• Member Since 1st Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Baal Bunny


Part of the AugieDog family of companies


E

Ahuizotl threatens to sue A. K. Yearling for libel unless she stops writing the Daring Do books. She makes him a counter-offer.

Based on the November 2014 prompt from The Writeoff Association, "Title Drop," the original version of this story won second place in that month's contest.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 161 )

Going with the first person narration definitely helped this story and made it stronger and much more comprehensible at the start, which was the biggest weakness it had. And the ending is, I think, rather better than the original one.

5307057
Thanks! I've still got one more pass I want to give the ending, but I'm a lot happier with this version than I was with the other. Even with the extended time in the writeoff, I still couldn't get the thing done!:twilightblush:

As much as i loathe daring do is real as a thing in the show.
I liked the fic.

5316276
I had a lot of mixed feelings about it myself, but since it gave me the idea for this story, I guess I'm getting to be okay with it.:raritywink:

5316276 This story does rather lightheartedly point out that having her writing about her own adventures is a pretty stupid thing to do since it kinda lets all your enemies know exactly where you are.

Well, before I continue, I am going to give you a congrats, sir. I've seen romance stories between these two and thought they were an utterly ridiculous concept.

But whether that's where you plan on taking it or not, this fic, three chapters in, has convinced me that it isn't as hard to believe as I thought. Well done.

Well done. The plot is well crafted, the interactions engaging, and there is a distinct lack of the bothersome feature that haunts most fanfiction: poor grammar. I salute you for executing the premise marvelously. Truly, one of the greater works on this site. I look forward to reading more from you.

"Life is drama," he said, "or it is nothing."

I am falling in love with this story all over again.

Brinn #9 · Nov 27th, 2014 · · · Three ·

Loving the story.
When Ahuizotl has Daring at his mercy I can really feel the tension there. You can tell that he's just a moment away from snapping her neck and how it's a real struggle for him to reign himself back in. How Daring handles herself is great too. She keenly aware of just how much trouble she's in but keeps her cool and gets through it.

I got to admit I wasn't totally sold on the premise of this thing when I started but now I'm in for the long hall.

Goddamn. You never fail to amaze and awe.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Oh wow, you took out Cricket? :D Hurrah! I'm impressed with your ability to turn this around so thoroughly, so fast!

(No Comedy tag?)

While I enjoyed this story as a whole I did have an issue with the character development of both Daring Do and Ahuizotl. Specifically their friendship seems very rushed when you consider that one of them was constructing elaborate mechanisms to kill the other only four short months ago. It's a little better on Daring's side since the story is from her point of view and we get to see her thoughts but Ahizotl's side is almost entirely unexplored. You had two large blocks of time go by, both about a month and a half each if I remember correctly, where we the reader are to assume that they became closer to one another and start to form a bond. My problem is it feels like were missing all the moments it would have taken to build that kind of bond. Yeah, we get the scene of them cooking and of them walking together at the end but it feels more like were seeing the result without seeing the work they would of had to put in to get them there.

This is especially jarring with Ahuizotl since by all accounts he's pretty evil. And not Trixie evil where she's just self-centered and stuck-up but evil with a capital E. When he wants something he's willing to kill you to get it and probably, from the descriptions of several of his crimes from the first chapter, willing to endanger the public at large in his quest for power.

What did he want with the power and artifacts in the first place? Has he just given up on whatever was driving him to this point? Where these motivations he so easily tossed aside the same ones that once drove him to attempt the murder of Daring Do?

Even after a month and a half into the story he might have killed Daring when he had her trapped had she not fast talked her way out of it. Really I think that's the main crux of my issue with this story. How do you go from someone who sees so little value in others lives to a guy who might be a kind of OK, if a bit rough, friend in the span of four months? We see small indicators that he has changed or at least cares about Daring's opinion but why? Whats his motivation to care? This is someone he has actively despised, possibly for several years, to the point of plotting their murder and now they're cooking together and getting along for the most part? Can you see where it kind of breaks down for me?

Wow, that was long and a little more negative than I wanted it to be so I'll end by saying that despite my one issue above I really enjoyed this fic and will be keeping an eye out for your work in the future.

I kinda want a sequel, but what is there left to tell?
A like and favorite for you, good sir.

... and then they kissed! :heart:

5317414 "Never?" Did you ferret out the demonic bunny's true identity? You did, didn't you?

Wow.

I like your use of narration. It really displays the fragility Cricket has.

5317427
I just tucked her right into the folds of the reader's cerebral cortex by making her a first person narrator.

Tags kind of mystify me. I figure [Slice of Life] is usually a good default.

5316960
Ah, romance. Creepy, creepy romance...

Thanks, though. Their relationship, whatever is it, is definitely the heart of the story.

5316922
5317557
5317914
Both these characters have a need to control the world around them. What I hoped to do by the end was show that one character has learned to let go of that need just enough to allow someone into her life who she can't really control, and the other character has been introduced to a world that he can control even more fully because he can make up everything that happens there. Life-changing epiphanies! They're better than kissing!

