• Member Since 6th Mar, 2016
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"Anything described can be described s'more." -the Lolly Family



Baked Bean is but one of the thousands of tourists in Canterlot, and he's looking for some inspiration to help launch his writing career. To this end, he pays a visit to the Royal Gardens, but while there he quickly and quite accidentally invokes a long-forgotten law that will completely upend his life and thrust him into the spotlight...

As Celestia's husband.

And all this because of noses.

As seen on Equestria Daily!

With an audio reading by Fire Hearth Studios!

Cover art graciously provided by the Right Most Awesome Backlash91!
Original cover art provided the Right Most Awesome Sipioc!

Proofreading and prereading services provided by Georg, Sipioc, and Moon Fire!

Fan Art for this story can be found right here!

A most worthy review by Cyonix!

Chapters (32)
Comments ( 4222 )

I'm really excited for the next update. Into tracking it goes! Also, I think in the first few paragraphs 'confidant' was used rather than 'confident.'

Whoops! :twilightsheepish: Much as we love trusted advisors, I'll get that fixed shortly.

This is wonderful, cute, and unique. I cannot wait to see where you go with this.

“Why does everypony believe that I’m going to imprison them in the place I banish them to?” she asked herself. “I’ve never done that. I’ve never even threatened it. I bet Twilight is behind this somehow, along with that silly ‘magic kindergarten’ thing I keep hearing about.”

So apparently Luna doesn't count then?

Hmmm…I see, yeah…good…very good.

You sir, have catch my attention and grab my interest, please continue, and please do tell. If he accidentally bup princess Luna in the nose those he have to married both princess? Old laws usually are a bit…exaggerated and tend to favour the stallions, so multiple brides in the old times weren't that uncommon

“Yes. Only a Princess can raise or lower a celestial body. Keeps rouge elements from messing around with things they shouldn’t be touching.”

Rouge is a reddish tinted powder used in cosmetics. :raritywink:

She didn't banish Luna, the Elements did. :trollestia: Yup. Totally not Celestia, no way. :moustache:

Do YOU want the color red messing with YOUR moon?! I thought not. :moustache:
"And now, dear Celestia, you see the folly of your ways. You may have dealt with the Azure Brothers easily enough, and you may have foreseen the Emerald Gang, but nothing - and I mean NOTHING - could ever stop us, the Rouge Elements! Now watch as we send your beloved sun into the moon! Bwa ha ha!"
And now that I've had my fun I'll go fix that. :twilightsheepish:

:moustache::moustache:Luna had better be careful...:trollestia: I will address that very thing in the story...stay tuned...

Damn it, Bean, always going and getting into awkward situations.

And since it would be a boring story if things didn't get even more awkward...:trollestia:

I think I've seen this premise used for a number of fics. Unfortunately, when it tends to bind Celestia to some out-of-character course of action, I always have to wonder how she didn't have the laws extensively checked at any point in the last century or so; that in itself sounds uncharacteristic.

Laws affecting Twilight, Luna, or Cadance, yes, I can kind of see that - Twilight and Cadance in particular may, as very recent alicorns, be under legal classifications which haven't applied to the Sisters in a long time, Celestia may also have moved herself, at some point, outside of classifications which originally applied to the older alicorns - and the law wasn't updated before Luna got back.

Something affecting Celestia directly, though... I'd suggest that it requires a little more suspension of disbelief. Perhaps an unexpected legal reclassification occurring due to unforeseen circumstances deemed unlikely enough so that the relevant law was scheduled to be quietly revoked in a few decades when the political situation was more suitable.

On the other hoof, I can see Celestia using such 'ancient laws' as excuses for acting out of character when she deems it necessary - or fun - but she doesn't seem to be the type to wield such powerful legal precedents to effectively threaten an amateur writer with the complete uprooting of his life on a moment's notice. Unless, of course, there are deeper unseen political forces at work, and it's for his own good...

Thank you good sir I will be sure to be on the alert to read it

There is also the subject of…well different times. Yeah she is ancient and should have catch up to those laws but we are talking about a time when the world has just got free of Discord tiranic ruling…witch mean a weak, and vulnerable country, witch mean, land ready for the taking.

In episodes Celestia has mention how Yak yakingstan and Equestria had difficulties in the past, and how before the stolen idol Griffonia used to be a prosper and powerful country. The sad true is that stories like that, tell us a lot of tension all around the centuries, plus the incident with Sombra, the opening of new roads, the fixing of a country, the establishing of new laws, the creation of some laws, the re building of infrastructure and those are just the global escale immediate issues to resolve. Add that, the insident with Luna and the calming down of your town so they are not afraid of neither Celestia or Luna, and you have your work EXTREMELY cut short.

So yeah, Celestia in paper could have revoke that law, but in those times there was a literal mountain of duties that required her attention at the moment, and by the time things calm down, the poor mare won and needed a breath from everything before revoking. In resume, its a double edge sword being an ancient alicorn and she have reasons into why she forgot to revoke that law.

First off, I greatly appreciate your comment. I try to reply to most of them as quick as I can but I'm not so good at it at times. :twilightsheepish:
When I write, I try not to get very far ooc with a character. The idea is what you read could be happening within the show, within reason. How close I get is a matter of debate, though, and ultimately up to you. If my version of Celestia is not right, hopefully you can at least enjoy the plot and give my mess a little suspension of belief to get through it. If she's close to what you envision, bonus points for me!
There is a section in chapter two that goes over some of the points you made. Hopefully they explain things well enough, but if not we'll chalk it up to bad writing and I'll try to improve in future installments.

Hmm I think its good, we needed some explanation after all, and hey Luna approved of him…at least as a joke for Celestia, I think maybe she can help find the loophole.

Oh! maybe the law wouldn't work if he already has a special some pony.

