Okay, so, maybe riding in the chariot was a bad idea. A train would’ve taken a full day to reach Ponyville while going at full speed, ignoring the gradual descent down Canterlot Mountain, which made it take even longer, or anything like train delays, random bear attacks(how would a bear stop a train?), or anything like that. So me and Chryssy decided to take a chariot, while Skitter and Skatter flew alongside the chariot. The guards carrying the thing, which I’ll admit is impressive, had to curve their speed so the slower Changelings could keep up, but we were still going pretty fast. Like ninety miles an hour fast. I think I was probably lowballing it, since we we’re probably going faster.
Anyhow, I’m sitting, wrapped in Chrysalis’s forelegs, with a brown bag in my hooves. It was empty, but boy was I about to need it. This was my sixth bag, and it hasn’t even been an hour yet… and Ponyville was actually really close, what the fuck? “Urgh…” I felt my breakfast, not my lunch(that already fought its way out of my stomach), try to beat my esophagus into a bloody pulp as I puked in my mouth. Thank god that I managed to swallow it, but now there was a horrible, acidic, eggy taste in my mouth that made me want to throw up. Chrysalis then magicked up a water bottle in a sippy cup(smart) and held it up to my mouth.
“Open wide,” Chrysalis said. As soon as my mouth was open, Chrysalis put the magicked the sippy cup to my mouth, and I emptied the thing pretty quickly. Okay, I no longer want to puke, but any longer in the air will make me puke. “Can you please find a place to land as soon as possible? My ambassador is going to lose last night’s dinner at this rate, and I’m concerned for his health,” the Queen said with a bit of edge in her voice. Chryssy then magicked up a weird pill-like thing and held it up to my mouth. “Swallow this, it should help with your motion sickness…” I complied and holy shit, I feel so much better!
That feeling of ‘I will throw up on everything and everyone you love’ is gone, and I can only feel slightly dizzy. “I could’ve taken a magic pill the whole time?” I asked.
“Yes, but I might have forgotten that magical pills are a thing. It’s a bit rare that I have to use this type of magic, so I might not have remembered it straight away,” Chrysalis yawned. “And Changeling magic isn’t nearly as potent when it comes to medical magic, so it would have worn off in ten minutes. This is just so you don’t throw up as soon as we touch the ground in Ponyville.” Chrysalis then took the disguise of a unicorn, the same one she used at the wedding, and then put on a sun hat as soon as we touched the ground. Skitter and Scatter followed suit, but Skitter took on the form of an earth pony, while Scatter opted for being a unicorn. I followed Chrysalis off of the chariots while making sure to thank the pegasi that carried us.
Be nice to the underpaid meat shield.
“Why the heck are you three disguised?” I asked.
“It felt… natural to do, just being out and about while undisguised feels… wrong,” Chrysalis shivered. “Think of it as… say you might be a species that heavily relies on clothing to cover up your body.” Ah, that makes sense now.
“You feel naked without a disguise, but you went through the rest of Cadence’s wedding reception without a disguise.”
“I was engrossed with your musical performances…” She planted a kiss on my forehead, which surprised me since she was walking beside me, and not facing me. “Your voice is quite lovely by the way. It could use some work, which I can provide if you’d like,” Chrysalis said with a small smile on her face. Now, on one hand, I could sing better with the help of Chryssy, and perform ‘Lower Your Expectations’ at an opera level because it would be funny, but that really wasn’t what I wanted to be in life; just some guy that sings somebody else’s song. Eh, why the fuck not? What’s the point in having a talent for something if you don’t nurture it?”
“Well, it can’t hurt to try, now can it?” I asked.
“We will begin lessons as soon as I am able. I still have a few things I must discuss with the Princesses, meetings, and everything under the sun. I’m still waiting for Sunbutt to announce our kingdom uniting, and how the Hive is now a protectorate of Equestria,” Chrysalis hummed. “I suppose we can begin tonight, but the best way is to have you practice in private. You have… a surprising amount of stage fright given what you want to be, and your cutie mark,” she patted me on the back.
“Oh, I can handle an audience for a while. Sure, I’ll have anxiety the whole time, but acting school is really good for hiding that, and my acting isn’t… too shabby if I say so myself.”
“Bottling up anxiety is unhealthy, Fruit Punch.”
“Yeah, I know. Bo Burnham started having panic attacks on stage because of his anxiety and feeling of needing to one up himself,” I shrugged. “Whatever, if it starts becoming a problem, you can drag me away somewhere, and pat me on the back like a baby. You already do that with Scatter whenever she isn’t on duty,” I said.
“Scatter likes cuddles! Who am I to deny my drones from my affection? I am their mother, after all.”
