• Published 21st May 2019
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The Unique Properties of Dark Magic - Shadestyle



Stranded in Equestria's far past in the body of a unicorn without any magical knowledge, the self proclaimed "Weiss Noir" fights for survival in the Frozen North by indulging in sorcery most foul.

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(Past Chapter 15): Allusions of Grandeur

I forgot my floaties.


The quiet ride to Wacky Workbench Zone is interrupted only by Dr. Real's questioning. "Sir, I'd really like to know what it is you're planning. My job is to keep you alive, and you've got a look that doesn't bode well with how tight-lipped you're being about your plan."

I smile in the pitch black tram we're both sitting in, my face only visible through our dark-vision goggles.

"Fine, fine. I'm going to use what you've been working on. Living cloned dragon tissues. I'll push the Migrant Iron into a cloned tissue sample. That's how you free yourself of the curse, yes? It can be passed on to the living flesh of another being?" I question rhetorically.

My smile grows. "Then, after that, we're going to begin Project Asura."

Real's eyes widen. "Sir, I'm not finished with my research, I don't have a means to safely integrate dragon cells and energy into your body."

I shake my head. "Then it's a good thing you aren't going to be doing that."

I tap the hunk of Migrant Iron attached to me. "We'll be using this instead. Disks of Migrant Iron, with alloys and locking mechanisms made of other materials to keep the iron from slipping below my skin. We'll use them as ports to attach the cloned portions. No direct contact between my cells and those of the clone means that there's no risk."

Dr. Real's eyes squint as he looks down and mutters to himself, considering my theory carefully.

Finally, he sighs. "I don't want to admit this, because I know you're going to interpret it as a guarantee, but... It could work."

"You know me so well, Dr. Real. Call me crazy, but I've got a gut feeling that I just can't ignore. This could be big," I explain, as our smooth ride comes to a slow halt.

And I'm telling the truth, at that. Ever since the idea popped into my mind, it felt right. Some instinct cropping up just to tell me that my insane idea might actually work. Like smelling gasoline, I felt like this was going to get things really fired up.

The doors hiss open, and we walk into the dim lighting of the Wacky Workbench, my home away from home. I'll get this over and done with, and have some kind of fancy speech afterwards, all in time for lunch.

As we walk into the Biomagitek Lab, I'm glad to see that Dr. Real hasn't attempted to make any other horrific crimes against nature that I didn't sign off on. Even though, to be frank, he failed to make anything horrific in the first place, really, with how cute those kids are.

"Alright doctor, just grow up a lump, and attach a nutrient tank to it, so we can get the metal out of me before we do anything else with it," I say.

He nods, and within minutes, we have a large, scale-covered lump of tissue, with a crystal tank poking out of it.

I move the Migrant iron Into my hoof and press it into the flesh bud, where it sinks in smoothly.

As soon as the metal is fused to both me and the clone, I feel a spark of something unknown, and I pull back, the Migrant Iron smoothly pulling free from me.

Curse officially defeated. Good work team.

Dr. Real is stunned. "Amazing. Even if we stopped here, Lord Weiss, we've just moved medical magic ahead by decades."

I huff. "Way to lowball our work here, chief. We've still got the fun part to get to. Let's get me those arms, I've got an itch that needs scratching, and a keyboard that begs for the touch of something other than these fucking clunkers," I say, waving my hoof around.

He gives me a funny look, but follows my directive, programming the vats to begin growing dragon arms.

I interrupt him when I see the number he punched in. "Actually... Let's get a little greedy doctor. Make it six."

He sweats as he stares at me, checking me for any hint of hesitation. Too bad for him, I didn't name this little project "Project Asura" for nothing.

I turn to the boulder of Migrant Iron as the limbs are set to grow by Dr. Real.

I carefully laser the boulder apart, wrapping it with black fire until it and the flesh it was formerly attached to is reduced to nothing but ashes and six identical metal disks.

I then take a few stainless steel ingots from the storage bin nearby, welding them into the disks to prevent them from sinking fully into anything.

The mechanical hands of the laboratory swing down at Dr. Real's behest, grabbing the metal disks and the limbs. Unfortunately, until our technology improves, I'll just have to deal with the limbs being fed from nutrient tanks implanted in them.

The temptation to grow annoyed when three of the limbs take the time to attach diagnostic crystals to my body is astonishing, but I hold myself back. It would be best if I simply let Dr. Real do what he is good at.


