//------------------------------// // The Pinkening // Story: Hold It Together // by OverUnderCookened //------------------------------// Lapis Print opened his eyes. He was still lying in bed. It was almost dark outside, so his bedroom was cast in a kind of half-shadow. Everything was exactly as Lapis had left it the morning before, save for the large, narrow wooden wardrobe that had tucked itself into the corner of the room. Lapis grimaced, then rolled out of bed and trotted out of the room. “It’s rude to watch ponies while they’re sleeping,” he said over his shoulder. The mimic, of course, didn’t respond. It had taken to staying inside Lapis’ home, for reasons he wasn’t quite able to discern. He’d tried to communicate with it already, designating the mimic’s presence on one side of the room to mean “yes” and the other side to mean “no,” then trying to play a game of twenty questions that way. The mimic, rather than responding, had simply reverted to a chest and remained directly in front of Lapis until he gave up communication as a lost cause. Nikki seemed to trust the mimic, though, and Lapis trusted her. Shower, coffee, cook. It was still cloudy when Lapis stepped into his living room, and hardly any ponies were out and about yet. He sat at the table, picked up the trio of books he’d taken from the Castle of the Two Sisters, and idly began flipping through the record book as he ate his breakfast, skimming over line after line of goods received without understanding a single one of them. Nikki flew into the room a moment later, settling atop Lapis’ head, and he briefly paused to boop her beak before continuing to read. This wasn’t the book Lapis needed to work with, and he knew it. That book, the dark one with the silvered pages, was sitting atop Lapis’ counter. He knew Zecora had checked it over for curses and found none, and since he’d brought it home, it had behaved exactly as an ordinary - if blank - book should. Lapis knew he should pick it up and work on the riddle, but every time he considered the idea, he remembered the look of subtle melancholy on Zecora’s face and was overcome with a creeping dread. And… well, it could’ve been a trick of Lapis’ mind, but somehow, the book seemed to be waiting for him atop that counter, with an air of patient expectancy that made it feel more animate than the real living object in his home. I need to do it, Lapis thought. Time is running out. Luna’s going to get suspicious sooner or later, and the longer I go without getting home, the greater the chance that I’ll irreparably mess up the timeline. I need to open that book. Lapis finished his breakfast, then slowly, deliberately set down his fork and knife- The sound of galloping hooves interrupted Lapis’ train of thought, just as he levitated the book an inch above the counter. A second later, his front door burst open, and Nikki flapped her wings in surprise as Lyra fell through the door in a rush, nearly faceplanting into the floor. “Lyra?” Lapis asked, getting up from his seat. “What’s the matter-” “Nothing!” Lyra yelped, quickly staggering upright. “Nothing’s the matter, I just wanted to check in on you. …Um, hi!” “Hi,” Lapis said, cocking an eyebrow. “Lyra, for real, you look like you galloped all the way here. What’s going on?” “Um,” Lyra said, her eyes going wide as she glanced over Lapis’ shoulder. “Well, I saw that you were out for the day yesterday, and I thought that, y’know, with how bad it was the last time you left Ponyville, I’d better make sure you were okay.” “Oh,” Lapis said. “Uh, yeah, I’m doing alright. I went on a little research trip. Zecora was with me basically the whole time, and I found a few weird books.” Lapis looked over the visibly-nervous Lyra, and hesitated a moment before speaking. “…I made some coffee, if you want any.” Lyra frowned. “Oh, thanks, but I really couldn’t. I’ve already had plenty. …So, no more Harmonic Cascades recently?” “Nope,” Lapis said, frowning as he took his seat. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask you about that. Where’d you come up with the idea of ‘channeling’ them?” “Oh, that? It was my aunt. She read it from some book, and it basically solved the problem for her,” Lyra said, waving a hoof. “So… have you channeled any other Cascades since then?” “Uh, no,” Lapis said, briefly glancing up to Nikki, who seemed just as confused as he was. “Like I said, things have mostly been pretty quiet.” “Right, right,” Lyra said, nodding. “But you do remember how to channel a Cascade, right? Just give it more specific instructions before the waves start happening?” “Yeah, I remember,” Lapis said, his brow slowly furrowing. “Lyra?” Lyra’s eyes snapped wide open, and she glanced to the side. “…Lapis?” “What is going on?” Lapis asked, staring Lyra directly in the eyes. Lyra flinched, her ears flopping back, then sighed and met Lapis’ gaze. “…Okay, so-” Then, Lyra’s gaze briefly flicked over Lapis’ shoulder, and an expression that was something like terror flashed across her face before she kept looking back at Lapis. “-I can’t tell you, Lapis.” “What do you mean, ‘you can’t tell me?’” Lapis asked, a weight of dread beginning to settle in his gut. “I- I want to tell you, I do, but I just- I can’t, Lapis. I’m sorry,” Lyra stammered, trying and failing to hold Lapis’ gaze as she backed toward the door. “Just- just remember, everything will be okay, alright? It’ll be okay. I’m sorry, I’ve got to- I’m sorry!” Lapis opened his mouth to say something, but before he got the chance, Lyra was gone out the door, the sound of her galloping hooves fading out of earshot as rapidly as they’d approached. Bewildered, Lapis glanced over his shoulder, toward where Lyra had kept glancing, and for a second he thought he saw a flash of pink from somewhere near the portrait of the mustached griffon. Then he blinked, and there was nothing there, the painted griffon meeting Lapis’ befuddled gaze with unchanging smugness. Lapis looked over to Nikki, who looked to him at exactly the same moment, her expression as unsettled as his. “…What the fuck?” Lapis asked. “No, seriously, what the fuck was that?” Nikki shrugged, and so Lapis found himself with no options but to down the last of his coffee and get ready for another day of work. He briefly contemplated staying inside all day, hoping that whatever was about to happen would pass him by, but eventually decided that there was no point. It didn’t stop the Parasprites, Lapis thought, as he slung his saddlebags across his back, then looked to the front door and set his jaw. And it won’t stop this, either, whatever it is. Nothing to do but deal with it. Lapis hesitated, then briefly dug into his saddlebags, checking that the grappling gauntlet was still there - which it was. Then, he walked out the door and into Ponyville. At the same moment that Lapis walked through the door, Fluttershy and Twilight were heading toward Sugarcube Corner at a quick trot. Both of them appeared nervous, though Twilight’s nervous expression seemed a lot less comfortable on her face than Fluttershy’s. “Alright, Fluttershy,” Twilight said. “Let’s go over the plan one more time. What’s step one?” “Um…” Fluttershy said. “I think I need to go inside, find Pinkie, and ask her to stop.” “Right,” Twilight said, nodding. “And while you do that, I cast as many slowing and shielding spells around Sugarcube Corner as I can.” “Are we sure that’s not too much, Twilight?” Fluttershy asked, her ears flicking slightly back. “She’s certainly going overboard, but she’s still our friend, Twilight.” “We’ve already tried everything else, Fluttershy,” Twilight said, her own ears flicking back as the worried expression on her face intensified. “I’m not a big fan of this idea either, but I just don’t know whether anything else will work. Besides, Pinkie’s going more than just overboard. Did you read the invitation from this morning?” “I might’ve skimmed it a little,” Fluttershy said, glancing to the side. “It’s not just a brunch party now,” Twilight said, hurrying a little ahead and glancing over her shoulder at Fluttershy. “It’s a surprise brunch party.” “Oh,” Fluttershy said, her eyes widening as she realized exactly how much she, herself, would never, ever like to be subjected to a surprise party involving everypony in Ponyville. “Oh my.” “Precisely,” Twilight said, turning her gaze to the road ahead. “I’ll admit, I do appreciate the strategy of ambushing a pony who gallops away if they see you coming. But this really isn’t the right way to demonstrate that you, me, and our friends are normal, trustworthy ponies who don’t need to be galloped away from in the first place!” Fluttershy kept silent, glancing off to the side. “…What?” Twilight asked. “Don’t tell me you think Pinkie has the right idea?” “Oh, no, not at all,” Fluttershy said, shaking her head. “I just really don’t see why you and Pinkie are so keen on meeting this pony in the first place. There are a lot of ponies in Ponyville that I’ve never talked to, and… well, I guess I’d like to see if his pigeon friend is doing okay, but I really don’t think we have to throw a whole party just to talk to him. Why don’t we just visit his house?” Twilight grimaced. “We’ve tried. Multiple times. He’s never there.” “…Well, have you tried just waiting by his door?” Fluttershy asked. Twilight froze in her tracks, then sighed. “No, no we haven’t. But at this point, it’s really too late, because Pinkie is going to throw this party regardless of whether or not she should, and I still haven’t apologized to this pony face-to-face for setting the Parasprites on Ponyville, or for accidentally dropping him off the water tower!” “Oh,” Fluttershy said, her eyes widening. “Well, I might not have known about the water tower.” “Don’t worry, Fluttershy!” Pinkie chirped. “It’s already on a banner!” Fluttershy and Twilight both froze, then