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Given a unique perspective on negative emotion, less than a foal's knowledge of ordinary magic, a healthy schadenfreude, and danger bearing down on all sides, the self-proclaimed "Weiss Noir" makes no plans accounting for his death, and plans to keep it that way, even after being torn away from earth, turned into a unicorn, and dumped into one of the most inhospitable locations and times in all of Equestria.

Stranded in the Frozen North, a place where biting cold ends lives, and one thousand years in the past, in a time when peril is the norm, rather than the exception, Weiss decides to indulge in sorcery most foul, stolen ideas, and human ingenuity to survive.

Given the choice between a mad slaver and a mad sage, however, there is no avoiding an inevitable tide of ponies escaping the conquered Crystal Empire to bask in the warmth of his well-stoked hate. Something which draws attention, enemies, and most worryingly, the rivalry of his "peers".

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Chapters (160)
Comments ( 2035 )

If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?


Past Weiss: Tidus (FFX)

Glitter Miss Priss: Baby Doll (Batman TAS)

Whittle Miss Priss: English Nico Robin (One Piece)

Glitter Bomb: English Joseph Joestar (JJBA: Stardust Crusaders)

Drop Kick: Bismuth (Steven Universe)

Modern Weiss: English DIO (JJBA: Stardust Crusaders)

I only read the first three chapters but I think you are off on a very good start, love the sarcastic humor in it so far, I can't wait to read the rest and how his relations with Sombra was like.

If you are ever looking for a new cover art I am open for commissions on my end, I have done quite a few HiE cover art that you might already know. PM me if you want to discuss this further.
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oh my gosh, such a troll! I hope he and Gilda can still do student teacher things maybe some dark magic can help griffinstone?

this really has the vibe of the experimental logs of the crazy lich can be hilarious and serious

I refuse to accept that our hero protagonist edgelord sounds that cool. Everyone else sounds right though.
Griffins are for sure mean enough to handle at least a little dark magic without going loco in the coco but I think Gilda at least is probably gonna stick around with the horse force and is also already pretty distrustful of Weiss. The episode after Griffin the Brush Off is Boast Busters though and I think Trixie would make a fun apprentice character.

that a shame I though are Griffin could be a good student old fashion hand on kind of reluctant apprentice even if it infuriates her with him being the teacher it would have been interesting but it fine Gilda using that magic boost for speed and strength is a cool skill she can be proud of and Trixie bit?
yeah I can see Trixie it a given it a bit expected by me and it seems everyone expecting Trixie the wronged unicorn to learn the dark magic the great and powerful learning dark art seems to easy to be for her needs like I can see rage fire or dark beam being her first learned spell lets see what the author shall write

I had mixed thoughts and feeling on about having parts of the story divided into taking place at his arrival 1K in the past and in Season 1 as I was really hopping to see how things were in the Crystal Empire and in Equestria at the time, he wouldn't get to see the Pillars of Equestra seeing how they predate the Elements and such. But after what I have seen so far I think it isn't haft bad at all. I think the encounter with Gilda was actually interesting and was aft all just a too to get the Mane 6 gathered to him as well as to give a legitimate reason to get the the two weapons out for him to speak to them again, maybe even freeing them. I hope to see more of his early days in Equestria, but I think the story is shaping up nicely so far.

I also wonder if he is also the creator of the Alicorn Amulet and the Book that Rarity used to transfigure all of Ponyville in the first place sense the last one was located in the Castle of the two sisters? Also didn't the Everyforest not exist as the time prier to NMM's banishment as it was at the time either a failed capital, a domain for rest or a stronghold defense where it was build right next to the Tree of Harmony?

I would also wonder what was his experience as Celestia personal student was like for him as it sounded that their relations were very tense that doesn't sound like it was agreed to all to willingly, could it have been do to try to purifying him, keep him at hooves lengths so that she could keep an eye on him at the time or it was done to peas the nobles concerns for how dangerous he was or that the title just allowed him to have access to Celestia resources?