'Well, here goes nothing...' Dr. Real thinks to himself, guiding the mechanical claws in place to do the deed.

The procedure completes anticlimactically, limbs socketing into place without much fanfare or sparking.

Weiss jerkily lifts one of the limbs up, staring down a the white palm with a curious expression, before he suddenly begins to scream.

Panic floods Dr. Real's veins as he turns to the holographic display, the readouts on Weiss's emotional state. Greed levels haven't changed, like Real was afraid of but...

Greed Capacity is rising? That's not-

Weiss's screams turn into laughter, as his body shakes, fists clenching as he stares blankly into the air.

Dr. Real rushes to a drawer, pulling out the Drowsy Crystal and, in a moment of clarity, he grabs a Greed Crystal as well, a gift from Padparadscha, a few days ago.

Running over to Weiss, he jabs the unicorn with both of them, making the maddened unicorn's vocalizations slow, and finally cease.


One's mind expanding is not pleasant. I want it, so badly. What is "it"?

I don't know, but I want it.

But what was much much worse was when I didn't want it.

My normal feelings of covetousness, ones he thought were perfectly reasonable before this, were now like looking at the dripping stains at the bottom of a deep well gone dry.

In a very real way, I desperately wanted to want more.

I turn to Dr. Real in a brief moment of lucidity. "I think I may be having an episode, doctor. What are your thoughts on this situation?"

And, indeed, I'm feeling pretty damn good right about now. I feel like I could grab a shovel and just fucking dig until I hit gold. God, some gold would be really nice right now.

I'm reminded of when I had first seen dragonfire. Enough greed in one place to make any ordinary pony a drooling vegetable.

Is that what I'm feeling right now? It's hard to believe that this feeling is greed. I don't really think taking things from others is the right course of action, to get what I want.

I need to create.

Dr. Real repeats himself for the third time. "Sir, you need to take deep breaths right now, you're undergoing a sympathetic metamorphosis."

Is that what this is? Of course, how could I have been such a fool. I stole the very flesh from a dragon, coveted the blueprints to their most sacrosanct treasure, themselves.

I intentionally implanted a cursed metal responsible for what must be countless deaths, treating the vile material as though it was a trifle to be toyed with. All so I could snap my fingers and type on a keyboard.

My actions demonstrated the existence of greed in my mind of the purest and highest caliber. My body now has outright dragon arms attached to it.

A healthy soul resides within a healthy body, and a healthy mind. But my soul is realizing that it now resides in a greedy body, and a greedy mind, and is changing to accommodate this fact.

"Doctor, I'm having a hard time focusing right now, did I actually put anything on my agenda for today, or were those merely plans?" I question, trying to think if I actually made any assurances about what I was going to do other than strap clone arms to myself.

I need to create.

Dr. Real shakes his head nervously. "N-no sir, you cleared it for this experiment. Are you... Feeling alright?"

I shake my head. "I'm fairly certain I'm going losing it right now," I say, idly using my magic to grow a purple filigree on the walls made from Royal Crystals.

As soon as I'm done coating every surface in beautiful geometric edgings and patterns, I cross my arms behind my back in a familiar way. "Walk with me, doctor, I'm going to tackle this matter as best as I can until I can work out a better solution."

"What do you mean, sir?" He asks, nervously looking at my emotional reports being fed out onto the screen.

I smirk as I try to keep my vision from blurring from the sleep magic keeping me pacified. "Your artificial jolt of greed is starting to wear off. Right now, not feeling unreasonably high amounts of greed feels very painful. So that's not ideal."

"I need treasure, so I'm going to make some. I'm going to make a lot of it, actually."


"And Weiss has been doing this for how long?" Eclipse Flash asks the doctor.

He rubs his leg nervously. "About four hours."

She just stares, at the walls, where Weiss has apparently spent four hours just coating the tunnels of Wacky Workbench Zone with colorful crystal engravings, the gems glowing softly with inner light.

"It looks good, doesn't it?" Weiss smiles, finishing his depiction of a rose, the seven-hundredth one so far, a small tap from the chisel in his hands carving out the last thorn from the wall for him to fill with the softly glowing crystal.

Priss tries to softly let him down, cautious of his erratic behavior. "I think ponies will appreciate you put in the effort, Weiss, but it doesn't look very good. You could use some practice."

Weiss chuckles. "Yeah, it might not be the best. But It's mine, and I like it."