turned toward the source of the voice. Somehow, Pinkie had started bouncing along beside them, and neither of them had noticed - only now that Pinkie had decided to speak did they realize their original topic of conversation could now overhear their every word. “…Hey, Pinkie Pie!” Twilight began, smiling awkwardly. “So, uh… Fluttershy and I were talking, and we’re really not sure that a surprise party is the way to go. Right, Fluttershy?” “Um, yes,” Fluttershy said. “Of course, we do know you’re the party expert-” “The premier party pony, out of every party pony who’s ever partied,” Pinkie said, raising her hoof to her chest. “Yes, that,” Fluttershy said. “We’re just worried that, um, this Lapis pony won’t care for being surprised, especially not by the ponies he might be trying to steer clear of.” Pinkie slowly nodded, then a smile spread across her face. “Not to worry, Fluttershy. I’ve been thinking the same thing, and I totally understand!” Fluttershy and Twilight exchanged an incredulous look, then turned to Pinkie and spoke together. “You do?” “Absolutely,” Pinkie said. “That’s why I’m making it a brunch, like you said! That way, it won’t be a party, so there’s no way he won’t like it!” “…Oh,” Fluttershy said, her ears flopping back. Beside Fluttershy, Twilight sighed, then stepped around behind Pinkie and ignited her horn. Fluttershy frowned in confusion, then her eyes widened as Twilight made a frantic ‘keep-talking’ sort of gesture. Luckily, Pinkie was already inclined to start talking. “I’ve actually been up all night getting it ready. Did you know you can make coffee cake with extra espresso? Because I didn’t, but wow, I’m really glad I learned, because otherwise it would’ve taken hours to get the liquid propane burner up to temperature!” Behind Pinkie, Twilight strained, and a purple bubble began to fade into existence around Twilight, Fluttershy, and Pinkie. Fluttershy frowned, then raised a hoof. “Um, Pinkie, how long has it been since you’ve slept?” Pinkie shrugged, and made an ‘I-don’t-know’ sort of grunt. “When was the last time it was cloudy? Anyway, I’ve already got just about everything set up, so now the only thing left to do is to make sure that nopony spoils the surprise before ten twenty-four exactly, when everypony will show up at the Corner Cafe!” Twilight grunted, and a flash of light began to wash down from the top of the bubble toward the edges. Pinkie paused, then gasped, clutching her hooves to her face. “Oh no! I forgot to move the muffins! Gotta go - see you two there!” “Pinkie, wait!” Fluttershy said, but Pinkie was already gone, zipping out through the bubble just before the flash of light hit the ground - and as it did, there was a chime like a bell, and Twilight’s shield bubble thickened and solidified. “…Did I get her?” Twilight asked, swaying in place a little as she opened her eyes. Fluttershy didn’t answer, walking over to the side of the bubble and knocking her hoof against the shield bubble. It made a worryingly solid clunk, and it felt as hard as glass. “Um, no.” Twilight groaned. “Oh, come on! That was the fastest I’ve ever cast a shielding spell - at this rate, I don’t even think the Princess could catch Pinkie!” “Twilight?” Fluttershy asked. Twilight huffed, then stared down at the ground, tapping her hoof against her chin. “Alright, let me think. It should be 7:38 now, which means we have two hours and forty-six minutes before the surprise party starts. If Pinkie’s currently trying to stop anypony from spoiling the surprise, then if we find Lapis, and try to tell him, then Pinkie will come to us. Once that happens, I can set a Sticky-Hooves Snare in the surrounding area, catch Pinkie, and try to talk her down.” “Um, Twilight.” “While that’s happening, somepony will need to find out where Pinkie’s hot air balloon is, and disable it if necessary,” Twilight continued. “Damaging the balloon would of course be less than ideal, but if something does happen, then I might be able to write it off as a peacekeeping expense-” “Twilight!” Fluttershy said, placing a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but… around when will the shield go away?” “The what?” Twilight asked, looking up. She glanced around, and her ears flopped back as she took in the shield. “…Oh. This should last for, uh… a little less than three hours.” “Oh, okay,” Fluttershy said, removing her hoof from Twilight’s shoulder and glancing around the dome. “Um, just out of curiosity, is there any way you could bring it down?” “…No,” Twilight said, lowering her head. “I could teleport us both out, but teleporting another pony along with myself would take a lot more magic than a normal teleportation spell. Even if I didn’t instantly pass out, I’d pretty much be running on fumes.” There followed a moment of silence. “…So, um,” Fluttershy said. “Does that mean we can’t stop Pinkie?” “Yes,” Twilight sighed. “Unless this bubble pops early, which it probably won’t.” “Oh,” Fluttershy said, glancing nervously around. “Oh my.” Lapis had been at work for a few hours now, repairing lawn chairs and fences with Nikki perched atop his head. Though he hadn’t figured out what Lyra’s warning was about, he was almost positive something big was going on. For one thing, it seemed like there was a lot more scaffolding in Ponyville than usual. It felt like every other alley he looked at had been partially filled with an impenetrable, ramshackle jumble of nailed-together planks, poles, and tarps, enough that he wondered whether Mayor Mare had ordered a town-wide renovation. If she had, though, it seemed like she hadn’t assigned enough ponies to the job, because there didn’t seem to be anypony at work. Maybe it’s just the setup for the renovation? Lapis thought, as he started making his way back toward his workshop. Why is all the scaffolding so tall, anyway? Are they finally replacing the thatch or something? Lapis rounded a corner, then approached a group of ponies who were all pushing covered strollers, chatting animatedly to each other. As Lapis approached, however, the small group abruptly fell silent, every one of their number suddenly finding something else to do - some peeked beneath the blankets of their strollers, others glanced upward as if they’d just felt a raindrop, and one lemon-yellow pegasus stallion in a hard hat began to whistle a cheerful tune. …Okay then, Lapis thought, then continued on his way. Nikki doesn’t usually ride directly on top of my head, so I guess that might be weird if you aren’t expecting it. Is it really that weird to have an animal around, though? Oh, wait. It’s the gray streak in my mane, it looks like Nikki… yep, that explains it. Lapis snickered, then kept heading down the road. Honestly, at this point, he was starting to expect that whatever Lyra had going on, it was going to happen tomorrow - he’d gotten through half the items on his request board already, and was heading to his house to pick up the remaining half now. Hey, who knows? Maybe I burned through my bad luck with that accident in the Two Sisters’ Castle, and now I’m finally catching a stretch of good- nope, don’t think that, you’ll jinx it. Lapis rounded a corner and started down a stretch of Cantering Boulevard, noticing as he did so that there were a pair of pegasi hanging some kind of banner over one of the storefronts - actually, that’s not too far from the Corner Cafe. Huh. Lapis paused momentarily to glance at the banner, just as the two pegasi lowered a tarp over it. He only caught a flash of the bottom-right corner, where the letters “RINT” were dyed in deep blue atop cream-colored cloth. Then, the pegasi took off, and Lapis turned and resumed his route toward his house, passing by another crowd of ponies with strollers. …Wow, I don’t think there’s a single pony in that crowd who doesn’t have a stroller, Lapis thought, glancing over the group of ponies. Must be take-your-kid-to-work-day, or something. As Lapis neared the end of the crowd, one of the ponies- oh hey, it’s Derpy! -tripped over her own hooves, and as she jostled the stroller with her stumbling, the patchwork quilt covering her stroller shifted for just a second or two, just long enough for Lapis to see a trio of round, brightly-colored shapes underneath. Wait, what? Why does Derpy have a stroller full of balloons? Derpy Hooves quickly repositioned the blanket over her stroller, but even still, Lapis could make out the bulges where the balloons pressed against the fabric. Then, as Derpy rejoined the crowd, Lapis realized - it wasn’t just Derpy Hooves. Every blanketed stroller, every single one, showed the signature bulges of three or more balloons. “You seeing this?” Lapis muttered, glancing up at Nikki, who seemed just as confused as he did. Lapis briefly considered following along after the herd of ponies, then decided against it. Probably just one more day in Ponyville. …Probably. As Lapis turned the corner that would normally take him back toward the street his home was on, he found his way blocked by a wide, white sign set atop a red-and-white-striped wooden stand. Inscribed on the sign in large, official lettering was the word ‘DETOUR,’ and on the other side of the sign, the road was entirely blocked off by a jumble of tarps, tools, traffic cones, and yellow tape, all clustered together so thickly that he couldn’t see through to the other side. Welp, guess I’m taking a detour. Lapis briefly consulted his mental map of Ponyville - then, just as he turned to start down his new route, a Earth-pony mare with a brown coat emerged from one of the tents, wheeling what looked like some sort of wooden cannon. It was painted a bright pastel blue, and its solid, smoothly-turning wheels were a deep, dark purple, edged with bright pink and adorned by the image of a daisy. The Earth-pony made it five steps out of the tent before she