• Published 27th Apr 2023
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Trash of the Royal Castle - Netap



Human isekai'd into Equestria, regular stuff, right? Wrong! He knows nothing of the show and he took over the body of Prince Blueblood. Shenanigans ensue.

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Chapter 71: Spice and Ice

"Hello? Cosmos?"

Cosmos, The Spirit of Space, perked up her head as the voice of someone not her Prince echoed out in her endless prison.

"Cady is that you?" She asked as her arm slapped the invisible floor below her, throwing her up into the air to look around.

"Yeah, It's me. Bluey told me to wear your Gems when I go to sleep, He wanted a night to himself," Princess Mi Amore Cadenza's voice echoed out as Cosmos looked for her.

"Just a moment, I'll be right with you!" She yelled as her head fell down to the floor. And with a snap of her fingers, the vast nothingness of space was replaced with the same Tropical Beach her Prince loved to illusion onto the dreamlike prison.'

Pearly White Sand, Clear Blue water, the Sun shining in the sky with not a cloud in sight, A pair of Lounge chairs, and an Umbrella above them.

Cosmos looked around once more and her eyes widened when she spotted the Pink Princess of Love stumble out of the tropical foliage making the backdrop of her little Tropical Beach.

"Want a Pineapple?" Cosmos asked the princess as a pair of pineapple sunglasses appeared on her head, her arm extending to the Princess as she showed off a pineapple with a straw coming out of the top.

Cadance looked in wonder at the beach she was in before her horn glowed and she grabbed the offered fruit. Taking a sip from the straw.

The Fake juice felt so real.

After laying down on a chair and watching the ever-present Sunset of the fake Beach, Cadance looked at her new gal pal.

"So, This is how you spend your time?" She asked, looking at the decapitated head of the Spirit.

"Like this?" Cosmos looked at the beach in front of her before smirking to herself, "Nah," She wiped her single arm in front of herself, and the beach changed to an indoor living room, "I've been playing Video Games, Blueblood showed 'em to me," A Pair of controllers appeared in Cosmos's hand.
"Here, Catch," She threw a controller at Cadance, Who quickly caught the plastic controller as the Television screen came to life.

It showed a pair of Earth Ponies with Brown Mustaches wearing Red and Green overalls, Looking up at some cartoony monster behind them, a short green Unicorn could be seen flying on a winged-Bean in the background.

"I'll show you, Just a few hours, then we'll talk about what you want," Cosmos told her cheerfully as she pressed a few buttons on her controller.

Cadance looked at the plastic device in her hooves, "I'm not that good at these Games." She told the Spirit, "Shining tried to invite me to a session of Ogres & Oubliettes," A small smile appeared on the Princess's face, "It didn't go well," A chuckle, "But I had fun, so sure, Let's play this game of yours,"

A Wide Smile spread over Cosmos's face, "Really? Then let's try this instead!" And with a snap of her fingers, the two found themselves wearing the same outfits as the two ponies on the Television. The walls of the living room collapsed to reveal a wide-open field with a beautiful castle on the other side.

"Come on Cady! We need to save the princess!" The Spirit of Space yelled excitedly, She had Blue overalls and a Green cap with the letter C on her head.

Cadance once again took a moment to look around before staring at her own pair of Blue overalls and Red cap, a quiet laugh exiting her lips.

"Sure," She smiled as she joined Cosmos, looking at her now almost feline body as opposed to the decapitated head with an arm she had previously.


Raven Inkwell woke up to the smell of Tobacco and smoke.

She weakly opened her eyes, and then quickly shut them with a groan as her head started aching.

This wasn't like her, Usually so punctual and tidy, to wake up with an aching head and twitching legs.

"You know, Smoking is bad for you," She turned to look at the window of her room, and the white outline of her bedmate greeted her blurry vision.

She still needs her glasses.

She fumbled around for a moment before she found them and put them on.

And with visual clarity, came the half-drunk memories of last night.

Memories of a night filled with Tears, Sweat, Cheap wine, and Passion.

Now Raven understood why she had trouble standing straight.

"Did... What happened last night... Does it..." Raven fumbled her speech as she looked over at Prince Blueblood.