Where did you get the idea that he was ever her student? He seems to mostly be doing his own thing with self study and the Diarchy has busted up his throne room aiming to kill or capture him, at minimum, three times.

nice new home in progress a place the crystal ponies could see as a haven maybe even a backup home in the making if the crystal empire falls for good that crystal heart is a bit fragile. when he has time I hope he can make soda and other good indulgent foods maybe a few toys it would be so popular in those hard and dark times
do you think when he is dealing with discord few years of ruling and magic later he actually might make a nice chaos sanctuary preserve? like something prepared for when discord stoned? I can see some things being wild but beneficial without discord influencing to go crazy or always changing by his will a nice free range chaos zone maybe charged by silly quirky things


In this story's Canon, the Everfree Forest is the direct result of the Tree of Harmony's influence. It might not have been the same in the modern era as it was in the past, but it had always been able to function on it's own, due to the intense power of harmony suffusing it.

The pony sisters opted to build a castle town there for whatever reason. Perhaps as a show of power (The princesses are able to brave the forest, so they must be powerful.)

Very interesting chapters looks like his magic could could be tired to the seven deadly sins that can both channel and absorb those emotions on to other people and can even beneficial to allow ponies to venting all their bottled up feelings within them and to allow them to express the horrors they had experience during that time under King Sombra' tyrannical yoke. I don't exactly seen the seven sins has inherently evil or bad, but uncontrolled urges and impulses of human nature that aren't channel properly to a constructed end, but can give an extra edge to add focus to what they can use to fuel passion works or to go on further then if you didn't had the drive for them. You can use your wrath to push on in a fight where fear and uncertainty would cause you to hesitate. Envy can be used to motivate to do a better to do a better job in crafting then the others, in being more creative (this one I like the most). and to improve on your work. Pride can be used to hold yourself to a higher standard in comportment and to project self confidence and so forth. It it is only a question to hold a proper reign on those impulses and know when to use them and went hold them back with the restraints of the cardinal Virtues when not in need and denying or restraining them those flaws on everything will only lead to escape violently in the most inopportune of times and letting them dominate and control you will only get you burned by them. It is by acknowledging those personal flaws in ourselves and being aware of when they come into play that they can become beneficial to yourself and others of your group. Being self critical has helped Weiss to stay focus and and not let his petty frustration to get a hold of him to his credit.

I think last past chapter was a good demonstration of Weiss' good character in actually sticking with those crystal ponies in the resistance against the King Sombra and not just abandoning them to the fate to the element, even if he was a dependent for them in teaching the basics on crystal magic and how to use some of his powers. He could have done absolutely nothing to help more Crystal Ponies, and just bunker down with the family down until the Royal sisters swoop in and save them, as he knew they would eventually come. But, to his credit he didn't and didn't just try to organize a mas exodus but create a hole resistance network and traps will allow the to slow down King Sombra's plan and and give more time for Celestia and Luna to save the Crystal Empire even if he knows it would turn out quite that way. I am betting that his capture will be inevitable and will have a showdown with King Sombra soon enough or be subjected to his tender ministrations while he pry everything he know about black magic that he can use for himself. I am betting that he will be happy to see his surviving residence friends/comrades once the Crystal Empire is back.

He can’t be the maker of either of those because they existed in the original, Weissless timeline.

I wonder if Weiss has anything to do with the crystal caves under Canterhorn?

Interesting, I wonder why Weiss is still hanging around Ponyville and interfering with the Mane Six lives like he does in creating conflicts and defusing them, why is he trying to 'fix' the issues with the show like that? Is this a misdirected attempt trying to relive his younger self fantasy of being with the mane 6, and like Celestia trying to vicariously live through them a time in his life that he enjoyed? God he is really getting old then. I wonder why he needs to get those two artifacts, is he anticipating something worst coming that the show didn't tell about or is it for his other unknown plans? I wonder if his interference is going to have negative consequences later on that he simply didn't foresee?

