• Member Since 10th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen Jul 24th, 2022


Just an average insane brony, doing average insane things. Professional Fanfiction Writer and Purveyor, relevant links are on my profile page.


Twilight Sparkle and her friends have learned many lessons. Sometimes, they weren't the right ones. Sometimes, they needed a little outside help to get it good.

Luckily a squad of battle-hardened therapist spies were appointed by Celestia to keep things on track.

....which begs the question of why she had a squad of battle-hardened therapist spies on hoof...

Written for FTP 14. Cover art assembled from pieces by Zacatron94, joeycrick and light262, DewlShock, and Whitelupine.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 66 )

That opening sentence... did you write it just for the alliteration, or was that just a happy discovery?

Nevermind, stupid question.

So far, I am liking this a great deal. Minuette and Sweetie Drops are both well characterised, and the scene is set for some cool spy action that is unlikely to take itself too seriously. I shall read on.

Is this an ongoing series? Because it reads like it, but it's marked completed.

Well, that just stopped. I'm very surprised to see this marked Complete. I enjoyed each of the vignettes, but there's no resolution. If nothing else, I would've loved to have seen R.E.T.C.O.N.'s reaction to Twilight's ascension. Still, it's certainly a novel way of approaching the prompt, even if it does leave me with more questions than answers. Best of luck in the contest.

I was going to make it longer, but I ran out of time.

And motivation.

I especially liked how Mare-Do-Well was resolved, because honestly, what lesson was Rainbow Dash supposed to learn from that? "Don't shine too brightly or your friends will take extreme measures to bring you down?"

So Bon-Bon and Lyra have a kinky relationship.

Or, Pinkie Pie is being Pinkie Pie.

... What am I saying, of course she knows. She likely just doesn't care.

She can't threaten the Mane 6 and get away with it.

What Agent M said was Latin for

And it shall devour him, the enemy of the sun.

Don't really know why that got Twilight so terrified but Latin's a scary language sometimes.

Good story. The Mare Do Well episode is considered the worst of the series for good reason.

Translation: Lyra and Bon-Bon are humping like there's no tomorrow.

Huh, that title looks like an acronym...

(Figures out acronym)

R.E.T.C.O.N.? Where have I heard that before?

(Looks it up)

Oh, I get it! Nice!


Sweetie Drops mouthed the words for a second or two, before facehoofing. "She didn't."
"Did what?"
She turned to the blue mare. "Minuette... we're R.E.T.C.O.N."
"Oh." Minuette blinked. "Oooooh! That's actually pretty funny!"

Wait, that was 'Tia's canon idea? Wat?

Haven't read this yet, but you get a like just for the acronym alone.

"Et combures eum the hostes solis."

(Runs it though a Latin translator)

"And it shall devour him, the enemy of the sun?"

Teh f***?

"Which is why we are taking this equipment. It will capture the matrix of any and all constructs who are translating to the mirror pool and construct a fuller, more complete matrix. After that, all that is needed will be enough power to run the completed construct... who will have to be relocated," Agent M admitted. "At least this way, we prevent Twilight from conducting murder."


and construct a fuller, more complete matrix.

a fuller, more complete matrix.

A fuller, more complete matrix. As in one clone. Like the one in The Saddle Row Review. When was this published?

(Checks date against Saddle Row Review's)

Yep that's definitely what you were going for.

So, odds on it being Maud? Peak physical fitness indeed.

A quick Googling of the phrase revealed:
This FanFic.

Oh and a link to transcript of something called "Book Of Magic, With Instructions for Invoking Spirits, etc."
That has reason for alarm.

Well, R.I.Parambe this story. We hardly new ye.
Anyway cool story bro, needs more Spikes.
All the best to you.

Twilight murders clones.

And was chosen to be the next alicorn anyway! Because she fixed the spell she screwed up! :twilightoops:

I am of the opinion Flurry Heart exists just to get Twilight off the top of the 'Worst Alicorn' list. :trollestia:

Sweetie Drops inhaled, considered the question, and gave a quiet sigh. "You know what, I'm too tired to fight this. Sure. Let's find Lyra so you can innuendo at us all day."

