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New York City's a good place for a pony to start over. There are plenty of opportunities available, such as pulling a carriage around Central Park. it's not that different from pulling a carriage in Equestria, after all.
Except for the regulations. So many regulations. The law is complicated, and it's not really set up for an Equestrian pony.
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Admiral Biscuit's Fleet (group)
Pony On Earth (folder)
I never even thought of approaching ponies on Earth with exactly this angle. Nice work.
“The first thing we do is, let’s kill all the lawyers.”
--Dick the Butcher, Act IV, Scene II, Henry VI, Part II
"Hm..."
--Princess Luna, Equestria, after experiencing her first Earth play.
PS: And of course we must assume a minimum retirement age for carriage horses. That's going to be a fun one.
I quite literally just returned from a vacation to NYC myself, and while in Central Park, had the similar brain-wave of; "Haha, wouldn't it be funny if these horse carriages had no hoomans at all, and were just equine freelancers instead?'
I guess pony wires the brain differently.
Cute story about the horrors of big city bureaucracy.
There's definitely a possible ADA case in there as far as the door goes, and demanding she brand a number on herself is definitely worth calling the ACLU and raising hell over.
Department Of
For What It's Worth
Black Beauty recommended starting a horse working at 4 years old -and the author was a member of the RSPCA.
The GOP let's us humans work in conditions that they won't let horses work. If they ain't careful "work like a horse" will change it's meaning.
According to a chart I found, a 5 year old horse = about 25 for a human. A 25 year old horse is about 78 in human years.
Oh & from what Dick Francis wrote, ALL horses born anytime in a year are considered to have a January 1 birthday. For racing purposes, a horse born in December would be a year old in under a month. That's a pretty big handicap.
It was a plot point in one of his books. Horses can hear dog whistles.
I'd suggest getting the EQ ambassador to work on modifying age requirements.
& yeah, you might want to get a 50 lb bag of Purina Horse Feed (Good for 25-40 days for a 1,000 lb horse) & store it in a metal ice chest (to keep it vermin free). Surely that much food on hand is adequate.
I feel like I should speak up in defense of the legal profession on this one. A lot of these regulations are either rent-seeking, regulatory capture, or full-employment provisions for nudniks. This goes double for anything in NYC. (I have a college classmate who used to work for the MTA general counsel's office handing labor relations cases. He told me that lot of senior NYC civil servants seem to think once they hit 10+ years in the job or get a supervisor's position they get to overrule the actual lawyers about what laws and regulations do and do not mean. This can get... expensive... for the city on the back-end.) On the bright side, if sentient miniature equines ever did settle here, Offbeat could simply contact any one of several well-known pro bono legal groups - the ACLU, the Institute for Justice, etc. - wave the Due Process and Equal Protection clauses of the Fourteenth Amendment and/or state human (+ pony?) rights laws at them, and either get a whole lot of regulations changed quickly, or make enough in settlement fees/damages that she'd bet set for life.
This story did bring a smile to my face the whole way through. I always enjoy these stories and the way you carefully think through the mechanics of a pony in a human world. I would have like to have seen an ending with the NYC bureaucrat being told that his interpretations of the rules do not even pass the rational basis test, but whatyagonnado?
Talk about being shortsighted and unable to think past the immediate. Inspector Mcdonagh doesn't realize that his inflexibility and incompetence is going to lead to him and his department being the subject of a front-page NYT story. This is perfect "human/equine interest" fluff for the average reader to get indignant about.
Won't it be more convenient to license herself as a rickshaw instead of a carriage? Surely there's more lax regulations for keeping employees.
11685542
It's a dude called "Dick the Butcher" saying that. It might not be a good idea... ;)
11685702
Shakespeare kind of exaggerated that affair for some black comedy with the uneducated peons trying to be eloquent and twirling their villainous pencil-mustaches, but it did happen.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Cade%27s_Rebellion
When the talking pastel pony is the rational one, you know you need a reality check. What a maroon.
I really want there to be a follow-up chapter showing her victory.
*Offbeat makes a phone call*
Hello, Equestrian Embassy, how can I help you?
*Offbeat explains*
Right. We shall look into this.
