• Member Since 23rd Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Fervidor


The Tomorrow King.


E

Twilight Sparkle never seemed to notice Lyra Heartstrings. She didn't even remember Lyra's name.

They were friends back in Canterlot and even went to school together. Yet Twilight didn't notice that Lyra just happened to move to Ponyville the same day she did. She didn't even notice when Lyra appeared at her welcoming party. Nor did she ever seem to spot her old classmate passing by in the background on any other day during her stay in Ponyville. Some days she could look right at Lyra and never realize that they knew each other.

Lyra isn't a very noticeable pony. She has put a lot of effort into that.

Set in late season 5, after Amending Fences.
Note: Lots of spoilers in the comments.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 153 )

Twilight took a seat and gestured to Lyra to do the same. “Go on, dig in. I trust you still have your old appetite, because there's no way I can finish all this by myself.”

You sure about not being able to eat all that, Twilight?

:derpytongue2:


Okay, I did not see that twist coming. At all. :rainbowderp: Looking back, the line about a successful test was brilliant foreshadowing. Kudos to you.

Thanks for writing! :twilightsmile:

I haven't read it yet, but she has appeared in Cloudsdale... for some reason.

Top-shelf fiction as usual, matey, :twilightsmile:
s6.postimg.org/5pzpmopep/Pirate_Approved2.jpg

Also:

*The entire description of that feast*

... You've been into those Redwall books again, haven't you? :trixieshiftright:

7166996

Actually, that was pretty much all Alsvid.

Dude seriously knows his food.

This is marked Complete? Why is this marked Complete? This is a beginning!

Whatever, have a like and a favorite anyway.

Well, that was interesting. Never would've expected that twist. Still, what was it about Princess Celestia acting strangely and the others leaving town without telling Twilight that made her suspicious?

Oh, and finally:

As for Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, I have no idea. Maybe they're off on some adventure or eloped or something?”

Mentions of FlutterDash always make my day.

Something about this story skeeves me out. I guess it's not on the same level as the stories that have Celestia summarily executing ponies or murdering Blueblood to replace him with a changeling, but it still seems a little messed-up.

Holy fucking shit, that complete whiplash.

...will there be more, by any chance?

Haven't read it yet, but the description immediately reminded me of Background Pony by shortskirtsandexplosions. I'll probably read it later.

if only because it helped her take her mind of things.

off

Bon Bon gave a firm nodd.

nod

convenient in it's own way.

its

Also, holy shit.

7167150 Maybe the part where Celestia started acting strangely and all of her friends left town. That seems pretty suspicious.

Wow. This was really something. I'll chime in as another that would be more than interested in getting more from this 'verse, as well, if you've any interest in writing it. :twilightsmile:

7167096

Well, the thing is, the author is super lazy.

7167150

I imagine it was just a lot of kinda suspicious things happening at once that tipped her off.

7167163

It may have ended up a bit darker than I originally intended, but it's still supposed to be a story about two friends reuniting, which is a good thing at the end of the day. Sorry to hear that the tone didn't suit you.

7167237

I haven't read Background Pony, but I am aware of it and know the basic gist of what it's about. I honestly can't remember if I was influenced by that fanfic when I came up with this idea - it's definitely possible, but I've been playing around with this concept in my head for quite a while now.

7167246

Fixed the typos, thanks.

7167209
7167250

As far as I'm concerned, this story is finished, as it is really supposed to be just about Lyra and Twilight, rather than everything that occurs around them. Frankly, I have no idea what happens after this point.

Not to mention, I have many other stories I really want to write, and adding more material to one I consider to be already finished would not be conductive to my creativity.

I appreciate the sentiment, however.

7167347

Darn. :fluttershyouch:

Ah well, I don't fault you for wanting to concentrate on other stories.

D-dude... to hook and reel us in with such a riveting tale of friendship and espionage, and then to end it right there just as the action picks up? It's almost as cruel as it is well-written. :fluttercry:

Oh well, still upvoted for the sheer personality you managed to squeeze into this one. :pinkiehappy:

Now, if everypony'll excuse me, I need to go cry in a corner. :raritydespair:

What enemies are these?

Not changelings, clearly.

Seriously, it's not changelings. Princess Celestia acting oddly and the rest of the Elements disappearing?
Someone has power and influence in action here, tying up Celestia's hooves and forcing an evacuation of the majority of the Elements.
Why not evacuate Twilight? Celestia pulled what strings she had that were uncompromised and unwatched, largely through being remote cells reacting to passive signals from Celestia's least trusted agents in the Royal Intelligence Agency, the ones that Division Operatives knew would never be replaced by an enemy agent because of how readily they could be bribed into compliance, and thus be perfect windsocks for the winds of subterfuge.

