//------------------------------// // My First Great Galloping Gala // Story: So, Funny Story // by Nugget27 //------------------------------// Oh my fucking god, waiting in line for the Great Galloping Gala is boring. This marks a whole year, a whole year since I’ve entered Equus through questionable, nonsensical means. And here I am, waiting to get in because Chrysalis got a ‘VIP Changeling Queen Pass’ but couldn’t bring me in with her. So here I am, hearing about how some rich bitch fucked another man behind her husband’s back, and her husband was perfectly okay with it. Wait… ain’t I a prince? Why the fuck am I waiting in line for? So I got out of line to ask a guard about why I couldn’t get in ahead of the line. “Well, you can technically skip the line, your highness, so I don’t know why you decided to stand in line.” “I kinda forgot that I had wings and a horn.” The guard blinked. “What? It’s true, I forgot that I have wings and a horn.” The guard slowly nodded, what did he think I was? Stupid? He was right! And had led me to the front of the line and saw a giant pile of slime going around and harassing people with sparkly dresses. That… isn’t my problem tonight since my job was to just stand and look nice, but I’m not going to do my job, I am going to walk around the party room, find Chrysalis and propose to her already. It’s been a year, we were basically a couple since the first month of us meeting with each other, and we’ve only officially dated for about a month.  It’s time that I call Chryssy my fiance and not just… Chryssy. I was kinda excited and nervous at the same time. “Ah, Prince Fruit, it is lovely to see that you have joined us!” Nightmare Moon flew down from a balcony, with Big Mac in her hooves, who had then been tucked in one of her wings. The stallion was wearing a simple suit, while Nightmare chose to wear a more ornamental version of her usual armor. Cadence… was here as well and glaring at me for some reason. (Cadence would like to smack Fruit over the head with an asteroid for doing her job, which was getting Nightmare Moon hooked up with somepony. Unfortunately that was out of her realm of power) “I hope that you can liven up this boring, little party a little bit. It’s… bland. Just fancy dresses, suits, and a bunch of nobles. I simply… would like-” “Now introducing, the Lord of Chaos, Discord and his guest… the Smooze!” The crier announced. What in the fuck. I haven’t heard from Discord since Tirek, and it’s probably because I scared the fuck out of Discord with that bloody as fuck experience. Well, I guess… hey, I’m a Prince and I didn’t get announced to the Gala, but the fucker that helped to almost bring Equestria does? Bro, I thought- you know what? Fuck it, I don’t care, I’m finding Chryssy… Oh. My. God. Chrysalis was standing next to Princess Celestia, who was wearing a nice, simple pink dress. Luna was also present, wearing a lovely, sparkly, black dress that went nicely with her coat. The two sisters were looking lovely, as usual, but holy fuck look at Chrysalis. I can tell it was Chrysalis even if she was disguised; it was the same one she used so I could sneak her into the first Canterlot wedding. A slender legged, white coated unicorn with a light blue, wavy mane… Which I always found to be pretty. She was fucking gorgious. Despite it being well pretty late(The moon was risen while I was waiting in like like an idiot), Chrysalis decided to wear a little sun hat, with some very, very light makeup, almost unnoticeable from here. To the point where I had to look really, really hard to notice that it was even there. What she was also wearing made my monkey brain go ‘holy fucking shit’. Chrysalis’s dress, while simple, simply matched perfectly with her disguises' coat, and I bet it would look even better on undisguised Chryssy. It hugged her chest tightly, and the rest of her figure for that matter. It ended at Chrysalis’s rear ankles, so it was nice, long, and accentuated them. I caught a few dickheads staring at her… yeah, admire her beauty, but if you make a move on my Cuddle Bug, I will end you, Jerry, that’s right, I fucking see you, you shithead. I will find you, and shove a whole carrot into your nostril. Chrysalis was wearing stockings, surprisingly enough, which made