• Member Since 1st Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen 29 minutes ago

Admiral Biscuit


The hard life pegasus among stupid bipedal cornstalk


E
Source

Most of the year, Written Script enjoys his job as town treasurer--but not when tax time rolls around, and everypony thinks they're paying too much. Then he becomes the most disliked stallion in all of Ponyville.


Now with an audio reading by TheCaptainSand (CaptainBron3y)
Now with a reading by AShadowOfCygnus!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 185 )

Poor guy.

Too bad he can't get Ms Hooves to shame Blossomforth into behaving more maturely

5642894
When it comes to paying taxes, or paying for service, too many people turn into morons. I doubt there's a solution, although I've considered throwing wrenches at customers, to drive out the dumb. I've got a lot of wrenches, so I could keep it up for a while.

Man I feel bad for written Script. Having to deal with all that nonsense would be straining for him or anyone else that had to go through it. At least he was able to return home to a mare that cares for him.

From an old church musical that my brother was in decades ago...

It's very hard, so they say, to really like a tax collector
Even when he's honest and fair, even then
You have to try pretty hard
To actually like a tax collector...

Nice to see a little Scripty x CT shipping going on there.

“Have a good day,” [Derpy] said brightly, and headed out the door.

Why couldn't everypony be as cheerful as her?

Model citizen Derpy is best pony. :derpytongue2:

5643096

Man I feel bad for Written Script.

I know, right?

At least he was able to return home to a mare that cares for him.

And that makes it all worthwhile.

She got a distant look. “I used to live in a cloudhouse.”

Awwwww.

5643161

You have to try pretty hard
To actually like a tax collector...

I actually do like our local treasurer. She's friendly and polite (even when I pay my taxes late), and I know she puts up with a lot of idiots. Plus, on a local level, I can see exactly were my money's going, you know? Not so much on a federal level.

Nice to see a little Scripty x CT shipping going on there.

Thanks! I hadn't even noticed that they were practically a couple in canon, until Rinnaul pointed it out in a review of one of my stories.

5643168

Model citizen Derpy is best pony.

At least, when she's not breaking the town hall....

5643243 Look on the bright side, she contributes her fair share to the repair fund...

A Taxlng Evening

Admiral Biscuit

Now how did you manage that? :rainbowhuh:

Otherwise magnificent. :trollestia:

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Fortunately, I have no problems with taxes.
Every month some insurance is deducted (health and social insurance) and tax is calculated from my payment. Everything is automatically done.
Just every January I will sign a tax return in my employer office.
-------------
Poor Written Script. He should live in another country.

Finally, a story about my people.

As an employee of a tax collecting agency (probably the one you're thinking about when you read this), I always enjoy the tax fics that come out this time of year. Your author's note promising a blog post made me expect that you were in the line of work too, because you write it so well. I especially got a kick out of:

I wonder if it officially counts as mailed? The stamp was never cancelled, but it was delivered by a postmare. I bet there's a rule about that.

because that's how it is - everything has a rule if you dig deep enough. Love it, love it all, thanks for making my job seem a little brighter.

5643871
Crazy talent, I guess. Oh well, it's fixed now.

5644144 But do you own land?

because this is dealing with property taxes, which, at least in the states, are calculated and paid seperately from income taxes.

the way property taxes work varies by jurisdiction, but chances are that they do exist in yours. see: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Property_tax

5644433 Ahhh, so it never occurred to me. Sadly I do not own any land. Yes,yes. My mistake.
See how are taxes difficult? No wonder that he do not like this part of year. :D

Only 3 fires a month? That averages out to 1 per Crusader per month. Seems a little low, doesn't it?

5643096

I felt bad for him until he found a Carrot Top in his bed, now I feel more jealous.

Unless of course she has issues with her taxes, then things are a bit more awkward and there will probably be far less snuggling in the near future.

5645140 clearly the crusaders are slacking

My first thoughts as I saw this story.

weasyl.com/static/media/5f/ce/4f/5fce4fb24973c5779a7711b7e4fa39773acf092d94a35ec71ecbbb9d419476ea.png

Edit after reading: Alright, he was nothing like the Sheriff, poor guy... Just doing his job and he takes the fall for the Crowns Stupidity.

I am Like number 97.

5643984

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

:rainbowlaugh:

5644144

Every month some insurance is deducted (health and social insurance) and tax is calculated from my payment. Everything is automatically done.

That sounds more like an income tax to me. Written Script is handling property tax, which is different. In many cases, it's payed (indirectly) by the mortgage company, but if you own the property outright, or don't trust a bank to take care of your property taxes, you can pay it yourself.

Now with an audio reading by TheCaptainSand (CaptainBron3y)

This story was released a day ago. Damn, that's fast.

5644273

As an employee of a tax collecting agency (probably the one you're thinking about when you read this), I always enjoy the tax fics that come out this time of year.

I honestly haven't seen all that many, I mean compared to some other themes. Applejack's Tax Relief Plan is the only one that comes to mind off the top of my head, although it's surely not the only fic on this site with the theme.

