• Member Since 2nd Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

Admiral Biscuit


Virtually invisible to PaulAsaran

T
Source

Moving across Equestria was not what Derpy had in mind for her senior year of school. She left all her friends behind just before Hearth's Warming, and found herself in a new school. Now she has to make new friends, as well as prepare herself for life outside school, a task complicated by a decision she makes during Winter Wrap-Up.


A Pony Planet story

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 203 )

Okay.... why did Dizty's mom have them move to an Earth pony town if she's racist against earth ponies?

4229439

Her job--she didn't really have much of a choice there.

My family had to move three times when I was in school 'cause of my dad's job. They weren't always places we wanted to move to, but if he wanted to keep his job, he went where they told him to go.

I see you added some more things here and there, including more foul language. Made for an interesting read, even after having read it already several times! :rainbowderp:

4229659
It wouldn't feel right without having Berry Punch use the F-word at least once.

Yeaaah . . . I think the first, less obvious version of that Berry Punch line about her boy toy may've been a bit funnier. Marshmallow hooves! :derpytongue2:

4229676

Actually, that's something I've been meaning to ask. There've been plenty of in-universe equivalents to the F-bomb . . . why choose that over 'bucking', or, hell, the old Firefly standby, 'rutting'?

Fir...! *BANG*

*Is dead*



(A little different story than your first version?)

4232536

I think the first, less obvious version of that Berry Punch line about her boy toy may've been a bit funnier

I changed it back. I liked it better the first way, too.

There've been plenty of in-universe equivalents to the F-bomb . . . why choose that over 'bucking'

I could give some impressive literary-sounding answer . . . but it just sounds right for Berry Punch.

4233411

(A little different story than your first version?)

Pretty much the same plot, but expanded significantly.

Cherrys first project is the Hot Air Balloon?

I wonder how long she took to build the Bubblecopter, herself, or wonder f we will find out it was a mail kit from the Minotaurs or some such? Dont forget Cartoon physics. Cycling a helicopter with large body, and tiny rotors, just like a Snowflake. :pinkiecrazy:

4234512

Cherry's first project is the Hot Air Balloon?

Of course! In fact, I wrote two stories with that theme quite a while back: High Flight and Aviatrix

I'm torn about whether she built the helicopter herself, or ordered it as a kit. The 'contraptionology' of earth ponies is pretty impressive, and let's not forget that Pinkie Pie also had a pedal-powered helicopter, although it wasn't as polished as the one Cherry was flying.


I was convinced it was Cherry's balloon from the moment I saw her towing it back to Ponyville in Spike at your Service, and the fact that she was accepting payment to fly Fluttershy to Cloudsdale in Magical Mystery Cure means that the animators are thinking on the same wavelength as me.

Also worth noting: in Discord's song, who was wearing a pilot's outfit in the TSA-themed scene? Cherry Berry. And what did she dress up as for Nightmare Night? Bumblebee. She's an earth pony who'll do anything to get in the air.

4234677

Heh, I use the trick that currently, no flying earth Pony has tried to use a powered Fixed wing design. Maybe the animators are trying to avoid the Hudson Hawk effect. :rainbowderp:

4235216

no flying earth Pony has tried to use a powered Fixed wing design

Yet. Although hang gliders are canon, so it's believable that a pony would think of putting an airscrew on the front of a hang glider. I can guess what Cherry's next toy will be.

4235259

Well, theres two things for fixed wing flight thats possible.

The first is to use a Pegasus engine. :rainbowkiss:

(AV8B Harrier)

The second is to use Vortex Drive. (Rim Driven Thrusters. look like open centre fan tail water pump wind mills.)

Most likely theyll stick with a full up modern helicopter, and at most a Wright Flyer, or Bleriot, and certainly nothing like Little Nellie, or Fairy Rotodyne.:eeyup:

4235285
\
You know, given that we've seen an enchanted propeller on Tank's rig, Flim and Flam's unicorn-powered contraption, and of course Twilight's come-to-life spell, I wonder if earth ponies are reluctant to use unicorn magic in their contraptions . . . that is, they know they could make a unicorn-powered flying machine, but they won't--they'd rather have it be pedal-powered.