“Fair enough. How the fuck do you make time for every ‘ling?”
“I have a queue system. I take a couple of hours out of a day interacting with each drone one on one, and then eventually get through each Changeling in two weeks. Then the queue resets and I repeat the process. I wish I could do it all the time, but being a queen has its responsibilities, such as securing the future for the Hive. Which is why I was so willing to keep the Hive as a protectorate; food will be very stable for my drones should they want it after having their fill of love, which will also come very easily.”
Oh hey, a hooded bitch just zapped a stalllion and knocked him the fuck out. “Come one, come all! Test your magical might against I! If you win, you get a special prize!” She screamed. Jesus, that sounded… why the fuck was she looking at me and Chrysalis? “Oh? Two more unicorns I have not faced off against, yet? Come! The Great and Powerful Trixie will show you what she is made of!” Chrysalis snapped her eyes onto my guards.
“Get yourselves and Fruit Punch out of here. Something is wrong with that mare,” Chrysalis pushed me with her forehoof. “I sense… something dark. Get the hell out of here, Fruit!”
“Hold on a second,” I looked at Skitter and Scatter. “You guys can go run off, I wanna see Chrysalis kick this bitch’s ass.”
“But the Queen-” Scatter quickly ducked under a magical blast, which made Chrysalis snarl with rage. She magicked up her drones and moved them far, far from the fight that was about to happen. “Fruit, take cover. I want to show this mare why she does not attack my children,” growled. Okay, don’t mess with an angry bug horse. I complied and took several gallops away from the magical duel that was going to take place. Chrysalis brought up a shield when another magical blast, which cracked a slight bit. The sheer force of the magical blast sent the Changeling’s hat flying into the distance.
I could see the sweat drop on Chrysalis’s brow as she struggled to block another blast. Holy fuck, this mare must’ve been strong! One more blast fired and shattered Chrysalis’s shield, but the Queen teleported at the very last second, and her disguise faded. She panted, and tried to summon something that would’ve been her own magical assault, only for her horn to short out. It broke my heart to see my friend so… destroyed.
“Aw! The great Changeling Queen stands no chance against the Great and Powerful Trixie!” WIth that, I watched in horror as my friend got rag dolled like it was nothing, being far too drained to even fight back against the magical grip that this Trixie had on her. The Queen came crashing down beside me and I didn’t hesitate in trying to see if she was alright.
There wasn’t any physical damage that I could immediately see, but Chrysalis was knocked out cold. I closed my eyes and let out an angry snort. I hugged my friend before turning to face the ‘Great and Powerful’ Trixie. Alright, I’m going to get my ass handed to me, but I’m pissed the fuck off. I am tempted to do something very illegal.
When humans get pissed, we get violent, and I’m going to throttle this horse even if I don’t have hands. I stepped forward, glaring at the ‘Great’ and ‘Powerful’ Trixie. “Hey bitch,” I said, while trying to look as calm as possible. The hooded mare turned to face me(she was about to harass some bastard), and I caught a glimpse of the woman’s eyes. “You suck shit at magic! I bet you lied about how powerful you are just to impress people!” I stumbled out of the way of a magical blast and laughed. I made sure to get closer to a nearby bush. “Learn how to aim, dumbass!” I stumbled out of the way of another magical blast. I looked up and stumbled out of the way of an overhead magical blast that made dust and debris shoot up.
You fucked up, horse.
I snuck into the bush, and balled myself up. “The fool would rather flee than face Trixie head on!” Trixie then went on to harass a couple other unicorns, including Rarity with a brown dress. Wow, this lady is blind… wait, nevermind, having a boring, brown coat is actually kinda useful? Trixie wandered close to my bush when she stopped.
“Quit harassing my friends, Trixie!” a familiar… It was Twilight. Trixie then removed her hood, with, and revealed a cream colored mane, which curled slightly in front of her face. Her eyes were kinda tealish. That’s really all I can get while most of my vision is covered up by bush leaves, leave me alone. Trixie then made a magical window type of thing, showing what was apparently her life after she and Twilight had last met. Wow, what a petty bitch. You lie with solid proof that you lied, get exposed, and you then proceed to make your whole life’s goal to ruin the bitch that exposed you?
What a cunt.
“And now, Trixie has come to defeat you, Twilight! Either accept my challenge, or run like the coward you are!”
Trixie shut up already. I crawled out from my bush and grabbed a brick, and crawled back in. Trixie took another step closer to my bush, without noticing that I had crawled back in it somehow. I heard something huge get yanked out of the ground and eventually I heard Twilight agree. Now was the time to strike. You see, I could jump out while shouting, because ambushing people while using a battle cry is a really cool thing. It’s cool but also defeats the point of an ambush. Instead, I crawled out of my bush to see Trixie hurl some rocks at Twilight, which the purple unicorn easily blocked. Without missing a beat, I clobbered Trixie over the head with a brick and knocked her out.
