- Member Since 2nd Nov, 2012
- offline last seen 5 hours ago
Admiral Biscuit
"Leave it to Admiral Biscuit to enter the contest, write its first entry as well, and disprove my expectations in one fell swoop." —Chicago Ted
Sequels1
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Admiral Biscuit · 2.6k words · 436 7 · 3.2k views
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Featured In7
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I think I've fallen in love with an adorable pony who sells auto parts.
9033879
Agreed
Happy people tend to be attractive right off the top (because happy), so I can see Kat's appeal to Dennis.
She's cute, chipper, and sharp, especially when teasing him:
This story was so deep into your wheelhouse.
Lovely little piece.
And Kat's just adorable.
Pizza: A mighty fuel source to keep the Do'ers of Good on their
feethooves!Har har har.
You know what, I find if I get a women's voice on a part line they a majority of the time get everything right. Still I would love it if these two would hit off in a continued universe.
I couldn't help but cringe a little each time I saw a price tag. That brought up some old memories of needing something major fixed on your car, but you're also a college student, so of course you'll be biting the bullet so hard it breaks your jaw.
Anyway, I enjoyed your characterization of Kat. You let the cover art do the talking when it came to her appearance, and the general banter and conversations were spot-on. I've always heard it from authors how it's better to let someone's voice speak for their character. Now I understand why!
I was kinda of expecting you to pull a bait-and-switch on us and it turning out Dennis (and maybe even his whole shop) was the pony and Kat was the human. To my recollection, there's no mention of hands or any other human body part anywhere that would discount them from being ponies, and I was hoping that was going to be the big twist, seeing as how we were already expecting the actual twist from the cover art and description.
I like these short little stories. They’re adorable in the best way possible.
Oouuuch! That wasn’t terribly nice, Dennis! Really!
So sweet a story ^_^
Reminds me of the time years ago I tried applying for a job at a small parts distributor in an old fuel and maintenance station down the road. Specifically bearings. I think I had half the catalog memorised before they found someone they actually liked, though Im not sure how good they were at the actual job.
Cos I was in my early 20s back then and still trying to work out what this human thing was people kept going on about, I think they wouldve taken Marvin.
He heard the keyboard clicking, but he didnt hear the keys being pressed?
I'm not a car person, but you always can bring working on a car/truck to life for me
This story is everything I've ever wanted from Biscuit. Loved it.
edit: I really like her mane!
I didn't understand even half of it (too technical), but I still love it!
Kinda want to see a sequel. :)
Loved it. I really hope there is going to be some continuation.
Ah this was sweet I do so love these, just as much as Field Notes.
Ah nice! More PoE stories! I so do miss this genre. It's all ways few and far between, but the better stories imho. Seeing as its not always that HiE 'I want to get away from it all and be in equestria' crap. Was a very good read, but hey most things from you are always a good experience. Keep em coming!
I think this story gave me a nightmare of my muffler falling off, a month after getting the entire exhaust line replaced.
Seriously, I dreamed that last night.
Having worked in the storage of a Citroën-dealership, this story hit me on a more personal level than most do. So sweet.
You won't believe how much dealerships use aftermarket parts to cut costs on repairs and maintanance.
This was a really nice story, thanks for writing.
I would joke that I ship them, but I actually could see them becoming friends and hanging out, and that's kinda cool. I always love your stuff.
Further to my previous comment, I wanted to add:
I really liked watching the two characters go from meeting to becoming friends, building up a rapport with each other. Whether that goes to shipping, or firm friendship, or nowhere at all, that was nice to see. Are there any other stories of yours you’d recommend for that angle?
See, this is one of those stories that's so good it practically demands a followup...
This was very calming to read. The pacing was relaxed, the characters were laidback, everything about it really just put me at ease. My father is a truck driver, so maybe that had something to do with it. (And holy crap do you know your part, Biscuit)
I wouldn't mind reading about Sunbeam and Dennis in the future. In fact, I very much welcome it.
That was sweet.
This needs a follow up into friendship.
That was great and believable! what I liked most about this was that it was a slow burn which can be left here or easily followed up. I do want to see more.
This is a very Biscuitian story!
You know what they say about assuming... thought I suppose that's offensive to donkeys.
