overthink things anyway, so don’t worry about it, Big Mac,” he said, turning towards the confused stallion. “There’s no shame in not having the thought cross your mind, you’ve got enough stuff to deal with on the farm.”
“Like cider season,” Bon Bon said, perking up. “Remind me again, when does that start?”
Big Mac chuckled. “Not yet. Sometime ‘round middle or late fall. Y’know, if you are that keen on gettin’ things goin’ sooner, y’all are welcome to come over an’ help sort through the apples…”
“I think I’ll pass,” Bon Bon quickly said. “If the reception at the concert was anything to go by, I need to start baking a lot of lemon meringue cookies.”
“E-yup,” Big Mac said. “Though, Ah might not make quite so many of the fruit leathers.”
“Nah, those were my fault,” Lapis said as they walked on. “So, this morning, Lyra asked me to head over and help Bon Bon with making some gumdrops…”
Lapis kept talking, recounting how he’d tried to help Bon Bon with her job, and once again he missed it when Big Mac fixed him with that careful, evaluating look. And this time, though it was hard to say what, something within it had slightly shifted from its previous place.
To Lapis’ surprise, they ended up heading back to his own house, instead of Lyra and Bon Bon’s. Part of the reason for this became clear when, as soon as they were through the door, Bon Bon immediately retrieved a mug from Lapis’ kitchen and helped herself to the barrel of cider on his counter.
Lapis, meanwhile, settled for trying to fix some food, and wound up cooking some hayburgers. He still only had two chairs, but Lyra went digging through the pile of knick-knacks she’d donated, and shortly emerged with four small, plush throw pillows that served just fine for seats. Big Mac made himself useful, setting the table and heating up a single large plate of fries to go with the burgers. And Bon Bon…
“There you are,” Lapis said as he brought the burgers to the table, turning to look as Bon Bon stepped out of the closet. “What were you up to down there, anyway?”
“Taking inventory,” Bon Bon said, walking over and taking a seat. “Lapis, I looked over all your broken tools, and… well, I know you’ve already bought the tickets, but I don’t think Amberhoof will have the supplies you need.”
Big Mac looked up as he bit into his burger, his eyebrows rising in confusion, and Lyra quickly jumped in to explain. “Lapis is going to Amberhoof for a few days. The Parasprites ate his smithing tools, and he wants to buy new ones.”
“Pretty much, yeah,” Lapis said, before turning to Bon Bon. “And yeah, you’re probably right. What I really want to know is what address to send a letter to, and what I really want to get is a day or two away from Ponyville. I’ve been running myself ragged taking care of the backlog, and a little bit of scheduled vacation will do a lot more good for me, and for Ponyville, than another week of unscheduled vacation.”
Big Mac swallowed, then spoke. “Ah’m a little surprised, Lapis. Ah took you for a carpenter-pony more than a smith-pony.”
“Oh, I’m definitely no blacksmith,” Lapis said. “What I’ve got is an artificier’s workshop, and even then, at best, I’m only dabbling right now. Although…” Lapis frowned, considering. “I mean, I could probably bang out one or two dozen nails in an afternoon. It can’t be that hard, right?”
“I’d get an apprenticeship first,” Bon Bon warned, smirking. “There might be more to it than you think.”
“Probably,” Lapis conceded, and he raised his burger off his plate. “Being able to just stick the broken bits back together is a big help, though.”
Lyra cocked her head, swallowing her own food. “Wait. So, I’m probably wrong, but if something breaks while you’re just making it, then… even if you fix it, doesn’t that mean it’ll probably break when you use it, too?”
“E-yup,” Big Mac said.
“Yeah,” Lapis agreed. “Guess I’ll have to learn more about metalworking in general, not just artifice. Then again, I’m sure Amberhoof has some pretty decent smiths.”
Bon Bon sighed. “Well, why not just go to Canterlot? You know, the magic and arts capital of the world? Full of more craftsponies than anywhere else in Equestria?”
“Because it’s not cheap, and it’s packed,” Lapis said. “I’m sure the ponies in Amberhoof will know their way around metalworking, it’s their livelihood. Besides, they’re not making stuff for rich ponies to hang on their walls, they’re making tools and equipment, and that means they need sturdy more than pretty. And… well, that lines up with my priorities.”
“Alright, okay,” Bon Bon said, raising her hooves in surrender. “Just wanted to make sure you had good reasons… Hey, Big Mac, save some fries for the rest of us!”
The rest of dinner went by quickly, and Lapis headed to bed as soon as all his guests had departed. Next morning, Lapis was just hanging up a sign on his notice board when Nikki landed on his shoulder. Lapis booped her beak, she cuffed him back, and they were off to the station, Lapis’ suitcase floating by his side.
When Lapis got there, Bon Bon was there to see him off. “…Lyra wanted to come too,” she was saying, “but she’s not feeling well. I think she must’ve caught something at the concert.”
“Well, tell her I said goodbye,” Lapis said, as they walked up to the side of the train. Lapis had initially been thrown off by the fact that the train looked like some kind of enormous, steam-powered pastry, but he’d gotten over it pretty quickly. “I’ll be back the day after tomorrow, so with any luck, she’ll be feeling better by then.”
“Hopefully,” Bon Bon said, as one of the conductors opened the door to a passenger car. “…Hey, be careful out there, alright?”
“In Amberhoof?” Lapis asked, grinning and cocking an eyebrow. “Bon Bon, it’s just another town. What could po-” He cut himself off mid-word.
“You almost said it,” Bon Bon said, smiling.
“Almost,” Lapis said, shaking his head. “If Pinkie asks, I’ve moved to Albuquerque. See you, Bon Bon!”
“Albu-what?” Bon Bon asked, as Lapis stepped onto the train. “Alright, sure. See you, Lapis! See you, Nikki!”
Lapis made it halfway down the train car to his seat, then glanced over at Nikki. “You, uh…” he said. “You know I’m heading out of Ponyville for a few days, right?”
Nikki nodded.
“And you’re sure you’re coming with?” Lapis asked. “I didn’t buy any birdseed, you know.”
Nikki nodded again, smirking.
“Alright, just making sure,” Lapis said, and he filed into his seat, then turned to watch out the window as the train pulled out of Ponyville. He waved back to Bon Bon, who was waving from the station, until the train rounded a bend and the station was out of sight.
I’m definitely settling in now, he thought. And you know what? Maybe that’s not so bad.
Meanwhile, back in Ponyville, the sign hanging on Lapis’ notice board gently fluttered in the breeze. “On Vacation, Back on Saturday,” it read.
Suddenly, a shadow fell across the board as a bubblegum-pink blur zipped to a halt before the sign. A few moments passed, then the pony groaned and stomped her hoof.
“And I’d just finally gotten ready!” Pinkie Pie said. She sighed, then shut her eyes and took a deep breath.
When next she opened her eyes, they were twin pale-blue slits of determination. “I’ll get you, you ninja-pegasus, you,” she muttered. “I’ll get you yet.”