ooo is that ritual room apart to how Sombra pulled off that spiteful vanishing curse? it interesting cause it means many things like maybe he got a death curse for if he dies or if he loses a big old buck you to the hero's, rebels and Sombra gets another chance it really ups the antics if it turns out Sombra can trigger it early if he thinks the empire needs some isolation.
Weiss is the little fish in the Sombra shark waters kind of thing out of his weight class but snarky colt gonna try his best out of spite!
do you think Weiss uses and lures the powerful hot-blooded alicorn sisters for some of the overpowered enemies and problem needing fixing or smiting?
I get the feeling Sombra and Weiss shall be archnemeses the more Weiss learn of Sombra work and actions I can see it getting dark

imagine Weiss dealing with the alternate timeline made from starlight glimmer time disaster? he really weakening twilight learning about friendships I hope he apologizes to the tree sometime for the accident but im sure he can get the alicorn necklace through some connections probably. unless Celestia made some effort to hide the dark artifacts?

Shit, I knew I forgot something. Give me a minute. I'll edit in Twilight's friendship lesson from this chapter.

these little looks into his life are nice I wish we could see more of his antics in the coming story in present at times like him interacting with his friends

maybe he is waiting and preparing for the crystal empire return?

interesting, are they still on the Run from Sombra or did Weill managed to overthrow him and take his place. I wonder what he will do with the dragon and if he is going to bring it to heel and properly obedient. Interesting to see the game he created, wonder if we will see more of the colt.

I'm not certain what led you to believe that (Or what colt you're referring to), but they are in hiding. Currently, they are living underground in bunkers far away from the Crystal Empire, to prevent Sombra from discovering them while they slowly free more and more citizens.

Priss and Weiss the sibling duo dynamic kind of glad for that family vibe really like his friendship with the others seem like Sombra gonna experiment ways to find the rebel leader gonna be dangerous when he comes up with something maybe he make use of his property talents then just him throwing slave helmets at the task may be a few more dragons and monsters? it is a proper motive for Weiss to be a bit careful since Sombra is so powerful.
so Weiss did some exploring? like made some connections and very limited trade with the outside world for his shadow realm sake?

What with the whole magic of love, magic of friendship thing the show has going, I'm pretty sure it's just that all magic is emotion based and dark magic is the negative ones, which include but are not necessarily limited to the Seven Deadlies.
The way I perceive it is more that A) He's probably a little crazy from his imprisonment/all his friends/subjects being dead probably (since his kingdom is outside the Empire proper), B) He wants those artifacts because he's really weak right now, as seen by illusioning his bruise away rather than actually healing it, and C) most of the cool magic shit makes its way to Ponyville or its residents one way or another, so if he's looking for that kind of thing, why not just stay here and enjoy fucking with the locals while he's there?

Very lovely story you have here, I'm glad I happened upon it.
I'm excited for more!

Interesting to see that Weiss has finally found parallels with dragon greed fire and his own dark magic, this at least gives him a base of comparator to work with and see the what similar vices that fuel them, I wonder how he could incorporate in into his own magic that seemed to be fueled by hatred . I wonder how he could use dark magic into the crafting of magical objects. I wonder if he will start to draw similar parallels with him and Sombra and what will he have to do to prevent from becoming self-serving like him after the conflict. How could he know so much more from the use of Dark Magic that Weiss hasn't even though of yet and to what unimaginable scale he can use it for. I What could Sombra have been doing that during all this time when his work force have started to be missing? Also what do the Resistance do the feed themselves at the moment?

So far he has managed to shield himself of that because he has limited recourses and needs the crystal ponies to effectively survive the Northern lands and resist in KS, and has, for now at least developed comradely with the resistance. But what will happen then they have not choice but to use guerrilla warfare fair and resit pressured of using the rhetorics of 'necessary sacrifice ', 'for the grater good' in commanding and disposing of his own members to reach his goals or to just save his skin? What will he do when he has to is under constant pressure and desperation against an unimaginably powerful foe like KS?

