The Unique Properties of Dark Magic

by Shadestyle


(Present Chapter 13): Spring Cleaning: Part 1

Sunset Shimmer bursts into the dock, searching for Weiss, who she finds ordering around troops loading barrels and crates onto the newly upgraded airship. Tempest Shadow is watching one particular band of Fizz Troopers carry in a large glass bottle filled with round metal balls with a hawk-like stare that helps ensures they are very careful with it. It also ensures that they are sweating with nervousness under their commander's watchful gaze.

"Weiss! You can't seriously be preparing to siege Canterlot Castle, do you have any idea how many ponies could get hurt?!" Sunset shouts, prompting Weiss to raise a hand to stop Tempest from escorting the mare out.

"I've already got a letter written. I'll send it to Celestia so she'll know to evacuate everyone from the castle."

Sunset doubletakes at that. "What? You're just going to tell her that you're planning to siege her castle? You think she's just going to, what, send all the guards home for the day?"

Weiss shrugs. "She knows better than to send guards at me. It would be complete foolishness for her to do otherwise. I'll come in, rob her vault, and leave. She'll probably try to stop me herself, and I'll get the opportunity to remind her of the difference between casualness and disrespect."

He turns to look her in the eye. "Did you think there wouldn't be consequences for trivializing me and my secrets? If Celestia is going to break the rules when it comes to sussing out my tricks, then I'll just remind her that I don't need to be tricky to get what I want."

Sunset's eyes widen.

"When someone doesn't want to play games, Sunset, we find other things to do with our time."

She turns on the spot and gallops out of the door. Tempest Shadow approaches Weiss now that the potential danger has passed.

"I can't recommend against this more firmly than I am now, Sir. Telling the princess you plan to attack is completely unnecessary, and will only hurt our chances of a successful operation," Tempest warns.

Weiss just smiles vacantly, before pulling out a small scroll, and sending it off in a puff of dragonfire.

"It's not about the attack's success, Tempest. This is personal. Celestia is normally quite good about treating our rivalry with the respect and dignity it deserves, but cheating so she can read my book? Treating me like I'm washed up? That's a low blow. And when you cheat among those from the Shadow Realm, well.

"A penalty game is mandatory."


"Dear Princess Celestia,

This letter has been sent to inform you that I will soon lay siege to your castle, unironically, in order to take both the things that were once mine, and the things that I desire. I strongly urge you to face me yourself, alone, as I cannot assure the safety and health of any guards you attempt to throw beneath my hooves pointlessly. I await your timely response, and would like to know when you have completed your evacuation efforts accordingly so I may begin.

Yours truly, Lord Weiss Noir. Once-ruler of the Shadow Realm."

As Celestia reads over the letter, she's tempted to write it off as a joke, if she didn't know that Weiss was normally quite cautious with what he said.

Is this an attempt to trick her with his typical method of carefully choosing his words?

I-...

Is he hitt-

Suddenly, Sunset Shimmer arrives through a large portal. "Celestia, it's urgent, Weiss plans to attack Canterlot Castle!"

Oh thank goodness.

"I received a letter from Weiss to that effect, yes," Celestia nods.

"What do you think, Sunset?" Celestia asks, giving her former student the chance to offer an opinion.

"What do I think? I think we need to get the Elements Bearers here, amp up security, and stop him!" Sunset says hysterically, before Celestia lays a wing gently across her back.

"It's going to be alright, Sunset. Weiss has made an error if he believes I've grown soft without his annoying presence. I haven't spent a millennium eating cake and indulging in the peace I helped create, dear.

"I'll only need one guard to halt his little band of thugs, and only myself to halt him. He's behind the times if he's counting on his complex plans to overcome Canterlot's defenses."

Sunset doesn't respond, but her doubts aren't soothed by the princess's words.

"Shouldn't we at least bring the Element Bearers? The Elements of Harmony were able to imprison him once, surely they could do so again?"

