• Member Since 1st Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen 6 minutes ago

Admiral Biscuit


Axe Body Spray: Confounding ponies since 1983.

E

This story is a sequel to Drive


A night of driving in the fog turns into an unbelievable adventure when Al accidentally crashes his Jeep in a foreign world. Hoping to thumb a ride by the side of the road, he's shocked when a trucker pulls over to offer him a lift . . . but she's a pony.


Reading by AShadowOfCygnus

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 79 )

It's...interesting? Not badly written, but I'm just not seeing the grab here. It's a first chapter, so not having anything new quite yet isn't a deal-breaker, but still.

Alright, now it seems to be going somewhere. There's definitely still opportunity to make this unique, and it seems you're leading up to exactly that. I'll give it a tracker for now.

Multi-shot-tober? :twilightsmile:

Funny how indifferent the ponies are to all this.

"Portal's open again, huh? Meh. At least you're not trying to eat our faces."

5121254
Seriously, just think of how many eldritch horrors have attacked since the show began . .. and then add in the comics, and the fact that Daring Do's real--as well as her enemies.

A weird ape from a different planet that just needs his Jeep towed? Hardly worth mentioning.:pinkiehappy:

EDIT:

Multi-shot-tober?

A two-or-more-parter is coming up soon. And you'll love tomorrow's fic, for some values of the word 'love.'

I like these kinds of stories. I'm heading for chapter 2 now. I really hope you write more.

5121272
"AAAAAHHH!! Holy crap, what are YOU?"

"AAAAAHHH!! Holy crap, it TALKS!"

I wonder if a pony has already scanned that cellphone...

Discord really is like a kid, isn't he? Can't quite accept what's happening.

Surreal night for Al, but not an unpleasant one.

I've learned that spending the night in a car whose coolant leaks lets you meet interesting people.

Ah, a car fic. Aren't those nice?

The beginning is eerily similar to an episode of the Twilight Zone. In fact, I daresay I remember one beginning in a similar manner. The atmosphere you create with the descriptions of the fog and pretty much the entire environment are excellent. The attention to detail is awesome. Just something like the crystal door knob-for-a-shifter knob, it's nice touches like those that add a lot to a story.

The ponies are a teensy bit laid back if you ask me. Just barely, though. You make it very clear what's going on and why a human might be the least strange thing they've seen lately. And that's great. I just feel like they might at least be a teeny tiny bit more interested in him. Though I suppose it's always a welcome change to have ponies NOT make a fuss about a human. And I guess Orchid did straight up ask Al wtf he is.

I do say, though, there is one bit of conversation that should have went down a tad differently:

I gawked at her. “Fluttershy's real? What about Twilight Sparkle?”

“You mean Princess Twilight?”

"GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!" I cursed.

lol :twilightoops: Oh, come on, like you wouldn't say that. >_>

Lastly, the car bits. Ya know I love em, but - and I'm taking a neutral standpoint on this because... well, you know - I think they might be just a tad too much for non-car-people. Know what I mean? You do a great job breaking everything down for those not in-the-know, and again it's hard for me to judge, but the question is: are they too car-ish for non-car-people? It's just a passing thought, and in fact, maybe I'm just over thinking it. I doubt anyone else would even mention it. On the flip side, maybe all the scrubs will enjoy the car parts (pun?) and learn a little while they're here. I dunno, like I said, I like em, and a car fic is definitely a welcome one to me.

Oh, and I do recall one thing. The uh, circumstances, shall we say, of the human's world-jumping are pretty close to that of Off the Beaten Path

Looking forward to more, even though I know it'll probably be many miles down the road.

5121272 I still maintain the thought that that entire episode was merely a fanfic written by Dashie. I mean think about it. It's a shameless self insert. It's not a bad story, has a decent plot and decent characters, and a neat (if unoriginal) twist that AK Yearling = Daring Do. But at the end of the day, it seems uncannily like Dash's impression of the Daring Do universe, she gets to be the hero, without overstepping her favorite character, and she even gets to be in the next book. And if you think a little more, you'll remember a prior episode when Dash mentioned that she was indeed writing some sort of story. A shitty one, and not a fanfic, but she's some kind of amateur writer one way or the other. I guess her original work is just vastly overshadowed by her fanfictions. Hehe. :rainbowhuh:

I'm holding out to see if they ever mention that Daring Do escapade again. :rainbowdetermined2:

5121634

The beginning is eerily similar to an episode of the Twilight Zone

.
I was slightly inspired by a Stephen King short story where a woman takes her car on ever weirder shortcuts that skip through worlds.

