• Member Since 6th Mar, 2016
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"Anything described can be described s'more." -the Lolly Family


Applejack, the dependable and honest operator of Sweet Apple Acres, finds herself overwhelmed with chores after Big Mac and Sugar Belle get married. Sure, she can ask her friends for help, but that is only a temporary solution, so the farmer starts to look to the classified section of the local paper to hire some day laborers and get caught up.

But Help Wanted takes an interesting turn when Applejack finds an advertisement for mail order husbands, and both Rarity and Rainbow Dash are keen to assist with their friend's pitiful love life...


Cover art by Sipioc

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 140 )

I’m being mindful of this being posted on April Fools Day, but I like what you’re selling here. I would enjoy seeing this continued!

Oh, there's more. Chapter 2 is mostly done and 3 is in the works. :ajsmug:

Saw F. F. and immediately thought Flim Flam, but, well, not sure how'd that fit in with the story. Definitely going to keep an eye on this to find out where it goes.

I can see it now.

The mailmare drops off a massive crate in front of the farmhouse with the return address from Stalliongrad.

As Applejack grabs a pry bar to open the crate, the front drops open to reveal a massive earth pony with a flat top mane. "Uh...howdy! Mah name's App--Whoa!" Her word are cut off as the stallion picks her up and carries inside to the bedroom.

Applejack's cheeks blush bright red as the stallion roughly drops her on the bed. As he mounts her, he leans down and says softly in a deep voice into her ear, "I must destroy you."


dun dun dun

also, nice King in Yellow photo. I can tell you have seen the Yellow Sign of Hastur.

Whelp... This is gonna be a hilarious disaster in the making. I can't wait!

I am fairly pleased and will be seeing where this goes. I would prefer it to be more raunchy and M rated, but I understand not everyone wants to shove clop into everything.

Now why would she show up in this little fiction o' mine? :pinkiehappy:

But I don't see a Harshwhinny.💔

imagine her face if her groom is one of the flim flam brothers :rainbowlaugh:

Her appearance is imminent. Like, in the next chapter soon.:yay:

That might be just a tad bit awkward. I like it! :trollestia:

applejack: this is the worst thing to ever happen to ma
Flam: there a silver lining
Applejack what is it?
Flim and flam: buy one groom get another for free

Oh boy, this is gonna be a wonderfully chaotic disaster. Discord, hand me some of that popcorn! :moustache:

That's certainly what I'm here for.
Much anticipate.
Very excite.

I would personally like to see a stallion that is EXACTLY like Wayne from Letterkenny.

How about a vampony who isn't a monster?

I suspect Applejack is about to get a prospective mate in the worst possible way. (Of course, as an editor, I have a bit of an inside line.)

Or McLintock.
We are talking about the same Wayne right?

I’m talking about the Main Character of the Hulu show Letterkenny. Dunno who you’re talking about.

Very good chapter i’m am interested to see who is the male pony is. Is it a batpony who is weak maybe we have to wait and see. good work keep it up.

Ahh gotcha, I respect the Duke. I’m not well versed in his craft.

Whatever happens with AJ's mail-order experiment, it looks like a new generation of Apple is coming already. :eeyup:

And the others didn't see the "F.F."? :facehoof:

Now then, let's see what happens :trollestia:

“Ah still say it’s all a bunch of hooey,” Applejack grumbled to herself as she began to fill the pot with water. “Findin’ a groom through the mail ain’t gonna work. I’ll bet nopony even replies. It just ain’t right.”

You can almost.... almost hear Discord chuckling in the background. "That's close enough to 'What could possibly go wrong?' *snap*"

Applejack: *Kicks the crate lid back on and stamps each of the nails back in before marking that box return to sender*

That ad was kinda long.

But good golly.

I can really feel the start of what looks like AJ's depression or desperation at her life's situation.

Thank goodness for her friends.

My theory:
Flim and/or Flam are using this opportunity to get their pick of needy, desperate mares--that is, F&F are the only stallions available.

Sugerbelle is totally with foal.

Feather Bangs and Fleetfoot would argue that

Interesting story so far, I will be looking forward to seeing more of it. Somehow I expect to see Sunburst(fall out with Startlight/Trixie), Blueboold(disinherited from Twilight I bet), Pharynx (probably wants to found his own hive and is hermaphrodite and can lay the foal eggs clutch for AJ instead) up to Breaburn just because they are legally not first cousins. I wonder if Granny Smith is going to buck her back from the grave to make sure AJ gets her stallions, I wouldn't think a little thing like death get in the way to make sure she gets more great grandfoals. I wonder how AJ feels of becoming a broodmare?

I expect Sipioc to do it, but if you are ever looking to commission illustrations for AJ's OC suiters let me know.

Oh this is setting up to be a fantastic trainwreck, and somehow it hits those early season vibes just right. :pinkiehappy:

How desperate are all those stallions!? The first guy I could credit him for the audacity of trying to impress AJ in showing his cooking skills, but he would have had a better to bring in a meal himself when he presented before entering, but doing the cooking with AJ's took hard pass. I mean who shy with mares are all those dopes are or desperate to travel?! I am willing to bet AJ was the first mare ever listed to apply it makes me wonder if most of them are slobs or have eccentricities that no mare would put up with them!?

Harshwinny running a mail order stallion service.

Huh, y'know, never saw that coming but it makes sense. She'd be good at it.

She would be. She has that careful eye for detail, but is also pretty good at looking at a situation and figuring out what is really going on. Those are necessary traits in any matchmaker.

just accept them all then you got plenty of hoofs to work the farm, if only granny smith could have lived to see this

Funny... I was expecting changelings to be running it.

The Bachelor. You... You...

I of course mean the movie.

"I can't marry them all. That's bigamy!"
"No, that's big of me."

- Tiny Toon Adventures, How I Spent My Vacation

I'm loving the story so far, but the apple emoji chapter breaks are on a whole new level of creativity that blows my mind!

So uh... Do we have a count down clock for when AJ goes Nuclear?

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