Flim and Flam listened with rapt attention as Shooting Star, formerly Metal Dash, formerly "I thought I was Rainbow Dash, but since that ship has sailed, I've got to be a big pony and be me instead."
"And it's all thanks to this," she patted her chest, where a warm yellow glow hummed beneath her chest.
"Maybe I could have figured out how to live without it, but... Not being able to remember things, not being able to grow as a pony... I don't know if that would have been worth it. I'm really grateful for this Wishing Star thing, it really gave me my life back... Or I guess, it just gave me my life in the first place," she sighed.
Flam mentally cracked his neck. This was a job for smooth talking, and while his brother was normally taking the lead, the pony was a bit too clever to not be obsessively stunned trying to think out the ramifications of a truly sapient artificial pony, one that was, as he tactfully kept to himself, "Running on borrowed museum artifacts and cobbled together on a hope and a dream."
"Well, it sounds to me as if it was quite the inspiring story! I can't imagine what that sage was thinking, acting as if something of your stature was the same as some common animate statue. Empowered by the ultimate Pegasus Magic, parts constructed by the finest minds of an era we are rediscovering wonders from by the hour! Capable of feats most pegasi would dread to attempt!" he exclaimed.
While Shooting Star was pretty sure she was being buttered up, she couldn't help but metaphorically preen. Second best to the original may have been grating, but that only made the compliments a bit harder to ignore in this case.
"If you ask me, things turned out quite magnificently for you, did they not? Why, I would even dare to say, the only way you could have turned out better is if you hadn't had to deal with that brute in the first place," Flim nodded, interjecting.
Gilda and Trixie both nodded emphatically, while Sunset awkwardly shrugged.
"Yeah, Weiss is bad news. Anyone who managed to get out of his crazy orbit is alright in my book," Gilda said, slamming back the last of her rootbeer float and setting the mug down with a clatter. In a pink poofy flash, the mug was replaced with a full one.
"Trixie managed to avoid the worst of it, but she can't help but agree. He orchestrated a musical number to try and ruin my act, just so I would go along with whatever it was he was after!"
Sunset looked displeased, and glanced down at her necklace. While Weiss didn't make it according to his original specifications, he still had a hand in the magical artifacts that were actively keeping her from ceasing to exist. Badmouthing him felt wrong, even though, from an objective point of view, he was a rather terrifying individual in general.
Shooting Star gave one last heavy sigh. "Yeah. So, if you want my advice, Flim, Flam, I'd get as far away from him as ponyly possible. If he doesn't hate you, it's because he's got a use for you, at least, that's what me and the girls seem to agree on. I keep feeling like the other shoe is going to drop-"
That damn memory appeared in her head again, unbidden, of being crushed and tossed aside like a prop for dramatic effect, on the day Weiss Noir freed himself.
She forced herself to finish: "-With you two working on that Great Sacred Doohickey or whatever you're calling it" she explained
Flim and Flam shared a look. It was time for one of those situations where everypony wins, given a bit of prodding.
"It stands to reason that you would be in more danger of that than us, Miss Star," Flam admitted, stroking his mustache.
"Huh?"
Flim nodded. "If that so called Wishing Star is just keeping your head on straight, then you haven't gotten a single thing in your corner, when it comes to the other nasty stuff that might be installed."
Shooting Star suddenly looked tense. "That shouldn't matter though, I mean, I'm a pony as long as I've got the Wishing Star, so who cares about any 'installations' or whatever?"
Flim and Flam both shook their head. "But it's a transformation. Transformations hide the true form underneath, like putting on a mask, but the mask is real too. If there was something nasty left behind-" Flam began.
"-And believe you me, there was some truly nasty stuff in the Great Sacred Treasure. Weiss Noir absolutely did not want anypony using that thing who didn't fit a very particular criteria, and went to great lengths to prevent it, even if they didn't quite work right..." Flim interjected.
Flam nodded. "Then a transformation wouldn't stop whatever was in your original form from causing problems."
Gilda, ever the cynic, decided to raise an eyebrow and lean over. "Let me guess, traveling salesponies nonpareil have a quick, cheap, and good solution, checks off all three boxes?" she said sardonically, taking some of the sting out of Shooting Star's nervous realization that they might be right.
