Sunset Shimmer gets a Half-Baked Therapist(me)
Okay, maybe tossing a wanted criminal, Sunset Shimmer, back home wasn’t such a good idea. Not because the retribution she would’ve received would’ve been bad(these ponies only gave about two weeks of jail time to a pony who tried to kill me during day court), but because now Sunset is my problem for some reason. Like yeah, I brought her back home, but it was so Celestia could have a stern ‘bad girl’ talk, spray her old student with a water bottle, and then leave her in a cell for the rest of her life.
Instead, because ‘me and Sunset have been through the same shit’, she’s my problem and it’s now my job to try and get her to be more talkative. So here I am, walking up to Sunset’s cell, because instead of in the dungeons, somebody figured sticking a magic prohibitor on somebody and giving them a nice bedroom in a tower would be a good idea. Luckily, Celestia had the foresight to actually post guards at Sunset’s room, so she wouldn’t be getting away super easily. She’ll just be mildly inconvenienced.
“Name?” a guard asked as I made it to the deluxe prison cell.
“Fruit Punch. I’m here to talk to the prisoner.” The guard nodded and proceeded to let me in. There she was, the evil bitch herself, Sunset Shimmer, sitting and reading a book. She had a bandage wrapped around her head, probably because of the brick I threw at her, and the magic prohibiting ring was pitch black, making for a nice contrast to the mare’s yellow fur. An ear flicked when the door clicked as it shut and she looked up from her book. Wow, if looks could kill, then I’d be a stain on the wall.
“So, how is being in a golden jail cell?” I asked as I sat down on my rump.
“Why did Princess Celestia even send you here? To rub it in that you ruined my plan from the start? To get me to understand friendship? Because sending the very stallion that threw a brick at my head is a very good way of getting me to talk,” Sunset threw her book across the room, well, if she had any upper body strength, since the book went about a meter and a half before unceremoniously falling on the ground.
“In all fairness, princess, you did threaten to keep me and Twilight locked in that dimension forever. It was either I chuck a brick at you, rush at you while you had a very dangerous, blunt object on you, or I used the shotgun I bought to do something very, very illegal and regrettable. Also, I don’t believe you know how concrete works, princess-”
“Stop calling me princess!” Sunset shouted.
“So princess, concrete is made up of a bunch of little rocks, which is what the portal back on Earth is made up of. A sledge hammer isn’t going to break that shit. Plus you would’ve gone to jail for destruction of public property, fined, and then expelled from Canterlot High, so your plan on keeping us on Earth woulda worked super well. Since if it did work, I would’ve shot you and found some bullshit to go home. That, or I wouldn’t care and go get McDonalds or something, and sell all my bits so I could buy a house.”
“You know… quite a bit about how Earth works.”
“Yeah, because I’m from Earth. Not the exact earth we were on, but it was similar enough to me that I could probably live there for the rest of my life and be fine. Hell, I would’ve stayed, but I got somebody I wanted to propose to and they live here, so I wanted to come back to Equestria. So, how was planet Earth?”
“Well… aside from it basically being a prison, it wasn’t too bad. I got to see the theater in a way I haven’t seen before! Where pictures move, people get hurt, but not really? Explosions and everything!” She giggled, likely recalling a few good movies here and there. And bingo, I know how to break the ice.
“I see you like movies.”
“Yeah, I especially liked this one about a viking kid taming a dragon.”
“Ah, How to Train Your Dragon! A lady of culture, I see,” I chuckled as Sunset Shimmer’s jaw dropped.
“You’ve seen How to Train Your Dragon?” Sunset squealed. “I stole a plushie, of the dragon, not even two days after watching it!” Well, at least she’s honest about her methods of obtaining things she wanted on Earth.
“Yup, I saw it when it first came out and loved the hell out of it. But on my Earth, it’s been well over two decades since the first movie came out, and it has two sequels.”