Get me the legal team. They need to go to the Mayor to get laws written for Horses not be applied to Equestrians, as well as inform his inspectors to use their brains and not just blindly follow regulations that clearly do not apply to SENTIENT BEINGS. AGAIN!
*sound of chair being bucked through wall*
Think you got autocorrected there.
As for the contact plate; I has an aunt many years ago with some sort of mobility issue. I don't remember the cause, but I know her apt. door had very strong duck/electrical tape on the latch and she used the deadbolt to keep it shut/locked.
You know, I'm sure she could use those laws and regulations too..... a broad enough reading of the ADA should be able to include needing to provide Ponies the same assistance as someone who lost their hands, such as easy to use door latching mechanisms.
Pretty sure we saw a few early on in Rarity's shop..... though that was likely Lauren having a bit of fun with the censors who wouldn't grasp that was likely from her "Rarity's Secret" line.
Yeah..... the fun of trying to deal with boiler plate forms that really aren't able to deal with oddities. Again likely one of those things that would be fixed... but only after somepony raised enough of a stink about it.
"Those are Horse years, not Pony years!"
Yeah, this system really is not designed to handle equines that can work for themselves.
Well yeah.....but that's bec0usae Mr Ed was kind of shady and would just run an unregistered business then leave Wilbur to deal with the fallout of it afterwards.
That at least makes sense, since really vets with training in horses would be the best medical professionals for Ponies till more regular doctors started training in dealing with it.
Yeah..... that one has to be awkward..... and again, one of those things that if she fought hard enough would likely be adjusted.... but that would take a lot of time and effort and she seems the sort of Pony who just wants to get it done the easier way.
Okay dude.... I get having to go along with certain bits of regulation that don't make sense.... but this is just being an asshole.
That should be fun...
Really, at this point, just.. just do one blanket law that adds an * to all other laws regarding equines that says "Does not apply to Equestrian Ponies."
Yeah, this is more then enough reason to go get some ice cream.
And now I want the follow up to this where she actually walks into that office to argue about her fine and makes them try to explain it to her face. Because wow was that guy just a fucking ass.
11685844
The simplest solution is to simply divide her name. Off for one, Beat for the other.
He would, too. Mr. Ed was an asshole.
It's New York City. There's no difference between the two standards.
I know at one time a number of animal rights groups were pressing to get NYC and a few others to ban carriage horses as too cruel and inhumane to the horses. All those regulations don't surprise me even when they don't make sense in the least I can see it being too hot for even a blanket. Yes have sentient ponies living in NYC would make things very interesting. While the rules might make sense in dealing with a horse that can't take care of itself in the city they make little to no sense for a pony that can order food just as readily as a person
Poor Offbeat. I really hope you'll have a followup of her fighting the fines. n_n
“It’s common parlance; even if you’re trying to stretch the intent of the law to include a bed. Horses don’t use beds, they lay down on the floor of their stall.”
At that point, if I was Offbeat, I'd have said. "We are done here. You can submit your report and any preserved infractions to the Equestrian Embassy, to whom I shall be calling right now so they can report YOU to your boss for being an idiot who cannot tell a thinking being apart from a dumb animal. Now, GET OUT BEFORE I BUCK YOU OUT THE WINDOW!"
11685542
Thanks! It's a fun angle to explore, and this barely touches the surface.
It makes sense for IRL horses, but Offbeat's gonna have a tough nut to crack getting that rule changed for her.
11685545
Pony improves how the brain's wired, and that's a fact. It's a good niche for equines to get into on Earth, although there's only a few places where they could pull it off.
Cart pony on Mackinac Island (where cars are banned) would also be a possible career choice. USPS has horse-drawn mail carts for service there.
Thanks!
11685577
Potentially, although that might not be a battle she wants to fight. She doesn't personally have any objections to having her ID number branded on her hoof (it will grow out over time), although of course if she started to make a fuss about it there's a certain visceral reaction most humans have about the powers that be marking people with numbers. That's a fight I think she could win in a heartbeat.
I don't know if ADA laws include ponies, nor how far you have to go with the modifications. I would guess that there are some that are mandatory and others that are case-specific, and still others which just go beyond what's required of a landlord or a business.