caught sight of Lapis, and for a second she froze - then, just as casually as she’d emerged from the tent, she backed up back into it, pulling the cannon out of sight before her. Lapis frowned, then set off down his usual route at a quick trot. Okay, what’s with the cannon? Normally, the only pony who has one of those is Pinkie, and she just uses them for confetti. …Whatever, I’m sure it’s fine, even if that mare’s reaction to me was a bit off. “Hey, Nikki?” Lapis asked, as he rounded another corner and began trotting down a side street. It was crowded here, just crowded enough that Lapis was forced to bob and weave between ponies. “So, weird question. There aren’t any more gray streaks in my mane than usual, right?” Nikki scowled down at Lapis, then cuffed his ear for good measure. Lapis winced, then sighed. “Yeah, I earned that one. Just thought I’d ask-” From somewhere off in the distance, there came a faint, distinct pop, and Lapis started, looking straight ahead - then groaned, as he saw another wall of DETOUR signs blocking his path. “Wow, two for two. Uh, hey, Nikki, could you maybe fly up and see if there’s any way back to my workshop?” Nikki rolled her eyes, then took off, Lapis wincing as she cuffed his ear again. Yep, she’s mad. I’ll definitely need to buy a bag of birdseed or some…thing… Wait a minute, didn’t I see that pony two minutes ago? Standing a few feet away from Lapis, idly inspecting the roadblocks, was the same lemon-yellow pegasus with a hard hat, still whistling the same cheerful tune as before. Lapis frowned, looking around, and slowly began to realize - he’d seen all the ponies nearby a minute ago. They’d been the first bunch with strollers, except now all their strollers were gone. What the fuck? What’re they all doing here? At this point, Lapis was beginning to feel prickles running up his spine, as if a group of invisible spiders were scrambling up his back toward his head. This impression was, thankfully, just Lapis’ own unease - there was only one invisible spider on Lapis’ body just then, and it was too busy rappelling to the ground to bother with any such nonsense as climbing to Lapis’ head. The spider narrowly avoided being crushed beneath Lapis’ hoof as he turned and headed away from the yellow pegasus, back toward Cantering Boulevard. Hopefully, if I get out of town, I can find a good vantage point to scope out what’s going on… Lapis hazarded a glance over his shoulder, and found that the crowd of ponies behind him seemed to have gotten the exact same idea - they, too, were now heading back toward Cantering Boulevard at almost exactly the same speed as Lapis. Lapis briefly made eye contact with the yellow pegasus in the hard hat, and the pegasus’ eyes widened briefly before a look of forced calm came over his face. Grimacing, Lapis turned back toward Cantering Boulevard and picked up his pace, just a little. He heard a muffled series of exclamations, and turned back to see that the crowd of other ponies were now matching his pace. The yellow pegasus attempted to start casually whistling again, but could only manage a strangled series of puffing noises. Lapis’ eyes widened, and he snapped his gaze forward. Slowly, gradually, he switched into a trot. And slowly, gradually, the crowd of ponies behind him sped up. Lapis broke into a canter. So did the crowd. And then, without being entirely sure when he’d started, Lapis was galloping down Cantering Boulevard at top speed, the crowd of ponies chasing after him. He slipped and nearly fell over as he rounded the corner, glancing around the street for any alley he might duck into - but all of them, every single one, was blocked off by scaffolding. Lapis had no choice but to continue forward, so he did, galloping toward the center of town. Over the clatter of galloping hooves, Lapis almost didn’t hear the trill from beside his ear. He looked over in time to see Nikki swoop down, then turn down one of the open main roads. Lapis gritted his teeth, his lungs already burning, then followed after her, onto a road that was solidly walled off by multiple nailed-together DETOUR signs. Lapis skidded to a stop just before ramming into one of the signs, then stared up at Nikki as she flew over the top of the signs. What?! I can’t get over this! Even if I used the gauntlet, I’d wind up stuck in somepony’s roof! Lapis heard the thunder of hooves rounding the corner, and glanced frantically around for an escape. He spotted a single open alleyway next to an awning, and darted down it at top speed, his hooves splashing in a thin layer of slick mud. Nikki caught up with Lapis a few seconds later, flying just ahead, guiding him through a series of shadowed alleyways until he emerged into- Lapis skidded to a stop, his eyes wide, his ears folding back, his jaw dropping as he saw what he’d galloped into. He was right in front of the Corner Cafe, standing in front of a crowd of ponies bearing strollers, who had all turned to look at him with mingled surprise and expectation. “NOW!” came the high-pitched command, and every pony in the street except Lapis moved at once, the rush of air drowned out by the gut-rattling boom of a dozen party cannons, which were then cut off by a choir of party horns. The tarps were pulled off the banners, and the blankets off the strollers, freeing dozens of brightly-colored balloons. The cloud of balloons floated up, rising past the banners that proclaimed “WELCOME TO PONYVILLE LAPIS PRINT,” through the swirling, hissing rain of confetti, and upward still to join the massive hot air balloon parked above the Corner Cafe - which, Lapis realized with a jolt, had been painted to form a cross-eyed but color-accurate depiction of his own head, complete with a sewn-on mane and ears. Lapis gaped at the hot air balloon for only a second or two, before the sound of two sets of galloping hooves snapped his attention back to earth. He looked down to see Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy galloping onto the street from the side, looking almost as horrified as Lapis felt. Then, the bell above the door to the Corner Cafe jingled, and Lapis’ gaze snapped over just in time to spot Rainbow Dash casually swooping through the door, shortly followed by a bemused Rarity and a startled-looking Applejack. Lapis saw a bubblegum-pink blur from the corner of his eye, and he barely had time to flinch before he was skidding across the dirt on his back, pinned down by the twin weights that pressed his shoulders into the ground. Even as he slid to a stop with his eyelids jammed firmly shut, Lapis already knew full well who he was about to see, who he’d been slowly resigning himself to confront for the past two weeks, which pony was the only possible explanation for this pastel-hued, sanity-popping debacle. And, when Lapis opened his eyes, he wasn’t surprised by the baby-blue eyes that stared into his from only a few inches away, nor by the raw, manic intensity of the joy contained within their slightly bloodshot gaze. No, what really caught him off-guard was their innocence - the complete, utter, and total lack of any vindictive triumph or sadistic glee. This pony had gone through hours, days, weeks of preparation, orchestrated a spectacle in Lapis’ name that could be seen and heard from anywhere within miles of Ponyville, and concluded it by tackling him to the street… with the genuine, wholehearted belief that it would make him happy. “Sur-priiiise!” said Pinkie Pie. Fluttershy felt her ears flopping back atop her head as Pinkie climbed off of Lapis Print, already launching into the familiar full-throttle ramble. “Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie, and I threw this brunch party just for you! Were you surprised? Were ya? Huh, huh, huh?” Lapis rolled back onto his hooves and stood up, and Fluttershy’s eyes widened in surprise - instead of the reactions she’d been expecting, which were everywhere in between screaming terror and screaming anger, Lapis’ face just looked… defeated. He hardly seemed to notice Nikki the pigeon landing atop his head, perching just above his horn. “Uh, yep, you got me. Good job, I really like the… uh, balloon.” Off to Fluttershy’s left, Twilight glanced up at Pinkie’s retrofitted hot air balloon, which was smiling down over the lot of them with a distinctly cross-eyed gaze. “I knew you would,” Pinkie said, starting to bounce in circles around the visibly-exhausted unicorn. “I had to do something super-duper-looper-special for you, since I wasn’t able to throw you a Welcome-to-Ponyville party for two whole months! But now you’re here, and most of Ponyville is here, and we can all officially get this party- I mean, this brunch started!” Lapis frowned. “Brunch?” “Oh, right,” Pinkie said. She darted past Twilight and over to Fluttershy, who let out a startled eep and spread her wings for balance as Pinkie shoved her up to Lapis. “See, I was going to make this a whole party,” Pinkie said, stepping out from behind Fluttershy even as she slung a hoof over the pegasus’ shoulder, “and pull out all the stops. Hire a band, arrange a fireworks show, invite the Princesses, y’know, the works! But my friend here, Fluttershy, was worried you wouldn’t like a really big party like that, and she kinda kinda made a super-good case for it, too! So instead, we’re just going to have something a little more low-key - a nice, casual brunch with everypony in Ponyville!” Pinkie threw her hooves wide, and another party cannon went off with a gut-rattling boom, raining confetti down atop Lapis, Pinkie, and Fluttershy. “Isn’t that great?” “Um, hello,” Fluttershy said. Lapis Print kept silent, his ears twitching briefly backward before jerking straight up and forward. “Oh, yeah, it’s just wonderful-” Oh dear. Fluttershy looked away, her ears flopping backward, and Lapis cut himself off. “…It’s