The Unique Properties of Dark Magic

by Shadestyle

(Noir Newsletter) Biological Trade Secrets Repurposed to Altrusitic Ends [Pokemon]

Entry #20, Day 371

Today marks several occasions, one of which is the partial release of information relating to Project Asura, a division of Wacky Workbench Zone's most secretive laboratories. Their goal had been to harness a unique biological sample in order to create technology and medicine using cloned materials. The actions of the royal scientist, Dr. Absolutely Real Homeopathy, had originally reinforced my notion to keep the research papers and discoveries of this lab a tightly-held secret. Now, however, this has changed.

The sole reason for this change is a simple one. I refuse to allow the new and welcomed inhabitants of the Shadow Realm to inhabit bodies that they do not have the capacity to understand. Even if it means giving up secrets that I would prefer remain buried, and information that I would prefer never have the opportunity to enter enemy hands. I will take the risk of unveiling as much as I feel I can about Project Asura, and what it means for the Windigo to inhabit what I will hereafter refer to as Pocket Monsters, or Pokemon for short.

Project Asura began from one simple desire, one that has now been realized. I was envious of dragons, and have always been fond of them. Thus, my course was clear. I would take their flesh for myself through specialized methods. Against all odds, and with the care and assistance of the Royal Scientist, I had achieved my goal at a terrible cost to my mind. Even now, I struggle with the side effects of my decision. While I endured, I had also feared what may happen if another made a similar attempt.

I hope, if nothing else, this gives those among you who are reading this context, context for why even now, I will not elaborate on the exact nature of the cloned tissues, their origins, or the methods by which they are grown and cultivated into synthetic bodyparts. Why I will not elaborate on the exact materials included to allow my limbs to function. Why I will not allow similar projects to be undertaken in the Shadow Realm, under threat of severe punishment.

To put it to a metaphor, Dice and Cards were involved in my ascension to my current state, and the ante was my own self.

Onto the subject of Pokemon, each one is equipped with a wide range of inbuilt abilities, carefully designed and enchanted by myself and the other hard workers of the Wacky Workbench Zone's finest enchanters. They function using what is known as Essencia, a magic-infused gas which is created using Stoppered Time and Technical Machines.

The method by which this occurs is when a Pokemon's Time-Eater Organ consumes nearby chronological energy, distilling it into liquefied time energy. This time is then infused with spells cast by the Technical Machines the fluid is pumped into. As the golem cores cast various spells while submerged in Stoppered Time, they are absorbed and frozen by the fluid, becoming a gas that can be pumped back into a golem core to allow it to cast vastly empowered spells.

Any Windigo who wishes to cast a spell they have sufficient Essencia to cast needs to simply speak the spell's name in order to use it. If for some reason you decide you wish to alter what spells your synthetic body is capable of, you need merely to speak to a local Materia Shop owner. I have begun producing and distributing TM Disks at those locations accordingly in preparation for distributing the Pokemon.

It has also come to my attention that many Windigo are desperate to obtain Pokemon for themselves, which has caused some strain to those currently waiting on ones to be produced. For those among you who wish to obtain a Pokemon, and do not care for their quality, I have taken the executive decision to stock all Materia Shops with "Waifus".

A Waifu is a form of synthetic body which serves no functional purposes beyond walking and talking, is extremely cheap and worthless, and of course, is above all else, disposable. Any and all Waifus can be thrown in the trash at your leisure, and replaced for a price even cheaper than whatever else it was in the garbage.

For those of you looking for a more advanced vessel to host your essence, I've been working on a few restricted Pokemon, which will be gifted to a select few Windigo who can prove their loyalty to the Shadow Realm in combat, and ability to manage the more combat-capable Pokemon in reserve, ones such as the Ifrit-Model, a bestial flame-aligned monstrosity, with thick hide, flame-powered healing spells, and unparalleled pyromancy TMs, such as Pyroclasm, Firega, and of course, the Ifrit-exclusive TM, Hellfire.

Another model, one you've no doubt seen, is the Ixion-Model Pokemon, which one very lucky Windigo had been gifted when he came seeking the opportunity to participate in the Arcana Nox's competitive gaming scene and needed a way to sleep in order to access it. On that same topic, I'm well aware that one of the primary draws to a Windigo inhabiting one of these synthetic forms is that it grants you all the capability to sleep. Something which is apparently unusual among Windigo, and which I will strive to accommodate.

For the fifth and final time, please, those among you with a Pokemon or Waifu, do not sleep in the middle of the tunnels. Naptime Rooms are being constructed in Hidden Palace Zone, especially near the Kingdom Heart itself. If you feel the need to rest, simply make your way to one of the aforementioned Pokemon Centers, where bedding is provided free of charge to visiting guests. While I have been lenient on this so far, it is slowing things down when Windigo with large Pokemon like the Snorlax-Model are dozing off in the middle of high-traffic tunnels.

Lastly, for the Longma of the Shadow Realm, who are attempting to ease their way into accepting your new fellow citizens, please try to understand that in spite of many of them having chosen or even commissioned cuddlesome forms, they are still beings worthy of respect as individuals.

Unless they consent to being treated like glorified snuggle-puppies or something. Such a scenario falls within the bounds of legal action within the Shadow Realm.

Comments

[TheBird]

I loved every word from the first to the last.

[Fancy Fox]

its a shame i can't like or favorite individual chapters...

[nighters]

this made me laugh the funny reference and waifu burn was golden im surprised there been no reference to Digimon there evolving and de-evolving critters are pretty neato

[vorxil]

Oh my god, Weiss, you magnificent bastard.

EDIT: Does this make Flash Sentry a member of Team Rocket?

[MosAnted]

9763982
Only if he gets blasted off agaaaaaaain...

[Cauchemar]

He's made a legitimate reason to say "your waifu is shit" the absolute madlad

[nighters]

hey, do you have a PayPal for donation option?

[Adjier]

Alright, that made me giggle. Wendigos as Pokemon. What a world.

Can I assume the Ixion and Ifrit models are from FFX? If so, I wonder if Weiss is gonna make Valefor...

[Professor Litmus]

9764066
I wanna see the magus sisters, yojimbo and Anima personally.

[Shadestyle]

9764048

Yes indeed, if I understand how paypal works, it should be this link.

All of my links for my paypal, patreon, ect, are all in my profile.

[Maramanasa]

Oh my god this entire chapter was pure gold. The shadow realm denizens should start carrying flutes at this rate.

[The Lurking Creep]

My [not child-friendly word]ing lungs will give out and I'll die if you make me laugh more! Don't stop!

[WanderingPony]

Praise Lord Weiss, for your waifus are literally trash.

[macnor]

If he has materia and waifus...

Does that mean he has the power of god and anime on his side?

[Driver Nephi]

PLEASE SIR, I CANNOT BREATHE!