“Don’t you dare spoil those for me.” Ah, she was just like a teenager, which I guess makes sense, since she was in a teenage body for… two, three years? Luna never really explained what Moons were, so I’m going to assume that meant months. It’s like the creators of a movie chose an arbitrary number and chose a random word to describe a measurement of time to make it sound big. Then it just becomes really confusing and everybody spends a whole while figuring out what a Moon was.
“So, anything else you like about Earth? Any dislikes?”
“Well, it was nice to go to a normal high school. While I was working as Celestia’s prized pupil, I was under so much pressure and it still felt like I got nothing out of it! In a regular high school, it felt like I was getting something out of it! I would have never known what a ‘cell’ was unless I never took biology class! Granted, it did get a bit lonely because everybody was scared of me, but it was fun! I particularly liked human history, it sounds so…”
“Morbid.”
“What?”
“I assume you haven’t gotten to the gruesome part of history such as colonization, genocides of ethnic groups, or the bits about slavery.” Sunset’s eyes widened.
“I only got to the part in history called ‘manifest destiny!’” Ah, you were just about to get into one of the many sins of humanity. Stay innocent, Sunny, don’t become aware of what humans are capable of. “So… you were once human, right? How does it feel to be almost entirely separated from your home world? I felt so… lost when I first got banished to Earth, so lonely. So I can probably imagine what it felt like.”
“Oh nah, I didn’t care that much. Aside from the whole ‘crushing a princess by falling out of the sky and promptly getting sued by said princess,’ bit.” I chuckled. “I didn’t really mind. I quickly made friends with both Luna and Celestia, and I was no longer in soul crushing debt to my college, so I was perfectly happy. I got money for food and rent and that was all I could ask for. There are times where I wanted to kill myself, like when I slammed my ass into a horse’s face and knocked him out, but so far, life’s been good. I got a girlfriend that I love to death, I have a head penis that I can-”
“Why did you call your horn… a head penis?” Sunset looked ready to start laughing at my terrible attempt at making the mood even lighter than it already was.
“Because I called it that on day one and figured out it was just a horn later. So on occasion I will call my horn a horn, but I like the term ‘head penis’ more.”
“So, who is this pony that you’re dating?”
Chrysalis teleported in wearing a sun hat. Huh, speak of the devil! A pretty devil at that! “Fruit! There you are! Are we still going to go on that stroll through Canterlot Park?” Sunset Shimmer yelped in fear, and Chrysalis slowly turned to Sunset Shimmer. “Ah, Sunset Shimmer. I have heard many things about you, some good, and some bad. Mostly bad.
“From what Celestia told me while we were dating, you were an incredibly gifted student, a smart one at that. You had ambitions that you simply couldn’t reach despite all the pressure and work put in!” Chrysalis put a hoof on her chest. “I am sad to hear that you would walk such a dark path, but I do hope Fruit can help you out in some department.”
“How would Fruit help? We’re just talking about movies.”
“Ah, a pass time from his home world. Well, I suppose this is Fruit’s way of making you comfortable around him; he’s not an interrogator, he’s not here to pry information out of you for Celestia. He’s simply trying to get you to relax around him.” Sunset turned to me and blinked a couple times. “I know, Fruit still catches me off guard with what he knows.”
“I was learning to be a psychologist. I better know how to be a decent therapist after I managed to skip up a class after a month. I’m not the most helpful or greatest therapist, but I’d like to think I can help out here and there,” I turned to Sunset, only for Chrysalis to lift me from the cushion, seat herself at it, and laid down. Sweet! Chryssy snuggles!
“So, anything else about Earth that you wanna talk about? If not then… perhaps we can work towards actually helping you out. I am kinda curious as to why you felt so… pressured into being something greater than what you are. Because it’s just a curious thing, really. It’s something I was studying before I uh, crushed Princess Luna with my ass.”
“Do you know what it’s like, to be in a position such as ‘Celestia’s Star Pupil?’ From a young age, you are told you’re going to be something great, and have tons of work piled on you just to get marginally better? I studied for a year and only improved at magic a little bit! I was gifted! I was gifted to the point that Celestia took notice of me!”