Also wed in tree days? Ja if they really need to wed, Cadence will do her darnest to make a proper wedding after the 'official' one. I mean she is princess of love, that is kind of her thing.
And geez good thing the law doesn't entitle him with wings and a horn or they might be having a second problem.

Oh, the spoilers I could lay on you...but no. All in good time, all in good time...:pinkiecrazy:

Wait... Sometimes the Princesses touch the noses of the foals for good work sometimes... The law doesn't say anything about how old the pony has to be for it to affect right?

Poor Twilight... I think there are few times when she bump her nose to others by accident... I think one was Discord! :rainbowlaugh:

That's in the legal jargon that Bean didn't read. I stink at writing that kind of stuff. :rainbowwild: Foals are right out, always have been. Law says that you have to be of legal age. Also Discord doesn't count. He's not a stallion. :yay:
and now I'm hoping I didnt get up and use the restroom when twilight bumped somepony and I missed it...that's an awkward plot hole...

Maybe they could get married, fulfilling the law, and then get divorced immediately afterward, with Bean waving off any compensation or pension so as to keep the matter under wraps.

You sly pony you! :trixieshiftright: Just have to wait and see...


Yep, I'm sure she will go nuts and try to figure out who she bump to... Also I hope Bean accidentally bumps nose with Luna to cause more chaos and trouble for everyone or better yet bumps nose with all 4 princesses! :rainbowlaugh:

Though how old does someone need to be for them to be of age? Like 14 since Luna was at the time when the law was pass.

A thousand years ago 14 was ok, so Luna was fair game then, but I would like to think Celestia somehow wrote it to be in line with what society accepts, so it goes up as the years go by. (This is also exactly why I didn't try to write out the actual law, but I might just have to. :facehoof:) In the present day, it'd be in the 18-20 years old range. And before you get any ideas, Bean is of age. No loophole there. I picture him at about 22 or so.

Ok, I can't wait to see what happens next and how the rich Society is going to treat a poor pony... Actually is he a Earth Pony or Unicorn because the chapters didn't say what kind he was?

What if he's a pegasus?:trixieshiftright: all in due time...

So many options... He could be a sea pony as well oh yea they are super tall now in canon XD

That is all I ask, and things are soon to get interest. Oh I know you will explain later on too but for the sake of a joke…

How would Bean dad or even better his mom will react to this news? I mean they sure will try to save it until there is no going back but in the event that it happens how is he going to write a letter to his mother?

Dear (Bean Mom)

I know it being a while and I'm truly sorry I didn't write you sooner, but work and adventures keep me from having time to write, anyway enough of me blabber the reason I'm writing to you is…complicated subject, you see, do you remember when I was a colt and you used to tell me 'aim for the stars'? Well I kind of did, but not in the way you are thinking, mom please don't panic but I'm kind of got myself engage…with a princess, witch by chain of command makes you a duchess and the mother in law of royalty

Or would he just go there with Celestia so they can both see her faint in person?

Comment posted by Irrespective deleted Aug 17th, 2017

I am severely tempted to officially name her Bean Mom now. :trollestia: As for meeting the parents... :pinkiecrazy: I hope it is a bit unexpected.

Comment posted by Rdr2FanBoy deleted Aug 17th, 2017

It’s a bit drafty in the winter but in this summer heat it’s really the best spot in the whole house.”

Sword in the Stone reference?

YOU GOT MY REFERENCE!! :twilightsmile: :twilightsmile: I'm so happy *sniff*

I'm not sure what I want to happen here.

Do I want them to get to know one another the. Find a loop hole but stay friends. Maybe more?


Do I want it to be iron tight? And have them be together?

You spin quite a yarn.

Consider me hooked!

I'm glad your enjoying it! Hopefully you won't be too mad at me when you find out which way it goes...:ajsmug:

That's ominous. But understandable.

Keep it coming!

"Just make yourself at home, Marvin."

"Marvin! Marvin, Marvin, Marvin!" :twilightsmile: I should figure out a way to have Owlicious and Achimetes meet. :yay:

A story where Merlin and Arthur go to Equestria?!

"I'm not a real pony I'm a boy!"

:pinkiehappy: And Im a chicken! BA-GAkk!!

I'm liking the possibilites here...:pinkiehappy:

Merlin has been to Equestria before, under the name Starswirl the bearded.

Arthur, now a Pegasus, learns how to be a just ruler from Celestia, inspired he will call his kingdom Camelot.

He and Applebloom go on an adventure or two. The two falling hard for one another. He calls her his 'Gwen'

Gah! I'm already writing a story, stop giving me good ideas for another one!:pinkiecrazy:

I can't help it! It's just coming out. I can't st-

Wait. Being an ordained King would Arthur be an Alicorn in Equestria?

Depends on if we go before he pulls Excalibur out or after. The argument could be made that he wasn't ordained king yet, especially since Disney© left his lineage ambiguous. Traditional Authurian Legend he's a shoo-in to the Crown at any age.

I would it would be a sequel story. Arthur isn't sure How to rule and he wants to see how it's done. Hence learn from Celestia.

I picture a cute scene where he and Bloom are relaxing by the pond.

"I've never done this before."

"Went Swimmin? Cause you move like a fish through water."

"Heh. No I mean, just had fun. Before I was always doing chores, working in the kitchens, training to be a squire. Then after I pulled the sword, everyone wanted me to rule the country. Make big decisions. I never had a chance to do... this.

Later she leans to kiss him, cutely over puckering, that he leans to far and falls from the tree they are in.


And in the branches, we see a certain ex-girlfriend, chattering madly at the both of them....

"Yes, I'm sure he was a very handsome squirrel, but you really shouldn't push ponies out of trees." :yay:

Oh this HAS to happen!!!

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