Celestia shakes her head. "That would be a poor decision unless we're certain we can defeat him using the Elements. It was only when guilt consumed him that the Elements and Weapons of light were able to afflict him in the ancient past. He may no longer be vulnerable."

Sunset looks torn. "I think I may have done this, Celestia. He was talking about how you 'cheated' to read the Grimoire Weiss."

Celestia hums at that. "Weiss's code of conduct is strange, and convoluted. It does not surprise me that something so simple could have set him off. Please, don't worry, Sunset. I'm capable of defeating him. He's spent more than a thousand years falling behind the progress of magic and warfare in Equestria. He won't succeed here."

'But the Grimoire Noir alone was practically a thousand years ahead of Equestria's leading works of the era!' Sunset desperately wants to argue.

She just hums affirmatively.

"Wait, I might have an idea to stop all of this before it even starts!" Sunset says, leaping from Celestia's grip, and signaling to Spike to open up the portal again.

When the unicorn hops through and the gateway closes, Celestia simply sighs, and takes a stand, walking towards a certain other unicorn's office, her tea left ignored.


"Weiss, sir, you've demonstrated your talents are more suited for subterfuge and complex subversion of enemy defenses and attacks, why are we mounting a direct assault in the first place?" Tempest says, looking over Weiss's plan.

Step one: Use the airship to blast a hole in the castle and steal the entire, whole vault itself.

Step two: Weiss fights Celestia to cover the escape.

Weiss chuckles. "Tempest, that's just it. Celestia is expecting a plan. Raw force isn't a plan, so she won't be prepared for it. I've probably never used overwhelming power alone as a means to achieve my goals. It will confuse and disorient her.

"She's going to be waiting for the secret strategy that just isn't coming."

Tempest frowns. "If you're certain, sir."

Tempest Shadow certainly isn't...

"Do you have the portal bombs ready?" Weiss questions, to which she nods.

"All twenty of them."

"Good. If anything goes wrong, fire one of those off at the problem and it should disappear," Weiss explains.

She nods, and Weiss continues.

"Also, don't point the laser cannon at anything living, no matter what. If we end up killing someone, Celestia might escalate and call up the Elements, and I'm not positive that I'll walk away from a Care Bear Stare unscathed, even with my backup plan ready."

Tempest nods again.

Weiss cracks his fingers. "Now we wait."


Zecora is enjoying a small bowl of soup when her door is opened quickly, and a panting Sunset Shimmer walks in.

"Zecora, I need another favor, Weiss is going to attack Canterlot if I don't find some way to stop him," Sunset says, urgency in her tone.

Zecora ponders Sunset's words.

"If I continue wrangling Weiss, ~ He may stop acting quite so nice."

Sunset growls. "So you're just going to stand by and let him attack the capital of Equestria?"

Zecora shakes her head. "His honor drove him to obey me, ~ If I abused it, who would I be?

"In truth he asked my hoof I would stay ~ And had explained to me his plan today.

"He feels his honor has been harmed, you see ~ When one abused his hospitality."

Sunset growls. "Attacking Celestia and causing massive amounts of property damage aren't going to fix what happened to him!"

Zecora shrugs, sipping at her soup. "It is not me you must convince of that, ~ but the one who was harmed by lack of tact."

Sunset doesn't bother responding, instead turning around and making her way to Twilight's leafy book spire.


Twilight shakes her head. "I'm sorry, Sunset, but Spike was exhausted, sending you back and forth like that. He's napping right now trying to recover from magic exhaustion."

Sunset rubs her head. "Fine, I'll just..." She sighs.

"I don't know."

Twilight looks saddened. "We're just going to have to trust that the princess knows what she's talking about."

Sunset shakes her head. "I trust Celestia, but I don't trust Weiss. I'll take the train. Try to do something."

Twilight just stares on after Sunset as she walks out of the door. If Celestia hadn't expressly forbade her from coming to Canterlot after Weiss's threat, she would be there herself.