great, yeah. Thanks, Pinkie. And, uh, hey, Fluttershy.” The pigeon atop Lapis’ head scowled, then cuffed one of his ears with her wing as Twilight approached, an awkward smile splitting her face. “Hi! It’s Lapis, right? Lapis Print?” “That’d be me,” Lapis said. “I’m Twilight, another one of Pinkie’s friends,” Twilight said, gesturing to Pinkie Pie. “Could I borrow her for just a second, please?” Pinkie glanced over at Twilight, confused, and Lapis looked between the two of them for a moment before shrugging, opening his mouth to reply just as Pinkie cut him off. “Don’t worry, Twilight, there’ll be plenty of time for you to apologize for the water tower inside- Ooh! That’s right, the apple muffins are still warm! Let’s take this inside quick, before they cool off!” “Pinkie!” Twilight began, but Pinkie was already towing Lapis into the Corner Cafe, Rarity and Applejeck quickly stepping out of the way as the brunch’s orchestrator pulled her victim inside. Twilight facehoofed, then looked up as Rainbow Dash began speaking. “Uh, hey, is it just me, or did Bluey McPigeonhead seem a little less than thrilled about all of Pinkie’s hard work?” Applejack sighed. “Rainbow Dash, not everypony wants to see their own face on a hot air balloon.” “On that, I can most certainly agree,” Rarity said, and Fluttershy hummed her agreement. “Not to devalue Pinkie’s labor, but I’m frankly a little startled that she didn’t seek out any review before committing to this kind of spectacle.” Twilight huffed. “Fluttershy and I have been trying to talk her down to something manageable for nearly two weeks. She barely listened to a word we said.” “Oh,” Rarity said, her eyes widening in surprise. “Well, Twilight, dear, why didn’t you tell the rest of us? I know I most certainly would’ve been happy to, ah… help mitigate a few things.” She glanced toward the hot air balloon, quickly hiding a grimace from its unblinking, cross-eyed stare. “I don’t know,” Twilight groaned. “I just… After dragging Rainbow Dash into all this a few days ago and chatting with Applejack, I got worried I was making too much of a mess about Lapis. I guess I didn’t want to make him into a whole thing again.” Applejack glanced off to the side and grimaced, and Rainbow Dash cocked an eyebrow up at the hot air balloon, then stifled a snicker. “Uh, yeah. Nice work, Twilight.” Twilight shot Rainbow Dash a flat stare, and Fluttershy raised a hoof. “Um, does anypony else think that we should maybe go inside? It’s just that right now, the only pony who might explain all of this to Lapis is Pinkie Pie,-” Twilight, Rarity, and Applejack’s eyes all snapped wide open. “-and as much as I like Pinkie,” Fluttershy continued, closing her eyes, “she can be a little bit misleading to listen to sometimes. It would really be awful if Lapis got the wrong idea… Girls?” Fluttershy trailed off at the sound of galloping hooves, opening her eyes to see that the other ponies, save Rainbow Dash, were gone, and the door to the Corner Cafe was still swinging back and forth in its frame. From a little ways above Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash cocked an eyebrow, then started leisurely flying toward the door. “Huh. I didn’t know Rarity could gallop that fast. Hey, Fluttershy, you coming or what?” “Oh. Um, yes,” Fluttershy said, and she quickly trotted inside after Rainbow Dash. Lapis was, at that very moment, genuinely impressed with Pinkie. She’d been talking for at least a minute straight, and Lapis hadn’t once heard her stop for breath. Granted, a cheerful, repetitive tune had been blaring from somewhere in the building for the same duration, but still. “…And if you’re new, that meant you haven’t met anypony yet, and if you haven’t met anypony yet, you must not have any friends,” Pinkie was saying. “And if you don’t have any friends then you must be lonely, and-” “No, I made friends,” Lapis said, waving a hoof. By repeatedly running into them on the street, but still, I’ve kept them. That counts, right? “Lyra Heartstrings, Bon Bon, Big Mac, and Nikki, here.” “Oh,” Pinkie said. “We-ell, I figured out about Big Mac pretty quickly, but I didn’t think you knew Lyra and Bon Bon! -Ooh, look, there they are!” Lapis frowned, then yelped as Pinkie started dragging him through the Corner Cafe, Nikki flapping her wings for balance atop his head. Moving through the room was rendered more difficult than usual by the sheer number of ponies crammed into the cafe; enough of them that Lapis suspected Pinkie really had invited everypony in town - between the repetitive music and the dozens of voices talking at once, the relaxed atmosphere of the cafe was simply gone. The Corner Cafe’s usual smell of coffee was now a few dozen times stronger than usual, and now it had an unmistakable undertone of melting cheese, and sautéed vegetables. The cause of this was explained when Lapis glimpsed one of the usual waitresses, Hot Cocoa, quickly stepping out of Pinkie’s way - atop her brown-coated back and her spread wings were multiple plates, most of which bore omelets with numerous toppings. Hot Cocoa looked visibly frazzled; the feathers at the edges of her wings were drooping, and several tufts of her mane were sticking out at odd angles. As Pinkie tugged Lapis past, Hot Cocoa barely even glanced at Lapis, her eyes too glazed-over to perceive anypony who wasn’t trying to make an order. A few seconds later, Pinkie towed Lapis free of the sea of ponies and over to a large, round-table corner booth. There - sure enough - Lyra and Bon Bon were sitting, trying to have a hushed conversation over the babble of the crowd. Bon Bon was the first to catch sight of them, and she straightened in her seat, directing a tight grin at Pinkie. “And there they are!” “Huh?” Lyra said, turning to look - then she saw Lapis and Pinkie, and her eyes widened. “Oh! Uh… hey, guys! What’s up?” “Apparently, me,” Lapis said, glancing upward past Nikki, toward the ceiling that stood between himself and the hot air balloon. Bon Bon tensed slightly in her seat, and Lyra copped a smile even as her ears slowly tipped back. Pinkie, meanwhile, seemed to notice nothing amiss, a cheerful and completely innocent grin spreading across her face. “Hey Lyra, hey Bon Bon! Lapis told me you three knew each other, so I thought I’d show him where you girls were!” Pinkie gestured to the booth with a hoof, and Lapis took a seat, Lyra scooting over to make room. “Alrighty,” Pinkie said, briefly glancing around the room and pointing with both hooves at once. “So, here’s the rundown! The cupcake table is over there, and the muffin table is right next to it. The bathrooms are over there, and the waiters’ station is over there. Cider, punch, and regular drinks are there, there, and there, and fun is everywhere!” Bon Bon cocked an eyebrow. “I think you mean confetti is everywhere.” “Ooh, that too!” Pinkie said. “Though, that isn’t really too surprising. After all, wherever there’s confetti, there’s fun! …Actually, hang on just a second.” Pinkie glanced to a table near the edge of the room, where Filthy Rich and another stallion in a suit collar seemed to be deep in the middle of some kind of serious discussion. They hardly even noticed when Pinkie zipped over to stand beside them and threw her hooves in the air, confetti erupting from her grasp. Only as the confetti started raining down around Filthy Rich’s head did he pause, shooting a surprised glance over at Pinkie - then, he shook his head with a grin, his associate openly chuckling as Pinkie beamed at the two of them. “Well, now fun is everywhere,” Pinkie said, trotting back over. One of her ears twitched, and she glanced over toward the door, then turned back to face Lapis, Bon Bon, and Lyra. “Anyway, I think Twilight might be trying to get my attention from somewhere, so I’d better go see what she needs. Just say my name if you need me!” And then, she turned and bounced away into the crowd, popping in and out of empty patches in the crowd with such efficiency that Lapis found himself wondering whether she’d adopted her gait specifically for making her way through bustling crowds. Across the table from Lapis, Bon Bon watched Pinkie leave, remaining silent until she was out of earshot. Then, she returned her focus back to Lapis and Lyra. “She’s gone. Go.” Lapis frowned. “…Go? What do you- hrk!” “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!” Lyra said, further tightening her hooves around Lapis’ chest and inadvertently crushing the air from his lungs, Nikki settling unnoticed to the table to shoot Lyra a glare. “I wanted to warn you, I really did, but Pinkie, she- she was there, and I didn’t know how she was there, but she was, and I knew it would be bad if I told you this was going to happen, and I know I should’ve told you anyway and-” “Lyra,” Lapis wheezed. “Can’t breathe.” “Oh!” Lyra said, and she let go of Lapis’ chest, a faint blush forming on her face as she glanced off to the side. “Sorry! I’m… yeah, I should’ve… I’m really, really sorry, Lapis.” Lapis took a few seconds to catch his breath, then held up a hoof. “It’s… it’s alright, Lyra. If anypony knows that Pinkie can be scary, it’s me.” “You’re telling me,” Bon Bon muttered, brushing a few stray scraps of confetti off the table. “Hot Cocoa is going to have her work cut out for her, sweeping all this stuff up.” Lapis snorted, rolling his eyes. “Oh, the Corner Cafe’s never getting rid of all the confetti. Pinkie’s basically saturated all of Ponyville by now, you wouldn’t believe how much of the stuff I find in ponies’ thatch.” Bon Bon cocked an eyebrow over at Lapis. “You’re taking this pretty well, Lapis. You sure you’re alright?” “Haven’t been replaced yet, if that’s what you’re asking,” Lapis muttered. Bon Bon shot Lapis a glare and made a ‘shush’ gesture, then glanced around to make sure nopony had overheard. “Honestly,” Lapis