11685598
I'm guessing that either horse knowledge changed over the years, or New York was being more conservative. I don't know what age horses are fully grown 'adults,' nor for that matter how soon they should start training for work (since I would hope there was some training before the horse started working as a carriage horse).
Yeah, that sounds about right. AFAIK horses generally live 30-some years.
I think that's just for racing/other competition purposes. I don't know if that specifically applies to working horses, or if you need the actual birthdate.
Yeah, they can hear frequencies lower and higher than we can (humans: 20-20,000 Hz; horses 5-33,000 Hz).
That might be worth doing, although it's possible that what Offbeat is doing is enough of an edge case it isn't really a problem yet.
"Horse feed? It's over here." Lifts lid. "Plenty of it . . . exact same amount as there was last time you were here, in fact."
11685626
It's not just them; I've watched a few legal shows in my time and there are plenty of cases where the city/public employee should have known better and is gonna cost their taxpayers a lot of money. There was a case a few years back where a Sheriff who was too big for his britches physically searched a whole bunch of minors for some stolen money (IIRC) without their parents being present or even notified . . . I don't know how a lawyer could even really defend that case.
The real question is do Ponies count as humans in terms of the regulations (which has its advantages and disadvantages). Like is it worth being classified as human if it means you have to wear pants outside? Probably opinions vary.
Thank you!
I wouldn't be surprised if her supervisor was one of those 10+ year veterans who decides that the rules are the rules, no exceptions.
Heck, some day let me tell you about the challenges in correcting a police record when the paperwork was done wrong. One department I spoke to said I had to contact the court, but what court handles cases that never existed?
11685658
That's how some of the inspectors are . . . and of course his defense would be that he was just doing his job and the law is clear. Which, to be fair, it is, it's just not designed to work when you have sapient ponies.
I could see her calling up a reporter and complaining (and you're right, that's the kind of stuff newspapers and television stations love), but I could also see her figuring that it's the cost of doing business and coming up with some clever solution that ticks all the legal boxes, even if it's not exactly in the way the law intends. Three inches worth of pillows on the floor could count as 'bedding,' after all.
It really is.
11685675
If you're thinking the traditional kind where a human carries the shafts, as far as I can tell with some very cursory googling they're not legal in NYC. Pedicabs are, which are three- or four-wheeled pedal-operated 'cabs.'
I think it would be easier for her to fall into the category as a 'carriage horse' than a pedicab operator; I think if she tried to operate a pedicab she'd be facing different obstacles. I did check, and two-wheeled 'pedicabs' are not legal in NYC (they define them as having three or more wheels).
Maybe she could tow a wagon and call it a pedicab, but I could see the police frequently pulling her over for operating a carriage where she shouldn't. This way, she operates where carriages are allowed and doesn't run into trouble on her day-to-day operations, just has to deal with other paperwork.
Also, there are probably plenty of cities where there aren't so many specific rules that she could set up business instead.
Just skimmed Kalamazoo MI regulations; they're not very specific about her 'stable' except that it be clean and sanitary and enclosed. Also the same regulations say "It shall be unlawful for any person to cause or permit any combat between animals and humans." So she's not allowed to fight people.
11685738
Perfectly inflexible, as many bureaucrats are.
11685758
Ponies are also bloody-minded rules lawyers; next time he shows up there will be a huge bag of horse feed and three inches of 'bedding' in her bedroom, maybe in the form of throw pillows.
"And they're changed every day?"
"I move them around, that counts as 'changing' them."
11685771
I genuinely feel that the ponies are also rules lawyers and pick their battles very, very carefully. And I also think that they'd tend to follow laws . . . creatively. Just getting a thicker mattress pad might satisfy the legal requirement, and not rock the boat too much.
The reason I bring this up is that there are a lot of advantages to not being a 'person' (such as the fact that Offbeat has better working conditions than I do), and it might be a disadvantage to be considered fully human. Like having to wear pants, or a shirt if she wants to go into a restaurant.
11685783
I also write on a website called Offprint; I had to keep telling myself to not type her name wrong. I'm kinda surprised only one slipped through editing, lol.