4237552

Maybe something to consider. If it was handled decently, but this is cartoon land. Earth Ponies can pedal helicopters, because helicopters tie their hooves/Earth magic into movement, air magic, at least unicorn bulk movement style, not pegasus, wings one with the air style.

In fact, one thing Ive seen in afew other places, maybe if Snowflake, a very strong pegasus, tried to use that helicopter, even though its a flying, flying type, because he doesnt have the hooves/earth magic to flow through and strengthen the material, that he would snap, shear and otherwise effectively destroy the mechanism? :eeyup:

Dammit, you got me again. I'm in love with the world you're building here. Faved and upvoted, without let or reservation.

“Sorry I’m late!” With a soft poomf

That's all that paragraph says. Might want to fix that pronto.

[soft break]

Editing errors. Editing errors everywhere.

4340248
Fixed! I wonder how that got lost in translation?

4340257
Heh, oops. I thought I got all those earlier today.:derpytongue2:

Suprised they had the youngest fyers by the Everfree, no matter the supervision. Then again the clouds were suppose to be just pushed accross the air gap, but we are talking about enthusiastic idiots. :twilightsheepish:

So much racism. So much for hearth warming

crotch of the branches

:trixieshiftright:

backedher

Space, the final typo.

turning and holding item wide

Erm... what? Did you mean 'holding them wide'?

Aww, a nice way for Dinky to turn up. Next comes the confusion for a while? :derpytongue2:

4490434

You'll just have to wait and see.:derpytongue2:

4488869

turning and holding item wide
Erm... what? Did you mean 'holding them wide'?

that was a legitimate autocorrect fail. Can't believe I missed it in editing.

4537511

I wanted to keep a teen rating and avoid a sex tag, so....

Original version for the Collab Cage is mature + sex.

4538460 it's the weirdest thing, I never get notifications about a comment reply from a previous chapter if it was made on the story page...

At first we were wondering why Ditzy wasn't aware of her heat, but by the end it was fairly obvious and was. Will her actions of this night impact her future? I think so!
We've had a fairly slow start these last four chapters. Normally that makes me feel like the author doesn't have a plan or has a very big plan. Hopefully, based on your other work this will be the latter, since there is every evidence of it. Heck, we haven't even really gotten to Celestia's gift, besides sending her mom to Ponyville, and I don't even remember if she was directly responsible for that anyway....
Is it weird that we think we read the blog entry before the story? Huh...
Keep going! ;)

4544800

it's the weirdest thing, I never get notifications about a comment reply from a previous chapter if it was made on the story page...

I think that's a FimFiction bug. I try to remember to click on the chapter that the comment was made on before replying, but if I've got a lot of notifications, I don't always remember (and I don't always respond quickly, either :derpytongue2:)

At first we were wondering why Ditzy wasn't aware of her heat, but by the end it was fairly obvious

I was worried I was being too subtle, so I'm glad to see that my readers have figured it out.

We've had a fairly slow start these last four chapters. Normally that makes me feel like the author doesn't have a plan or has a very big plan.

Fear not, I have a plan! New chapter should be up
<br>

4570587 wait, 5 is up? Huh, must not be approved yet? This is currently the latest one..........

4572955

:twilightblush:
So, I didn't notice that the end of my reply somehow got cut off (and at the most inopportune place, too!)
The last part of the comment was meant to say "around this weekend." Chapter 5 is out to my pre-readers, but it's not ready yet, and won't be for a few more days.

4572994 haha no worries no hurries . Just seemed a little strange. ;)

The fireworks... they have begun... :unsuresweetie:

Blah blah blah you've heard me rattle on about this chapter for more than a week now. Still, good chapter!

Cue the real comments... now!

4624281

Obligatory front-row seat post, since I get to skim a chapter I've read probably ten times by now.

The curse of a pre-reader, in't it?

The fireworks... they have begun...

Pretty much.

Ah the Cascade Effect, where one mistake can snowball to the next. Though lightning does have a point, practically nobody looks up, ever. Neither during the day or night, inside or outside. Well, unless they're doing it on purpose, but you don't hear about the weather except as conversation filler.
Keep going! ;)

Youve been a tea boy on the shop floor, havent you.

I think I was the only one in university, that when doing statistical quality control asked about the use of out of value products. Over sized could be remachined, but again there was statistical calculated costs, as well as recycling th lower out of bounds etc.