“Ah, the case of a prodigy.” I chuckled. “If you were a prodigy well beyond your years, Sunny, then it would make sense why your magical abilities would only increase by increments instead of making leaps and bounds. For instance, I obviously never used magic before, so when I started teaching myself in secret, I made large leaps and bounds because I already had the magical capabilities, it was a matter of learning how to work with them.
“In your case, you had the raw power, but needed to learn how to control it. So really your teachings may have been mostly about helping you control your magic and broadening your spell knowledge. Yeah, it sucks that you felt the pressure to do better, which is why expectations are always, always a path to failure, my friend. If you expect to make a leap in skill, but only an increment, you’ll get disappointed that you didn’t make that leap. Even if in Reality, you still made an improvement which was what you were after anyways.”
I took a sip of water while I let what I said sink in. Sunset now found a sudden interest in her hooves, and even I can tell that she felt a tiny bit down in the dumps. “But I was told to be better, much better. Everyday I am told that I am going to be the greatest unicorn to ever live- that I might ascend and become an alicorn.”
“Which is why expectations are so horrible to place on somebody. Because they’ll see something greater than they could achieve, or something far greater than they can achieve in a certain amount of time. For all we know, Celestia only expected you to get marginally better over a long period of time, and then rival an alicorn in strength. But the constant pressure of self improvement probably drove you mad, huh?” Sunset nodded.
“Well, now that you no longer have that pressure to be better and you can live your own life, what do you want, now?”
“I… I don’t know.”
“Well, you got all the time in the world!” I stood up and stretched. “Well, it’s time for me and Chryssy to get started on our date. Just relax, Sunset, and we’ll talk next week!
So, with Sunset now left in thought, me and Chrysalis teleported into Canterlot Park and began to wander around. A couple ponies here and there blinked a couple times when they saw a changeling, a Queen at that, holding a stallion as they walked. A couple children ran up to say ‘hi’ to me. Luckily, it seems like that apparent ‘Hero of Canterlot’ thing died down after I apparently said a slur to several nobles during day court.
What does Dobbin mean again? Well, it was probably really offensive to ponies.
“And then I called the fucker a Dobbin!” Chrysalis’s eyes widened.
“Fruit, there are children running around!”
“Why is that so bad?” I asked.
“You’re basically calling somebody a nag when you call them that, Fruit. It’s a slur that horses used to use against ponies in the past. How in the world do you even know that word? I doubt you’ve done much research on slurs used against ponies.”
“Just heard somebody back home call their horse ‘Dobbin’ and randomly remembered it. Because that guy’s horse was a fucking asshole. Just like the stallion that tried to swindle me out of four hundred bits.”
Chrysalis snorted. “And you called several nobles Dobbins?” She then kissed me on the head. “You are causing quite the stir amongst the wealthy and I like it!”
“Yuck! What is that ugly creature doing here?” Some rich looking pony pointed at Chrysalis, who seemingly deflated after that comment. I could tell that she put on some light makeup for tonight, and it did help out a decent amount despite how light it was. “She’s going to ruin my son’s picnic!” Another rich pony shouted. “What a freak! Why is that stallion-“ oh wow, that third guy mysteriously shut the fuck up after I threw a brick at him.
“Also lady,” I pointed at the one rich bitch that talked about her son. “Shut the fuck up, and ain’t it illegal to even be having a picnic in Canterlot park?”
“Shut it, meanie! My Mommy is just trying to make me happy! And I want a picnic next to Princess Cadence’s statue; I want to marry her!”
He pointed at a statue of Princess Luna.
“Kiddo, she’s already married, you dumb, stupid fuck. Like Jesus Christ, you are a waste of school food if you think you can marry somebody that’s already married; she’ll never want to date a little shit like you.” Remember how I said I won’t be mean to children? I don’t.
“Don’t talk to my son like that! I make more money than you do-“
“Yeah, by sucking rich guys off. Woohoo! You’re a whore!”