Still, all stories are attempts. I've never yet come across one that worked completely for everyone.:twilightsmile:

5317039
5317414
5317572
5318019
I owe it all to The Writeoff Association. I mean, yeah, I did the writing, but they've put together this terrific little sparkplug over there, and I've been having a great time using it to jump start my brain.

They didn't kiss. And you know what? Maybe they didn't need to.

Because Cricket has just revealed what is arguably her most closely guarded secret to her worst enemy. She has said, "This is who I am. This is what I am. And now, you will destroy me."

And he has replied, so sincerely and so gently, "Never."

Goodness, I really shouldn't have sliced that onion....

I for instance constantly imagined Daring Do boasting of her prowess before her fellow adventurers in some capacious club founded hundreds of years ago by your Princess Celestia as a way of celebrating pony dominance over all the world.

If this is a reference to another fic, I would love to know what it is. (I mean, besides a reference to the Royal Geographical Society)

5317914
You filthy shipper you. :duck:

Nothin' like a good piece of fanfic to validate the existence of an episode I didn't enjoy so much. This was fabulous. Thanks for sharing it.

(Second place? Gardez must have pulled out all the stops...)

Huh.

Surprisingly refreshing look on side characters if I must say so myself.

5307057
ditto

Shifting the persona quirk to the end made for a much smoother opening and a pretty strong hanger for the end.

5318358
Damn ninjas with their onions...

:pinkiecrazy:

Dude! You just blew my mind...

:heart:

5318358
5319030
5319296

And they go off:

In search of molé, too, which is better than kissing since it involves chocolate and chilies! No onions, though...

But thank you. :twilightsmile:

5318419

No specific reference. I think Ahuizotl's just been reading too many adventure novels.

5318592

I really debated whether to go with Bad Horse's requested kiss. But like I said above, I decided to give the characters molé instead.

5318987

Wait till you see Gardez's story. It's not just the last word in library tree fics, but the story structure alone is a work of art!

5319158

After her declaration and his reply at the end, I knew I'd finally come to the ending. It took a few tries, but there it was!

Mike

5319366

In a good way:

I hope! :pinkiehappy:

5319429 In a very good way.

Arroz Con Frijoles, like the Cuban cuisine ??

:pinkiehappy:

Love the changes you made. This version has a lot more power behind it. I was a little wary when you breezily stated that you'd changed it to first person, but it works. The new details about Cricket's past add a whole new level of interpretation, and the ending is vastly better as well.

Good job.

We'd been putting the final touches on Daring Do and Ahuizotl's Quest when I'd first suggested the pseudonym to him. Ahuizotl had stormed around the front room in outrage until I'd pointed out that if he laid claim to the identity of the character in the books, he would also lay claim to the crimes the character had committed. He'd settled down pretty quickly after that.

- Ultimate Power Is Finally... Mine?

:trollestia:

This was utterly amazing, a genuine privilege to read. Just, wow.

Best Ahuizotl ever.

Would he be able to sue her irl I wonder? Does he even know she writes? XD

5319408
I beg to differ, sir. Molé, although delicious, is not better than kissing.

Al pastor, however....

5319993

Al pastor, however....

I see what you did there.

I read the part where Ahuizotl was going to make a spin off, and i though i should do that, then i realized that i'd need to read all the Daring Do books, which is impossible without travelling across the multiverse. I am going to become a scientist to defy the depths of time ans space to read the daring do books just to write a fanfiction.:pinkiecrazy: Unless anyone can find them for me on the internet.

AK Yearling is what MADE Daring Do an interesting character for me.

5320772 And whoever finds them send them to me too.

Wow. That was impressive. I love the way you write these two; it makes so much sense and it works so well. This is going in my "Diamonds" bookshelf, which I reserve for stories that resonate like this.

This could easily set up for a shipfic sequel, with Daring-*ahem* Cricket taking a bit of a liking to... Ozzie, though Cricket combats with both the fact that this is the creature that has tried to kill her dozens of times and that if they pursued a relationship, it might end up just like what happened between her parents. Cricket would be trying to figure out her feelings for her not-so-new housemate and trying to come to terms with her personal psychological scars.

I would read it.

This was fantastic! I'm looking forward to more from you in the future!:rainbowlaugh:

5318419 I immediately thought of the Century Club.

5320671
Well, I'm glad one of us did. Maybe you could, you know, explain what I did there? Cuz, I sure don't see it.

5319459

My motto's always been:

"What could possibly go wrong?" :pinkiehappy:

5320889

I've always been a sucker for the whole "secret identity" thing in stories, so I really liked playing with it here.

Mike

Well, that was a surprisingly enjoyable read. Read it because someone I'm watching was encouraging everyone to do so, very glad I listened.

5318419
5320993

I was mostly thinking:

Of the club in Around the World in 80 Days or even the one in the old Commander McBragg cartoons. :twilightsmile:

5319461

A friend of mine's mother was Cuban:

And the rice and beans he learned to make from her are what I was thinking of here. He always has to make them extra-mild for me since I'm a food wimp, but they're still mighty tasty.

5319783
5320964

Thanks, folks! I've got three other stories here under the Baal Bunny name, but there are even more under my primary FiMFiction account, AugieDog!

Mike

Login or register to comment