In any case, lovely little story, and a demonstration of how it doesn't matter if you know how it will end if the journey's an enjoyable one.
Ugh, NAPA.
That almost felt like a self-insert ya know...
Regardless, another of your nice slice-of-life smile-inducing thing is always nice to read!
There is still a lot of misoginy when it come to more "manual" job. One of my collegues used to work as a car mechanic and she said she had a though time getting respected. And at my current workplace, she is one of the very few girl in the bike shop. Not that we don't have talented or willing girls working here, just that somehow, the place are always given to men...
Clearly, this is secretly a propaganda piece for the Conversion Bureau, trying to make us believe the ponies are perfect in every way!
THEY'VE BEEN STUDYING US FOR YEARS!! FINDING OUT OUR WEAKNESSES!! WE'VE GOTTA STOP EM!!
*Alondro steals a jet and flies it through the blue light beam in the sky... cuz every movie has one of those now...*
i.imgur.com/50abpso.gif
Every movie is better with a giant blue death beam from the sky! OBSERVE!!
(Mary Poppins uses her umbrella to fend off a giant blue death beam from alien chimney sweeps)
MOVIE... IMPROVED!!
*Michael Bay watches from the shadows* He's brilliant... I must have him!
I like your story, and I can totally understand the need to have someone, or some pony on the end of the line with good phone skills.
But something spoke to me that she was hoping that there could have been another pony at the end of that phone as well.
You actually managed to put a bit of tension into this pure slice of life, what with the twist and the hints of 'get off their tails' and 'unicorns of the automotive world' and lack of mentioning anything about hands. I mean even with the cover art, Dennis could just as well also have been a pony. Also good: the hint when he comments on her name alliteration and she answers 'I like it' (I put a lot of thought into it!).
Very enjoyable with an extra helping of Biscuit. Well done.
And yes, of course, more. Like always. :b
I know almost nothing about vehicles, so this was all technobabble for all I know, but I quite enjoyed it without understanding all the technical stuff! I've worked in similar customer service before.
Shipped.
Speaking seriously, would like to see a follow-up or two. I like both of these characters, and this writing style works very well for you.
Hopefully veggie; I have the weirdest hunch Kat might be a herbivore.
9033879
Who wouldn't? She's cute, and good at looking up parts.
9033892
9033943
That's a big thing. Throw 'competent' in the mix (which, sadly, is not always the case when dealing with parts houses) and it's already a match made in heaven. And of course those are the people who get the sales; they're the people (or ponies) everyone wants to deal with.
She is. There used to be a girl working at one of our suppliers like that--she's who I learned that there were actual parts called muffler bearings, in fact.
9033959
It really was. For all the automotive stuff, all I had to look up was specific part numbers.
Heck, I could have even put in the phone numbers of some of our regular suppliers without looking them up.
She is, isn't she?
9033966
The best fuel source, really.
9033979
Hey, that's totally a legit expression.
Reddit thread
9033993
Given the male dominance in the parts world, I can't help but think that odds are if a woman is working a parts counter, it's because she's good.
Well, you know me, I go back to characters I like.
Given what you've mentioned of your boss, am I correct in assuming that this is bit has a bit of Truth In
TelevisionFanfiction to it?Also, I think I'm in love with a cute, sassy unicorn wrench wench...
9034036
That's how I learned the important life lesson of no matter what, you have to have good brakes on your car.
Thanks!
That is one nice thing about FimFiction (as compared to some other writing websites)--we get the option of coverart, which can help the reader picture the scene or the pony while giving the most skeletal or even non-existent descriptions.
Once upon a time, when I was just a novice, I put painstaking descriptions of all the characters in the scenes where we first met them, and not only did it slow down the story, but it's really unnecessary. A couple physical features here and there is more than enough, and maybe not that. I think in Spring Comes to Snow Hill, I never described a single character's appearance beyond gender, approximate age, and that one of them was pregnant.
9034105
That would have been a twist!
Also, totally something I might do.
I don't think that there ever was, and there were a few things that might have made someone who was inclined to think so that Dennis at least was a pony, like him needing to stand on a stool to look at the engine of a Ford truck.
9034131
9034176
I feel that we all sometimes have thoughts like that, and if we're not complete d
ks, we shove them back down in our mind and never return to them.