It's still cold, it's still snowing, and Spike still can't figure out that dumb book.
He had been trying for a week now to read and understand it, but between Twilight's constant interjecting, and the book's extremely archaic draconian dialect, he's had no luck.
He rests his head on the table, groaning. "Maaan! This sucks. Shouldn't this be easy? I mean, I'm a dragon, it's dragon spells."
Twilight interjects, looking up from her own book. "Well, I'm a unicorn Spike, and it still takes time for me to learn unicorn spells. It's never easy learning new magic, especially from older books."
She continues a bit more sadly. "I'm sorry that there aren't any books on dragon magic written in Newhoof's Approachable Format, It's a lot easier to learn spells when the requirements are just laid out clearly. Would you like me to get out the Draconic Prose and Symbolism primer? We could go over it again."
Spike groans even louder at that. "No thanks, I've had enough thee's and thou's to last a lifetime," He says.
Twilight thinks for a moment. "Well, if you want to learn something, you could ask Rarity. Her gem-finding spell is technically classified as dragon magic."
"Maybe it will give you the head start you need to begin understanding the rest of that book?"
Spike, chewing on Twilight's words, quickly slips into a delightful, heart-filled fantasy about the lovely Rarity teaching him some of her magic.
"I like that idea," He nods dreamily, making Twilight giggle.
"How about this, I'll go see if Trixie wants to do some more magic tutoring today while you clean the library up, and after I get her answer, we'll go to Carousel Boutique and see if Rarity doesn't mind you spending the afternoon there while the tutoring is going on.
Spike's hasty nod and grab for a featherduster makes her giggle again.
"So anyway, that's why I think you should totally have more explosions in your next act." Gilda says, her coffee ignored for now as she rants at the blue unicorn about her act.
Trixie mumbles an apathetic "Mmhmm," making the griffon fan shoot her a glance.
"What's up?" Gilda says, nudging the unicorn.
Trixie is tempted not to answer, but is also sick of bottling it up, making her answer the question. "Trixie feels useless. Ever since she agreed to Twilight's tutoring-" she spits the word out like it's poison.
"-she has felt useless. Her wagon is fixed, her goods replaced, and yet she feels listless, sipping off Twilight's discretionary budget and awaiting another dull day of exposing Trixie's self as a weakling in front of a true master of magic. She wants to go out and do a show like she used to, but can't stop thinking about what happened last time."
Gilda thinks about that. "Yeah, I get what you mean. I haven't had much to do lately either. Being rich is kinda boring, and I've been kinda afraid to really push myself at stunt flying, after... Uh." She scratches her head.
When Twilight enters Bustling Beans's Cafe, Gilda has a lightbulb moment.
"Let's kill three birds with one stone!" Gilda squawks, starting the purple unicorn in her tracks.
"Hey, Twilight, get your pocket planner out, cause we've got plans to make!" Gilda says, paralyzing Twilight with the triple threat of Gilda not using one of her dumb nicknames for the purple unicorn mare, requesting she get out her pocket planner, and promising the tantalizing pleasure of planning something.
Gilda is only slightly surprised to find that Twilight actually has a pocket planner on her person, and flips it open without hesitation.
As Twilight takes a seat, still riding the high of organization, Gilda explains to Twilight and Trixie.
"Uhh, right. So, me and Trixie are bored, you're boring, and I've got a bunch of money I don't know what to do with, so how about we all go to Las Pegasus for Hearth's Warming Eve! Trixie can set up a show, Twilight can have some fun for once in her life, and I'll pay for the whole thing!"
Trixie breaks out into a cold sweat, while Twilight looks confused.
"T-Trixie can't do a show there! Only the most talented of the talented make it big performing in Las Pegasus!"
"I don't know about this one Gilda, I'd have to find someone to take care of Spike while we're gone, if I was going to join you two on an overnight trip like that."
Gilda waves them both off. "We'll figure it out! The opportunity is just too good to pass up. I'll work out some stunts, Trixie will show off what you've taught her, and we'll all have a good time making a show out of it."
Twilight ponders, portable quill popped in her mouth as she chews it and thinks.
"Alright, if we can find someone to babysit Spike, I'd be willing to join in on this little trip."
"Trixie is not sure about this."
Gilda slams a fisted talon on the table. "Come on mare, where's that boasting? I saw your show, and it was feathertipping awesome. Between Twilight feeding you new tricks and me providing the airshow, we'll blow the roof off of Las Pegasus!"
