Twilight Gets a Puppy
Season 5
By TDR
Party Phantasm,
Part Two
[Ponyville a few hours later]
“Whelp, you owe me five bits now, as the tree is not awash with yak blood.” Sunset offered.
“Fine. That was a rather optimistic bet from me anyway given she can simply vaporize them.” Sombra offered looking around curiously as they headed into the crystal tree.
In the main room they found Spike sitting on a couch reading a comic book. On the other side of the room at a small table was a very large yak eating a pie.
“That will be ten bits Sunset. We only found Spike here.” Sombra smiled. ”And one yak is alive.”
“Feh, I fully expected Rahs to be here and there to be one on a slow roast spit. Mmm yak bacon. “Sunset sighed. “Everyone else was sure Twilight was gonna snap and nuke them.”
“Sup guys.“ Spike offered with a wave as he lowered his magazine.
“Greetings.” the yak offered politely.
Sunset and Sombra stared at the yak before looking to Spike.
“Yeah, that's Charleston, the actual ambassador, but the prince always insists on coming out to the talks and he has to obey him. With Prince Rutherford out of the picture he's actually been pretty polite and willing to broker trade.” Spike shrugged. ”I'm waiting on Blueblood to show up to start the actual talks.”
Sunset frowned passing some bits to Sombra.
“There were four of them, where are the others?” Sombra asked.
“Well one of them met Angel Bunny, so we'll see him in a week or so.” Spike stated watching as Sombra passed bits to Sunset. “ And Seshat took offense to the last guy still wanting to smash things so she's got him held up in her branches like a screaming Hearths Warming ornament.”
“YAK NO GOOD WITH HEIGHTS!!” a high pitched voice screamed out far above them.
“You should have thought of that before you decided to try and smash my floors.” Seshat snapped back.
“Who had bits on Seshat getting involved?” Sunset asked.
“Applejack.” Sombra grumbled. “Of course.”
“So where's Rutherford?” Sunset asked.
“Twilight and Rahs have him. Rahs flung him into the Oneiroi and they are dragging him all the way through any nightmares they can find all the way back up to Yakyakistan after they figured out he was a demi god to have a word with his father.” Spike stated watching the two. “What no bits exchange?”
“I had that he was still alive, and Sombra had she was going to yell at the king, so we kinda broke even on that one.” Sunset shrugged.
“Well I expect she's gonna do more than just yell.” Spike rolled his eyes.
“To be fair, a lot of yelling is very much yak culture.” Charleston pointed out.
The war between Equestria and the Yakyakistan, was not the shortest in history, that distinction belonged to a tribe of furbogs who used to live in the south on an isolated island. The group were know and avoided by most of the locals in the area as they tended to pretend to be pirates and raid ships that came near their island, as well as raiding any settlements along what they called their land. They were highly territorial as well, and anything coming near their island was immediately attacked. And if any creature set foot , hoof or claw on the island itself, the furbogs declared war on that entire species of creature and went out of their way to kill any they spotted.
They were against a lot of species in the end, but since they were far away from any major powers, the main response was to try and avoid them, and fight back only if they attacked first.
Then the Breezy Migration passed over the island one year.
The 'war' was considered started at the first attack the furbogs made, and lasted nine minutes and fourteen seconds.
The nine minutes were mostly Teacup trying to track down those that fled.
Teacup's record still stands, despite the Sparkle's best efforts.
However second place for the shortest war of all time, at seven hours and thirty six minutes, is still impressive, particularly when you consider the seven hours were how long it took Twilight and Rahs to get to Yakyakistan.
That was not a pleasant seven hours for Prince Rutherford.
[Yakyakistan, seven hours since Twilight snapped.]
To the average yak of Yakyakistan, nothing really exciting happened. Despite her anger Twilight was still able to distinguish fighters from civilians.
Granted Rahs helped with that.
It was however considered interesting, that the few yak warriors who did try and stop the rampaging alicorn tended to have second thoughts rather quickly going by how their prince was used as a hammer against EVERYTHING that annoyed said alicorn.
And she was very annoyed.
The front gates were smashed, several guard huts were smashed, a few buildings and market stalls went down, as did a large number of yak warriors.
Judging by the high pitched screams Prince Rutherford was emitting, Twilight's magic was using a very sensitive bit of yak anatomy as a handle for her hammering.