her front legs look adorable, while making her rear legs look… hypnotizing. I want to hug that bug. Chryssy, what the fresh fuck? Are you trying to make proposing to you hard? How the fuck can I compare to a creature as beautiful as thou? She’s not even in my preferred form, which was her undisguised self, and I felt heavily inadequate in comparison to her. I was wearing a simple, red suit jacket, with a white shirt underneath it. I didn’t even button it, or brush my mane or tail! Chryssy, I love you so god damn much, but I still wonder how the fuck I managed to land on you! The Changeling Queen was chatting with the Princesses. Twilight noticed me and waved, but Chrysalis has yet to even notice me. If she did, then she didn’t show that she did. Also Twilight, you’re supposed to pretend like you still don’t like me, you bitch! We had an agreement, and you’re- you’re lucky that you’re kinda adorable at times, or I would have stuck a pencil in your nostril three months ago. It wouldn’t go very deep, or be very painful, but it would be funny. It’s why you’re still alive, cute, pretty, purple pony. Also I didn’t want to kill Twilight... God dammit; we’re starting to be friends! Fuck you, Nugget for the friendship arc! Oh hey, Sombra was tucked under Celly’s wing. That is weirdly adorable. He looked half asleep, probably because of the Sun Goddess that was holding him... Celly was extra warm. And also was also extra- coated in with warm fur to nuzzle into. Did you think I was gonna talk about her ass? Yes, it is glorious, but c’mon, I got Chryssy’s butt to stare at! End me. I pulled out the wedding ring that I actually bought with money that I’ve earned for once, and proposed with. Twilight held her hooves up to her cheeks- she was fucking blushing. “Is that for me?” Rarity asked, before shrieking as the Smooze tried to grab her. Until I magicked the thing up into a ball, and threw it out an open window. She batted her eyes at me. “Come on, Fruit Punch, you know you cannot resist me… I mean, look at me.” I looked her up and down, her dress was nice, her make up was nice, she did look nice. “Well? Come on, you’re a dashing fellow, a prince, you can play the piano, and you can sing! I’m willing to bet you can play the guitar given that you have one strapped to your back… Just give me a chance!” “Oh fuck, I brought my guitar? Sick, I can propose to Chryssy with it!” “What? After everything we’ve been through? I even broke into your hotel room in Ponyville,” the fuck? “And measured you while you were sleeping! I made this suit for our wedding!” Rarity snarled. Rarity, that is... borderline psychopathic. “Rarity, look at Chrysalis,” Rarity nodded before slowly turning to look at Chrysalis, and her jaw dropped to the floor. “That is who I want to propose to. Granted, I would prefer it if she were her buggy self, but that’s who I am dating, and I want to share something more with her. I love that mare and I would like to take our relationship to the next level. So no, I will not be proposing to you, and no I am not for sharing. One mare gets all my love, and one alone… Because she feeds on love and I love her.” “I think I might be into mares now…” Rarity said under her breath. That’s it, you’re getting sprayed with water, Rarity. My Chryssy. Mine. Okay… how to propose? I could just kidnap Chryssy, take her to some random cave, and get married. She’d probably like that if I did, but I… fuck it, I’m gonna just… wander over to where there was a band, who were setting up their instruments. I climbed up on stage, and the band immediately cleared the way for me. Wow, my reputation precedes me, as it seems. I tapped a- where’d the mic go?  “Hello, is this thing working? Testing, testing!” Discord asked, tapping the mic, which made the thing peak, which turned into a very (un)pleasant ringing noise through one of the speakers. “Good evening Fillies and Germs, I just flew into Canterlot-“ and then he made a joke about how he can fly better than two alicorns; Twilight Sparkle and myself. Okay, the first one is arguable, and the second is accurate and hurtful.  