Your author's note promising a blog post made me expect that you were in the line of work too, because you write it so well.

Ha, no; I'm an auto mechanic. I just pay attention at township meetings, and the boss' father is a township treasurer, so I kind of picked up pieces here and there, y'know? Plus, unlike a lot of people, I actually read things like my tax bill, and figure out what I'm paying for.

Incidentally, the blog post is already here, too. There was a link in the author's note; here it is again: BLOG POST.

I especially got a kick out of:
I wonder if it officially counts as mailed? The stamp was never cancelled, but it was delivered by a postmare. I bet there's a rule about that.
because that's how it is - everything has a rule if you dig deep enough. Love it, love it all, thanks for making my job seem a little brighter.

Funnily enough, there is probably actually an official USPS rule that covers this. My work experiences and reading has taught me that many rules that seem weird these days were put in place for a specific reason, or for a specific case--and often as not, there are companies who have figured out bizarre ways to circumvent the rules on the books (like how Ford imports the Transit Connect to avoid paying the 'chicken tax' on it).

5644263
Are your people treasurers or tax agents? Because now I have a great image of a group of tax and finance individuals going where they are needed to save the day. Kind of like this (kind of):

5645140

Only 3 fires a month? That averages out to 1 per Crusader per month. Seems a little low, doesn't it?

Most of those fires probably wouldn't involve a fire department response (although based on the comic, perhaps I should have chosen a higher number).
roundstable.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Screen-shot-2013-08-12-at-8.55.04-AM-690x445.png

5645159

Unless of course she has issues with her taxes, then things are a bit more awkward and there will probably be far less snuggling in the near future.

That's always a potential issue. I sometimes wonder how professionals handle it. I mean, what do you do if you're married to a cop, and have outstanding warrants? Still, I'd expect Written Script would go the extra mile to make sure things went smoothly when it came to taxing the carrot farm...

5646173

Alright, he was nothing like the Sheriff, poor guy... Just doing his job and he takes the fall for the Crown's Stupidity.

To be fair, it's more like the common pony's stupidity. Of course, we don't know for sure how those things work in Equestria, but here in the US, in Michigan, everything on my property tax bill is pretty clear and understandable, and I have the right to attend any township meeting I care to; I can vote for the township treasurer, and I also can vote on issues which affect my taxes (like the police department thing); and the minutes of each meeting are publicly available. It's hardly the township treasurer's fault if many of the citizens fail to exercise their rights.

I am Like number 97.

:yay:

5646431

This story was released a day ago. Damn, that's fast.

I know, right? I'm as surprised as you are.

5646496 You coulda made it so it was like an individual character came in and complained.
Like many chapters of it.

5646500
I didn't see this one as being more than a one-shot, to be honest. Plus, the sad truth is that if I wanted to be authentic, then it would just be a series of different ponies making essentially the same complaint.

5646509 So you're telling me Rainbow Dash would react the same as Fluttershy when they complained?

5646512
No, not specifically, but there's every chance that it would wind up being the same complaints repeated over and over again. At least, that's been my experience with customers at the shop. Sure, there are variations on the theme, but it all boils down to 'why does it cost so much,' and any explanation generally moves into 'it didn't used to cost so much,' followed by the implied 'all mechanics are crooks.'

5646537 Was about to write a reply with ideas that would have worked.
Realized how correct you were about it.
Fahk.

5646462
I was thinking bureaucrats in general. But heroic tax men would be cool too.

5646562

Realized how correct you were about it.
Fahk.

It's depressing as hell, to be honest.

5646571

I was thinking bureaucrats in general. But heroic tax men would be cool too.

I know, right?

No dislikes. This is literally the first story I've read that had none and was actually published.

5646594
Yeah, there aren't nearly enough fics about bureaucracy.

5646601
I'm pleasantly surprised myself. I guess everyone's had Written Script's experience in one form or another.

5646618
GhostOfHeraclitus has written some, as has Estee. Otherwise, it's a pretty open field, as far as I know.

5646494
That's interesting. In my country taxes are very impersonal and I had no idea it could be any other way. Revenue is taxed at source and for everything else you get a bill - you may contest that but only by filling in a form and mailing it, you won't ever talk to a person (unless you escalate it all the way to the judicial system). Even if you don't pay your taxes, you will never see a taxman coming - they just send in the police to confiscate stuff.

And all this reminded me of the following immortal quote:
"Taxes are the price we pay for civilization."

5646850

That's interesting. In my country taxes are very impersonal and I had no idea it could be any other way.

Yeah, on a local level, at least, everything's pretty open to the ordinary citizen. It actually makes me feel pretty good about how they handle things, because I can participate when I choose to.

5643044 You should make them a deal: if they can dodge a bag full of wrenches you throw at them, they don't have to pay taxes. It's a win-win because you get to throw things at stupid people and they can't get mad at you for it... unless you hit them, in which case they'll just be unconscious and you can snag what they owe anyhow before an amberlamps picks 'em up~

5646601 On of my stories Luna's Lessons went quite a ways with out getting a dislike It finally got one. Granted it never reached the public's real attention by getting featured either though.

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