• Member Since 18th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Mordred


Just a dude who plays Warframe excessively on Xbox.

T

I was on my way to Tennocon in Quebec, dressed as my personal Tenno from the game Warframe. I saw a costume shop with a perfect looking Amp, and stepped inside to buy it, and upon putting it on my arm found myself in Equestria. I was turned to stone by Celestia because of a misunderstanding about my powers, and now I do my own thing in Equestria, occasionally helping at Celestia's behest.

A Displaced story, will be doing crossovers if approached for them. However, I won't do a crossover if there is no reason to.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 35 )

So far of the story, it shows alot of promise.

So far, I'm impressed. Though there could be a bit more dialogue, no other complaints.

Impressive very impressive. Mirage was the first frame i got after starting with Excalibur, though I have RNG Satan standing over my shoulder so I have none of the parts for the prime form. Over sixty missions down the drain but what ever. Keep up the good work. I'll be reading all of this series.





A thumbs up for you:scootangel:

I like it so far my only complaint is it needs a bit more dialogue, and please don't do crossovers that ruins the story for me.

8869523
I'm thinking of doing crossovers as a means of avoiding lazy timeskips, such as skipping from Discord's release to Sombra's return, because there aren't many events that I can think of that would warrant months of absence.

Where is that photo from?

8869629
My Xbox captures, took it in Captura mode, why?

here's a lesson to you all





NEVER GET FUCKING COCKY IN A FIGHT!!

I never heard the answer to the ‘one guard tells the truth the other always lies’ riddle before what is it?

8895624
Ask the path to heaven, or something you already know the true answer to.

Ask the path that other tell you if you him/her ask the path to heaven

Please take crossovers in moderation. I have seen many stories ruined by them and I quite like this one

8937467
No worries, I'm mainly using the whole time dilation crossover thing to skip to around the Royal Wedding/Changeling Invasion, because nothing extremely important other than Discord's release happen up until then, and I want to introduce Discord as "reformed" instead of just broken out and reimprisoned.

8937663
:yay: Reformed Discord is best Discord!

I REALLY need to start playing warframe

8942564
It's a good game, and it's free, but I will warn you, if you really enjoy playing it, it will most likely take up almost all of your time.

Impressive, but way too much way too fast. Pace the story more, draw things out more, add detail. For instance, do a timeskip and give a little dump of info on how the years have been for the character. Or, since they seemed to have been sleeping most of the time, have them, well, react. They didn't react much at all in this first chapter.

Still, seeing the promise in this is giving me an inclination to read more, and thus I shall.

Again, this seems much too rushed, much too fast too quick. PACE yourself, don't go spewing out one chapter after another without giving more thought to what you're doing. Much of the characters reactions, both Celestia's and Mirage's, rely too much on realizations that really should NOT come that quickly. VERY few people realize such things in the INSTANT they see something. Think more about how to elaborate and draw scenes out, instead of shifting from one to the next with little to no information or filler.

I'm sorry if any of this comes out as rude, this is just all I can think of to say. I only hope it does not come off as rude, and instead helps you become a better writer.

9044842
You don't have to comment the same thing multiple times, I get it. Also, I understand that the pacing is an issue, which I am working on. My main problem is that I wrote all of this in roughly two hours, and I didn't think to look over it for issues before posting, which could probably be fixed if I were to get an editor to help iron out issues.

9044850 Sorry for commenting the same thing twice, I have a habit of doing that, it's something I'm working on. Anyway, I sincerely hope you continue to improve, you have talent and potential, a rare combo for anyone to have. :twilightsmile:

9046341
I also have pretty shitty self esteem, which does not mix particularly well with talent and potential, and tends to hold me back. I'm glad you're enjoying the story, even though it isn't as good as it could be with time and effort.

9046385
Well, hey, if you ever need to talk or need a friend, call me up. Always glad to talk with a fellow writer and shoot the breeze.

It pulled its hand out of her stomach, and she looked over her should just in time to see it disappear, leaving the words, “Hey kiddo,”

Rap, tap, tap...
The Man in the Wall.
Rap, tap, tap...

Also,

“Probably prevents anyone other than me from removing its weapons as a safety measure,”

I think if you get captured by Zenuka, you’ll find your Warframe will have no weapons upon waking up... but that is just a nitpick.
Good story so far!

9053013
But with Zanuka, you're also still inside the Warframe, in this instance Mirage was outside, which caused the weapons to lock in place.

9053052
Ah, alright, sorry for this misconception!
Still a good story!
I play Xbox as well

9053868
Maybe hit me up sometime, my gamertag is NeoLegendDJ

I turned to Luna, and asked, “You done eating?” she nodded, with a mouth full of waffle, that she proceeded to force down, before downing a large glass of milk, gasping after she finished.

There's an innuendo in that paragraph somewhere...

umbra huh, interesting choice given that he's more like a companion than a piece of equipment, but i guess that leaves more interesting options

Hmmm still some issues with dear author. But other than that a wonderful story so far... also why start with a male and turn him female and have it not com into play at all?

Also one issue for me due to my OPINION I prefer when characters are less trusting and perfectly truthful and also prefer it when there is more REACTING to things.... cause humans over react.... a lot.... just because she turned into a Tenno and a female doesn’t mean she isn’t in PART still MENTALLY a human with the MEMORIES of a human..... how she would know how to teach anything at ALL about the Void is kinda.... out there.

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