Weiss stands on the prow of the airship, waiting dramatically. Finally, after his long wait, he belches up a response.

♪"We just got a letter, we just got a letter, we just got a letter...

"Wonder who it's from?"♪ he sings softly, unrolling the scroll.

"Lord Weiss Noir,

I'd like to see you try.

Princess Celestia."

Weiss smiles to himself, before yelling back at The Fizz.

"Alright Tempest, let's get this show on the road! We just got our invite, and the party's a-waitin'!"

"Oh man, I hope there'll be cake at the party," Grubber says, chewing on a slice of cake.

The crew chuckles before Tempest begins authoritatively shouting them into action to prepare the ship.

From the Airship's sides, four massive machines open wide, apertures sliding open as streams of fire roar from them, lifting the ship into the air and then jerking it forward at high speeds. Only the magnet-foot enchantments on the deck keeping anything from flying off.

It won't be long now.


Celestia stands in the highest room of Canterlot Castle's tallest tower.

"Are you sure I can do this, Princess?" Shining Armor asks nervously, looking at the spec in the distance.

Celestia nods. "You're by far one of the strongest unicorns of this era. If you can repel Weiss's assault before it can even begin, it will demoralize him. And if you fail, it will be because he expended one of his carefully prepared solutions in order to subvert it. He normally uses magic to teleport around a barrier like this, but he hasn't faced our modern barrier magic yet.

"You'll do fine, Captain."

Shining Armor nods. "Alright, Princess."

That said, he begins charging his horn, before casting his legendary city-barrier, condensed to surround the castle itself in a nearly opaque sphere of pure magical might.

Luna, who was standing at the back of the room, suddenly stands to her hooves and makes to leave.

"Sister?" Celestia questions.

"I can't do it," Luna says, gritting her teeth.

"I don't want to see this. To see what he's become."

Celestia walks to stand by her sister. "Luna, what do you mean? Speak to me, please."

"I cannot face him as I am, Celestia, if it were not for me, he would have returned to the smiling faces of a waiting kingdom. Now he awaits nothing but ash and vengeance, and amuses himself by spreading suffering in the meantime. I can't face that."

Celestia simply hugs her sister, who is fighting tears. "You may return to your quarters, Luna. I'll take care of this, alright?"

Luna just nods, stalking back to the room that for the past several months has been her entire world in isolation.

Her sister placated for now, Celestia returns to the window, staring at the rapidly approaching ship.

"Are you sure you can handle him alone, Princess? I can still recall the guard, we've got the weapons needed to put down all sorts of monsters."

Celestia shakes her head. "Weiss is past his prime. If he spent days preparing a single spell, it wouldn't be enough to handle me."

The Eyeroc hanging from the ceiling giggles out loud, prompting her to look up.

She glares. "That's right Weiss. I'm calling you out."

She then destroys it with a searing ray and returns her gaze to the horizon, which is now marked with his airship hanging in the air, roaring flames keeping it aloft near the barrier.

She fails to notice the two other Eyerocs skittering along the ceiling, just out of sight.


Weiss chuckles. "She really brought out Surfing Armor for this little party? Now that's just impolite.

"Tempest, ready the Gaon Cannon," He commands, waving his hand dismissively.

"Grubber, prepare the Gaon Cannon," Tempest commands, waving her hoof dismissively.

In the bowels of the ship, Grubber receives the order himself and turns to the group of Storm Creatures, all of them shoveling diamonds into a gigantic glowing machine that only glows brighter by the minute as the enchanted carbonated water converts the diamonds into raw power through the magic of hatred.

"Guys, fire the Gaon Cannon!" Grubber commands, waving his candied apple dismissively.

One of The Fizz grins, pulling the lever, and allowing the large tube poking out of the front of the airship to unleash a beam of raw black that dims the sunny day around it briefly as it punches through Shining Armor's barrier dismissively.