continued, “like I said a week ago, when the party happens, it happens. And today… well, today it happened. Yeah, I would’ve preferred to not have been chased here from my workshop, and I might’ve almost flipped my sh-” Lapis coughed. “…Uh, flipped my lid over the hot air balloon, but once this party’s over, it’ll be over. And, not gonna lie, that’ll be a huge weight off my shoulders.” Of course, he was still stressed beyond reason, and once he got home Lapis would likely flop onto his bed and stay there for the rest of the day. Then there was the scream of terror and frustration that was crouching somewhere near the back of Lapis’ throat, waiting for an opportunity to express exactly how Lapis felt about Pinkie’s apparent ability to recruit two whole crowds of Ponyville’s citizens at the drop of a hat, for the express purpose of chasing him into a corner. Lapis would have to let that out at some point, but definitely not here. How I feel doesn’t matter, not when expressing it will make things worse. I just need to wait until all this is over. Some of Lapis’ concealed frustration must’ve shown on his face, though, because Bon Bon frowned at him. She opened her mouth to speak - then cut herself off, looking behind Lapis as multiple sets of hoofsteps approached. Lapis glanced to the side to find Pinkie bouncing toward them again, a wide smile spreading across her face. This time, however, she was leading not only Big Mac, but all of the Elements of Harmony over to the booth. Lapis swallowed. Unfortunately, he thought, it’s not over yet. “Hey! Me again!” Pinkie said, bouncing over to the rest of the table. “And this time, I brought friends! A few of us wanted to introduce ourselves to the pony of the day here and talk about some stuff! You mind if we sit down?” Lapis glanced at Bon Bon, who responded with half a confused shrug, before he nodded. “Yeah, sure, it’s no problem.” “Okey-dokey-lokey!” Pinkie chirped. “Alright, Lapis, you already met Fluttershy and Twilight, so let me introduce the rest of the girls.” Lapis briefly glanced over Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Twilight, and flashed through his relations to each of them. For Fluttershy, that’s almost nothing. Nikki helped me sneak into her house and fix her table, and apparently Fluttershy managed to restrain Pinkie, to a degree. I should try to reassure Fluttershy that she did alright, so she doesn’t feel guilty and try to make up for it, and I should also make sure she knows that Nikki’s okay. Fluttershy mumbled something as she sat down, and her gaze seemed to be constantly flickering between various points on the floor as Nikki flew over to her. “Excuse me,” Twilight said as she squeezed past Pinkie, then carefully positioned herself in the booth and circumnavigated the table, briefly offering Lapis an apologetic smile as she found a spot. Twilight is a problem. She might actually know a thing or two about Griffon culture, so I need to keep the whole ‘I-was-raised-by-griffons’ shtick to a minimum. She might also be curious about artifice, so I need to bring that up as little as possible. She gave me the book about Cascades, so I should probably thank her for that… and, y’know, get around to reading at some point. Oh, and she dropped me off a water tower. So there’s that. Pinkie didn’t take a seat as Twilight scooted along the bench, hanging back to introduce the rest of the Elements. Pinkie’s been trying to throw me a party for two months, and today she succeeded. Just about the only thing I can imagine she wants from me now, is for me to say it’s a good party and that I’m having fun. …Unless she wants to know my birthday, which I’ll need to tell her about to save myself a repeat incident. “So-oo,” Pinkie said, gesturing to Applejack. “You’ve already met Big Mac, but this is his little sister, Applejack! She and Big Mac are behind the muffins, and they’re super-duper good cooks, so make sure you grab some of those!” “Pleasure to meet yuh,” Applejack said, offering a hoof for Lapis to shake. Her grip was just as firm as Big Mac’s - a bit firmer, if anything. “An’ Ah imagine Big Mac’s already gotten a platter of apple muffins, for all of us to share.” Big Mac’s eyes widened with surprise, then he sighed and grabbed a plate that was full nearly to overflowing with muffins off his back, setting them at the center of the booth’s round table. “E-yup.” Applejack, Lapis thought, as she took her seat. A voice of reason, but also a workaholic, who believes I’m overworking myself. I need to convince her otherwise, so she doesn’t drop by to see if she can lend a hoof. …Even if she’s right. Pinkie grabbed Rarity with one hoof, then gestured to her with the other. “This is- !” “Pinkie, dear, I can introduce myself quite well on my own,” Rarity said, then turned to face Lapis, an apologetic smile on her face. “Rarity, proprietor of the Carousel Boutique. I’m dreadfully sorry about any trouble my younger sister Sweetie Belle might have caused you, Mr. Print.” “Just Lapis is fine, thank you,” Lapis said, raising a hoof. “And honestly, it’s no trouble. I’ve got everything fixed already, and I needed a wake-up call about safety standards anyway.” Rarity. I know nothing about her, and as far as I know, she knows nothing about me. Let’s try to change that as little as possible. Rarity wasted no time taking her seat, and Pinkie shortly followed her. “And of course, you already know me,” Rainbow Dash said, putting her hoof to her chest. She was hovering a few feet off the ground, an openly smug grin on her face. “Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in Equestria, honorary Wonderbolt-” “And the reason for three out of every four damaged rooftops in Ponyville, representing roughly sixty percent of my income,” Lapis said, and Rainbow Dash nearly fell out of the air, Bon Bon stifling a quiet snort. “Hi. My name is Lapis Print, and I’m the pony who cleans up your mess.” “Oh,” Rainbow Dash said, steadying herself in flight. “Yeah, I guess you’d know about my, uh… landings, huh?” Rainbow Dash. Case number two of I-know-nothing, except for the whole roofing thing. Legitimately skilled flyer, but with a tendency to jump to conclusions, and a bit of an ego… which I probably shouldn’t be poking. Don’t want her trying to show off or prove herself or anything. “Don’t worry about it,” Lapis said, waving his hoof. “Like I said, you practically sign my paychecks, and the whole Sonic Rainboom thing is pretty cool.” To Lapis’ relief, the confident grin returned to Rainbow Dash’s face almost at once, and she settled in her seat. “Yeah, it’s not bad.” “Well, now that you’ve all introduced yourselves,” Bon Bon said, “I’m Bon Bon. I run the candy store on Acorn Route. I know Pinkie on a professional basis, Lapis as a friend, and I’m very close with Lyra here.” “Oh, and I’m Lyra Heartstrings,” Lyra said, putting her hoof to her chest. “Um, hi. I’m a musician, and you might’ve heard me playing in a couple places around Ponyville. Like Bon Bon said, the two of us are pretty close, and Lapis is a good friend of ours.” Lapis swallowed, then spoke. “…And I guess that brings us to me. My name’s Lapis Print, and I work out of the Red Repair Shop down on Nutmeg Way. With a couple of exceptions, I tend to keep to myself, so you probably know my work better than you know me. Oh, and this is Nikki,” Lapis added, briefly gesturing to the pigeon, who had again perched atop his head. “…And that’s everypony!” Pinkie said, sliding into the final open space of the booth. “So Twilight, what was it you wanted to say?” “Oh, right,” Twilight said, straightening in her seat and clearing her throat. “Um, hi. I know I already introduced myself, but I’m Twilight Sparkle, and… well, I need to apologize to you for a few things.” The scream in the back of Lapis’ throat wriggled a little, but he swallowed it down and let Twilight speak. “So, first of all, a few days after I moved into Ponyville, I accidentally chased somepony away from the library, and nearly dropped them off a water tower,” Twilight said. “Was that you?” Bon Bon opened her mouth to speak, but Rarity got there first. “Twilight, dear, I believe that’s what we might call an accusation, not an apology.” “Oh, no no no,” Twilight said, her eyes widening. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it like that at all! It’s just… well, I went way too far back then, and I’ve wanted to find this pony and apologize. I shouldn’t have chased that pony at all, and I definitely shouldn’t have tried to use magic to stop them!” Lapis thought for a second or two, then sighed. Might as well. If I got caught lying about it, that’d just make her suspicious again. “Well, I should’ve checked those books out properly, and owned up to the overdue fines instead of running, but yeah.” Bon Bon, Big Mac, and Lyra shot Lapis surprised looks, and Twilight perked up in her seat. “So, wait. That was you?” “Yes, it was me,” Lapis said. “Apology accepted, and I solemnly swear to make sure my library books are properly checked out from now on.” “Oh, Twilight said, sitting back in her seat. “Well, thank you for your honesty. Again, I’m really sorry for that whole mess, and I can give you back the cloak that you were were wearing, if you want it.” “Whoa-whoa-whoa,” Rainbow Dash said, taking off from her seat. “Hang on a sec. How come you started running from Twilight, anyway? And how come everypony had such a hard time finding you in the first place? Were you hiding from-” “Rainbow Dash!” Applejack muttered, and with a gesture as quick and casual as raising a set of blinds, Applejack reached up with one hoof, grabbed Rainbow Dash by the tail, and pulled her back into her seat. “Now, that was just plain rude! What the hay were you thinkin’-” Okay, now it’s time for the real work. Lapis had been running through versions of this