Suddenly, he freezes, gritting his teeth as though performing a monumental effort. "You all can... Remove it... If it isn't good. I'll put engravings somewhere more out of the way."

Dr. Real puts a hoof on his shoulder. "I'm sure nopony will mind, Lord Weiss, but... If you want the tunnels to be filled with engravings, why not have the engravers do it?"

Weiss shakes his head rapidly. "Can't. Have to do it myself. Can't make ponies give me frivolous stuff."

His strained expression instantly morphs into a smirk. "I've got a better idea. I'll go decorate my killbox rooms!"

With that, he drops the hammer and chisel he had been using before, arms flopping to his side as he trots off. His friends look on in concern before following him.

"See, the plan is, I'm going to keep on making beautiful treasures for the Shadow Realm, just to keep my head on straight until I can find a workable solution," Weiss explains casually, as his fingers trail along the wall and grow swooping purple swirls over it.

"As far as I see it, I just have to keep making everything opulent, until I've got enough beautiful treasures to... You know, not be crazed," He continues. Pausing in front of one of the support pillars.

He breathes heavily. "Could one of you call the architects? I want to destroy this ugly thing and replace it. I have to."

Dr. Real hastily gets out his Radio Crystal, before Weiss snatches it out of his hand.

"Just, hold on a second, Doctor. You need a proper case for that, something that fits with your aesthetic."

"S-sir, perhaps we should... Get that pillar replaced, before you focus on something as trivial as my radio?"

Weiss's eyes widen. "I did a crazy thing, didn't I? Shit."

He shakes his head, handing the crystal back and staring at the stone pillar, pointedly not looking at Dr. Real's radio. "Right, do it."

He taps his fingers anxiously while Dr. Real calls in the architects to come.


Need more. I want more stuff. It's ok that it belongs to the Shadow Realm ponies too. It's ours.

I have to keep that in mind. Can't risk abusing my authority for shiny treasure to stuff my room with. Have to make sure it's all communal.

I just need to keep making more treasure. (I should make a pile of gold coins... but keep it in a public lobby? No, that would devalue it.)

Remember your economics Weiss, supply and demand determines value. Value determines wealth. The more treasure that the Shadow Realm has, the more I have by proxy.

Where is that fucking architect? I kind of want to blast this pillar away. I've got this idea for like, a vine sort of thing.

Dr. Real is saying something, but I'm ignoring him for now. I don't want to hear something that might set me off by mistake.

Oh, good, the Architect is here. What was his name again?

"Good evening, Fat Stacks," I say, having remembered their name.

"Good evening to you, Lord Weiss. I've been told you wish to replace this pillar?" He says, adjusting his helmet.

I nod. "It's not aesthetically appealing enough. I'll be replacing it with one of my own, but I needed to know if it's load bearing."

"Sir? Should I contact the construction ponies?"

I shake my head rapidly. Can't get into that habit. If I start making ponies make treasure for me, I'm not sure I'll be able to stop. "No, I'll be creating it myself."

Dr. Real waves his hooves at the architect, shaking his head nervously.

The Architect's eyes keep drifting to my arms, but that's not important right now. "Very well sir, this pillar is not load-bearing, no. You may replace it if you wish."

I nod at this, smiling. "Thank you, you may return to your work."

With that, a flash of contempt enters my expression, and I obliterate the pillar into nothing with a burst of flames. Hmm, that felt pretty good. I'll have to watch out for that. I can't afford to be destroying ugly things just because it feels good.

I need to create.


When Weiss finishes growing the weird, candycane pillar, Priss is officially done with this.

"Weiss," she starts, making Weiss's ears perk as he turns away from his creation with a pleased expression.

"You want more bling in the Shadow Realm, right?" She asks, walking up to him.

"Priss, you need to stay a few meters away from me, I'm not sure how I'll react to whatever you're going to say," Weiss warns, stepping back.

She shakes her head. "Weiss, cool it.

"Call up some artists. We've got plenty of them, and you've told them all to just 'indulge in their hobbies', and you've been paying them to basically do nothing. Call them up. Have them start making some goblets and paintings and stuff, if you want it that bad."

Weiss shakes his head. "Can't do that Priss. Might not end well if I get the idea in my head that I can just make ponies give me treasure."

Eclipse steps forward, the two fillies creating a humorous scene of them backing the larger stallion into a corner as he holds his hands up as if to ward them away.