Rahs was also enjoying himself. As while most adults had the sense to stay clear of everything, herds of calves came to see what was going on as Twilight stomped through town and they were entertained by the very yak like smashing. Rahs added to that and kept them away from Twilight by doing magic tricks he learned from Trixie, things like pulling baubles from the air pulling or silk ribbons from his coat sleeves. Some of the young yak cows took the ribbon to tie their braids back.
After a few more warriors get knocked senseless, Twilight finally remembered to keep one conscious enough to find out where the Yak god was hiding. With that information she stormed off, using her screaming hammer to break down another few walls and buildings, heading straight towards the god, while Rahs took a multitude of bows and waved to those watching as the Sparkles exited stage right.
“What. The. Fuck?” Twilight demanded as the pair of them came to a stop on a lovely black sand beach over looking the cool blue ocean at the far north of Yakyakistan.
Rahs just stared.
“Dood?” The overly large penguin with a blue fanny pack, and ragged red scarf questioned from where it lounged on a beach chair.
“Woof?” Rahs asked.
“Dood!” the penguin retorted sitting up.
“Ruff?” Rahs questioned.
“Dood!” The penguin nodded and pointed out to sea where the pair could make out a large shape drawing closer in front of one of the crashing waves.
Tossing Prince Rutherford across the beach to slam into a large boulder Twilight narrowed her eyes at the massive sandy blond form coming into the shore, it looked like the yak was riding on the water.
The yak was bigger than the other yaks they had met and it's long hair was braided up with beads and seashells with tie dye colored bands around his massive horns. The wave behind the yak crested and the yak wobbled a bit before the crash of surf surged him forward and up onto the beach it self.
“Yo Prin, you see that dude, that wave was gnarly.” The massive yak cheered hopping off what looked like a large yellow painted plank of wood that he had been riding. He kicked the board up grabbing it with a hoof and planting it in the sand as he approached the group stomping over without seemingly having noticed any one but the penguin.
“What?” Twilight demanded as Rahs stared at the yak slack jawed.
“That was awesome dude, the wave was finally a good size, primo surfing.” The yak offered, before he paused to look over at the rock Twilight had embedded the prince into. ”Whoa what happened to Ruthy? That's a harsh looking wipe out.”
“Am I having a stroke? Is this what having a stroke is like?” Twilight asked.
“Huh?” The yak questioned before he reached a hoof up to push some of his fur, which this close they could see was all in matted dreadlocks, out of his face showing a very large pair of round rose tinted glasses.” Whoa Prin. Who are your friends, wait, is that Cely? Whoa hadn't seen her in many moons dude, and a moon dog? Cool I knew a dude named moon dog once, though he wasn't a moon or a dog, that was just, like his name. He made the best brownies....”
Rahs continued to stare.
Twilight sputtered, her anger unable to keep up with the shock fizzled out, dousing her mane and tail and turning her back to normal purple.
“Whoa dude, you're like, a color changer! Does that happen with hot and cold water or is it more like a mood ring?” The yak asked.
“Bork.” Rahs offered.
“Dood!” Prin translated.
“Angry? Whoa, yah gotta fix that, align those chakras proper, I know some yoga poses that might help...”
“Dood.”
“What? Awww man, not cool. What did my little Ruthy do this time? Did he start another war?” The yak looked over at the twitching form in the rock. “Buddy, I told yah you can't keep doing that, it'll screw up yer karma, and trust me that spider can be mean when he wants ta be.”
Twilight slowly blinked staring at the yak.
“Dood.” Prin offered.
“Oh right. Yeah dude, I totally forgot about that. “the yak offered.” What's up, I'm the yak god, Shaka, I'm the god of yaks, smashing, surfing, and sand.”
“Uhhh.” Twilight offered before whipping her head quickly to clear it. “Twilight Sparkle, goddess of magic, friendship, Tuesdays, and Books. This is my brother Rahs, who isn't going to get introduced any further than that due to some pictures he has of me that I would like to remain hidden.”
Rahs grinned.
“My best bud Prin here is the god of penguins, flightless birds, sardines, and imaginable violence.”
“Imaginable violence?” Twilight asked not able to help herself.