conversation for days now, and though he hadn’t expected to have it in this context, he knew that his best chance was to tell part of the truth - so, he shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and spoke. “No, she’s… got a point.” The group of ponies at the table looked up, and Lapis deliberately waited for a beat, looking down at the table, before he spoke. “Look, for… reasons of my own, when I arrived in Ponyville, I didn’t want any kind of welcome party. I heard that Pinkie would usually throw those-” Pinkie nodded, confusion wrinkling her brow. “Uh-huh!” “-so, yeah, I avoided her on purpose,” Lapis said. “That turned out to be tough. Like, scary tough. I’m sure you didn’t mean for me to be worried,” Lapis said, glancing at Pinkie, who was now wearing an expression of genuine concern, “but I was legitimately scared for my safety a few times. Like ten minutes ago, when I was chased here by an entire-” On the wall behind Pinkie’s head, a slightly-crooked painting suddenly jerked itself straight, and Lapis froze, noticing the heat building in his chest for the first time. Oh. Guess I really am pissed, huh? Pinkie spoke before Lapis could continue. “…Oh no. Lapis, wait, I’m really, really sorry about all that! I didn’t want those ponies to chase you, I just wanted then to nudge you over this way! Oh…” Pinkie looked frantically around the room, a wild panic beginning to grow in her eyes as Applejack’s face… wait, is Applejack nervous? “It’s fine!” Lapis said. He had to pause and swallow again, Pinkie freezing as Lapis held up a hoof. “It’s fine. I’m here now, I’m having fun, it’s all good.” Lapis cleared his throat, trying not to stare at the look of visible relief on Applejack’s face as Pinkie settled down. “But anyway, yeah. Between Pinkie chasing me, and the whole thing with Twilight and her library books, I didn’t want any of you knowing who, or where, I was, just in case you told. Plus, you all kind of saved the world, and I didn’t want to make any worse of an impression than I already had. So, yeah. I steered clear of you.” Lapis coughed, then glanced over at Applejack. “I, um, think you actually hired me to fix some stuff a few times, and I might’ve overdone the staying-away thing a little.” “It’s alright, sugarcube,” Applejack said, fixing Lapis with a quick grin before turning to the rest of the table. “What’d Ah tell you? Straight from the pony’s mouth. Did everypony actually hear it this time, or do Ah need to say it again?” “Yeah, yeah,” Rainbow Dash said, waving a hoof. “Sorry, I guess I just couldn’t believe you got away from Pinkie.” “I got lucky, and that’s all I’m gonna say about it,” Lapis said. “Anyway, yeah, that’s my side of things. Sorry that took so long, Twilight, what was it you wanted to say?” “Just that I was sorry,” Twilight said. “For the water tower, for the Parasprites, and for, well, just making a huge thing out of you.” Huh. I was a ‘huge thing?’ Well, shit, if avoidance gets this much attention, then I might need to reconsider my tactics with Luna. -Actually, no. Twilight’s scary, but Luna is two steps away from being a goddess. In terms of potential to fuck me up, I’m pretty sure the Princesses are in a whole other order of magnitude. “Well, you already apologized for the Parasprites, so don’t worry about that,” Lapis said. “As for the rest, just… please don’t do it again, and we’re all good.” He cleared his throat, then glanced around the table. “So, I thought there was a plate of apple muffins around here?” Rainbow Dash snickered, smirking as she glanced to the side. “Not anymore, there’s not.” Lapis followed her gaze, and shortly found a large and empty plate sitting on the table, directly in front of a blissfully-chewing Big Mac. As Lapis watched, Big Mac swallowed and opened his eyes - to find everypony else at the table looking at him. Big Mac paused for a few seconds, and at first Lapis just thought the gears in his head were turning - then, Big Mac blushed. “…Nope.” Bon Bon was having a very weird day, today. And Lapis Print wouldn’t be hearing the end of it for the whole month. First of all, there’s Pinkie’s military-grade ambush of a party, she thought, giving Lapis a quick once-over as a half-annoyed, half-amused Applejack left the table to grab another plate of muffins. Which is bad enough by itself, but not really his fault. No, nearly blowing my cover is a bigger problem. The entire point of having a secret monster-hunting agency was to make it easier to hunt secretive monsters, like Changelings. If whatever bugs might be in Ponyville knew who S.M.I.L.E.’s local agents were, then how in Tartarus was Sweetie Drops supposed to find them? And then there was Lapis’ admission about his involvement with the water-tower chase. Both ponies present had been accounted for, but Bon Bon still couldn’t believe that Lapis hadn’t told her and Lyra. So far, though, the conversation between Lapis and the Elements was the strangest part yet. Bon Bon knew an interrogation when she saw one, and this wasn’t an interrogation. The trouble was that Lapis seemed to think otherwise, if his general tension was anything to go by. Even now, as Rarity engaged him in some casual proprietor-to-proprietor chatter, Lapis was keeping silent for a second or two before each response, his ears twitching atop his head as if they wanted to lay back. Time for another round of ‘What’s With Lapis, Anyway?’ Bon Bon thought. He was mad about the party earlier, but it looks like he’s got a hold of the harness for now. Obviously, it’s embarrassing for Lapis to admit he was being a reverse-stalker, I don’t know how the hay I’d ever admit to something like that, so he’s probably trying to save face. …That’s the best-case scenario, anyway. Worst-case, all that guilt he shouldn’t have is catching up to him. Or he’s been replaced. “An’ here we are,” Applejack said, returning to the booth with a plate of muffins balanced on her back. “Ah tell ya, this building wasn’t meant to hold this many ponies. Last time I got so jostled movin’ through a chunk o’ town was when Ah was trying to herd Parasprites.” She slid out a series of smaller plates in rapid-fire sequence, dishing out a muffin or two to each pony at the table - except Big Mac, who seemed disappointed but not surprised. Lapis was the last to get a plate, Applejack sliding it over to him with a friendly smile. “So, if you don’t mind me askin’,” Applejack said, “where are y’all from?” Cue ear twitch, Bon Bon thought, and Lapis’ ears twitched briefly backward atop his head as Lyra shot Applejack a surprised look. Yeah, definitely not replaced. Honestly, I don’t know why he tries to hold them still. “It’s, uh… a small town, and it’s pretty far out,” Lapis said, glancing off to the side. “You’ve probably never heard of it.” Across the table, Twilight cocked an eyebrow, then grinned. “I think you might be surprised. Why don’t you give us a try?” Lapis’ ears twitched back again, and he briefly glanced at Bon Bon and Lyra before turning to Twilight and speaking. “Well, it’s in a country called A-mare-ica, and it’s pretty far out, far enough that I haven’t found it on any maps around here. I wound up in Ponyville pretty much by accident, but I’ll be heading back there someday.” Twilight genuinely looked surprised, but it didn’t take long for her to start thinking, if the squinting was anything to judge by. “Hmm… Did you come here from the east or the west?” “…East-ish, I’m pretty sure,” Lapis said. East? Bon Bon thought, frowning. I thought Lapis didn’t know where Amareica was relative to Equestria… Wait, now I get it. Lapis still doesn’t want to be anywhere near Twilight. But it’s not like that would stop Lapis from mentioning his magical-accident problem to one of the three ponies in Equestria who could solve it, right? Right? Bon Bon took what would appear, to most outside observers, to be a casual deep breath. There were, however, a squadron’s worth of guardsponies in Canterlot who would - if they were present - exchange nervous glances, and start looking for the nearest exit. Twilight’s face lit up. “Oh! It must be somewhere near Griffon territory - that explains the portrait of Baron von Hoofber, and your doorway ornamentation!” “Baron von what?” Lyra asked, giggling. “Wait, if you mean the portrait of the Griffon guy with the mustache, Lapis has that because I gave it to him. I don’t think either of us know who he is.” Lapis snorted, his shoulders relaxing in his seat. “Nope. As far as I knew, he was just some griffon with the best mustache I’ve ever seen. …But how exactly did you know I had that in my house?” Twilight winced in her seat, as did Rainbow Dash, and Bon Bon cocked an eyebrow. “Uh…” Twilight said, her ears flopping back. “…I glanced through your window when I dropped off that book?” “Sure,” Lapis said, and Bon Bon sighed, resting her face on her hoof for a moment. Alright then, maybe keeping Twilight at a distance isn’t the worst idea. Rainbow and Twilight’s poking around aside, this is going way better than I’d hoped for, Lapis thought. Fluttershy has been talking with Nikki for basically the entire time, at least Rarity and Applejack are reasonable enough to call Twilight and Rainbow Dash out on their bolder probing, and Pinkie is… well, just kinda vibing. Lapis briefly looked over at Pinkie, just in time to watch her finish chugging her fifth large glass of punch, which she slammed down on the table. Then, as a grin spread across her face, Pinkie began to vibrate in her seat - much to the confusion of Rarity, who was sitting next to her. “Alright, so let me get this straight,” a scratchy voice began, and Lapis glanced over to see that Rainbow Dash was looking at him intently from a foot or two above her seat. “You’ve been in Ponyville for, what, two months?” “Yep,” Lapis said. “And that whole time, you managed to never