"If you go bad, you know I'll stop you, right? I'll kick you in the head until you come to your senses" Eclipse says firmly, with no room for doubt.

Weiss's formerly panicked expression softens at that, as something clicks in his head.

"Right, but-"

Dr. Real shakes his head. "S-sir, we need you doing your job. If that means we have to switch to monster-ivory straws in the mess hall and making sure all our sporks have illuminated text engraved in them, then you'll work out a cost-effective way to get it done, and the hunters and carvers will do their job."

"I've got Mrs. Miss Priss on the line," Dr. Real finishes, shoving the radio crystal into Weiss's clammy hands.

"Well... If-" Weiss gulps, temptation clearly burning in his expression.

"If you insist."

He puts the radio to his ear. "Whittle, I need you on a new project."

A medium pitched chatter sounds out over the crystal.

"No, nothing so practical, I thought I'd put you back on some more familiar work, we don't need to do evacuations as often, now that the bootleg crystal heart is burning up anything we don't want in here. So, I figure, let's celebrate and style up the place. How fast can you make three-thousand skull-shaped sconces? The flattened ones, not the pony ones."

More chattering, excited chattering.

"Wow, that fast? Alright, I'll send some ponies over to pick them up when you're done, start installing them and such."

He hangs up on the professional crystal carver.

"I'm not taking down the pillar." Weiss says firmly, crossing two of his arms.

His pout helps Priss make the executive decision to laugh at his childish demand.


As I sit in my office, trying to practice my handwriting, Luna herself walks in, her sister in tow. This is weird because I'm not dreaming, and nobody's dying.

They seem to have missed the memo on my little outpatient procedure, if their expressions are anything to go by.

"Do you like it Luna? I find it quite 'handy', myself."

She walks forward, staring at my white, scaled arms with something between awe and disgust.

"What have you done to yourself?" She whispers. Oh shit, that's worry on her face.

Celestia's nose quirks. "Heaven's sake, I can still smell blood on you Weiss. Does your madness know no bounds?"

I widen my arms, smiling confidently, "Now the power of the noble dragon race is within me, and with it, their supreme greed is mine to command. I am fire, I am death!"

"Weiss... Your spirit is corrupt" Luna says, frowning as her wizard eyes see something I don't..

Shrugging my new shoulders, I quote an old line that seems appropriate here. "I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good."

I tilt my head in confusion when she keeps staring at me. "What, am I dying or something?"

Thankfully, she shakes her head. "No, you have no shortage of life force, Weiss. How are you acting so casually?"

Celestia interjects, offering her own clarification. "Any other pony would be a slavering beast, if they were in your position right now."

I raise an eyebrow. "Well, I am quite the beast, but slavering is just rude, Princess. What was your business here, exactly?" I say, shuffling my papers together before stuffing them in my desk drawers.

Celestia tries to keep a casual expression when she spots me tapping my fingers on the desk. "I was going to offer my aid in cleansing your realm of the black flames that plague it. I understand it was not your intent for them to escape the chamber you were housing them in."

I chuckle, intentionally answering as if Luna had spoken instead of her sister. "Luna, why would I extinguish the flames when my ponies worked so hard to make them? Hell, they're only in the Hidden Palace Zone right now, I'm planning on spreading them to the entire Shadow Realm!"

Luna balks at this, while her sister fumes at being verbally ignored in no uncertain terms. "You plan to turn your entire kingdom into a pit of hatred and fire?"

I huff through my nose. "The flames are perfectly content to mind their own business."

Princess Luna shakes her head in disbelief as she actually backs away slightly in shock. "Am I to believe that the dark magic littering your kingdom's streets hasn't caused a single injury?"

I nod. "You got it in one, Luna. The flames are born from hatred. If the Shadow Realm doesn't hate something, then the black flames can't touch it."

Their eyes widen, demonstrating that they've caught onto my implication.

"Exactly.

My eyes narrow, as my smile turns vicious. "This is our edge. We'll be able to facetank anything Sombra tries to throw at us now."

Luna's ears quirk at that. "Facetank?"

I pause, trying to come up with a good explanation. "Er, it's a term that refers to a tactic in games, where one's active and passive defenses allow them to 'Tank' damage with their face. Hence the term."

She ponders this for a moment. "And you believe that these flames are enough to facetank all of Sombra's potential attacks?" She asks, assimilating the slang as her sister's pout turns into curiosity as well.

"It will when I'm done with it," I smile vaguely.

"Oh! That reminds me."