The ponies are a teensy bit laid back if you ask me. Just barely, though.

Well, they live in the pony equivalent of 'near Roswell.' And--after it's been raining root beer and whatever other weirdness Discord's been getting up to--Al's not that weird at all.

I gawked at her. “Fluttershy's real? What about Twilight Sparkle?”
“You mean Princess Twilight?”
"GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!" I cursed.

My next story will feature Princess Twilight. :trixieshiftleft: It's a romantic comedy!

You do a great job breaking everything down for those not in-the-know, and again it's hard for me to judge, but the question is: are they too car-ish for non-car-people?

I don't know. I kept everything as simple as possible (for example, other possibilities of damage to the jeep were broken front spring shackle, or sheered gearbox bolts--both of which could easily be done by a rock), but everyone should understand radiator. Besides, in CSI and all the related stories, nobody's complained when i put out a technical description.

Oh, and I do recall one thing. The uh, circumstances, shall we say, of the human's world-jumping are pretty close to that of Off the Beaten Path

Or Misunderstandings, or some female turns into Discord fic I stopped reading a while back, or King's The Langoliers (except it's an airplane that goes through a tear in space) and probably dozens of others. :derpytongue2: Heck, I did it way back when in Missionary, although Thad went on foot, rather than in a car.

Looking forward to more, even though I know it'll probably be many miles down the road.

Sooner than you think.:pinkiehappy:

I was confused as to the so called advancements in Equestria, till you mentioned how long had passed, giventhe times, things are still going slower, unless being a small town in the middle of nowhere, its running slowly relative to th big cities etc., As for Fluttershy being old, I wonder if telomere rekniting or even blood cleansing, according to local research, vampiric myth, would work. After all, Discord wouldnt be doing anything To Fluttershy. :twilightoops:

Crystal door knob for the shifter? That sounds like my family, but I cant remember which vehicle it was. Might have been the Mark 2 Jag that me grandad had.

Yellow Jacket always has thin reality? Is it that due to wasps, birds, or HiViz wrecker crew mirages? I wonder how much it varies, as in rigid relative to local immediate geophysical structures, which is why mass can pass through, givenits inherent hgh spacetime stress, and normal energy cant, such as cellphone signals. Then again, there was no visible change as they passed through, so light has high enough energy in this situation? Im wondering about using a dirt cheap pair of WiFi range extenders with a fibre link between them on either side of the fault? At the very least, use the cell phone to measure signal strength, then try a Roman Empire Heliograph signalling method?

If that portal's gonna be there a few days, maaaan, I would totally head back through that thing with a working car. Maybe see if I was close enough to say hi to some ponies I knew of, or just see the sights in Las Pegasus if nothing else.

but worse case scenerio,

worst case scenario

“Okay mom.”

Cap Mom

5122316 captain mom? Is that some newfangled superheroine?

;D

5122316

If that portal's gonna be there a few days, maaaan, I would totally head back through that thing with a working car.

Me, too. Or at least hang out at the thin spot and talk back and forth, until you're more certain of its mechanics.
Also, corrections made.

Lol, that's how they getcha!

Yep, looks like Al was adventures out after that.
He also broke the Prime Directive, but really, who cares amiright?
Keep going! ;)

5125894 the getcha, IN THE FRIGGIN FOG!

Highway 502 is the main road in and out of Los Alamos, NM.
great story by the way :pinkiehappy:

5131243

Highway 502 is the main road in and out of Los Alamos, NM.

Huh, I didn't know that. The choice of 502 was a tongue-in-cheek joke to the rampant 502 errors right after the update.

Good job on the one-shot, man.
5121061
You ever wonder how much "new" is still out there, waiting to be thought of?
With movies getting more and more unoriginal, it's only a matter of time before we move on to something else. But what if, like, we ran out of stuff to read and had to resort to strict diets of commoner entertainment?
I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night.

Well I feel stupid. Who woulda thunk there was a second chapter?

5133431

You ever wonder how much "new" is still out there, waiting to be thought of?

So far on this site alone, I've been constantly and pleasantly surprised, especially since by its very nature, writers on this site have a fairly narrow focus.

This, my friend, is good reading material... I wonder...

5142070

This, my friend, is good reading material..

Thanks! :heart:

I wonder...