I think you're being a bit fatalistic there, especially with the lack of a Death tag. And Crystal Pony magic can make the crystals they're mining and growing edible which was mentioned earlier.

hmmm does that mean diamond dogs dig so well due to greed magic?

priss got flame hair??? that had to be a day but cool! ooo I wonder what is he gonna make and where did he learn to craft? Does it sound like Gilda starting to accept her power it looks like I think? I wonder if she can go fire griffon the same way twilight can go fire pony? Gilda and Fluttershy friendship!
so would Weiss learn about more about Sombra in this story? like the fact Sombra a umbrum aka shadow pony? or the fact they're an "army" of umbrum buried under the empire? a fun fact I read about on the mlp wiki but very interesting all the same

Interesting chapter, looks like Weiss really has a bone to pick with Sombra and will really wants a one on one confrontation with him. So he was active during the whole of the last thousand years in antagonizing Equestria as a villain to to keep it on it's hooves, I wonder who else had been his victims throughout history. I find it odd that Gilda and Trixie have decided to stick around Ponyville but it doesn't seem to interfear too much with the time line. I can't wait to see what will happen next, but I am also surprised at the amount of content that you manage to produce in just a day and with descent quality, I hope you will keep on improving still even if you slow down a bit.

Well, he can't have been doing it the entire thousand years, since he was shown to have been imprisoned up until the Present Era.

Gilda is still waiting on Twilight to handle getting her money.

Trixie doesn't have much of a choice, and also has to wait until the paperwork can go through for her to be compensated for her lost valuables in the ursa attack.

Valid critiques of major issues are always welcome, if any particularly glaring ones appear as a result of my fast updating schedule.

He could have just promised a tone of bits to be freed, being in the middle of the griffin lands and any griffin would have fought over the honor of rubbing that lamp, assuming they didn't kill each other in the process. How could this not be just a staged scene to get Gilda's attention and to get her guard down to making it seem like he is grateful for freeing him?


You've got a very good point there. What could Weiss have possibly done, that his jailer assumed he would never be freed if he were kept in Griffonstone, greed capital of the world?

He certainly seemed surprised that Gilda had never heard of him before.

Well, if he did indeed get captured and go all his important stuff swiped away, and was long enough turned to stone for that to happen and lose track of them due to the march of time, then this is what I could come up with. Celestia passed Weiss's petrified self on to the Griffin Kingdom anarchy care, with the promise to pay them constant indemnities to be put in a fault along were no pony/griffin could be swayed, and that lasted until the Kingdom went bankrupt and that vault got sacked and his statue was just tossed away like refuse while he was snousing, or or had nanaged to bribe his freedom at that point or thought they could make more bits that he could promise but couldn't move the statue any further, but didn't want to share the possible ransom so didn't tell any griffin, so left him alone and forgot about him. Or, it could be that the magic that was holding him had degraded to the point he could actually talk to someone and Gilda just so happen to arrive around that time. I feel the last one might be more convoluted, but those are the counter points that I can come up with to my own argument.

Meanwhile, and arguably parawhile, the flow of time itself briefly becomes convoluted, as out of the chronal fabric above Sweet Apple Acres, a large, bulbous machine slowly fades into existence. The machine is painted mostly yellow, with accents of green and blue. For whatever reason, the word "Hope!" is painted on the side in a way that seems almost ironic. It slowly lands in a clearing of the apple tree forest, and it's bulbous, slightly conical cockpit hisses open.

The heavily cloaked mare that stumbles out of it spots some of the apples, and, with nothing short of desperate and reckless abandon, runs over and uses some of their precious little energy to yank an apple free of it, stuffing it in their mouth with a sob as they eat as quickly as is safe for them. Feeling the agonizing hunger of their subjectively past week slowly abate, they pull down more apples and eat those at a slightly more sedate pace.

The unicorn's gaze slowly sweeps to the mountain in the distance, and the jewel of Equestria, the city of Canterlot affixed to it's side.

"Got to get to Celestia. Got to get to Canterlot," They rasp, throat soothed slightly by the juicy, ambrosial apples.

Time Machine ignored completely in their desperation, the yellow-coated mare pulls down her hood, stuffs it full of apples, and forces herself to begin walking the long route to the nearest train station.