Leaning against and looking out the window of her room, a cigarette in his mouth as he took a breath of smoke, his Golden blonde hair tucked behind his ears to stay clear of the smoking stick.

Raven enjoyed a long look at the Stallion's carefully sculpted muscles and shining white fur, her eyes scanning him like a peruser at a museum, searching for the secret details in a work of art.

"Does it what?" The Unicorn asked her as a puff of smoke left his lips and out the open window, into the snow-covered world outside her bedroom walls.

"What are we?" Raven asked him, walking up to stand beside him as the two watched gentle puffs of snow fall from the clouds in the winter morning.

"Friends with Benefits." The Stallion explained, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and blasting it with a small beam of magic, sending it flying in a cloud of magic smoke into a garbage bin far outside the castle.

"So... Nothing really changed?" Raven asked as she side-eyed the larger Stallion.

"I wouldn't say nothing changed," Blueblood said as he leaned on the windowsill and pulled his head out, turning to look directly up at the fluffy white clouds, "I'd say we're closer than we were before, for obvious reasons. We're just really good friends now," He pulled his head back into the room, the small pile of snow he collected on his face melting away and soaking into his fur.

"We're... Friends?" Raven whispered in question, testing the word on her lips a couple of times, "We're not just colleagues, but also Friends?"

Blueblood blinked at her in confusion, looking behind him as if to check if another pony was in the room with them.

"I mean... Yeah? Why wouldn't we be friends? We're FWB, It has Friends in the Acronym. Unless you mean before last night?" At Raven's nod he continued, "Well, Why wouldn't we be friends? You think a colleague will just run to your room as an excuse to get away from a family member?" Raven shook her head at that.

"Then that's that. There's no deep meaning behind friends, You just make them. Every living creature forms some sort of companionship or another, Friends is just another form of that," Blueblood told her before he walked past her and into her bathroom, looking himself over in the mirror.

"And us? We're good friends who happen to fuck sometime, no biggie," He said as turned his head to the side and closed in on his eyelids, Stretching his bottom lid slightly as he stared at a small dark circle under his eyelids.

"So... We're not-" Raven was interrupted.

"Romantically involved? Sorry, but no." Blueblood said as he levitated a small box of makeup from the corner, trying to cover up his dark circles.

"Huh..." Raven sat down on her bed, her eyes still glued to the Stallion as he spoke.

"But hey," He said as he exited her bathroom, the circles under his eyes gone, "If you want to sleep with me just come to my room, you know the hidden passage anyway," He smiled at her, leaned on to kiss her on the cheek, and then left through a hidden door in the wall opening for him.

Raven sat still on her bed, eyes looking at the hidden door the prince left through before her hoof slowly rose to touch her cheek where he kissed her.

"I might just take your offer," She whispered to herself, before throwing herself onto her bed and hugging her pillow, rolling on the mattress.

"!!!" She squealed adorably into her pillow as she rolled, kicking her legs in the air with childish excitement.


"How?" Starlight breathed heavily, sweat pouring down her back as she lay on the mat of the training hall, "How do you deal with it?" She asked the White Alicorn standing above her.

Princess Celestia looked at the Unicorn below her before sighing to herself. "Follow me," And she started walking, not bothering to wait for Starlight to follow.

Starlight scrambled onto her legs and started walking after the princess, Following her as the two walked down the corridors of the castle.

Celestia stopped once she reached the dining room, with a glow of her horn she corrected the slight tilt of a nearby painting.

Starlight watched as the wall next to her opened up, revealing a staircase going down into the darkness.

"Come on," Celestia said as she walked into the secret passageway, Her horn providing a source of light for the two.

Celestia stopped as the stairs ended and the tunnel opened up to a surprisingly fancy-looking room, magical lamps setting a nice lighting for the room next to a velvet couch and a table. Racks of different Alcohol bottles lined the wall, an expensive Blue carpet softened the floor.

"I see Bluey found this room..." Celestia whispered to herself with a small smile before she shot a bolt of magic onto a specific brick in the ceiling, the wall in front of her opened up into a wider hall, dust flowing into the cellar.