Where’d this brick wall come from? I chuckled a bit. “Yo, if we’re doing stand up comedy, can I-“ Discord kept making jokes that are worse than mine, so I snatched the mic from him, and started going wild. “So everypony, if you’ve had loving, supportive parents, raise your hooves. Nice and high for me!” Damn near everypony raised their hooves. “Ah darn, so has anypony’s parents ever told you how much they love you?” “Yeah!” Everypony said. “Same here! Like this one time, I dropped a plate, and my Mom told me that she wanted to disown me. I know she said it in an irritated voice, and she sounded genuine, but I could tell she loved me. You can’t hate somepony without loving them, right?” The ponies in the crowd let out a collective chuckle. “So this one time, I fell on a Princess during last year’s Great Galloping Gala. I don’t know if anypony has heard about that, but it has happened. So during my trial, Princess Luna, the Princess I fell on, she was kind of reminding me of my Mom the whole time. Not because she was made and wanted to disown me, but because I knew she loved at at first fight; she kinda just kept giving me this… look. The kind my mom would’ve made if I dropped a plate. She loved me even if she wasn’t showing it during her lawsuit.” Everybody chuckled again. “I wonder why Princess Luna was pretending to be so furious with me. I only crushed her back and injured her while trying to kill her! Like c’mon Luna, nopony can resist this hunk of testosterone!” I purposely skipped on a banana peel and fell on my front knee, but used magic to stop myself to keep my still broken leg from being rebroken. and did my best ‘Woman got stabbed scream’.  “Oh god, what the fuck? Ow! Ow! Holy, sweet mother of Celestia-“ I sat up. “Uh… you saw nothing.” I cleared my throat. “See? I'm a walking case of testerone! Yeah, you’re all snickering because you know I’m right.” Discord grumbled in a language I never heard before- hey the Smooze is out again- and I’m covered in slime. Well, I would have, if Skitter hadn't dropped in out of nowhere, and shielded me with a magical bubble. Chrysalis was in a similar predicament, with two drones having bubbles shot up. Some girl, Fluttershy’s plus one, walked up to the Smooze and had managed to calm it down and get it to unslime everybody. Then Discord tried to throw her into a dimensional rift. Well that’s problematic. Maybe somebody should- Fluttershy and Discord began to shout at each other, had a happy, merry little friendship lesson and the night began to return to normal… Except Skitter brought a fucking set of pizzas with spaghetti as the toppings! I wandered over to get a slice to just try it- “Skitter.” The drone materialized next to me, like he just showed up out of nowhere. “Yes sir?” “Did you slip sugarcane into this?” “No sir.” “God damn Skits, why the fuck are you better at making pizza than I am?” “I did use your recipe for it, sir. I just added spaghetti onto it. If you would like, I can give you the recipe for the spaghetti and teach you how to make this sort of thing yourself.” I wrapped an arm around Skitter. “I would like the recipe for that spaghetti. It’s fuckin’ delicious, dude.” Skitter nodded and smiled like a little kid who did their parents proud. (Gordon Ramsey felt a disturbance in the force, but an even worse one took his attention right after. Somepony had just microwaved ice cream). “Hey!” Somebody walked up to me, waving at me like we were best friends. “That stand up bit wasn’t too shabby! How’d you come up with jokes like that?” “Went to school for it. I thought I kinda sucked at comedy even with that, but I guess I improved at some point? I dunno.” The stallion nodded. “Say, you’re a Prince-“ “Please don’t invite me to anything. I’ll probably end up ruining it.” “But…” “I know, it would look good if I showed up. But I got a bit of a reputation for being an asshat. I don’t wanna ruin something by being there and being an asshat.” “I… understood, your highness.” My eye twitched, and the stallion wandered off. Skitter had wandered off and was currently tap dancing with Skitter, until the two of them stopped, and bent their legs.  