get caught by Pinkie, once?” “Had a couple of close calls, but yeah,” Lapis said, shrugging. “And if your next question is ‘how,’ I’m not telling.” “Well, why not?” Rainbow asked, her brow furrowing. “You’re not planning on doing it again, are you?” “I sure hope not,” Lapis replied. “As long as she doesn’t throw anything on this scale for my birthday or whatever else, I won’t have any reason to.” “Ooh! When’s that birthday?” Pinkie was suddenly right next to Lapis, staring directly into his eyes from the side. “…April twenty-fifth,” Lapis said, and Pinkie returned to her seat beside Rarity in a bubblegum-pink blur, pulling a sticker-coated clipboard and a chunky, sharpened pencil from somewhere within her mane. As Pinkie flipped through a few pages, then took the pencil in her mouth and began frantically scribbling, Rarity glanced over Pinkie’s shoulder and visibly paled, her eyes widening as she started to read. From beside Lapis, Bon Bon huffed. “The real reason Lapis isn’t telling is because it makes him look silly.” “I- what?” Lapis asked, feeling heat rising to his face as he turned to face a smirking Bon Bon. “Well, it does,” Bon Bon said, before turning back to Rainbow Dash. “And don’t worry - if he tries hiding from Pinkie again, I’ll put a stop to it before it costs me any more pancakes.” “…What? Pancakes?” Rainbow Dash asked, cocking an eyebrow. “Wait, how do pancakes help you hide from Pinkie?” Bon Bon fixed Rainbow with a deadpan stare. “This isn’t just Pinkie logic, Rainbow Dash. This is counter-Pinkie logic. Are you really sure you want it explained?” Rainbow snickered. “Yeah, okay. So how’d you get away from Twilight, then?” Lapis glanced between Bon Bon and Rainbow for a second or two, then sighed. “Panic, mostly. Apparently, if I get freaked out badly enough, I can gallop pretty fast.” “You’ve also got a fairly potent telekinetic field,” Twilight added, breaking off her conversation with Lyra. “I’ve known a few other unicorns who could grab objects as heavy as those barrels out of the air, but not many of them. Hay, even I usually modify my telekinesis with a gravitational interweave for anything weighing more than fifty pounds.” “…Well, yeah, that too.” Lapis said, pretending he understood what Twilight was talking about. “What really threw me off, though, was how you got past my Grasping-Creeper Charm,” Twilight continued, levitating a muffin off the platter. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a unicorn, or anypony else, gallop along a wall without magical aid before. Just out of curiosity, do you know any goats?” “Whoa-whoa-whoa,” Rainbow Dash said, waving a hoof. “Wait a second, you galloped on a wall?” “Badly, but yeah,” Lapis said. “Fell right on my side as soon as I got past those vines, too. I actually bruised my hip up pretty bad.” “Well, yeah, but how’d you get past them in the first place?” Rainbow asked, leaning forward as she hovered a few inches forward. “Is it just about building up speed or what?” “Uh, that and getting the angle right, yeah,” Lapis said, leaning back as Rainbow slowly continued to inch forward, her ears standing straight up, her eyes wide and attentive. “You’re basically using your own momentum as a substitute for gravity, and every step you take eats a little bit of that momentum, so you have to get the angle forward enough for every step to count… Hey, could you sit back down? You’re hovering right over the muffins.” “Huh?” Rainbow asked, looking down and appearing to notice for the first time that she was now hovering directly above the table. “Oh. Whoops.” She turned tail and resumed her seat, where she began staring off into the distance, her ears and wings twitching as her eyes narrowed. Applejack took notice of Rainbow’s distraction, and snorted. “Rainbow Dash, if Ah find muddy hoofprints on the sides of my barn walls anytime soon, you and Ah’re gonna have words about where you try out your new stunts.” “Whuh- hey, I was going to use clouds!” Rainbow Dash said, snapping out of her reverie to glare at Applejack. “There’s no way I’m gonna land in the mud practicing this!” Oh. Well, shit. “Uh, maybe don’t try it going supersonic, either,” Lapis added, quickly waving his hooves. “Getting a lot of momentum is fine, but there’s only so much of it your legs can take before you’re just crashing into a wall.” “Yeah, yeah, I got it,” Rainbow Dash said, waving a dismissive hoof, already staring off into the distance again. Applejack rolled her eyes, then she, Big Mac, and Rainbow Dash stepped out of the way as Rarity and Pinkie Pie made their way along the bench. Applejack glanced at Big Mac with slight confusion - then, as Big Mac turned toward Rainbow Dash, Applejack looked to Lapis. “Anyhow, y’all said you were from… A-mare-ica, was it? What’s it like there?” “Not nearly as exciting as Ponyville,” Lapis said, levitating a muffin off his plate. “It still keeps you busy, though.” He took a small bite of the muffin, meaning to use his chewing as an excuse to think about how much to divluge - but his train of thought ground to a halt as soon as the pastry hit his tongue. “Mm!” Applejack frowned. “Something the matter?” Lapis shook his head, swallowing. “No, nothing at all. I think this is the best apple muffin I’ve ever had!” “Oh,” Applejack said, smiling. “Well, thank you kindly!” Lapis took another small bite, trying again to think. “Seriously, I’ve got to get your recipe. But anyway, that reminds me - since Bon Bon hasn’t asked yet, around how soon is cider season?” From next to Lapis, Bon Bon pretended not to perk up, and Applejack chuckled. “Ah guess it had to come up at some point, what with her an’ everypony else in Ponyville wantin’ to know. It’s not too far out, now, only a week or so, and Ah’m lookin’ forward to gettin’ a little rest.” “I know the feeling,” Lapis muttered, glancing briefly toward Rainbow Dash, who was still boasting to Big Mac. “The colder mornings lately have been nice, but as soon as the afternoons start to cool down, my roofing jobs are going to get a lot easier.” Applejack followed Lapis’ gaze. “Rainbow really causes you that much trouble?” “…I like think of it as ‘income’ more than ‘trouble’,” Lapis said, shrugging. “But yeah, she keeps me busy. Though, lately, I have been getting a few less roof jobs than usual.” Applejack nodded, turning back to Lapis. “Ah’d expected as much. She’s takin’ it easy for a while, since her flyin’ competition won’t happen again ‘till next year. Y’all should’ve seen her tryin’ to put on a brave face for it, though… Still, Ah’d hate to think she was puttin’ you through the wringer, what with all her practicin’.” Bingo! Now’s my chance! “Seriously,” Lapis said, levitating up another muffin and tearing it in half, “it’s fine. Repair work is tedious, especially roofing, but it’s really, really not as tiring as you’d expect.” Lapis pushed the halves of the muffin back together, shutting his eyes against the flash of light as his Cutie Mark surged with warmth, and opened his eyes to find that the muffin was once again whole. “See?” Applejack blinked, inspected the muffin, and chuckled, scooting out of the way as Pinkie Pie and Rarity passed her and headed toward the front of the cafe. “Welp, s’pose Ah can’t argue with that.” Then, Applejack paused for a second, her gaze flicking to the table, and Lapis frowned. Somehow, though, I get the feeling you’re about to try. “…Listen, Ah don’t mean to intrude with what Ah’m about to say,” Applejack eventually said, lowering her voice a little. “And if Ah am pokin’ my nose into your business, Ah’m sorry for it. But, what you said earlier, about how you mean to get back to your home someday…” Uh-oh. “…well, Ah’m sure it’s something y’all can take care of yourself, but don’t be afraid to ask for a helping hoof,” Applejack finished, meeting Lapis’ gaze. “Trust me, it makes a lot of things easier. And, well-” Applejack cut herself off to make way as Pinkie and Rarity returned, Pinkie pouting slightly as she escorted a glass of water back to her seat, Rarity nibbling a cheese danish and looking distinctly pleased with herself. Applejack grimaced for a moment, then turned back to Lapis, lowering her voice a little further. “-well, Ah’d just hate for y’all to feel like you’re not welcome anywhere. Ah know we Elements o’ Harmony might seem like we’re on our own side of the fence sometimes, but Ah promise, me and my friends’re just ponies, the same as you and yours.” Except you’re predestined to save the world, Lapis thought, but as he did, he looked around the table, taking in the ponies sitting around it. Lyra was rambling to Twilight, who was nodding attentively with a notepad at her side, while Bon Bon looked on and smirked, making a comment. Fluttershy was speaking, albeit quietly, having what looked like a casual catch-up with Nikki - and on the other side of Rarity and Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash was reaching the conclusion of her story and throwing her hooves wide in the air, while Big Mac did his best to look suitably impressed. It felt… like being at a family reunion, all the family Lapis didn’t know he had chatting away with the faces he knew already. It felt warm, familiar, and Lapis suddenly realized that he wasn’t angry anymore, wasn’t panicking, wasn’t even guilty. He was just happy to be here. “So, Ah guess what Ah’m tryin’ ta say is…” Applejack began, and Lapis turned to meet her gaze. “Y’all don’t need to feel nervous about droppin’ by Sweet Apple Acres, or any of the other places where we tend to be. We’re plenty friendly, Ah promise.” Applejack beamed, her eyes shutting above her grin. “Why, Ah know Ah’d be happy to help you feel at home!” At the last word, Lapis’ happiness simply vanished, all the warmth and comfort snuffed out at once like a campfire beneath a rolling boulder. Lapis felt his smile