Or I would've if I didn’t trip on another bush and managed to ram my whole body into the back of Trixie’s neck. the unicorn grunted as I tumbled over her head, which might have also helped in knocking her out, and rolled onto my hooves before stumbling a bit. Wow, that was cool, even if I… why am I good at kicking ass when I’m a clumsy dumbass?
“Get fucked, pussy!” I cheered. What? I might as well pretend that I did what I did on purpose. I tossed my brick off to the side. A green, acidic magic grabbed the necklace that I just now noticed that she was wearing. Chrysalis, standing as tall and as regal as ever, even if she was slightly hunched over, glared at the unconscious unicorn as she snatched the necklace. The Queen gave me a small smile, while everybody else just looked at me with some degree of shock.
“What? Did it not occur to you guys that you could… just sneak up on the bitch and body slam the shithead?” With that, I wandered back over to the brick and put it into my backpack(they were called saddle bags, but I don’t care. I don’t wear saddles; nobody will ride me anytime soon). I’m naming this brick when I get home.
It will be a really good pet rock.
“Uh… nope,” one of the ponies in the crowd said.
Chrysalis stuck the necklace into some black box, before banishing it. “Well, I will admit, that was a clever tactic, Fruit,” she then gave me a toothy grin. “By the way, I heard you stressing over me when I got ‘knocked out’. It was adorable!” I blinked a couple times. “What? A Queen must know when to surrender and wait for her comrades to aid her.” She laughed. “I’m a better actor than you thought!” She was then cringed as she raised a hoof. Okay, she was actually hurt.
”I was banking on Twilight Sparkle, a very skilled magic wielder, to beat this mare,” Chrysalis then magicked up chains and locked them onto Trixie’s unconscious body. “But I suppose a clumsy monkey with a rock also works.” Soon afterwards, Skitter and Skatter took Trixie and dragged her away.
“What do you mean by ‘monkey?’” Twilight asked.
“Ask Celly, Fruit Punch is busy,” I said as I trotted over to Chrysalis, who was keeping her weight off the ground. “So, you were just acting when you got knocked out, right?” I asked.
“Okay, I might have been knocked out for a few moments. My carapace,” I noticed it was slightly cracked. “Took some damage, but it’s not broken. I know my leg has something wrong with it, and my magic is drained to the point where even performing levitation and summoning that black box was a struggle. Nothing some love won’t be able to fix, so I’m not too concerned about myself.”
Both Skitter and Skatter appeared out of nowhere, saluted Chrysalis, and glared at me. “The unicorn was put in the town’s local jail and will remain there for exactly two weeks from now, Queen-'' Skitter grunted as he and Scatter were scooped up by their mother. “Your highness, I thought-“
“I don’t care if we are in public, Skatter almost got her head taken off, and you would’ve been next if she found out you were a Changeling,” Chrysalis sat on her haunches, keeping both drones in a tight hug, before letting them go. “Now go.” Chrysalis handed them both a small bag of bits, where she kept it, I dunno. “Go treat yourselves to a day in a local spa.” Chrysalis then poofed a map into existence. “I marked the locations out for you, but if you just use those bits to buy choclate, then I don’t mind.”
“Chryssy, stop using magic, you’re already drained as is.”
“Fine, Nurse Fruit Punch. Should I open my mouth while you stick a thermometer in my mouth?” I simply shook my head, and took position next to the side that Chrysalis’s injured leg is on.
“C’mon buggy, let's get a hotel, and then you can drain me of love to heal yourself,” I said.
“And why are you trying to act like a crutch? I have three other legs and a pair of wings, Fruit.”
“Oh right… I was just trying to help ya, Chryssy, since you did get your butt handed to you-“
“By a magically enhanced unicorn, a unicorn that was dumb enough to drabble in dark magic,” Chrysalis smiled and started to lean on me as we walked along. “I do appreciate your offer by the way.” Twilight the took the time, not to check on her friends, but to walk beside us.
“But wait! What about the questions you said you’d answer?” Twilight asked.
“You’ll get to pick our brains after my best friend doesn’t look like she just got out of a fight. Fuckin’ hell, lady, check on your friends! Didn’t Trixie harass them a bunch?” I asked. Twilight’s mouth made an ‘O’ shape as the mare nodded, and went to go check on her friends. You know, like a friend should do on nigh instinct. So anyways, now me and Chrysalis are alone.
“I will admit, watching you body slam the Great and Powerful Trixie was kinda hot,” I snorted.