Twilight smiles. "I've never planned an entertainment venue before, this could be fun! I normally wouldn't be so bold here Trixie, but I think it could be a good opportunity for you as well! You've got some real talent, after all."
Trixie moans piteously, but under their confident gazes, musters up her own confidence and standard manner of behaving.
She puts a hoof to her chest and her nose in the air. "You're right, Trixie is, after all, the most talented unicorn in Equestria. Excluding present company, of course. We will create a show so impressive, it will stun Equestria for years to come!"
Gilda gives Trixie a thumbs up. "That's the spirit!" The Griffon says, chugging her cold coffee in a single gulp.
The two mares have to pat her back after she chokes on it a bit by mistake.
"Weiss, this easily has to be the dumbest thing I've caught you doing." Sunset says, pulling another bottle of milk out of the fridge.
"Sthud the fug ub and get ne that miuk." Weiss mumbles through his swollen tongue, bottle of incredibly spicy liquid rainbow left ignored on the table.
When given his precious milk, he chugs it down quickly, swishing the taste out of his mouth.
"Sure enough, that's some spicy stuff." Weiss nods sagely.
"It will be perfect."
Sunset gives Weiss a look.
"I've been doing some poking around for potential ingredients for the best hot sauce of all time. Hot sauce is the true essence of flame, but I've never been able to get any that's both spicy and tasty enough for me," He explains.
"Anyway, there's a problem with the project I've been working on for you. I can't find any registered combat mages to do the enchantments."
Sunset groans. "I've been meaning to tell you that. No self respecting combat mage is going to make a charm that teleports bits out of the pony wearing it. You need a license to perform teleportation-based medicine."
Weiss looks shocked. "Wait, that's a thing? I thought I was just throwing science at the wall here. Wait, how did you know that was my plan?"
She smirks. "Because you're insane and I found copies of the books you were reading."
"But that's not important. I want to know how you think teleporting chunks out of me is going to do anything to help my situation?"
Weiss chuckles. "So you only figured out stage one. Stage two is replacing the bits I teleport out with new, better bits."
"Tell me, what would happen to a hat from this timeline that you're wearing if you were to suddenly be paradox'd away?"
She shrugs. "It would be left unharmed? It's not a part of me."
He continues. "What about a hip replacement? If you had a titanium hip-bone put in?"
"It would be left behind too? It's from-" Weiss interrupts.
"From this timeline, yes. So, what would happen if, over the course of the next year, you ate enough food for ten ponies, and were under spells to both remove tiny bits of you and then regrow them with the energy and mass from all the food you were eating?"
She's speechless, until she isn't.
"You're insane." Sunset says simply.
Weiss shakes his head. "It's sound. I developed this process before my imprisonment, to counteract a particularly nasty combat spell I developed. Remove the poison, save the patient. Even if the entire body is the poison."
"So it will work?" Sunset says insistently.
Weiss nods. "Yes, as long as you wear the amulet for a year or so, and eat like a truck."
"Why does it have to be dragon regeneration magic? Wouldn't ordinary healing magic work just fine?" Sunset presses.
He shakes his head at that. "Not fast enough. You underestimate how much replacement is going to have to occur, especially in sensitive areas of the brain. If the regeneration didn't keep up with the damage, you'd start having more pressing concerns than merely vanishing in a puff of logic."
Sunset grabs a pen and paper, beginning to scribble words onto it.
"What are you doing?" Weiss asks.
"Sending a letter to the princess. You will never convince a reputable lacusurgeon to make what you're wanting to make otherwise." Sunset mumbles.
Weiss huffs, crossing his arms, muttering under his breath. "I totally could have."
He then throws his arms in the air. "Fine, I've got letters of my own to write anyway. Have fun with your royal pen-pal."
Grabbing a sheaf of black paper and a white ink pen, Weiss trots into his inner sanctum, prepared to write a solicitation letter.
"Hmm. My dragonfire can't send mail far enough for this. I'll have to try something else," He mumbles to himself.
"Well, dearie, I can certainly entertain him for the afternoon, but on Hearth's Warming Eve? Out of the question. I'll be going on a trip with Sweetie Belle to visit our parents that day!" Rarity exclaims, as she ties ribbons around a stunning, diamond encrusted hat.