slide off his face, just for a second, and did his best to fix it back in place as Rarity glanced in his direction. “Thanks,” Lapis said, as Applejack opened her eyes. “That, uh… that means a lot, I appreciate it.” He cleared his throat, then tried for a chuckle. “Yeah, all that stuff I pulled definitely seems pretty silly, now! It’ll be a huge relief to keep things more casual.” “Glad to hear it!” Applejack said. “Ah'll see if Ah can whip up some welcome with a little less fuss, next time y'all stop by Sweet Apple Acres. We sure won't have too much else to do once cider season's taken care of... well, unless somethin' like last year happens." "Oh, what happened last year?" Lapis asked, and nodded attentively as Applejack began reminiscing, but in his head, he was already back in his workshop, staring down at the book on his counter, Applejack’s words still echoing in his ears - “Ah’d be happy to help you feel at home!” Yeah, I bet you would be, Lapis thought. You, and just about everypony else here. Unfortunately, that’s the problem. Somehow, the rest of the brunch went by in a blur, and by the time Lapis took his leave of the Corner Cafe with Nikki perched atop his head, it was well into the afternoon. The scaffolding and detour signs had all vanished, the banners were being folded, and most of the confetti had been carried elsewhere by the wind. Lyra and Bon Bon both commented on this as they left with Lapis, but Lapis was only halfway listening, trying to keep focused on something, anything but his current situation. They’d gotten back to Lapis’ shop before he knew it, and Lapis was more than happy to disappear into the kitchen for awhile, losing himself in the process of scrubbing some dirty dishes clean. He followed it up by fixing a few grilled-cheese sandwiches - he hadn’t been able to eat anything after that first muffin. “…so yeah, it seems like she really learned a lot about Cascades,” Lyra was saying, as Lapis walked back into his living room. “Ooh, is that grilled cheese?” “Yep,” Lapis said, dishing out a sandwich each to Lyra and Bon Bon. “I’ve got some tomato soup I can reheat, too, but I’m not sure you two’re hungry enough to eat it.” “Don’t worry about it,” Bon Bon said, waving a hoof. “I’m stuffed, I don’t think I’ll even be able to finish the sandwich.” She took a bite as Lapis glanced around his storefront for a seat, then disappeared behind the counter to grab his stool. “So, how’s it feel?” “Having Pinkie off my back?” Lapis asked, floating the stool over to the table and stepping into the kitchen to grab his own sandwich. “Not gonna lie, it’s a huge relief.” Lapis paused for a moment, then grabbed a smaller bowl, pouring in some birdseed for Nikki. I still need to ask Nikki how her conversation with Fluttershy went, Lapis thought, as he turned back toward the living room. And I’d better start stocking up on wattle-and-daub supplies, to help clean up after the new trick I might’ve taught Rainbow Dash. But besides those two, I think I’ve just about covered Pinkie, Twilight, Rarity and Applejack. “Y'know, Lapis, it looked like you and Applejack were getting along pretty well,” Lyra chimed, as Lapis stepped into the hallway. “Yeah, she’s… alright,” Lapis said, walking into the living room. Kinda surprised that she jumped right into talking with me, though. I get she was concerned that I was overworking myself and all, but I’d really expected Twilight to do the whole you-don’t-need-to-hide lecture. Did Applejack have some other motive, or- Lyra grinned. “So, did you two hit it off or what?” Lapis froze in place, his eyes snapping wide open, the plate with his sandwich and the bowl of birdseed dropping right out of his telekinetic grip and shattering on the floor, Nikki squawking in protest at the loss of her meal. Oh, Lapis thought, as a cold tingle of dread ran up his spine. Oh, no. Oh, no no no no NO. “I think you broke him,” Bon Bon noted, but Lapis wasn’t listening. Okay. Keep calm, think it through. Applejack was probably just being friendly, right? I mean, yeah, she technically invited me over to her house, but she only meant it for courtesy's sake- “LAPIS!” A pair of hooves clapped together a few inches away from Lapis’ nose, and he flinched as he snapped back to reality, Lyra stepping back. “Sorry, you were zoning out pretty hard there. Are you okay?” “Yep,” Lapis squeaked, then he cleared his throat. “Yeah, all good. So, you know how I was out of town for the day a while ago?” Bon Bon and Lyra exchanged glances, then nodded. “Well, me and Zecora were exploring the Castle of the Two Sisters,” Lapis said, and Lyra perked up at once. “Zecora was sorta just looking around, but I was trying to find anything that might’ve led back to A-mare-ica.” “And did you find anything?” Bon Bon asked. “Two possible leads,” Lapis said, levitating the logbook and the cursed book off the counter. “One’s dubious, and one’s outright suspicious.” Lapis started by cracking open the logbook and flipping to a page he’d bookmarked. “So, this book’s from the castle, and it’s basically just a giant receipt for the most recent imports that the Castle’s had. The thing is, starting from fifty years before the Castle’s destruction, Equestria was importing a lot of advanced metals from Griffonstone - steel beams, aluminum, a couple of copper alloys. I think I even saw a smaller shipment of tungsten and titanium at some point.” “Alright,” Bon Bon said, glancing over the page. “What’s your point?” “Well, there’s two of them. Point number one is, I’ve heard that Griffonstone knows their metallurgy, but I know A-mare-ica does, too.” Lapis said. “Titanium and tungsten are both things we know how to work with, and we’ve found enough uses for them to set up dedicated refineries. But Griffonstone only ever put out one shipment of each, and when they did - this is point two, by the way - the name attached to it was the same name attached to a lot of other alloy shipments…” Lapis scanned down the page, then touched his hoof to one of the lines. “Gara Pinion. Odds are, she was just a metalworking prodigy, but it normally takes a lot more than one person to figure out the refining process for so many different metals. My guess is, she was the figurehead for some larger R&D team - but my hope is that she was some kind of ambassador or trade dealer to A-mare-ica.” Lyra nodded, but there was a concerned frown wrinkling her brow. “Okay, so what’s your other lead?” “That’d be this book,” Lapis said, lifting the cursed book from the table and flipping it open to the riddle. “So, just to make sure, can you see the words on this page?” Bon Bon looked down at the book, then shook her head. “Looks blank to me.” “Zecora thought so, too,” Lapis said. “Problem is, I can see a riddle on there, and nopony else seems able to. This book just appeared next to me while I was exploring the castle library, right next to the record book and a little guide to pegasus aerodynamics.” “Huh,” Lyra said. She glanced at the book, but that concerned furrow was still on her forehead. “…Lapis, this is a bit of a weird question, but you’re not leaning into this all of a sudden because of Applejack, are you?” That cold tingle of dread ran up Lapis’ spine again, and he took a deep breath. “No, it’s that I was going to bring this up with the two of you as soon as possible. It’s about time I stopped trying to do this alone, and some of the stuff Applejack said reminded me of that, that’s all. Anyway, either way, the library in the Castle of the Two Sisters has given me the closest things I have to a lead so far, and there’s at least one bookshelf set into an alcove in the roof that I can’t explore without wings. So.” Lapis took a deep breath, then looked between Lyra and Bon Bon. “Do either of you know any pegasi who might help?” “Nopony willing to go into the Everfree,” Bon Bon said, shaking her head. “Lapis, if it’s ancient Griffonian history you’re interested in, then maybe try to find an ancient Griffon historian, instead of poking around moldy old ruins inside of the most monster-infested forest in Equestria?” “That’d be better,” Lapis said, closing the books and returning them to the counter, “but I don’t know any ancient Griffon historians, either. So, I’m working with what I have, as much as I can. Thanks anyway, though.” “No problem,” Lyra said, though she still looked concerned. “…Lapis, I know you already said this wasn’t about Applejack, but you really zoned out when I mentioned her. Are you sure-” Lapis fought to suppress the shiver, trying to keep his voice calm as he spoke. “Yes, I’m sure. Please stop asking.” “Well, if you say so,” Lyra said, glancing at the floor. Lapis frowned, following her gaze - then grimaced as he spotted the birdseed scattered on the ground, which had spontaneously arranged itself into a grid. “Listen, it’s just… it’s been a long day, alright?” Lapis said, pulling the broom and dustpan out of the closet and beginning to sweep up the birdseed. “I’d really like to spend the rest of it not thinking about the Elements of Harmony, if at all possible. That’s all.” “If you say so,” Lyra repeated, as Lapis returned to the kitchen and dumped the dustpan into the trash. There’s two things I need to do, Lapis thought, as he poured Nikki a new bowl of birdseed. One, I need to investigate that book. And, if that turns up blank, then I need to make myself some better equipment and go back to the Castle of the Two Sisters. Even if I don’t find any new information there, there’s got to be some historically important stuff, and getting it to a museum might net me a meeting with some academics. And whatever I do, I need to do it fast, Lapis finished, as he re-entered the living room and presented Nikki with the birdseed. Because there’s no way, none in hell, that I’m sticking around long enough for any pony to try dating me.