It's fixed now, thank you!
There are probably alternates that are available, although I don't know for sure. Not something I've ever looked up. Putting a hotel-style RFID/mag strip key on her door is probably more complex than she thinks (after all, it needs some wiring, a computer that knows if the right card is used, etc.) but there might be other choices that are more hoof-friendly.
11685844
I genuinely don't know how broad those rules are. I think the ones that don't fall under code requirements are usually 'reasonable,' and what counts as 'reasonable' is open to interpretation.
We very much did. Whether they were 'decorative' or for 'ask me when you're older' reasons, that's open for discussion. In terms of the normal functional use of a halter, I think we can both agree ponies would have no use for them. For other reasons . . . well, whatever consenting ponies do is their business.
Even then, some forms would get changed and others would not--I could see governments changing their forms to fit new realities, while other websites might not.
It really isn't. Many of our laws aren't, if you really think about it.
Of course that depends on how 'equine' the ponies are, but assuming they are (which is my headcanon) they're the best medical professionals the ponies have on Earth, barring actual Pony physicians.
One of those things that doesn't bother her but indirectly bothers the human, so makes it more awkward and weird than it should be. And yeah, that's the kind of thing that some ponies would very much care about (especially ones who really cared about how their hooves looked), and others wouldn't see as a problem. It doesn't hurt to have it applied, and it grows out over time, what's the big deal?
Inspectors are often very inflexible. That's both good and bad.
If it's only $25, it's probably cheaper and certainly faster and less frustrating to just pay the fine rather than jump through all the hoops to debate it.
I was going to have an actual copy of the horse inspection form, filled out, in the blog post, complete with 'doesn't apply to Equestrian Ponies' in a few key locations.
She's got her priorities straight. And Baskin Robins is gonna serve her if she forks over the cash. (Heck, with her job, she's probably a regular.)
I could totally see that, too. And then finding out that the bureaucrats at the office are even more pig-headed than he was.
11685863
Sure, but given that the forms usually list last name first . . . of course, that might not be a bad thing.
(speaking of that, I managed to sneak 'admiral biscuit' through as my 'name' in gMail by claiming it was Arabic ('admiral' comes from Arabic) and that wasn't challenged).
Yeah, I think that's the case.
11685864
Yeah, I think that the rules are a good thing and I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of them dated back to the horse and wagon days and were never changed . . . and back then, that really would have been a good thing. I'm sure there were plenty of shady operators who didn't take care of their horses or equipment.
But the rules run into trouble when the equines are sapient and can order DoorDash and sleep in an apartment, and in a case where Ponies are on Earth, the rules would have to be changed or at least more flexible, In which ways is really open for debate . . . and some of the 'working' laws are probably very much to her advantage.
11685951
I might . . . although if it's only $25, it might be less stressful and certainly faster to just pay it and then come up with a clever solution that technically fulfills the requirements. Like a thicker pad on her mattress, for example.
If she's feeling like doing research, there might be some caselaw she could cite. Or just get her vet to write her an exception. "Patient OFFBEAT cannot rest on hay or other traditional bedding and instead requires 3" of memory foam on her bed."
11686005
She's probably dealt with enough of this already to have it be kind of a hobby (like not letting the vet know that she's both the owner and the animal to be examined). Instead of spending all her energy fighting the system, find a solution that ticks the box. As long as it's something that's technically correct, he's enough of a functionary that he'll approve it.
And if that doesn't work, call a newspaper or a TV station, maybe tell her story from the horse stall she's rented for the occasion. "They're requiring that I live here, rather than my apartment." Get public pressure on her side.
11686028
11685626
I'd point out that in the USA Congress decides "Who gets to have what civil rights?". Then SCOTUS decides "What did they mean by that?"
Just offhand
The 13th, 14th, 15th & 24th amendments for minority voting
A SCOTUS case for gay marriage
The 18th amendment for women voting (and it wasn't until the 1950s that they served on juries very frequently)
There was a 1923 law passed making Indians that lived on reservations into US citizens. Before then, they weren't.
You move to Puerto Rico & it affects your SSI rights. SCOTUS says so.