"Hey, yeah, maybe you're right, but this kinda sounds like you're after something, so spill it," she barked.
The brothers took off their hats solemnly. "We hardly need to be after something, we'd get it if we didn't charge a dime, helping you out," Flam began.
"To put it simply, Miss Shooting Star, if we, for lack of a better word, popped you open and looked around, we'd learn things about magic that can't be learned a single other place in all of Equestria and beyond. That's just for looking. What do you think brother, is that worth a checkup from two of Equestria's finest tinkery types?" he asked, turning to his brother.
"Indubitably, my brother. That old bat Granny Smith taught us a very valuable lesson. Honesty is the best policy when everypony stands to profit." Flim continued, surprised but pleased with his brother's uncharacteristic leading of the con- conversation, that's what this is. Doubly uncharacteristic, then.
Shooting Star was sorely tempted, she still felt slow, in the way her body seemed to not be as 100% as she would like, and while the Wishing Star had been pulling double duty keeping her mind and body the way she liked it, she could tell that the relic was working at its limits, trying to do so much with so little. Something twinged in her mind that a bit more health for her old form meant a lot more health for her real self.
And that was ignoring the fear that Weiss Noir might still have some kind of way to control her, or shut her off.
"And you won't mind if somepony who also knows a thing or two about magic keeps an eye on this so called Checkup?" Sunset interjected. This was getting a little too real for her to sit it out as a casual conversation, and she felt the protectiveness well up over the new member of her in-group.
She still felt terribly awkward when Gilda and Trixie gave her a thorough dressing down for "Acting like a complete sociopath to Metal Dash" when they first met, and she gushed over her capabilities.
To their credit, the brothers didn't hesitate. "Of course, more eyes mean fewer mistakes, isn't that right?" Flam asked rhetorically.
Shooting Star finally caved. "Alright, fine, make me the six-million-bit pony then, but after you make sure you-know-who can't just tell me to drop dead," she insisted.
"Business before pleasure, of course," Flam said with a winning smile.
'What an excellent end to a skillful con- er, conversation, right, conversations are what we do now, apparently,' he thought, shaking hooves with the artificial pegasus.
"P-p-please, Aunty, I swear, I don't know what this is all about, I- I didn't know that Bugsly would do... That Bugsly would do something like thi-his," Blueblood sobs behind the bars of the dungeon.
Celestia looked sad, stricken even.
"Explain why the guards found evidence in your room, Blueblood," she said calmly.
The prince looked shocked, "Evidence? Of what?! I- I don't know! Please, I don't know what all of this is about, A-Aunty," the prim and proper unicorn sobbed, terrified of the charges mounted against him. High Treason. Assault on the Elements of Harmony.
"In your room, Blueblood. There was a diary, diagrams, explaining how to train a Wannabeetle to operate enchanted machinery. Reports that tie you to illicit activities done as a supporter of Chapter Black, what am I to do with you, if you cannot explain this?" she explained.
I took the opportunity to burst in dramatically, barging through the dungeon hall with aplomb, while Eclipse followed after me.
"Weiss, when I said you should obey the law when pursuing these ponies, this is not what I meant!" she said with exasperation.
I chuckled. "Look, Eclipse, when it comes to things like this," I waved as guards held spears to my neck nervously.
"The law at its most powerful is executed through its highest authority," I finish, as Celestia turns and stares at me with confusion, and no shortage of amusement and disdain. I was interrupting something very sensitive, after all.
"Hello, Celestia. As I'm not simply allowed to beat someone to a pulp or threaten them in the streets to extract the truth from them, I have decided to concede to my student's demands, and learn once more how to operate within the law," I bowed smugly.
Celestia gave a sigh. "That is wonderful, Weiss, I am dealing with something I would rather not have your presence for, however, so it would be most welcome if you would leave. It isn't exactly legal for you to march into the dungeons as you've done."
I rose, and waggled my finger. "I'm doing you a favor here, so cut it with that. Give me your blessing, your will of authority, and I'll solve this entire problem for you within a week. Make me above your laws long enough to investigate, and you know I will bring out those responsible."