Again, why not evacuate Twilight? Attempting to signal for an evacuation would have triggered a deadly escalation, so while there were backups in place to handle the majority of the Elements, the enemy had Twilight's observers be completely compromised. The only signal Celestia could make without risk of triggering escalation was to assign guards to Twilight, an act that Celestia was certain would be permitted by the enemy since the guards that would be sent would doubtlessly have been long compromised, meaning Celestia's action would be technically forwarding the enemy's plans, at least where Twilight or the Elements intersected with the enemy's grand plot.

At this point, Celestia's counter game relied entirely on Twilight successfully pulling out her adventuring skills to the fore to escape the invisible trap closing around her with whatever remote resources remained unnoticed in Ponyville. The enemy would not have reason to enact Escalation as long as the apparent plot only threatened to expose a few pawns operating under the auspice of a completely fabricated version of the enemy, allowing the enemy's stranglehold on Equestria's lifeline to remain in the blissful dark of general awareness while fractions of their resources could be put to use clandestinely hunting down a primary target with little to no evidence of the hunt remaining after even a short passage of time.

7167249
7167150
Twilight is a complete conspiracy theory nut by nature, but being essentially raised by the ruler of the land generally meant that aspect of her personality was kept well suppressed by her environment, but not repressed by her upbringing. In fact, the sheer freedom of access to so much lore kept that part of her personality quite busy and very forgetful of life whenever her daydreams turned to theory crafting about how to "protect the crown" from the many imagined threats she would pattern-match with any correlating arcane lore/historical events and anypony within line of sight; until whenever Celestia or somepony else stole her attention back to reality.
When Twilight became a princess herself, suddenly her child-like tendency for passive conspiracy theory crafting matured into a controlled awareness, as suddenly "It's not paranoia if they are really out to get you" took on a much more soberingly personal light.

7167399

You may want to add some spoiler tags to that. I personally don't mind, but others might.

And no, they are not changelings. I don't really know what they actually are, but I wanted them to be distinctly not changelings.

I also don't think the other Mane Six were "evacuated." The implication is supposed to be that they were covertly abducted by the villains.

I know this is marked as complete, but some kind of epilogue would be awesome. Even if it's a really short chapter set in the aftermath of what was apparently a massively epic adventure. At the very least, that conversation with Bonbon would be hilarious.

Have not read it yet but plan to do so later. This sounds like it takes place in the Background Pony universe by shortskirtsandexplosions. If that is the case, I can't wait to get around to reading this.

Well damn, now I'm going to be thinking of a hundred and one ways this fic could be continued.
Curse you cliffhangers!
But wow, those twists. I am doing way too much foreshadowing for mine to be a surprise.

You leave it hanging there??? If you don't continue this story and give some prequel information as well you need to hook up with another author who will.

Read for the description reminding me of Background Pony. Found something different but good.

This is certainly a great epic adventure story idea. Too bad it's a one shot.

In all honesty, I'm not too big on this. It's not badly written, but there's also frankly not much to it. It's a pretty low-intensity "spy thriller" snippet mixed with some generic high school nostalgia. It's honestly one of those stories that are just kind of there, but I don't think that a week from now I'll even be able to tell you anything specific that happened to it. It's not actually bad, but it could have been more.

I did enjoy the twist that Lyra's secret from Secret Agent Bon Bon is that she's an even secreter agent. That brought a nice bit of humor into it.

I can't even begin to tell you how long I've been waiting for a story like this after that episode aired.

It's about time.

This could have developed into something quite interesting. As it stands, I enjoyed~

So if you have Lyra and one more, does that make them coincidental ponies?

7167850
I don't know if I should punch you or applaud you for this.

7167555

Well damn, now I'm going to be thinking of a hundred and one ways this fic could be continued.

Good. That's kinda the effect I was going for. Nothing stimulates imagination like a story you don't know the ending of. :twilightsmile:

7167770

Weeell, I think this story pretty much is what I intended it to be: A poignant little character piece with a bit of suspense, that also provides a reasonable (if outlandish) explanation for one of the show's more bizarre irregularities.

I hope you still liked it well enough, even if you found it unremarkable.

7167815

Like, I know, right?

Minuette explicitly tells Twilight that Lyra (who is literally on the list of friends Twilight set out to find) is living in Ponyville, and Twilight... doesn't react at all? :rainbowhuh:

7167857
Well, I'd recommend against the former. I mean, your poor screen would take the brunt of that.

7167861
Well, the unremarkableness kind of cuts both ways. While there's not much that stuck out to me positively, there is also nothing about it that I actually disliked. I thought it was a pleasant read, at any rate.