Or they can both do it...

And if you drop the ".", Google Translate gives it as "The enemy of the sun and burn it".
This kinda works too.

Wait... Complete?
It doesn't feel complete, it doesn't even feel like it demands a sequel. It feels like it needs more chapters to bring us to alicornication, Equestria Girls, or even to recent episodes.


Latin translators are generally pretty unreliable. "The" is not a Latin word at all, and there's at least one other irregularity, so most likely this came from an automated translator in the first place.

The closest translation is: And you shall burn him, the enemies of the sun.
I'm kinda assuming it's supposed to read: And you shall burn them, the enemies of the sun. (Et combures eos hostes solis)


I searched for it, but I'm not getting a result for a book of magic. Do you have the link?


Or maybe "ponies' lives are more important than personal fame"? Frankly, if somepony else saving lives drives Rainbow Dash to an epic-level freakout, that's mostly the fault of Rainbow Dash.

Was Mare Do Well the best way to get the point across? Probably not. Should Rainbow's friends have been paying more attention to how she felt about the whole thing? You bet your flank they should! But they invented a real-life superhero role model to try to make their point, and honestly that's pretty awesome.

What I got is that they probably are just housemates and friends... or they might be in a relationship (which caused me to down vote due to my personal moral convictions*), which I suppose could have additional elements beyond simply existing to it to qualify it as kinky.

*Hay(sic), many authors wanna know why people down-vote rather just be down voted so I'm saying...

In Love and Tolerance,

Draco Dei

well, I liked the idea but the last two chapters made me want to see Agent M get stomped. She's self important and based on her accusations of why the Mane 6 dressed up as Mare Do Well shows a lot of ignorance in ponies actions and motivations

Also didn't like the whole thing with the Pinkie clones being murder

Was it wanted that when you take the first letter of each word of your story's title, it spells RETCON?


You sign your post 'In Love and Tolerance' but just earlier in the same post state you downvoted the story because two characters might not be straight?

At least find a practical, stable, and realistic reason to dislike the story first? I've got a problem with the whole 'mouthpiece' feel of the three chapters past the first entry, instead of what could have been a very rewarding read with an interesting setting and I'm still not downvoting because that doesn't make the story objectively bad.

Oh joy, more pointless hate of the Mare Do Well lesson despite it having been executed fine. The characters know Rainbow Dash better than we ever will. She was so full of herself she would not listen to them, that much was obvious. If it was obvious to us it was certainly obvious to them. The only reason regarding creating MDW and dressing up that makes any amount of logical sense was so they PERSONALLY didn't receive attention, which would have felt like Dash was getting ganged up on by people close to her before she could learn anything due to how quick she is to jump to conclusions and fly off half-cocked - something they avoided through anonymity. She learned the lesson the only way she could - the hard way, that you should be proud of your accomplishments but always remember there's someone better out there. I have known many people with similar personalities and mindsets to Dash, some of them near and dear to my heart, and I have been part of interventions for seven of them. That we HAD to stage them at all, even taking one to psychiatric counseling, definitely taught me how someone with this sort of personality resists good sense and logic when just handed to them.

Not to mention she nearly got ponies killed that episode. She really did need to be taken down a peg, and regardless of what people say would have worked, they almost always base it on themselves rather than how someone with Rainbow Dash's personality acts and reacts in a situation where their ego is being stoked constantly. This was the lesson she needed, delivered in the way she needed it - and Lightning Dust's character is essentially what Dash would have been had she not had this lesson stuffed down her throat when it was. She was purely there to counterpoint the difference in post-MDW lesson Dash and pre-MDW lesson Dash. Haven't we had enough author mouthpieces harping on this episode? It's been years.

Had this just been Agent M dunking on them for adopting her image and what it stands for, I'd be right there. But the rant about their reasons for it feels so far out of place that the only thing it can be and still make sense is author distaste.

You know. We never checked to see if the clones were flesh and blood creatures or just like, magical hardlight projections. Why do we always assume it's murder? For that matter, if they are separate entities and not just barely-sapient spells, why do we assume she's just not sending them back where they came from?