She opened her mouth, but I interrupted it with a snarl. "Scratch that, I'll do it in three days. An auspicious number, and far more impressive for my record. Give me your blessing to act, using your authority as ruler of Equestria, and Chapter Black's criminal elements will be excised in the next three days," I boast.
She closes her mouth, and begins to think. I walk over to the cell where the sniveling, or rather, sniffling prince is sitting, on the verge of bawling his eyes out.
He doesn't notice me until I speak. "What did you do, Prince Blueblood? Are you an enemy of Equestria? Of me?" I whisper through the bars, and he finally makes eye contact with me.
I watch his expression, and after moments of confusion, and subtle shifts in the prissy unicorn's tear-stricken eyes, I've got all I need.
"Wh-what?" he babbles uncertainly, reacting as I would expect from someone utterly ignorant of the game he's a pawn in.
"You're a punk, but you aren't guilty. I'm going to utterly decimate those who are, so stop your whining. " I say calmly.
Eclipse and Celestia's eyes widen.
I shoot them a glare, is there something on my face?
"He's not a member of Chapter Black, you imbeciles. He's a patsy. Chapter Black doesn't recruit useless ponies to its highest ranks," I explain simply.
"Wh- What is that supposed to mean?! I am a Prince of Equestria! You cannot speak of me like that!"
"Shut up. Uncle's talking, and he knows a little more about this situation than your precious Aunty does. I happen to like bumbling imbeciles, in a sort of ironic way, so don't wear out that one point in your favor," I bark, shutting up the unicorn who has the decency to squeak quietly with fright.
I return my attention to Celestia. "Three days. Give me three days."
Celestia finally sighs. "How can I trust you? I quite literally know you'll answer that with-"
"You can't," we both say in unison.
I smirk. "But you can trust Eclipse Flash."
Eclipse, who had mostly been stunned by this entire situation, either by my callousness or my way of speaking to Celestia, but either way, she is stunned even more as the princess turns her gaze on my student.
"What do you plan to do if I accept this offer?" The alicorn asks.
"I speak to the member of Chapter Black's highest echelons that you have impounded somewhere like a common animal, of course. The one that's right under your nose."
If a Wannabeetle could pretend to be a pegasus, it could pretend to be a Chapter Black member, after all. And only a sapient thing could have fooled a Weapon of Light. There's no getting around that, even if I made mistakes in the security of my Great Sacred Treasure, I know that only something capable of rational thought would be able to use it as well as that Wannabeetle did.
I had a chink in their armor to pry open, and one that was all alone.
Alone with no one to keep me from doing what I do best.
A red dragon stared into a hut. The elder dragons told him that Weiss Noir, the literal legend himself, had returned. Garble, who had been raised from a hatchling on stories like those, knew that he had to do it. He had to fulfill his heritage, his destiny, even!
If there was one thing every hatchling knew from elder dragons bragging, (or complaining), was that, while he was alive, robbing Weiss Noir was a rite of passage. Apparently, after the Dragon Mouse had been robbed, and promptly threw an insane fit, it became tradition for dragons to try and steal from him, until he stopped getting mad, and thus, it stopped being funny.
Then it got really funny again, and dragons started doing it again. But that's irrelevant, what's important is that Garble sniffed it out, a genuine Shadow Realm Relic, just sitting there in a hut, with nothing but some old Zebra to stand between him and it...
As soon as the mare left, he ran in and grabbed it like the sage was on his heels, running through the Everfree Forest as fast as he could.
"I did it!" he roared, before clamping his jaws shut, and repeating in a quieter tone as he took flight.
"I did it!" he muttered. The first dragon in six-hundred years to steal from the Dragon Mouse! (Or one of his friends, clearly)
He laughed a bit, then louder and louder with glee. Everyone would be so impressed, so shocked to find out that he took this big dumb pot thing fair and square!
All that boring effort trying to learn to sniff out treasures, to tell the differences between treasureses that determined who something belonged to, all for this!
"Hahahahaahahahah-URP!" Garble choked as an airship suddenly crashed into him, sending him crashing to the ground painfully, and making the weird airship make a sudden landing nearby.