The ‘ling dance’ had just begun as they began to sway side to side to a nonexistent song that only they could hear. More Changelings came out of nowhere and joined in. Sunset Shimmer, who was wearing a simple, white dress, was standing a few feet away from the changeling dance crew. She stared at the cuddle bugs for a few moments, shrugged, and joined in. Pinkie also joined in after finishing her dance with the Smooze. Every single noble in the room cringed I climbed up on stage, as the band was trying to get smooze out of their instruments. My guitar was untouched. “So this song is going out to a special somebody that I met over the last year. So I hope this isn’t too bad.” I began to strum the guitar with my magic. “Good looks could heal… the pain I feel.” Yes, I know, not a Bo Burnham song, but how the fuck do you sing one of those while trying to propose to somebody?  You don’t. As I continued to sing my silly little love song, I looked up from my guitar. Chrysalis had moved to the dance floor and was now staring directly at me. I couldn’t help but grin as I kept on playing. Some of the members on the band, who had gotten their instruments cleaned, joined in and a pair of violins, a cello, and the set of drums began to play on key to what I was playing. My voice cracked while hitting a high note! God dammit vocal cords and lungs, you are so lucky that cigarettes don’t exist, or I would’ve spoked six packs in an hour to make you suffer for ruining this moment for me! Luckily, Chrysalis didn’t seem to mind it, and was now standing three feet away from the stage. She undisguised to reveal… Well, a beautiful bug in a beautiful dress. Rarity’s eyes were on my girl’s flanks!  “So Chrysalis, I know you can probably guess where this is going…” I pulled out a ring box and opened it. “Will you marry me, my Queen?” Chrysalis lifted the ring very gently with a hoof, and examined it. I could see the gears in her head running as she began to process my question. “No.” Everypony gasped and my heart dropped. Chrysalis’s eyes widened and hugged me. “I was only kidding, Fruit! I thought you would have noticed!” I blinked a couple times… “So is that a ye-“ Chrysalis let go of me, but then grabbed me with her magic, and kissed me directly on the lips. She then pulled away and gave me a sly little look. “Does that answer your question, Fruit?” Every changeling in the room began to collectively cheer, as did everypony in the room. (Meanwhile Cadence was rubbing Luna’s back on the balcony. “Don’t worry Auntie, We’ll find a way to make Fruit understand that herds aren’t that bad.” The Princess of Love comforted the Moon Princess. “What do you even see in that stupid stallion? Let the asshole marry the asshole- Oh my Celestia, Fruit and Chrysalis are kissing! Oh my Celestia! They’re adorable! “If only that stallion had wanted a harem.”) “You know, we will have to begin planning the wedding,” Chrysalis said as we danced. She held me in her arms; I stood on my hind legs to match her stature, and she took the lead and continued to dance. “Yeah.” “And our honeymoon.” “Yeah… it’ll be magical. You, me, a beach, and a bottle of vodka that’s older than I am.” “And then we’ll have children!” Chrysalis said as she lifted me up and did a little twirl. She giggled. “Of course, if you are comfortable with mating Fruit…” She shook me. “Fruit, are you in there?” “Yeah… I’m just still kinda shocked that you said no, and then told me that was a lie.” “Well, it is in my kind’s nature to deceive, Fruit. But… the look on your face when I said no, broke me. I did not expect you to take that to heart. It hurt to see how much that had hurt you, and it had hurt even more when I can feel how much it had hurt you.” “I had spent so much time planning how I’d propose…” “I know. You hinted at this since the summer, Fruit,” Chrysalis giggled. “Come, let’s go gather some confections. I wish to try out that spaghetti pizza that Skitter has brought.” I followed by her flank, and she grinned. “Trying to look at my ass, are we?” “Uh… your stockings make it look even more alluring than usual.” “That is the point… I wanted tonight to be memorable, after all…” She whispered something into my ears that gave me a wing boner. Chrysalis! Fuck! Now those- oh god, she wants to get in bed with me tonight… to cuddle of course, what do you think she’d want? (meanwhile) Staring in the window was Obsessed Manic, holding a knife, and breathing heavily as she watched Chrysalis dance with her Fruit Punch! That damned, ugly bug is going to- A bird shat on her head and she screamed.