• Member Since 13th May, 2012
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago


Specializing in sailing, sword fighting, and scholarship—a piratical polymath.


Twilight settles an unusual court case, while lacking a reasonable amount of caffeine in her system.

Reading by TheCaptainSand: One Heck of a Case Broken link:YT channel deleted.

EQD page: HERE

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 148 )

Eurydice dropped by the underworld after Persephone and Hades got together, and given the similarity of their predicaments, you'd think Persephone'd have made a "no more keeping-lost-loved-ones-trapped-in-the-underworld on shaky pretenses" agreement with her beau.

Twilight was nonplused. " 'Can't' tell me?"

Single quotes and italics both indicate emphasis, so you don't need both. One or the other.

"The legend of Orpheus and Eurydice always did bug me just a bit."

That being the case, may i recommend "Orpheus in the Underworld" by Offenbach (minor spoiler, exactly one person wants Orpheus to succeed, and it isn't him or Eurydice).

Also some good songs and (if course) the Infernal Galop.

I thought the cover art's background was pizza.

Very funny story! Well thought out. Has a nice taste of your other works in a very lighthearted style. Do you plan on making more of these?

Did.....Bon Bon poison someone? But to me this sounds like manslaughter to me or is it coltslaughter I can't tell

It seems we now know how Lyra manages to make a living as a musician who barely plays at all. A few key performances a year and she gets whatever she wants.

I hadn't planned on writing this one! But if I get other ideas for quick, funny fics, I'll certainly write them. This was fun to write! :pinkiehappy:

I've heard music from it, and I'd love to see it some day.

Fix'd, thanks!

I don't know if you're familiar with Homestar Runner, but when I read "Persephone'd" I had an awfully strange image pop into my head. :rainbowlaugh:

Princess stuff: Kind of different in a world so full of magic and legendary creatures and stuff, yet, it's really not.

She went to the underworld, not heaven because of unspecified secret agent stuff. She accidentally poisoned herself while baking.

Okay, that last joke got me. I was going to complain about how you didn't show enough of Bon Bon's death, and that chickening out with the secret agent stuff was a bad call, but then that last line happened. Really, really good way to end the story.

However, this feels really rushed, man. The idea is neat, and the reason why Hades feels Lyra cheated (and Lyra feels she didn't) is hilarious, but everything happens too fast. I'd say this could easily be turned into a 12k-words-long spoof of the Orpheus myth. Give them a little more time to develop the personalities, have Hades and Lyra get more banter, make Twilight look up grammar rules to see which one is right, continue exploring the things about the coffee...

This feels more like a draft than anything. This could be amazing with a rewrite, and a little more exploration. Couple brick jokes, good running jokes, some banter, some exploration on how Hades sees Twilight and who has the most authority, some more talk about death...

Made me chuckle at the end, but all the time I was suffering because I knew it was just 2k words. It's a waste, if you allow me to say the word. This could have made me bend over in laughter, man. The myriad of ideas and throw-aways you could explore here, god-damn.

(Also, why the "heck" in the title? "One Hell of a Case" makes more sense for the pun. And "hell" doesn't count as a cussword, so you can use it in the title of a story rated "Everyone". Then again, the one you used seems more tongue-in-cheek, so what the hell do I know? Title+author+tag combo sure grabbed my attention, so it works perfectly, I suppose.)

Well, I wrote it in a little over four hours, so "rushed" seems a fair criticism!

I think I'm okay at incidental comedy, but I'm not so sure I could expand this successfully. Not without making it seems drawn-out or padded, at any rate. I suppose I should attempt a more sustained comedy sometime and find out for sure.

But I'm glad it at least got you to grin. :twilightsmile:

Well I guess it's true some bakers usually taste their cooking while they are cooking to make sure it tastes ok since Bon Bon accidentally killed her self that way it stands to reason it's an honest mistake being a part time baker slash assasian

Also I'm willing to imagine the writer must know something about Dante's inferno

I never read the book but I've heard theirs an awesome video game based on it though I'm more of a racing fighter and a shoot em up kinda guy kinda anxious for standard forza 6 on the 15th preorder of course

I could actually see this happening in the show if it wasn't aimed at little kids. Well done. Have a fave and upvote. :twilightsmile:

"In you face!"

Twilight is Royalty now. Doesn't that mean she actually -can- know what Bon Bon was doing?