"Uhh, are you sure he's alright?" a squeaky voice squeaked.
"Yeah, if he's anything like my bros, he'll be up in like a minute flat. This isn't the first time an Arwing has ran someone over," a slightly less squeaky but still verymuch so voice answered.
"Whuzzhuh?" Garble garbled, blinking stars from his vision.
"Hey, wake up sleepyhead, we just ran you over by mistake," Padparadscha said, slapping the red dragon across the face several times.
"I really hope his-" Ruby began, pointing towards the large urn on the ground dramatically.
"Really cool pot didn't get broken!" he finished.
Sapphire scratched his chin. "It looks fine, brother."
Spike looked at it uncomprehendingly, until something about it seemed to trigger a memory. "Hey, I've seen that before, that pot belongs to Zecora!" he shouts, realizing where he had seen the magical artifact before.
Padparadscha drops the red dragon's spines, letting their head flop to the ground, tongue poking out unconsciously.
"That so? Looks like we've got some topics to discuss once our little friend wakes up," Paddy retorts with a raised brow.
Ruby tried to tug the pot away, but even unconsciously, the red dragon refused to give it up.
"I don't think I can get it without breaking it!" he shouted.
"He's holding onto it tighter than I held that trashcan that one time!" he continued, giving up after a moment.
Spike blinked, and as Sapphire investigated the dragon to see if it could be pried from their grip some other way, Paddy explained with a smirk.
"I told you we weren't exactly normal dragons. Ruby here isn't interested in gold and gems, he fills his room with junk. Just about anything that isn't worth anything, poor guy can't help himself. Sapphire likes taking stuff, but he just moves it around. No hoarding at all, but I swear he's the reason why there's GP in all the Shadow Realm's couches."
Spike considered this. He read about how dragons were supposed to have big hordes of treasure, but Twilight had raised him better than that, and he kept the stashing to a minimum, usually. More of a snack stash than a horde.
"Well, what about you?" Spike asked, as Sapphire tried to pry open the red drake's claws, only for them to suddenly curl up around it protectively in their sleep.
Padparadscha looked shifty. "Nothing weird," he said weirdly.
Ruby grinned. "He hoards ponies!"
"No! I do not! I just like bringing individuals with extreme potential and magical power together at places of my choosing!"
"That statement is implicative!" Ruby retorted with a broad smile, as Sapphire finally collapsed on his rear, his grip on the Krak Pot slipping and sending him falling back.
"Where did you even learn that word, you lunk?! Look, it isn't that weird, I just throw conventions and parties and stuff. Ask Eclipse Flash, she knows!" Paddy flushed, crossing his arms with a huff.
"Our instincts have encouraged strange habits. Our friends do not hold us in contempt for those habits." Sapphire interjected, and Spike nodded quickly in response, trying to be understanding about it.
"Hey, I know what you mean. I mean, sort of," Spike attempted.
"...One time I hid a bunch of rock candy under my bed and ruined it, and now Twilight doesn't let me have any," he admitted, trying to offer a story of his own.
The trio gave him a silent few seconds of staring, before Paddy broke it with a grin. "Okay, that's pretty funny."
Soon, the other flier who was going along with them came to a landing, the big red metal pony opening up to reveal one of the brothers.
"What's the problem?!" he shouted down to them. It was odd that he had been paid so much to deliver barrels of Cider to the Dragonlands, and so suddenly, but considering that the apparent intended recipients were Weiss Noir's 'Nephews', it wasn't totally unreasonable.
"Sorry, cider guy! We ran someone over!" Ruby shouted, pointing to the dragon in question.
Flam sighed. "I'm paid by the job, not by the hour, is there nothing you can do to get us back in the air?"
Padparadscha shrugged. "He was heading the same way we are. Dump him in the ship, he'll wake up when he wakes up," the little pink dragon suggested.
Spike did not approve of this plan one bit, but before he could voice his complaint, Ruby had already picked up the dragon and did exactly that, dumping him into the back of the Arwing.
"Job done!" Ruby admitted proudly, and they all piled back in to finish the flight to the Dragonlands, their unconscious and unwilling passenger clinging to the Krak-pot like it was the most important thing in the world.