Yes? Go on. . .

5143078 I think I am going to try constructing a similar story with a bit more of a twist... in interesting twist.

Now if a way can be found to stabilize the portal, the two worlds could learn so much from each other right now.:)

5131935 wrote : "Huh, I didn't know that. The choice of 502 was a tongue-in-cheek joke to the rampant 502 errors right after the update."

The update scrambled email notification too now. Even tracking the fics I'm not getting any updates. I hope that problem is fixed real soon now.

5181277
I hadn't noticed the lack of fic updates, but I've been to busy with one-shots and the play and work to have any time to read them. :fluttercry:

What? What do you mean "to be continued"? I DEMAND MOAR NOW!

this was something (someting good):pinkiehappy:

So the ponies are like, 60-70 years behind us in car tech? Well I better get to Equestria, 30s and 40s era is my favourite for vehicle style, they look so good. I have a 1950 Crosley CD Station Wagon, as well as a 1922 Ford Model T tow truck. I would've gotten a Pre-War Crosley but I couldn't find one cheap enough, the only ones for sale were already restored.

When first acquired.
i.imgur.com/sOE8xN3.jpg

Post restoration.
i.imgur.com/kEWldc5.jpg

(Camera dates are wrong, since I take the batteries out of the camcorder before it can drain them it resets the clock, annoyingly.)

80 years since the show eh? Aw... that means Octavia is most likely dead, or very old. *Sadface*

We got there quicker than I'd expected, but she was driving faster that I'd been.

I think you meant than. :twilightsmile:

Also bad Discord, stop running root beer, no one ruins root beer! :trixieshiftleft:

An ancient ford wrecker drivin by a pony that is planning on building a racecar with the intake off an old tractor... Just how much about vehicular travel do you know? :ajsmug: Cause that is just brilliant my good friend.

5198842 Well technically the pony doing the driving isn't the one making the hot-rod. :rainbowwild:


5198472 Indeed, I don't know if I should put this story on my tracking, or if it's going to be a separate sequel. :duck:

5198472

I can't just leave it here--I like Poppy way to much for that--but I don't want to leave it as 'incomplete' forever, either. So, when I have an idea to continue the story, I'll write another, like I've been doing with my Sam and Rose stories.

5198974

Indeed, I don't know if I should put this story on my tracking, or if it's going to be a separate sequel

The sequel will be a separate story. I'm not sure how the story notifications are working right now, so I can't give good advice on the best way to track it, honestly.

5199025

so I can't give good advice on the best way to track it, honestly.

To check by your page every once in a while like I normally do as any good stalker should. :moustache:

He's going to slip them a satellite phone. Er, maybe not. Maybe a two way radio with a relay next to the portal?

PBL

5199025

Why not just set it to "Complete" for now, and then add chapters / change it to "Incomplete" as you see fit? That way people who are tracking this story will still get updates when you change something, and you don't have to make a separate sequel?

You do know that arabic is written backwards, right? So what you actually wrote is '205.' Nice little page break for this though.

Otherwise, great little fic, really enjoyed it! :pinkiehappy:

5198577
I was thinking early 50s, but close enough. Parallel worlds, slightly different pace of technology, etc. etc.

I like the car. I doubt I'd ever have the patience to do a proper restoration of a vehicle, although if I do, i've got a 77 Olds and a 69 Chevy C-10 just waiting.

5199229
In all honestly, I'm not really sure. I'll think of something.
And it will be awesome.

5199358
I might do that--it's still up in the air. Most of this story came to me in a day, and I'd meant for it to be a one-shot, but I just fell in love with Poppy's character.

5199377

You do know that arabic is written backwards, right?

I do know that! I did, however, fail to apply that knowledge.

Nice little page break for this though.

I'm glad someone noticed--even if I got it wrong. I'll have to fix that before Rinnaul reviews this, on the off-chance that he also knows Arabic.

5199590 Honestly, it took the absolute extent of my knowledge of Arabic to decifer those 3 numbers lol.

5199641
While I'd like to claim that I'm such a genius I knew them already, the truth is Google was my friend. Also, I have now changed them to be in the correct order.

5198768
Correction made; thank you.

Also bad Discord, stop running root beer, no one ruins root beer!

Can you imagine how terrible chocolate rain would be the day after?

Yaay, he got home and the spots still there. Wonder how thin the spot will be when a hot rod hits it at full speed. or even Dash.

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