The penguin grinned evilly and drew out two thick bladed butcher knives from his fanny pack, whisking them around like mad as he cackled, before he put them away like he hadn't done anything.
“Yeah, just a minor though, he shares that with a few gods.” Shaka nodded. “So what brings you this far north. Yah got no board so it can't be the waves, granted that works out pretty good I've been out all day and only got the one, it's mostly ankle slappers out there.”
“Right no, Twilight don't surf.” Twilight muttered.
“Dood?”
“What's the smell of napalm got to do it?” Shaka asked.
“Okay, here's the deal, this fat fuck here....”Twilight began gesturing to the prone yak on the other side of the beach.
“Hey now, that's my kid.” Shaka droned.
“Sorry, This fat fuck, you call your son, here, tried to kill my younger brother by stomping on him because he was upset Spike couldn't learn the Yaktovian waltz in the three days we had to prepare. Spike used a player piano he borrowed, with a music roll to fake it.” Twilight pointed out. “This is after your son was a insufferable pain in the ass all day and destroyed numerous ponies property and even attacked Fluttershy's pets. All of this while he was supposed to be there to talk about opening trade. There was ZERO talk of trade, just a whole lot of yak smash.”
“Yeah, well can't help yah there. I stay out of politics.” Shaka offered.” Really grody stuff.”
“He's your son!”
“I'm kinda a free range sort of dad. I let the dude do his own thing and only pop up if he needs advice or something.”
“He declared war on Equestria.”
“Yeah that's kinda his thing, Cely knows he isn't gonna do anything about it. He's pretty much just gonna come back here and sulk for a few hundred moons before going out and doing it again.” Shaka offered.
“So are you gonna do anything about this at all?” Twilight fumed.
“Maybe get him some band aids.... he looks pretty roughed up.” Shaka offered looking over at the other yak on the beach.”
“Dood?”
“Nah yah can't spank yer kids, it'll do things to um psychologically.” Shaka explained.
“GAH!!! I should have just got a hold of Bleu and let her come up here, Sombra said that worked last time when you lot did something stupid.” Twilight ranted.
Both Prin and Shaka paled, and not a little bit either, both the sandy blond yak and the dark gray penguin turned almost pure white.
“Bleu... why would come back, isn't .” Shaka stammered.
“What?” Twilight questioned.
“Uhhh, Why would Bleu come here?”
Twilight blinked looking to Rahs who looked back at her before both of them grinned wide.
“Because my younger brother Spike, the one that your idiot son tried to smash is Bleu's son.”
Prin screamed and turned as he rushed down the beach and dove into the water, the penguin swam off so fast he left a rooster tail of salt water high in the air. Shaka was sweating hard, the large drops falling away as ice cubes in the arctic weather.
“Umm. How bout we don't.” Shaka suggested.
“Are you going to do anything about him.” Twilight pointed a wing to Prince Rutherford.
“Umm.... what do you suggest?” Shaka asked sheepishly.
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As i said in the bats episode. After a successful 'Vacation' Pinkie Pointed out that Shy tended to be a bit over the top and gung-ho about it to the point of being stupid. Hence how the bats episode happened in TGaP
The barn tradition is a Zap apple thing.
And now the Yaks, their god included, learns to not mess with the Sparkles... Frankly they were a bit behind on the learning front when it comes to that.
a 'beatnik surfer' god...no WONDER the Yaks all sound so dumb...
Getting some SERIOUS surfs-up vibes from those two
AND all it does is help this chapter
im just waiting to find out that spike accended to godhood a while ago and just didnt care enough to bring it up
Yeah, going after Spike is about the dumbest thing you could ever do, even more than going after one of his siblings.
"Imaginable violence." that is my new pondering phrase.
Well that is good one way to deal with the yaks.
Oh, that's one more god that failed to raise a stable child.
I am surprised Prin isn’t also the god of debt knowing prinnys
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He escaped it
It's why he's hanging out on a beach with a surfer yak
Okay, random thought. If gods know not to mess with the Sparkle siblings, and the siblings know to not make their parents mad... my only question is: are there any gods of parenthood already? Because if no, I nominate Night Light and Twilight Velvet for joint gods of parenthood
You know the yak god gives me the vibe of the hippie parents of Ned Flanders except that he is even less responsible than them because Ned’s parents actually did something even if it was shoving their problem into the hands of a professional the Yak god let his brat stay a brat.
i am thinking him repairing every thing and apologizing to everypony.
and a super good public spanking.