I pull out a folder and slide it across the table to the princesses.

"This contains the plans to create prosthetic limbs using Migrant Iron as an attachment point. As you can clearly tell, I'm very confident in the product," I claim, holding my limbs out proudly.

Luna picks up the folder, reading through it.

"Are you really comfortable merely giving us something so valuable, Weiss?" Luna poses suspiciously, but also with concern, watching me like I'm about to leap over the table to snatch it back or something.

I nod sadly. "That's fair princess. I am feeling very different than I usually do, after all.

"I saw a pony who needed this more than I do, and I felt something much stronger than greed."

Celestia's ears twitch at that.

"This can help people. Migrant Iron might be a cursed metal, but this is too good to pass up."

Luna's eyes narrow. "Migrant Iron is a cursed metal, and our laws normally forbid possession of it..."

Celestia looks at the files with unabashed interest, elbowing her sister in the side lightly.

Searching my eyes for something that isn't there, Luna looks at the files, and her tension deflates, as she clearly considers some of the same things I considered, looking over survey reports and meeting with some injured ponies myself.

"We will not dismiss this, Lord Weiss. The fruits of your labor, if we discover nothing harmful within-"

With a look from Celestia that borders on pleading, she sighs. "-our laws may be changed to suit them."

I interrupt her. "If you discover a problem with Migrant Iron Prostheses, tell me, and I will fix them. There's a lot of ponies counting on them here too."

Luna looks skeptical, but strangely, Celestia looks much more pleased with the idea. Kindness and Generosity, folks.


Ruby stares down at me with a glare and a smirk. "Sup Lord Uncle. Doc said you needed a lesson on..."

He drops to one knee, flexing his right bicep. "Dragon!"

He shifts to the left, flexing the other one.

I wait for him to finish shouting, but he seems to be distracted.

"Is that it?" I question in a deadpan.

He startles "Oh, sorry Lord Uncle, I was distracted by my Dragon!"

He flexes "Power!"

I'm not as amused as the blank faced Sapphire and giggling Padparadscha are, as they sit in the stands of the emptied out arena.

Ok, maybe it's a little funny.

"Yes, that's what I'm here for, Ruby. If you would?"

He nods, arms akimbo as he opens his mouth wide, and spews pink flames into the air.

The stream cuts off. "And that's how it's done! You gotta want it! Like when I find!"

He huffs out another blast of flame with a determined expression as his arms snap to his sides, fists forward in what he seems to believe is a martial arts stance. "Rocks!

"My room has!

"A big pile of Rocks and Slag!" He finishes, throwing a punch.

"I want that stuff, and then I blow fire at it, and it goes to my room!" He says, throwing another punch for no reason.

"Doctor Real!

"Really doesn't approve!"

I quirk my eyebrow. That really doesn't help me figure out how to create Dragonfire. I can want something all damn day, but I still haven't managed to huff out so much as a spark.

"I'm afraid I don't understand, Ruby. Are you sure there's nothing else to it?" I question.

Sapphire raises their hand, and I point to them. "Go for it, kid."

"Pain," He says simply.

Paddy nods. "Yeah, it stings like if I bit my whole tongue right before I breathe fire!"

Ruby nods. "Yes!"

Ruby points in the air, while clenching his other fist. "The Spicy Tongue!"

He points to me with confidence. "It is our eternal enemy!"

He points upward again, repeating his first pose. "Fire's companion!"

I think about that for a moment, Spicy Tongue?

No fucking way.


Chef Goodum didn't approve of me taking thirty of the raw Crystal Peppers out of his kitchen, but it was absolutely crucial to my experiment.

What sort of Loonie Toons bullshit is this?

I thought that it was just a visual gag, but in thirty out of thirty test cases, a pony eating something too spicy for them to handle results in them emitting a variable stream of flames from their mouth.

Pain isn't even an emotion, why are they breathing fire from it! Wait, is pain an emotion? I don't think it is...

I almost rub my eyes in exasperation, before realizing what the heck I almost did, and use a non-pepper stained hand to rub my eyes in exasperation with.

This is going to suck.

Oh, but I can stuff some peppers in Priss's lunch later, now that I've got the idea in my head.

Author's Note:

The song of the day is "The World of Drawcia", from Kirby Canvas Curse.

From left to right, Glitter Miss Priss, Eclipse Flash, Weiss Noir, Iron Diamond, and Dr. Absolutely Real Homeopathy.

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