Twilight nods. "I understand. I'll ask around to see if any of our other friends have the time to spare."
Rarity nods. "Spike, could you be a dear and hold this in place? I swear, ever since I made that stupid hat, ponies have been coming in wanting their own stocking caps. I fear a trend may be starting. I've been swamped with last-minute orders for the winter season."
"And even if I weren't, I've been trying for weeks now to find more of this divine cloth that Weiss left here as payment, but none of my fashion friends have ever seen anything like it! It is the Worst Possible Thing!"
"Anything for you, Rarity!" Spike claims, hopping over to hold the hat in place while Rarity swarms it with needles and thread.
Twilight exits the Boutique, thinking to herself. "Maybe one of our other friends can accommodate Spike."
Applejack shakes her head. "Sorry, no-can-do Twilight, me, Big Mac, Granny, and Applebloom are headed over to Appleloosa to help out with the Everred Apple harvest that week, they need all hooves on deck if they're going to get em all done before Winter-Wrap-Up."
"An' we can't really take him with us, there wouldn't be nopony to supervise him outside the Appleloosa orchard, and there'll be Ice Packs roamin' around. Too dangerous fer a baby dragon to wander around with wolves like those on the prowl."
Twilight nods. "That's understandable, You should stay safe too, alright Applejack?"
Applejack nods at that, prompting Twilight to leave to check with her other friends.
"Ehhhh, I don't know Twilight. Maybe I could, but I'm already going to be babysitting that night, could get a bit... messy," Pinkie explains, frosting a strawberry cake.
Twilight nods. "Right, right."
Pinkie puts a hoof to her chin, pondering. "What about Rainbow Dash? She's usually got some free time during the winter."
Twilight's deadpan look matches her words. "Pinkie, Rainbow Dash lives in a cloud house. Spike can't stay there!"
Pinkie gasps. "You're right, he might get rained on, and it's so cold so he'll get a cold just like that!" Pinkie snaps her hooves to accentuate her point, nodding with realization.
Twilight rolls her eyes a bit as Pinkie continues to ramble. "I guess I'll check with Fluttershy."
"Okie-dokie, make sure Spike doesn't get a cold, or it might rain! And that would be gross!" Pinkie warns.
Twilight reads the sign on Fluttershy's door and groans loudly.
"Dear, uhh, whoever is at my door.
I'm not here right now, Mr. Pelican and his family slept through migration by mistake, so I have to help them fly south a bit later than normal. I'll be back in time for Winter-Wrap-Up. Um... Sorry."
"So Rarity wasn't able to teach you anything, Spike?" Twilight asks, looking as miserable as he does.
He taps his claw on the table. "Yeah... She's just too busy keeping up with her new orders this month. I don't think she'll have enough time to help for a while."
Twilight nods. "And I haven't been able to find anyone to babysit you either. I might not be able to go on the trip with Gilda and Trixie at this rate!"
"It's a shame there aren't any ponies who just... Don't have any plans for Hearth's Warming Eve."
Spike thinks to himself, before an idea pops up in his head.
"What about that Weiss guy? He's a huge Scrooge! I bet he doesn't have any plans for Hearth's Warming."
Twilight shakes her head. "Absolutely not! He might try to involve you in one of his near-weekly evil schemes!"
Spike waves her off. "No way, you heard what Sunset said, He's too busy making that giant robot to do something like that."
Spike's words are matched near instantly by shouting and pounding on the library door. "Twilight! Let me in, I need to involve Spike in one of my near-weekly evil schemes!"
Spike giggles sheepishly at Twilight's glare silently telling him "I told you so."
"Ugh. For the fifth time, Weiss, this is a public library, just come in already!" Twilight shouts, throwing the door open.
"What do you want this time, Weiss?"
He holds up a scroll. "I need Spike to send a letter for me."
"To the princess?" Twilight questions.
"Nope. To a pony out of my service area. Spike is the strongest dragon within walking distance, so I thought I'd make use of him," Weiss explains, making himself at home and propping his head up on his hands at the table.
Twilight really works her deadpanning facial muscles out, when she retorts. "Spike is the only dragon within walking distance."
"That does technically make me the strongest one, Twilight." Spike responds, making Weiss nod sagely.
"But I can only send letters to Princess Celestia, I don't know how to send them to anypony else."
Weiss chuckles. "Twilight, what have you been teaching this boy?" He says, making the gears in Spike's brain start to turn.
