Entry #19, Day 356
It has come to my attention that some ponies in the Shadow Realm are not fully versed in precisely how the Shadow Realm's automated defenses function, or what qualifiers must be met in order for them to activate. In its current iteration, the Shadow Realm is equipped with a spread of special, custom-tooled golems, embedded in secret and varied locations throughout each of its five zones.
If you should find yourself face to face with one of these defensive drones, lay on your stomach, if possible, and firmly state the word "Medical", if this isn't possible. In both cases, the golem should begin escorting you elsewhere, either to a medical center, one of the emergency shelters, or, in the case of you being wanted for a crime, to the nearest holding cell. Avoid attempting to combat the golems unless you feel confident you can defeat them without taking undue injuries.
Even if you were a criminal, I have no desire to see any Shadow Realm inhabitants harmed by their own incompetence.
As it stands, the Shadow Realm's basic defense drones utilize several different tools in order to both defend civilians and attack foes. The first and most important among them being portal-garrotes. By looping the specialized portals they are enchanted with around a target, foes can be distracted, while those in danger can be brought fully into a portal, to take them to safety elsewhere.
Other equipment that the drones are equipped with include impact lasers based on Prestidigitonium and some related spells, flamethrowers utilizing both alchemical and magical agents, and most recently, love-energy microbarriers, a recent invention created using some research into ancient Crystal Pony artifacts. While they are a bare spark compared to the Crystal Heart, the Love-powered energy fields generated by our defense drones are more than sufficient to deal with certain specific subsets of problem.
The second line of defense that citizens should be made aware of are the Boss Rooms scattered through the various zones. Do not enter them, do not tamper with their insides. A Boss Room contains highly sophisticated equipment, and often, very delicate or dangerous equipment at that. There exist both virtual and actual training courses for those wishing to test their mettle, do not tempt fate by crossing through off-limits areas into the Boss Rooms.
Traps such as the Liquid Ice Pool and Trick Room are expensive to devise and incredibly dangerous to those who are unprepared, not in the sense that conquering them would be brave, but in the sense that tripping them unnecessarily will serve to both weaken the Shadow Realm's ability to fend off invaders and saboteurs, and result in injuries or worse, ranging from frostbite to electrical nerve damage.
Once again, to stress my point, there exist challenges that can be undertaken by those seeking thrills and danger, in the form of the various Danger Rooms and training courses available in each Zone. These training courses posses the same theoretical failure rates as any given Boss Room, and some, even higher failure rates due to their designs. Any seeking glory and proof of their prowess should sign up to challenge one of those, instead.
The Boss Rooms exist for the sole purpose of defeating a powerful invader as consistently as possible, with as little risk as possible. To fool around in them is not ideal, and not brave.
The third and most important defense of the Shadow Realm lies in its Bosses. Of which there are currently three.
Each Boss has slightly different patterns of behavior, so for your safety, I'll lay out the basic methods by which they function here.
The Ice-Fire Wolf Ghost, as its name implies, is an advanced magical specter, created from a series of specialized portals. One set of portals connects to the Kingdom Heart's Hellfire Furnace Unit, giving it the ability to emit devastating flames, while the other set of portals are connected to the Ancient Timeshift Reactor, which uses the reconstructed Ocean Depths to create sufficient water pressure, such that it turns to ice upon expanding as it exits the portal.
Currently, the Ice-Fire Wolf Ghost is set to patrol Metropolis Zone, as it is the furthest from Hidden Palace, and thus, benefits the most from access to the Kingdom Heart's portal-pumped flames.
If it does not detect hostiles in the area, please use the phrase "Good Doggy", if you wish to disable it's passive defenses in order to pet it. Metropolis Zone has recorded twelve injuries already from ponies attempting to pat its ultra-cold hide. If it does detect hostiles, do not approach it, evacuate the area, so that it can properly activate its combat suite. Otherwise, it is forced to active it's hostage suite, which, while equally effective, causes far more property damage.
Heavy Lobster, the second Boss, is the automated Guardian of Hidden Palace Zone. It is designed with brutality in mind. Please avoid tunnels that have begun to glow yellow, as this indicates a patrol route that the Heavy Lobster is taking. Only three injuries reported, but it is still worth mentioning. In an emergency, Heavy Lobster is designed to target any living things that are not on fire and alter that fact using flamethrowers and a variety of munitions.
If you believe Heavy Lobster has targeted you unduly during an emergency situation, ensure that Heavy Lobster is able to see your flaming mane or tail, such that it will disregard you as a valid target.
The last, but not least among the Shadow Realm's Bosses is Yellow Devil, of Wacky Workbench Zone. If you should spot this boss at any point, for any reason, you are to immediately check to ensure you are safe, and if you are, lay down and await transport. Yellow Devil's purpose is to ensure that no breaches occur either into or out of the secure and restricted areas of Wacky Workbench and to dispose of any experimental failures that might pose a risk to Wacky Workbench staff.
If you choose to ignore this warning, I cannot assure your safety.
those bosses sound cool I wonder if they're more hidden guardians in the shadow realm? be it made or gained to contracted
I wonder if some of those bosses still roam the halls.
Well. I almost wish that Weiss had that published just on the off chance the Shadow Realm got infiltrated, and that the newsletter is full of lies. Otherwise he just circulated a bunch of ways to circumvent all of his security measures in way that a sneaky protagonist - or a certain smoky antagonist - could easily get a hold of.
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I mean, at the same time, this is the pony who, instead of putting cameras in rooms, made the entire room's walls and floors a gigantic enchanted camera system.
I'm sure all of you are well aware that he probably has some nasty shit up his sleeve. Why would he release this newsletter if he didn't?
oh those bosses sound neat, I'm fond of the Ice-Fire wolf ghost just because of the "good doggy!" subroutine but heavy lobter reminds me too much of a bioshock big daddy to not earn my respect!
yellow devil is a reference to something I just can't recall at the moment...
EDIT: oh literally yellow devil whoops!
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From what i can tell its just enough information for someone to not die if they want to not make trouble, but for someone that thinks that this is all of the tricks up his sleeve it should be enough to stop them of get them killed by the defenses.
Utterly lovely. Weiss makes me giggle sometimes.
Just caught up after finally giving this thing a look. I am quite looking forward to more.
Nice
will there be more noir newsletters?
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Yes. To be frank, a few of the previous Noir Reports probably qualified as Newsletters, considering they didn't actually describe spells, necessarily.
Do you think this is a good break from the formula, for chapters in which Weiss and co don't actually learn any new spells?
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yeah I like hearing about his life and the people of the shadow realm fleshes them out quite a bit I hope there a report by an ally or other ponies of the shadow realm then just Weiss biograph heck I wouldn't even mind a few reports at once if they were varied by different people
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This is not just a good idea, it is an excellent idea.