I have a couple things to say here. First, this is just a nitpick but he wasn’t turned to stone the statue was actually a statue and he was trapped in the lamp. Second, if we compare his escape with Discord’s, which the name of the chapter already does, then Gilda being angry mirrors the CMC being chaotic and at least correlating with, if not causing, the trap to weaken. The Griffins may be greedy, but they’re otherwise mostly just apathetic so it’s at least theoretically that she’s the first person to be angry enough near him to let him communicate, or even just the straw that broke the camel’s back, especially since the Park was stated to be only rarely visited. Plus, since Discord terrorized Equestria and was locked up in Equestria (combined with how Weiss expected a non-scholarly Griffon to recognize him), it’s possible that whatever Weiss did to justify his imprissonment specifically involved fucking over the griffins in some way, at least enough for them to not want to let him out because of that. Also, and this is more evidence against him having been free and logic that he could or would have been trapped, he’s super weak right now, implying he hasn’t had any time to build up power. He doesn’t have any awesome artifacts from when he had the resources of a nation behind him and, upon his release, he’s not even strong enough to heal a bruise. Also, even if he’d be justifiably scared of Twilight at higher power than what I’m suggesting, he did throw down with a dragon and do noticeable damage while now he’s worried about being in the general vicinity of an Ursa Minor.

oh no Weiss made a pandora box and it wasn't discorded fault!

Dear Your Royal Garbageness,

Today I learned an important lesson about Schadenfreude. Having someone too big for their miners hat being hoisted up by failing to deliver something can be a wonderful thing to watch, and has given me ever so many ideas for when I finally bring you to your knees.

Spitefully yours,
Eclipse Flash



Seriously though, nice work so far

Hum, well Weiss did better then what I would have done, with a filly that nearly could have destroyed all the of the Shadow Realm with a rampaging dragon. I would have executed her right after dealing with the dragon and pass it off as being killed by the dragon to avoid any potential fallout for killing a child, in those situations you can't afford to let traitors or not to make an example out of them. I am happy that Weiss found a way to save her and parts of the the Shadow Realm in letting the dragon leave like that. I hope that Weiss managed to spine the story as the filly had been used by the by the dragon to free him and was innocent of all crimes, and not to get the rest of the crystal ponies to claimer for her death as a traitor. It was even more surprising that he managed use the situation to have her as his apprentice, through from the sound of things it didn't turn out well for her, I am afraid of the idea that she might have fallen to the temptation of dark magic. I though it was interesting that he still can't use normal unicorn magic, the idea that his originally human mind isn't affected the same way by dark magic like ponies would is interesting. I wonder if Weiss' failure in all of this is that the ended up corrupting all his crystal ponies with his use of dark magic right, and were all dead because of it before Sombra actual defeat?


If you remember, Weiss's reasoning was that her name was auspicious when paired with her actions and behavior, and he had the suspicion that she would somehow play a major role in events to come. Something he felt warranted extreme care in his next actions.

Even if he had the stomach to kill a young child, (when he didn't have the stomach to kill a violent dragon when there would have been zero kickback, and the dragon was in his dungeon.)

A Weiss capable of that would probably have assumed that trying to kill her would just create a self-fulfilling prophesy in which she somehow avoids death, escapes, and grows to become a major threat to him later.

It's not the thought of a sane person, but rather, the thought of one who read TVTropes far too often for his own good.

Either way, this story lacks the [Death] and [Tragedy] tags. Tags which I have little intention of adding in the future.

does Weiss have a few reports on his dealing with people? like pinheaded unicorns, bitter earth ponies and the military like Pegasus in the past heck dragons and other things? even places like Timbucktu and Trot?

I may begin releasing Rubrum Reports of that nature, once Weiss and the Shadow Realm are no longer hiding and isolated.

There are few things that hurt as badly as someone assuming the worst of you, and there is nothing worse than missing the opportunity to make a new friend because you believed tall tales about the content of their character.

Hmmm. I wonder if this will come up at any point regarding some other character?

I feel terrible for the destroyed world alternate Weiss I hope he can do something about it maybe Weiss of other alternates make a system to heal the butterflies from destroyed worlds fate or set it up to heal
I can see that destroyed world Weiss making a jump with twilight and glimmer time travel journey that time spell banishing itself a bit too dangerous not to capture and so useful in how accurate it is.

Eh, there's enough magical artifacts and sealed gods laying around Equestria to have a good chance of repopulating the planet with Weiss as their god king all mighty neighborhood curmudgeon.

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