I feel like this could use a sequel, it's a really good story and I enjoyed reading it:twilightsmile:


Hmm... looks like it's a goetic grimoire in the Hermetic tradition, similar to the Lesser Key of Solomon. Summoning demons, angels, and sometimes other spirits, in the name of God, in order to something something. There were a bunch of these, back in the day-- they're where we get a lot of our magic-related cliches like summoning circles and magic words. (It is very strange to see the word Abracadabra in a serious context.)

But the match is just coincidence-- it happens to use all of the words somewhere, but never that phrase.

Don't care much for soapboxing

Oh, so they are trying to ensure the fic remains stable.

...the Functionality In Canterlot.

Sorry, have to agree with a lot of the other commenters. First two chapters were great... this one was fine up until the rant. Then you lost me. Might work differently if it had come MUCH later in the story, when Agent M had earned the right to make such statements, but this early in the fic makes her the Author Mouthpiece. Not helped when Agent M suddenly is treated The Dreaded by everyone and we know nothing about the character or have seen her/him do anything to make themselves 'The Dreaded'.


I second this. the other two characters were fun but creating a mysterious masked character who is always right and can boss everyone around just threw me off on this story. Which is sad because this started off REALLY interesting... and it spiraled into near Mary Sueness with Agent M.

I really hope the author goes back, adds chapters, amps up the humor, gives Agent M some flaws, and turn this into the amazing fic I know it can be.

I really liked this story, especially the last chapter. I was never really sure if Twilight was committing murder, or just banishing the Pinkie clones to the oubliette that is the pool for the rest of eternity.

7565896 That's a good point, the clones could just be sapient hard light projections, like the Doctor on Voyager.

7566088 Good to know. To bad it didn't link.

7565877 I do feel that the Mane 6 should've at least TRIED to talk some sense into Rainbow Dash, but only so that bringing in Mare-Do-Well doesn't come off as a hasty decision.

But yeah, even as a fan of Rainbow Dash, I agree with you. Even if they did confront her beforehand, would it have made a difference? Most likely not. With how incredibly cocky and brash she is, she wouldn't have even listened to them because she's too busy enjoying the ego boost she's getting.

Which, by the way, was putting the ponies she was supposed to be rescuing in even MORE danger. She held off on saving the pony in the balloon just to sign some autographs. Hell, when she was announcing her arrival to the runaway cart, one of the passengers even shouted at her to drop it and just get to rescuing them. The Mane 6 stepped in as Mare-Do-Well not just to try to knock some sense into Rainbow Dash, but also to protect the ponies she was failing to protect.

Speaking of which: yes, the Mane 6 did end up hurting Rainbow's feelings by making her a laughingstock, even if they didn't mean to. But what would've happened if Mare-Do-Well HADN'T stepped in? What if Rainbow Dash's rescue attempts played out like they did in the episode? Because she was too busy trying to show off, the ponies in danger would've gotten seriously injured. She'd be even MORE of a failure, and she likely would've been treated as such by Ponyville instead of simply ignored like she was in the episode. As the Element of Loyalty, that would be a MUCH more devastating blow to her pride than getting her thunder stolen by a rival hero.

The Mane 6 should've taken Rainbow Dash's feelings into more consideration (though I believe they led Rainbow Dash away from the parade on purpose, that they were planning to reveal themselves in private to avoid embarrassing her in view of the public), and when they were talking up Mare-Do-Well, they should've focused on each others' feats instead of their own. And again, they should've TRIED to talk to Rainbow Dash beforehand, even if it wouldn't have gotten anywhere. But those are the only problems I have with their scheme.

as a way of identifying yourself as one of Celestia's black ops, I would call that phrase perfect

I'm following this. I don't care if Weaver said he's lost inspiration, I'll keep hoping he comes back to it someday.

Trixie being an agent is also quite interesting. And poor sweetie, having to deal with such insanity in her retirement :pinkiecrazy:

The point of that episode was that Pinkie DID try to tell them and nobody would listen. My advice to Pinkie is
If you are NOT the village idiot, it's because you are overqualified for the job. You are loved but not respected. If the advisor is not respected, the advice will not be taken seriously. You can be the class clown or you can be taken seriously but you can't do both

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