So IMO it's going to take a law and/or a SCOTUS case to get Equestrians full civil rights.
As to using the ADA to get the door lock changed.....
The law just says "reasonable" accommodation. What's reasonable? She CAN get the door open, it's just difficult & you sue & you're going to get on the landlord's bad side. This can make getting repairs difficult.
But yeah, the ACLU would probably help her + maybe the Pony embassy & some civil rights groups.
11686094
I guess it just galls to see her defeated by one asshole? I'm used to your ponies being successful in their struggles. ^^;
Sounds like she needs a lawyer. Although, considering what I've heard about New York City life and business ownership, this guy was actually saint. Any other inspector would've found an excuse to give her a fine of four figures, bare minimum (most likely five). I'm not sure even a lawyer could help her; any attempt to contact the office to challenge the fine and they'll just give her the run-around until the time limit to challenge passes, assuming they even respond at all. And changing the regulations? If challenging it is like trying to pull a manticore's teeth, then changing them is like trying to pull Discord's teeth.
11686103
That's why I started with "If I was Offbeat". Because I lack a filter for dealing with BS.
11686110
AFAIK states can grant more rights or make more things legal if they so choose (sometimes that gets debated, of course). Like the feds still outlaw marijuana, but a lot of states let you buy it and use it with some regulations attached. Some of them the government wants to fight for whatever reason, others they just let go.
Or a friendly state which would probably give them as many as they could. Or a local jurisdiction . . . I suppose it depends on which 'rights' are being discussed (after all, we can both agree that they aren't US citizens, which does remove some rights by default).
Yeah, I was thinking the same. There's some stuff baked into the building code, and if the apartment's in violation she's got a slam-dunk case. If it's not, then it hinges on what's considered 'reasonable,' and that might not be a fight she wants to get into for time/money reasons. She can open the door, so she isn't significantly harmed.
They could, although I suspect that some of it would depend on if that was a battle they wanted to fight or not. I don't know what the right answer is, to be honest.
11686114
That's fair. Still, she's got a job that pays her enough to afford a New York City apartment and food, which counts for a lot. An inflexible inspector and a small fine before she can figure out a solution which 'technically' complies with the law isn't that much of a downside, all things considered.
11686129
Very true! but I wanna *see* it.
That said, I understand if your muse calls you elsewhere. n_n
11686116
Yeah, it could very much be worse. Or he could just recommend that she shut down her business until it's in full compliance, or recommend that she's banned from keeping horses (which would be a REALLY interesting case).
I've dealt with this before. Not this exact situation, but one where I needed to change something which required contacting (in order) four different departments and driving an hour (each way!) to get an e-mail address (really, they couldn't give it to me over the phone, I had to get it in person). It took three weeks to get it resolved, and compared to some things, that was really quick.
Yeah, her best shot at fixing the regulations is getting herself elected mayor. Otherwise, it's a very uphill battle.
is this joke the only reason she's named offbeat hahhahahah
11686089 Actually alot of the animal welfare rules are more modern. The idea of a horse or other such animal not working for any period of time if they weren't lame or sick is VERY modern after all if the drivers didn't work they didn't eat
11686198
Interestingly, no--that just was a happy accident.
Offbeat's the fan name for a pony in Starlight Glimmer's village (the one in the coverart).
Hold it, does the straw/hay bedding require a stable (of some kind) ??
Wouldn't being outside a stable nullify needing the bedding ??
11686228
The rules essentially state that working horses must be kept in a stable, and the requirements of a stable include that it needs to have at least three inches of bedding.
Obviously, the rules weren't written with the idea of an Equestrian Pony working as a carriage 'horse' and living in an apartment.
If you click the link to the blog post (the story notes mentioned in the author's note at the bottom), I've got excerpts from the relevant laws in the blog post.
she should argue she's actually a pedicab driver and shouldn't require a carraige license. Now it just so happens her pedicab is also a carraige but that's just a variant of pedicab
11686133
There's a story prompt in there. "Marigold only wanted to plant flowers in her front yard. Unfortunately, the town of Ponyville had an ordinance against it, and there seemed to be no way to change it. Unless she became the mayor."