In mere moments the barrier shatters, and the beam rips a smooth-edged hole in Canterlot Castle.

Spotting Celestia at a distance, Weiss takes the opportunity to wave giddily at her shocked face.

"Ahh, smells like Blast Day...

"Let's move in, folks, this is easy pickings."

With that said, the airship begins moving in, warping to the side when Celestia tries to use a blast of solar plasma to bring it down, triggering it's emergency teleport.

Weiss wags his finger at the distant princess. "Ah ah, no cheating."

Tensing his arms with a series of loud pops, Weiss transforms into a blazing ball of fire, ripping through the air towards the princess with a mad cackle.


Shining Armor is taken aback when his barrier is broken like peanut brittle, but he's much more concerned when Weiss Noir leaps off of the airship and starts screaming towards them.

Celestia glances at Shining Armor. "I'm going to teleport you to the vault. Protect it."

That said, Celestia's own mane erupts into flames, as she flaps her wings firmly and warps Shining Armor away.

She summons a barrier of her own, which Weiss's flaming form splatters over before reforming into the dark mage as he flips off of it and lands on the floor.

"Hi buddy!" Weiss shouts, whipping out a trio of black longswords from a set of portals, swinging them rapidly at the princess in three two-handed grips.

When they cleave through her shield spell as though it doesn't exist, she immediately sets to dodging the weapons until she can figure out how to counteract them.

"You know I'll have you imprisoned for this, yes?" Celestia says, ripping one of the blades out of his hands and into her telekinesis as she swipes at him with it.

Weiss laughs. "You quite literally cannot imprison me. Don't worry, you'll catch on."

With that said, Weiss flips his swords over, and, holding the blades, performs a twin mordhau on the blade in Celestia's telekinetic grip, the two crossguards striking the blade on both sides and shattering the sword she stole from him, spraying fragments of black crystal everywhere.

Celestia unleashes a wave of solar fire that floods the room, instantly turning the tower into slowly sinking magma.

Weiss drops the molten remains of his swords with disappointment, flexing one of his draconic limbs. "Come now, we're both creatures of flame, princess. You just did that to annoy me."

Princess Celestia responds by tackling him off of the tower and into the courtyard below.

"I'm fairly certain I can imprison you, Weiss. I know this isn't one of your Shadow Clones. I can see your soul, right in your chest." She says, holding a hoof to his neck.

Weiss giggles, staring up through a black eye and some small cuts. "Princess, you shouldn't believe everything you see. Especially when you're right."

That said, Weiss explodes into smoke, leaving behind a copper lamp as he reforms behind Celestia and bucks her in the neck with twin eruptions of steam, sending the princess flopping down the courtyard.

He reaches down and picks up the lamp, slowly sinking it inside of his chest as his body turns to smoke around it before reforming smooth fur and skin.

"Sometimes the truth hurts, Celestia."

Weiss chuckles, walking up to the dazed and concussed princess while summoning up a crystal dagger filled with pressurized liquid.

"And the truth is, I'm still imprisoned.

"So why don't you stop mocking me, and actually come out for our playdate, Celly?"

With that said, Weiss Noir stabs Princess Celestia in the stomach. The crystal blade erupts with a variety of enchantments designed to disrupt hatred, allowing it to easily penetrate her skin and magical fields.

Just as Celestia's pained expression intensifies, the dagger explodes, forcing Princess Celestia's Shadow Clone to turn into smoke, dispersing without the willpower needed to reform it.

The real princess teleports into the courtyard behind Weiss, looking as though she's in intense pain, though no wounds are on her body.

Weiss casually flips the used up dagger hilt between his fingers, before tossing it aside.

"See? Aren't things so much better when we get to see the real you? Stolen spells don't come with their master's mastery, princess."

"How were you able to cast the spell, then, if you are still trapped in the lamp?" Celestia demands.