"You wanted to ask me how I deal with losing those close to me, Did you not?" Celestia said as she looked down at Starlight Glimmer from the corner of her eye.
"Let me show you, What I do to deal with it..."

Starlight gulped as she followed Celestia into the secret hall behind the secret cellar.

As soon as the two entered, the door closed behind them. Torches on the wall magically burst to light with white flames one by one, illuminating the hall from end to end.

The hall was large, Starlight could almost feel the age of the magic spells protecting this one room, imagining how powerful the pony who cast them must have been to do so and still be felt all those years later.

Celestia walked down the long hall followed by the Purple mare, Her eyes stared at the paintings on the wall.

Paintings of Ponies Starlight's only seen in History books or children's stories...

Starlight saw a Painting of a head butler placed beside the painting of an energetic filly. An Old Warrior placed beside a gentle poet.
Paintings of Creatures from all walks of life covered the walls of the hall, from Nobility to Common Folk.

As the two silently continued walking down the hall, the style of the paintings also changed, Oil switched to Water, and Suits of Chainmail switched to Leather and Plate.

And the deeper they went, the more changed.

No more were there only paintings, now there were pictures, black and white and grainy, but taken with a camera nonetheless.

Starlight paused as she looked at a particular photo, magically enlarged to the size of a portrait.

In it, She saw a small White Unicorn Colt, his face scrunched in discomfort as Princess Celestia squished her face next to his own, her Aurora of a mane tangling up in his golden blonde, a bright smile on her face as she hugged the young Pony.

They looked like a mother and son...

"Sending him to private tutoring so I focus on Sunset was a mistake..." Starlight jumped as Celestia spoke beside her, her voice barely above a whisper as she looked at the picture, at the photo of what could have been a happy royal family.

"What?" Starlight carefully asked, not hearing Celestia's words.

Celestia looked at her with something akin to sorry in her eyes before she shook her head, "Forget what I said,"

Starlight watched as Celestia started walking deeper into the Hall. She took one last look at the photo before following after her.

And as they went, more and more photos appeared of Ponies Starlight could recognize.

She saw a Young Princess Cadance trying to cast her first spell, A fresh out of the Academy Shining Armor smiling brightly at the camera while holding his new officer's badge.

She saw a tiny purple Unicorn she recognized as Twilight Sparkle.
Then she saw another photo of Twilight, And anoter of Cadance, A Picture of Raven appeared in there, before another Photo of Twilight showed up.

Starlight noted that there wasn't another picture of the blonde Unicorn from before.

Another photo of Raven, Followed by two pictures of Twilight Sparkle and another photo of Cadance.

Then she stopped again, watching a group photo of six mares with magical instruments around their necks, standing in an abandoned castle as the rays of the sun cast down upon them. And on the small blue Alicorn between them.

The next few pictures were almost exclusively those of Princess Luna, with Short Blue hair and small stature, Long Hair and Tall legs, It didn't matter, they were almost exclusively of Luna.

Until another photo of more than one pony caught her eye.

Taken a month and a half ago according to the date on the photo, Starlight watched a pair of familiar ponies stand over a table, working together to finish up on paperwork late into the night.

This was the second Picture of Blueblood Starlight saw, and it also included Raven Inkwell in it.

And seeing as there were only two more pictures, Which Starlight could already see didn't contain the prince, She noticed a pattern with the two photos.

Prince Blueblood didn't appear in his Pictures by himself, it was either Celestia or Raven who appeared with him, but never alone.

The next two pictures were of Cadance and, unsurprisingly once again, Twilight Sparkle.

Celestia stood in front of the empty wall next to the last picture, her horn glowing as a new photo appeared in her hold, showing a surprised Princess Luna tangled under a blanket as snow piled up on her with what seemed like Salted Crackers.

With a brighter glow to her horn, the picture enlarged to fit the same size as the rest before it found itself a new home on the long line of pictures Celestia kept.

"This is how I deal with it," Celestia spoke somberly, "I treasure them, Each and every one," She told her, and Starlight quietly stared at the Princess as her back hunched down, as if a massive weight was pressed on her shoulders.