Holy carp! How'd I miss that? Fix'd, thanks!

6421644 not necessarily, some things are truly need to know others are plausible deniability. That and unless it infringes upon her mandate sometimes your better left not knowing everything except the call signs so while you can give aid you aren't a information leak.

So no Bon-ling? ;)
Instead - does she off those who question Equestriocentrism and say that Equus revolts around the sun? :trollestia:


Did you specifically tell her that they both had to outside

had to go/be outside

You're welcome. :)

Oh, that's good. Contra proferentum. But she got lucky; one well-placed parol evidence objection and it all goes down the tubes. Dark Lord of the Underworld needs a better lawyer.

Love it.

Anyone else hoping that Hades would look like the Disney one?


Well, technically yes. If you count "I got my cyanide mixed up with my frosting". As she realizes at the end, she probably should have kept her spy gear a little better separated from her ingredients.:facehoof:

Twilight Sparkle Princess of Torts

I heard from one of my professors who heard from a friend of his that cyanide smells slightly like almonds.
Nobody knows how he knew that, but everybody took his word for it.

Lyra did a silent little victory dance, but wisely chose to refrain from shouting, "In your face!" at the Dread Lord of the Realm Beneath.

(Giggle, snort, guffaw)
This sentence amuses me. You may live another day!

Bitter almonds can contain cyanide, which must be removed before you can eat them. Even a few dozen bitter almonds can kill you.

Sounds like Bon Bon had been darned to heck. Clearly she didn't believe in gosh.

It's funny, I was talking with my roommate about the Greek tale this is based on and a couple of the variants I've also seen. One of said variants was that Orpheus has brought some centurions with nice new shiny armor. One the way out he had one of said solders before him to light their way, and used the reflection from the armor to keep an eye on his love to make sure she followed along.
To bad Lyra didn't think to use her nice shiny lyre as a mirror on the way out.

I, uh, was bit was still happy when it wasn't the case. But at the same time it would have been really funny to have that version of Hades dealing with Twilight.

For a very small subset of people cyanide smells like burnt almonds. It is a genetic trait and is not the case for everyone. To most people cyanide has no scent what so ever.

Fix'd, thanks!

Yep! The verbal part of the contract could have been a bit tricky, but since they both agreed as to what the wording had been, and it was clearly ambiguous....


But O, sad Virgin, that thy power
Might raise Musæus from his bower,
Or bid the soul of Orpheus sing
Such notes as, warbled to the string,
Drew iron tears down Pluto's cheek
And made Hell grant what Love did seek.

More like this please.

Milton was a canny old soul.

Good job Bon Bon, finally a sound decision :rainbowlaugh:
Fun little story!

I initially thought that, but then a different possibility came to mind. What if she said that marzipan and cyanide have the same smell, meaning that she uses candies to surreptitiously poison enemies of the Crown on Celestia's command?

Cyanide smells like bitter almonds, not marzipan.

Because marzipan and cyanide? They smell exactly alike."

lol, no.

"She..." Lyra let loose a sob. "She died, Twilight! I couldn't stand the thought of life without her so I went to get her back! Hades was going to boot me out, so I played for him. I just made up a song on the spot about how much I loved Bon Bon, and how empty my life would be without her... and he... he got all sad and said I could take her back!"

Wait... this was Comedy, right? :pinkiegasp:

"No, no, just give me a minute or two to get a piece of chalk and some black candles," Twilight grumbled.

The long-distance charges from hell. :rainbowlaugh:

Physically separate, I mean. Because marzipan and cyanide? They smell exactly alike.


Marzipan is almond paste, and when mixed with an extender like lemon juice, (for example) to make it creamy enough to spread... yep.

Well, that occured.

Actually, it does. I've worked with my share of cyanide (don't ask) and it smells almost exactly like marzipan paste.

Fun story. Once again, the classics collapse under the force of common sense and legal redress.

The legend of Orpheus and Eurydice always did bug me just a bit.

It's a Greek myth: they're supposed to do that :rainbowlaugh:

6422024 6422096
And suddenly, I'm even more concerned than before…

Don't worry so much. Almost nobody grows bitter almonds these days for exactly that reason. Everyone grows sweet almonds now, which don't have cyanide.

6423698 Thank goodness for that. One concern down. :derpytongue2:

I reviewed this story!

My review can be found here.

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