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Twilight's had enough to deal with being the newly crowned Princess of Friendship.
However, when someone returns from Equestria's distant past, things begin to turn a bit unusual.
Now she has to deal with this strange mage that has been calling the library home for far longer than she has.
Who exactly is he, and why is he returning now?
Featured on:
12/5/21
12/11/21
Edited: 9/19/22
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hooo boy this is so INTERESTING! Excited for more!
11027683
Glad you like it, cause there's more to come.
11027751
So you have all of the chapters done, you’re just going to release them weekly or something?
11027898
try daily
11027899
Damn bro aight then
Things are already starting to make more sense, and while I may have spoiled some of it for myself but I didn’t get very far!
This seems familiar... I've read another story on Fimfiction like this. I just don't remember what it was..
11028086
Never mind. I go back to the description of this and the answer was there. Didn't notice that this was a rewrite of that story.
"Book it "
Fore shame .
Better so far, chapters could afford to be a tad longer but that’s probably just me. It’s very apparent how much better of a writer you’ve become since the first writing of this story!
FYI I spotted two grammatical errors that I unfortunately have lost track of, sorry. They’re very minor
Wow this feel way different than the first write
11029529
Hopefully that's in a good way
Ohh new a new story around when I go to bed lol 😆 I'll read it in the morning can't wait
Added to reading list, will post thoughts as I proceed
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
Not that I'm complaining, but why are the chapters shorter then in the original?
11031889
there was some issues with the pacing of events. Yes the chapters are shorter, but there's 50 of them as opposed to 26 and a lot more happens that didn't before.
Love to see it
"His" should be "him".
"the" does not make any sense being here.
11033299
thank you. fixed.
I'm literally making 3 passes over these chapters before they go up but I'm not surprised that I still miss a few things.
Your second one, usually, though it could be worst, what if your mother (Twilight Velvet) found out ...
That final part cracked me up!
Yeah you’re right, this would make a good story ;)
PFFFFFFFT WHAT?! HOW?! I DONT NEED SLEEP I NEED ANSWERS!
11035762
what answers are those?
11035770
Assuming that is Random, how did he know they were there? How’d he know that was Luna? Oh sure he’s obviously a powerful unicorn but I’d assume you’d have to like know to look for an illusion spell or something right? How does not expect his cover to be blown now?
11035770
Bro that next chapter CANNOT come fast enough
Wait, so those are three “pieces” of whatever the whole being is? And I presume that Celestia is the one that split him up or something? This is SO INTERESTING!
11037202
I love hearing people theory-craft my writing.
It scratches an itch for some reason.
Oh yeah... not telling.
sorry.
11037217
Don’t be, not telling is much more fun
Cloudy Cleavage?!
That should say "but we shall remain".
Wouldn't "the way when" sound or fit better here?
(I noticed a mistake in the previous chapter also, but don't remember what it was.)
11037551
isn't it funny how the brain skips over double words, thanks again
11037556
You're welcome. I just edited that with something else I noticed. If you want, I can help you out with editing chapters before they're published. Try and catch these little things beforehand.
11037557
im good for now, im really trying to avoid delaying the publishing on these chapters.
Only thing that'll keep me from that right now is if the story elements aren't lining up correctly.
Like right now I'm driving myself a bit crazy re-sorting out some problems with chapter 20
11037559
Sometimes having someone to talk to about it can help you in ironing out the details and getting it set up the right way. I won't force you to accept help, but the offer stands if you ever decide you want it. I'm looking for things to keep myself busy, and helping pre-existing authors with their work will help build some experience for me with writing on my own.
11037556
Here's another Zoshe. This one is in the first few words of the sentence.
The word "you've" is a combination of "you have". The way this sentence is written can be fixed rather easily. I can see this being fixed in three ways:
1. "You've got to get yourself out there"
2. "You have to get yourself out there"
3. "You have got to get yourself out there"
(The third one just came to me so I added it.)
I believe "we" should be capitalized.
It would probably be best to turn "call" into "called"
I'm not positive here, I find my skill with punctuation a bit lacking, but is a comma correct? To me, it feels like a question mark would fit better. Unless that is meant to be a statement or is rhetorical.
This is another I'm not positive about. It feels that maybe the two sentences would be better as one with a comma after "watch".
11037580
Oops, I forgot it leaves deleted bars there.
I went back and fixed some of the things you pointed out.
However, regarding "what do you take me for," with a comma, apparently the jury is out on rhetorical questions needing an actual question mark.
you’re*
Oh shit, that ending! Obviously they didn’t go to the weather mishap like Rainbow did…what the hell, I got nothing
AHHHHHH the next chapter cannot come fast enough!
11039312
I'm uploading one a day, what more do you want?
11039319
If I had my way I’d be binging through all of it right now, but that’s obviously not good for anyone so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Brooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
11041386
Are you going to be ok?