"I am Old, Starlight Glimmer, Older than any ruler of my standing should be, In any other life I would have long ago retired, living the rest of my days as an old hag, telling tales of better times..." Celestia said as she looked fondly at the new picture she placed on the wall, "But those times aren't where I'm at..." She let out a sigh of exhaustion.

To Starlight, Princess Celestia almost seemed to physically age in front of her very eyes, that was simply how dreadful her posture was.

"How Old really is she?" Starlight mentally asked herself as she stared at the Princess of the Sun.

A Sudden snapping sound and a flash of light pulled Starlight out of her funk, Her eyes widening to see Celestia stand tall and confident as if the sudden wave of tiredness was nothing but a trivial matter. A Camera levitated in front of her smirking face as a photo slowly rolled out.

A Photo of Starlight staring blankly at the camera.

Princess Celestia smirked at the photo in her grasp, before she shot it with a beam of magic and sent it away in a puff of smoke.

"Starlight Glimmer," Celestia said as she looked down at Starlight, deep beneath Canterlot Castle, in a Hall none but few knew about.

"...yes?" Starlight shrunk under the Princess, knowing full well that should the Princess Choose to dispose of her, nobody will ever find the body.

"I must say," The Princess started, "I do not particularly like you,"

Starlight gulped nervously.

"However, I do not hate you. There are very few creatures I can say that I hate, and most of them are luckily no longer with us,"

Starlight nodded her head, trying to appear small and weak to the princess.

"So... Perhaps you'll find that picture I just took on this wall someday in the future," And like a candle in the wind, the stress of the situation blew away and Starlight let out a breath she didn't know she held.

"Now hurry along," Celestia told her, waving her leg as she signed her to leave, "I'm sure you have better things to do."

Starlight stared at the Princess, watching her look fondly at the pictures on the wall, before turning away and walking back to where she came from.

Leaving Princess Celestia alone with her memories.

"Oh Sombra, If only I had a camera all those years ago..." Celestia whispered to herself, her mind traveling to a Mirror held in a corner of the castle nopony walked in centuries.

"If only..."


As Starlight climbed back up the stairs leading to the hidden Cellar, She thought back to the Princess who stayed behind,
At the tired face she showed her for a brief moment, even if it was only an act, And at that same face in the picture with the colt, a smile so bright it could be considered a sun of its own.

Her mind then moved to her own mother, to the new grave at Sire's Hollow's local graveyard.

And to the wide smile her mother gave her as she hugged her after the Grand Galloping Gala, after years of not seeing each other, Of the tears the two shed as they caught up and spoke about things they hadn't gotten the opportunity to.

"Miss Glimmer, Is everything alright?" Starlight paused as an old Unicorn wearing a Servant's coat stopped beside her.

"Huh? Yeah, Why?" Starlight questioned the old butler.

"Because you're leaving tears all over the floor," His accusation didn't sound angry, he sounded... Sad?

Starlight looked down and spotted a small puddle forming under her head. Her hoof quickly went to touch her face, and she felt moisture.

"Am I... Crying?" She asked herself, the tears trailing down her cheeks faster as the realization hit her.

She misses her Mom.

"Wait right here! I'll go grab a box of tissues," The Butler said as he ran off.

Leaving the mare to silently cry in the middle of a hallway.

Author's Note:

Next Chapter is HEARTHS WARMING EVE!!!

Also, the Butler is Kibitz.

One of the only two ponies in Canterlot Castle (Three now with Newblood) That actually does their job correctly.

Also, you can all guess which Ponified game Cosmos and Cadance are playing.

Anyway, I officially started my new job, so the rate of updates will likely slow down drastically.

...It's still crazy to think that all of this story was written in less than a year. How awesome is that?
All of this started because I binge-read "Greatest Estate Developer" And wanted to do something similar.

I obviously didn't do it similarly, but I still love how this story came out and how I see it going.

Also wow this Chapter was longer than I thought...
I wanted to add on Omake telling of the next major original arc but decided not to, not because It's spoilery, but because this Chapter is long enough to not need an Omake.

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