“Hey! Don’t talk to my wife like that,
You bastard!”
“Dude, that bitch is only married to you because you’re rich!” I yelled back.
Son, Mother, and Father all stared at me until I threw a brick at the Father. The other two retrieved their, now unconscious, relative and ran away while screaming.
“So, if anybody else would like to call Chrysalis ugly, be my guest.” Every single snob turned and started running in the opposite direction of me and Chrysalis except for one. He just glared at me, like he was planning something terrible for me. “You wanna go man? I’ll send your dumbass to the moon- don’t think I won’t, I know how to.” Chrysalis’s eyes widened.
“Fruit, do not send him to the moon for my sake! It would be really sexy if you did, but don’t!” Chrysalis acted like she was about to faint while the stallion began to approach me.
“Tell me, why do you think defending that thing is useful? You’re probably being mind controlled-“
“Bitch, I’ve already had Chrysalis test it. I’m too mentally ill and clinically stupid to mind control. I’m defending her because I love her, asshole. So,” I took a rubber duck and shoved down the man’s throat, and I would have actually done that if not for one of Chrysalis’s siblings, I believe it was Scuttle, grabbed the stallion and threw him out of sight.
“Don’t call my sister ugly on her date!”
“Where the fuck-“ Scuttle put a hoof on my nose.
“Boop!” Wat? “I like you, Fruit. Not many would insult an entire family just because somebody called Chrysalis ugly. She’s always been… a bit self conscious about her looks; I can’t blame her since not many have truly fallen in love with Chrysalis. They just fell in love with what Chrysalis was pretending to be.”
“Scuttle!”
“Chryssy. don’t argue. You’re afraid that Fruit will leave you for somebody more pretty.”
“Nah, Chrysalis is awesome. Wouldn’t stop dating her even if Celestia decided to show up in my bedroom with stockings on-“ I rubbed my chin. “You know, I was wondering what you would look like in stockings, Chrysalis. You’d probably just look really cute while dozing off, but then you’d just be like you always are; adorable!” Chrysalis squealed and buried her face into my mane while Scuttle laughed.
“He’s a keeper, sis. I’m glad you found him.”
“She tried to mind control me when we first met.”
“I know, I heard that story from Chrysalis! The expression and tone she used while telling that story was priceless!” Scuttle patted her younger sibling on the head. “Well, I’ll be around sis, if you ever want to chat, I’m a thought away.” With that, Scuttle shot off into the evening, shortly afterwards I heard a stallion, the one she threw, scream as the sound of a belt ‘thwacking’ could be heard.
Somebody was getting their ass beat pretty damn hard by the sounds of things.
“So Chryssy, wanna go to a little cafe and have a couple sandwiches later?”
Chrysalis, who had regained her composure nodded. “That would be lovely Fruit. Just please, please do not embarrass me in front of one of my siblings again. Now I’ll get teased by Scuttle and the other ninety-nine siblings that I have. You have just doomed me to constant sibling teasing!”
“But you’re cute!”
“No, I am fierce and deadly!”
“Especially when you rest your head on your hooves after a long day. You’re deadly cute.”
“I am not cute! I can break your back in a mere thought!”
“You wouldn’t, then you wouldn’t have a back to rest your head on at night.”
“I hate you.”
“I love you too.” We laid down in the grass and Chrysalis pulled me into a hug.
“Now you have fallen into a venus fly trap!” Chrysalis then began to gum on my neck! I think ponies in Appleloosa could hear my laughs from their town in the asscrack of nowhere. Clever girl, Chryssy, clever girl. Entice me with Chryssy Cuddles and then tickle me until My lungs give out. I was then promptly smothered in kisses while I recovered.
(Later that week, the pony that Scuttle threw was on a ‘missing’ listing).
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Nice Chapter dude
More
But sir-
MORE
Bro got banned from life
11482953
changelings don’t fuck around
Gotta say, I love when authors not only include Sunset, but also try to give a logical explanation for why she's not completely at fault. Own your 10 percent Celestia!