"Whatever, the letter's enchanted, it just needs a strong flame to get the job done."
Twilight is about to say something, but Spike interrupts. "I'd be happy to, but you have to do something in return!"
Weiss's grin turns challenging. "I'm listening."
Twilight interjects. "Spike, you can't be serious about this, you don't actually want to hang out in the Everfree all weekend, do you?"
Spike shakes his head. "You're right. I don't want to hang out there all weekend. I want to go there for a whole week! Weiss, teach me your dragon magic!"
Twilight is brought short by this. She can't help but think that she shouldn't have told Spike about the dark pony's mastery of the art.
"Spike..." Twilight says warningly, but slowly, she begins to see his logic.
Weiss, however, looks offended. "You're kidding me, boy. I've kept the secrets of Dragon Lightning to myself for a whole millennia, and you want me to crack the cask on that now of all times?"
"Dragon Lightning?" Twilight and Spike question, making Weiss sweatdrop.
"Shit, you were talking about regular dragon spells, weren't you." He says, making them both nod.
"What do you mean by-" Twilight attempts, before Weiss interrupts her.
"A-ba-ba-bu. No thanks. I've got secrets left to keep, Twinkle Starkle."
"Are you sure I can't just bribe you with a gigantic purple diamond?" Weiss questions Spike, who drools for a moment before snapping himself back to reality.
"No way, I want to better myself, and I can't do it any other way!" He exaggerates.
"I'm going to be real with you, kid, I... Don't actually know which spells in my repertoire are common spells, and which ones are balls-to-the-wall insane. What's to say I don't accidentally teach you something that sends a bunch of angry dragons to my doorstep trying to steal my secret spells someday?"
Spike retorts with what is obviously an ironclad defense. "I can keep it a secret! I don't even know any other dragons."
Weiss gives him a look. "Twilight, I'm going to need you to be a boring pill and shut him down, here. There's no way I'm going to-"
"I'll tell Gilda and Rainbow Dash where the back door to your tower is if you don't." Twilight retorts, seeing an opportunity to annoy Weiss in the making.
Weiss's eyes narrow. "You wouldn't dare."
Twilight trots over to the door. "That's an interesting hypothesis. Care to test it?"
Weiss growls, the flaming black mass on his head writhing angrily. "Damn it Twilight, I don't want them in my house unless they are the ones being pranked."
Twilight's aura pops up around the doorknob, and continues her demands. "And you'll stop pounding on my door in the middle of the day when this is a public library."
"Twilight, you do not want to be on my shitlist," Weiss warns.
Shrugging, Twilight opens the door a crack, prepared to go out in the snow and trot to the pegasus's house right now.
Weiss's frown turns into a grin. "Fine. But I promise you, you're going to look back to this exact moment as the point where everything went horribly wrong."
Twilight giggles. "Pack your things Spike, if you're going to insist on spending the week there, you'll need more than your overnight bag."
Spike's excitement isn't at all dampened by Weiss's glare promising something hilarious and nasty in Twilight's future.
Spike feels like he may have made a mistake as he walks into the obsidian hallway of Weiss's tower, especially when he can see pools of... something red streaming down the ceilings, and over the crystal skull lights embedded in the walls. Floating in the middle of the hallway, an array of glittering spheres, disks, and rings of solid crystal float in the air, unaided.
"What's with the gems up there?" Spike asks.
Weiss looks up at the glassy artifacts in the air. "Just an array of optical crystals to amplify and harness unicorn magic more effectively during my training sessions. We won't need those right now."
He sends them into the walls in a storm of crystalline blocks as they separate and unplug from one another to float off and into their designated holes.
"Welcome to my training hall, kid." Weiss says, standing behind the baby dragon.
"It's uhh, cozy?" Spike offers politely.
Weiss laughs before a thought enters his mind, something to assuage the little drake's concerns. "Say, do you want to see something cool?"
Spike, curious and slightly afraid, just nods his head in response.
Weiss unfolds one of his arms from behind his back, and, stepping in front of spike, snaps his claws, making violent violet arcs leap between them before growing into a humming sphere of plasma.
"This is Dragon Lightning. Elder dragons call it by another name, however. 'The Flame of Pain'. They call it that because of how intense the sensation of an electric shock can be. Of course, I just call it Dragon Lightning, since it looks so different from how they use it, and I don't want anyone making the association between my perfected spell and theirs."