Weiss shakes his head with disappointment. "Did you really think someone like me could break free from the Elements' curse? Of course not. They're the most powerful artifacts in this world. I couldn't move, I could barely even stay awake, princess. I certainly couldn't summon up my own magic for spellcasting.

"But one thing you obviously don't understand is that I forged the Shadow Clone technique myself, and I can do things with it that you can scarcely imagine.

"All it takes is Self-Loathing, Arrogant Egotism, and just a hint of Fear. Poor Gilda. She wanted so badly to believe she was in the right, but knew so desperately that she wasn't. When I felt those two emotions, well... I just couldn't help myself! I awoke from my slumber, and decided to give her a little scare.

"Arrogant Egotism, Self-Loathing, and just a hint of Fear, all in one tight, griffon-shaped package. Perfect for making my escape." Weiss smiles.

"But not even the Alicorn Amulet and the Minish Cap together are going to give me the power I need to truly open my prison. I'll need even more. Three new relics should be enough." Weiss finishes, smoothly, revealing his plan in no uncertain terms.

After a moment, he continues. "Honestly, I'm surprised you even let Bubble Boy in on our little brawl. I knew you wouldn't want ponies to see you fighting, now that everything's all peaceful and shit," Weiss says, stalking around the princess, watching her for any sort of reaction.

"That's why I gave you an out. I gave you an excuse for the two of us to fight, no holds barred."

Weiss holds his arms out at their full length as he continues, his palms outstretched. "It's just you and me now, Celestia. No whistles, no refs, no rules. Just you, me, and Sweet Georgia Brown."

The wind whistles through the courtyard, as Weiss finishes walking, positioned such that the exact center of the courtyard is between him and her. A small Eyeroc flaps over behind a statue, before returning to it's invisible state.

In an instant, Weiss's horn and Celestia's both ignite as they unleash waves of magical power, Weiss's portals pumping out enchantment powered fury, while Celestia's own horn releases pure alicorn might, the two beams of energy meeting in the middle and swelling like a basketball filled with a very small amount of nuclear hellfire before exploding, leaving the courtyard in flames, and leaving two ponies unsatisfied with how unharmed their opponent is.


Shining Armor's shield spell is at it's strongest near Canterlot's center, allowing it to block that strange cannon of theirs with ease, now that he's compressed it down so small.

"You might as well give up now, criminals. I can do this all week," Shining Armor grunts out, reinforcing the shield even further by drawing on the castle's enchanted bricks and mortar.

Slowly, the airship lands in the rubble, a gangplank falling out to allow a wine-colored unicorn to walk out, her mauvine horn glittering in the sunlight.

"My word, you've taken three shots, and you just aren't quitting, are you?" Tempest Shadow says, stalking forward.

"Sorry if I'm wasting your time, but I just wanted to take a crack at it myself, before we go ahead and take the vault by force," she continues, her horn slowly lighting up.

Shining Armor smirks. If an enchanted warship cannon can't do it, then a unicorn sure can't. "Feel free. I'm always happy to humble evildoers."

Tempest smiles. "And polite too. I'll make this quick."

Her horn lights up brighter, as a second aura begins to wrap around it, and then a third.

Shining Armor's eyes widen at the sight of what appears to be a triple-spell. What kind of pony could have that sort of built up magical power?

After that, Shining Armor's barrier automatically darkens to block out the intense light coming from her spell's ungodly explosion, and it begins to automatically mute the sounds as well, from it's deafening roar.

For a moment, Shining Armor genuinely worries that his shield might undergo some damage, before sighing in relief when it holds.

The mare looks disappointed, but not nearly as much as a pony should, when their plans are falling apart.

"Oh, dear. I really thought I could do it, too." Tempest says, frowning.

Shining laughs. "Don't feel so bad, there isn't a single pony in Equestria who can break my shields, not when I'm here in Canterlot. The whole castle is equipped with the strongest shield-amplification spells that there are, and you're looking at the pony who put them there. You weren't even that far off, to be honest."