Personally, I think the poignancy is kind of lost, though. It's... I don't want to say shallow, but the word I'm actually thinking of doesn't translate well into English, sorry. For poignancy, I think the entire thing doesn't quite go deeply enough into anyone's real feelings about the situation. I don't ever see enough about anyone to really feel strongly for them. I hope that explains it and helps you for your next one.

7167964
I can punch people through the internet. It's a superpower. True fact.

7168086
Let me know how that goes for you. :trixieshiftright:

(I'm feeling a little stupid because I don't understand)

7168086

Well, the unremarkableness kind of cuts both ways. While there's not much that stuck out to me positively, there is also nothing about it that I actually disliked. I thought it was a pleasant read, at any rate.

Hurray! I'm adequate! :pinkiehappy:

Personally, I think the poignancy is kind of lost, though. It's... I don't want to say shallow, but the word I'm actually thinking of doesn't translate well into English, sorry.

On a similar note, I'm not sure that was even really the word I was looking for.

This isn't my first language. I only pretend to understand it! :raritydespair:

I don't ever see enough about anyone to really feel strongly for them. I hope that explains it and helps you for your next one.

I choose to interpret that as a challenge. :trixieshiftright:

I enjoyed this story. Granted the ending didn't feel like a proper open-ended story it still lends itself well to either end right there as a one-shot or open up to another chapter.

Hopefully you do decided to take this a little further :)

I love this concept! It was a really good stand alone and it left room for a sequel if you so chose. :twilightsmile:

Twilight Sparkle never seemed to notice Lyra Heartstrings. She didn't even remember Lyra's name.

Nopony could ever remember Lyra Heartstrings for long because a bunch of mentally-ill horse gods got all angsty and made a bunch of cursed musical crap.

Especially egregious was this undead one who was a total whacko and lived in a giant tea strainer with chains made out of pony souls.

This is what happens when you let emos run things!

“Geez, does Princess Celestia have those guys made in a lab or something?”

"Yes," the guard replied blankly.

"I see... carry on then..."

:trollestia:

7168147

This isn't my first language. I only pretend to understand it! :raritydespair:

I know the feeling. You try your best, but sometimes, you still grab the wrong one by accident.

Well, for all of that, I have to give the honest compliment that I would have never noticed this from the story itself if you hadn't pointed it out to me. In a technical sense, you've definitely got this down.

I wish you luck for your next one. :pinkiesmile:

7167347
7167249
Yeah, but what did it have to do with a bunch of monsters disguised as royal guards appearing before Twilight?

I get the feeling the comments are going to be telling you to continue the story. I disagree.
In my opinion, if you wanted to make the story longer, you'd have to rewrite it so that it wasn't at a fast but good pacing.
Anyway, I enjoy it when the perspective of the reader is very uninformed. I don't have to worry about who the Incidentals are, or what the enemies are achieving.
It does feel like a slice of a story, but I think this'd be a slice of cake that has the most frosting on it. It's got action, thriller, and mystery. The story does what it needs, is enjoyable, and then leaves before things start to lose their novelty.
If you extended it, I would absolutely read it, however.

Then she went and grew herself a pair of wings, and then she went and grew herself a huge crystal castle...

The way this fic phrases things.:rainbowlaugh:

Twilight Sparkle, Celestia's personal student, come running down the street with that familiar look of focused determination on her face. It was the look she always had when there was a book to read somewhere, and Twilight would not rest until it had been located and read.

Fill in the blanks with whatever your dirty minds are capable of.:trollestia:



This was thrilling, and amusing.

I still can't believe the twist didn't involve time travel. I guess this bit was just a read-hearing then.

“I guess our new librarian isn't very interested in making friends, huh?”

“Oh, I don't know about that,” Lyra said with a mischievous smile. “I have a feeling she'll come around.”

~Leonzilla

7168250 What's that one species that can assume any form they wish, are generally depicted as being unimaginative and operating on a hive mentality, and have a ruler with an ego the size of Celestia's cake bill?

This is a pretty fun read. Thank you for writing it.

7168192

Its like having a crapsack universe only targeting one particular individual.

Poor old Harpbutt can't win no matter what.

Well, I certainly wasn't expecting that to happen.

If I remember correctly, Lyra was actually referred to by the animators as "Incidental Unicorn #2" (not "Pony") but the rest is good.

Okay, that's it?
All rigth, good enough, fun enough, I don't think these ten minutes were wasted.

Login or register to comment