"When I learned of it, and eventually took it for myself, I quickly realized that while in it's raw form, a beam of destructive energy, it might be considered the single most powerful form of dragonfire that exists... There is... So much more to it than that."
"Avidus!" Weiss shouts, thrusting his arm out and unleashing a bolt of lightning. Where it strikes, a pile of gold and jewels appear.
"The power of a dragon allows them to carry magic inside their flames. It grows within them, it is unleashed from them. It steals away riches and returns the treasures to their lairs, where all riches rightfully belong." Weiss continues, spying Spike's awestruck look. His... covetous look.
With another flash of lightning, the pile of treasure is whisked away at Weiss's command.
"And with that, I'm tapped out kid. I've only got two of those in me at best on a good day."
Spike is jolted out of his thoughts by that. "What? Maaan, that's lame, you can only do that twice?"
Weiss chuckles. "Well I'm not a dragon, am I? Since I can't figure out what spells I shouldn't teach you, I'll just teach you them all. Twilight's stunned confusion when she sees how skilled you've become will be the sweetest nectar."
"I thought you didn't want to teach me to do that lightning stuff?" Spike says, confused.
Weiss simply waves his hand, making a trio of metal statues crash to the ground, shaped like fat, armored versions of Princess Celestia. Spike giggles slightly at the comical sight.
"I don't want to teach you a single thing, kid, but if Twilight is going to force me to do so, then I won't accept anything less than my best effort. My honor won't allow anything less."
"So, first thing's first, I'd like you to use your dragonfire on these combat dummies. I'll need to see your skill in harnessing ordinary dragonfire before I attempt to teach you to weave spellcraft into it."
"Oh, and don't worry about accidentally sending them to Celestia," Weiss says, choosing his words with extreme care.
Spike nods at Weiss's command, excited to learn magic after his announcement and demonstration.
Celestia comes close to screaming when the first statue smashes into the middle of her throne room, easily crushing through the marble tiles and sending her court into a panic.
"What is the meaning of this?!" one of the nobles shouts, backing away from the... plump polished steel object.
When Celestia sees the pudgy face of the second statue appear above the fountain nearby and crush it into pieces as it falls down, she notices that it is clearly supposed to be an alicorn with a certain, sun-shaped cutie mark. Her shock turns into terrifying fury.
When the third statue appears, she catches it in her magic and flings it out of the window directly into the badlands, some several thousand miles away.
Her eye twitches as she looks back at the other two statues still being stared at by her court in befuddlement and shocked confusion.
"My dear, beloved ponies, I am afraid that, for now, I will have to adjourn court for the day. I apologize for the inconvenience," Celestia says with glass-fragile smoothness, picking up the two statues in her psionic grip and dragging them through the air behind her as she walks out on her court with vengeance in her heart.
"Where are they going?" Spike says, watching the last statue he blasted turn into smoke and float out of Weiss's window.
Weiss shrugs.
"I said don't worry about it."
"To Whom it May Concern,
Having read over your credentials and history, Fizzlepop Berrytwist, we believe you do in fact qualify to undergo our most recent medical trials on the subject of unicorn injuries, though test subjects are few, the tests performed so far have shown great and rapid effectiveness in allowing a unicorn's horn to be repaired, and even restored. We await your arrival, and thank you for your patience in awaiting our response, as we understand you have been waiting quite a while for an opportunity like this. When you are able, please visit Ponyville's Golden Oaks Library, and request to see Weiss Noir.
Do not concern yourself with the necessity of a timely appointment, knowing of your current employer's stormy work schedule, we are more than patient enough to await your response and arrival. Payment for services rendered are... negotiable.
From the desk of Weiss Noir, on behalf of Princess Celestia."
As Tempest Shadow reads over the letter, she is many, many things.
Confused, suspicious, and more than anything else, violently, violently angry.
But if someone was able to send a letter to her like this, despite her ship's wards, they could have just as easily sent something far nastier.
How did they know all of that information? How did they know her real name? Her affiliations?
"If this is supposed to be a joke..."
"Then I'm not laughing," Tempest hisses violently.
The door to her quarters creaks open, and a little gremlin-like creature pops in.
"Something wrong? I heard you monologuing." they say.
Tempest shakes her head, throwing the letter to the ground carelessly and stomping on it with her forehoof. "Change of plans. Set a course for... Ponyville."