Ruthie's going to be the next Ponyville resident and Sunset's
victimplaymate, ain't he?10877678
That is an interesting turn of phrase. And when you think about it, “imaginable violence” is an ever-expanding portfolio. The instant someone comes up with a new idea for a kind of violence, wham! — said idea is transferred from the portfolio of unimaginable violence to imaginable violence.
Okay, it’s official: I can clearly imagine Tommy Chong voicing Shaka!
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me too Velvet with Celly was scary
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demonic prinnies (have to make the distinction because there are angelic prinnies too) are notoriously lazy and at the first opportunity shirk all responsibility and bugger off until caught
most likely that prinny was a vassal of Etna and succeeded in getting away and hasn't been found yet
Etna is also notoriously lazy
this also explains his god status because Etna forces her prinnies to deal with her light work
light work for Etna [as the highest ranking Demon Lord under Overlord Laharl] consists of world ending events/monsters
Edit: and I just realized you know the exact reason that specific prinny is there... so knowledge flex I guess?
lets go with that
love that game series and Im glad others know about it
Ah yes, the Hero Prinny. a god that can be replaced easily so he has no problem just dying lmao.
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it also makes me think of Jamie Russo from Amazing world of Gumball where she lists two objects and a victims body and lets them imagine what she'd do.
My question is how did the Yaks end up so different then their god? Hopefully they start taking some lessons from him and chill the frack out. Then again this may explain Yolanda.
Why can we not Like the separate chapters?
WHY IS THERE NO WAY TO MULTIPLY THE LIKES?!?
I was not expecting The Big Lebowski.
FUCKING PRINNY DOOD!! SO AWSOME!
It was probably still quite the show
Did one of those market stalls sell cabbages?
This right here, is one of the reasons that Celestia thought having Twilight meet the yaks was a good idea
Good show good show
...a Prinny?
I'm a little suprised Twilight doesn't have that one yet
...are you sure he's not just a Prinny
Ahh you showed weakness, never show weakness in front of a Sparkle
It's fun
Twilight using the Yak Prince as a cudgel to smash her way through the country... Glorious.
That ending? Perfect!
I bet Skaka meant for it to be the other type of smashing in his portfolio but it was a misunderstanding.
I wouldn't be surprise if this Prin relates to these penguins.
static.wikia.nocookie.net/dreamworks-penguins/images/f/f7/Penguins_of_madagascar.png/revision/latest?cb=20160614234657
God of imaginable violence obviously couldn't handle angry mommy dragon.
like I hope in the future... Bleu and Spike really get to really enjoy sometime together as mother and son.
Also... surfer yak is best yak
Imaginable violence? He doesn't have to imagine.
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They've got to be his kids at the very least.
Twilight, and Rahs, at Yakyakistan.
Rutherford, his pain immense.
Shaka when the threats dropped.
You expectation subverting little bunny!
Good job!
Damn I forgot spikes blues son I shoulda put bits on she’s just a bit scarier then teacup when mad
10877873
She probably has a larger share of the portfolio
Sounds like the hippy yak from Zootopia
Now that was very funny and satisfying, that last bit was especially satisfying.
Very happy with how this chapter went! Hilarious!
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Celestia , her wings wide open, laughing.
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Super Nettled Alicorn xd
hehehehehheenaeneenenenanaanahahahaahahANANANAAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yaks learnt to avoid the Sparkles once Rutherford joined the Club?
Is an angry Bleu a Super Saiyan Tiamat due to colour shift?
You should become a god of death and laughter
Because im Dying of laughter from your jokes
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How about giving him a reason to go to his dragon mom and ask her for a demonstration for the best way to kill someone and get away with it.
This subverted all my expectations.
I didn’t say stop.
More please! :)
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I totally want the Goat God to have Comedy as a minor domain, and ask if any one would like to know how he got those scars.
A Prinny? My dear bunny I had no idea you were a fellow Disgaea fan
Come to think of it this actually explains why so many of your characters are overpowered. There's probably a portal to the Cave of Trials somewhere in Equestria.
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Oh yah game 6 next week
I don't know what I expected, but this is almost certainly better.