That was in the 80s, when we had colour multitasking computers to do all the calculations with ease, and noone cold be bothered. These days theres no excuse whatsoever.

Hmmm. Muffins. :derpyderp1:

Yeah, the nicknames remind me of my dad talking about doctors and nurses ordering supplies from materials management at the hospital. They'd use their nicknames, and dad had to pretty much ask what they were talking about, because they're not necessarily obvious. At least these nicknames sound like you could figure out something from them if you know the properties of different kinds of clouds.

4625357

Pony joints, how do they really work?

One of the great unanswered mysteries of the show. The ponies seem to have awfully bendy limbs.

As for personal hygiene, I expect that the ponies have invented appropriate tools, even if we've never seen them in the show.

Though Lightning does have a point, practically nobody looks up, ever.

That was one of Luna's gripes, too, before she went full Nightmare. Hmm, maybe I'll write a one-shot where some weather pegasus gets all bent out of shape that nopony admires the clouds.....

4626457

I'm not sure what a tea boy is, so I can't say whether I have been or not. I have worked in about a half-dozen different factories, though, operating machines or doing finish work to various parts.

4627179

At least these nicknames sound like you could figure out something from them if you know the properties of different kinds of clouds.

Nicknames at the shop for tools vary from the pretty obvious (like pointy pliers) to the very odd (the whirr whirr tool). Undoubtedly, different regions have different lingo, and then couple that with in-jokes between the employees, or "I dunno, that's what my boss calls it," and you've potentially got a recipie for disaster--especially in a hospital, where clear communication is VITAL. I figured I'd stick to nicknames where the reader can at least imagine more-or-less what the ponies are describing, rather than go way out in left field, although there are likely to be more nicknames--some weird--as the story progresses.

4627179

At least these nicknames sound like you could figure out something from them if you know the properties of different kinds of clouds.

Nicknames at the shop for tools vary from the pretty obvious (like pointy pliers) to the very odd (the whirr whirr tool). Undoubtedly, different regions have different lingo, and then couple that with in-jokes between the employees, or "I dunno, that's what my boss calls it," and you've potentially got a recipie for disaster--especially in a hospital, where clear communication is VITAL. I figured I'd stick to nicknames where the reader can at least imagine more-or-less what the ponies are describing, rather than go way out in left field, although there are likely to be more nicknames--some weird--as the story progresses.

I bet there's better earth ponies when it comes to making clouds.
Well, there’s problems with management, but that’s normal.

Et tu, Lightning? :fluttershysad:

4697645

To be fair, Lightning isn't management; she's another working-pony (I'd say blue-collar worker, but they don't normally wear clothes :ajbemused:)

And yes, I'm also fully aware that in the two examples you cited,the contraction is not grammatically correct. I can also assure you that you--and you alone--make me think carefully each time I use 'there's' when I should be using 'there are.'

I'm skipping this particular nagging in most cases - it was simply grumbling: 'eh, another one?' as I think that more than half of characters did that in your fics.
BTW For a change you could use "there're" (looks funny in writing isn't it?), needs a nice brit's accent - I checked all .txt dumps I had before that previous post - not used even once, anywhere ;)

4716857

While I can hardly attest to everyone everywhere, it's been my experience that in informal use, most people use 'there's' as a general contraction, regardless of whether or not it's proper.

As for 'there're,' while it's technically correct, it looks funny. Don't get me wrong, I'll use it when called for (I'm sure you've noticed a few double-contractions in my stories [but only in dialogue, I hope]).

The fact is--and I'm sure you know--I'm willing to run roughshod over normal rules in dialogue (Ditzy's Dad's dialogue is a fine example). That having been said, whenever you feel the need to comment and tell me just how badly I've mangled the English language, don't hold back.

The only way I'll ever improve is if enough people hit me upside the head with enough 2x4s.


For what a nice Brit's accent can do to a story of questionably quality, you need look no further than AShadowofCygnus' reading of Scootaloo and Celestia: Adventures in Twilight's Gall Bladder. (he's also done Bubbles and Here I Am, among other stuff).

And life goes on for Derpy, although to a far greater extent than she currently realises. :twilightoops:

I just got the meaning of the title.

Her favorite was under a spreading chestnut tree

Ah yes. Under a spreading chestnut tree, the village Ditzy snacks.

Login or register to comment