Tempest smiles at that. "Honest praise, coming from a goody-four-shoes like you. Alright boys, open the portal."

Shining armor just smirks even harder. "You think my shield isn't rated against portal magic? You're not getting a portal to open in here."

Tempest has to keep from laughing at that. "You're right. The portal isn't opening inside of your shield." She points down at Shining Armor's feet.

"Bye."

Shining Armor's eyes widen when the airship fires a bomb at the ground that opens up a yawning void beneath the entire room, sending the vault and his shield along with it tumbling into the titanic portal below.

Tempest Shadow holds her breath as she walks back onto the ship, all the way back to her quarters, before she finally lets loose with helpless laughter. Those "captain" types are just too funny!

She pulls out her radio, wiping away a tear. "Alright boys, let's pack it up and get the hay out of here."


As Celestia dodges another spray of diamond-like blades, one of them bounces off of her, leaving a shallow scratch that she instantly scourges with anti-poison charms.

"You're drying up, Weiss. And I'm only getting started."

Her horn lights up, and she fires a wave of energy that sends Weiss flying back inside a hamsterball made of crystal that he had summoned for protection.

She stares off at the airship flying away rapidly, trailing insane amounts of smoke from what looks like massive battle damage.

She smiles victoriously. "Looks like your lackeys failed. I would know if my vault had been opened."

She takes a step forward. "You've lost, Weiss. Against an alicorn, you've come up short."

Weiss fires a wave of liquid helium at the princess, encasing her in ice.

Weiss just chuckles. "You know, Celestia, normally, I would just let you maintain your ignorant view, since it directly benefits me, but I really want to piss you off right now. I've already got the vault. Used a giant portal to steal the entire thing. Probably took Shining Armor along with it."

Princess Celestia simply frowns, the movement of her facial muscles cracking the ice, before her flaming mane melts it entirely. "Then I'll have something to do after I pulverize you and encase your lamp in molten metal."

Weiss smiles. "Oh? And how are you going to do that when I'm breaking your left leg?"

Celestia's wings flare out as she jumps in the air, and dives at the dark sage, pulling up at the last second when he turns into a mess of gigantic thorns, before looping around and firing a kinetic pulse at him that smashes the needles apart and sends him flying into a fountain, turning it into a shower of rubble and water.

Celestia scowls, her mane glowing hotter and hotter at Weiss's impudence, as her eyes narrow more and more. "I don't think now is the time for bluffing, Weiss. I'm going to hurt you. I'm probably going to hurt you more than you deserve. And then I'm going to imprison you in that deep dark hole that I found and deepened.

"After that? Who knows. I'll probably enjoy some tea, visit a birthday party. Something nice and peaceful."

Weiss slowly pulls himself out of the rubble, smoke trailing from his body. "That sounds wonderful, princess, but before all of that, I'm going to win. I'm going to defeat you exactly like I've defeated everyone else.

Weiss's body regenerates in an instant, as an aura of darkness begins radiating off of him.

His eyes turn pure green, and green flames begin spurting from him like a leaky balloon as he laughs madly, thrusting his arms out to his sides as he begins to float into the air, green flames and black smoke rising up from the ground to surround him.

"Now, shall you deal with me, oh Princess. And all the powers of Hell!"

Weiss's body explodes, magical black muscles growing over magical black sinews growing over magical black bones.

By the end of his horrifying transformation, Weiss Noir has been replaced with the terrifying form of a building-sized dragon, coated in charred purple scales, with his six massive arms hissing steam in all directions as his tail smashes apart the remains of the fountain he was thrown into.

A pair of thick, leathery wings finish the transformation's reveal as they spread open wide, casting away the smoke and fire that had formed the basis of the spell.

He clenches his fists, staring down at them with piercing green eyes. "Well, princess? What do you think? I've combined my Kelpie Gear with something to give it a bit more... heft."

"I call it Malifessence."