• Member Since 11th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Wednesday

Emeral Bookwise

A lonely pony amidst the darkness, ever longing for companions to share the night with.


Trixie and her friends decide they need to be more able and prepared in the fight against the tyrant sun and her minions. Being the most tactically minded of the group, Cheerilee takes it on herself to go the extra mile in making sure everypony is at their best, but maybe she's taking things a bit to far...

-- A season 2 fic for RainbowDoubleDash's Lunaverse.
-- Cover art elements by BlackGryph0n, boem777, Yanoda, Ocarina0fTimelord, extreme-sonic, lecza1234, and Hawk9mm.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 92 )

"Why, of course I do. It's a half-past sunrise, which means your late."

That should be you're.

Ye gods, but I hate homophones and English language.

Oh, goody. She's turning into freaking Neidermeyer!!!
That was the point, wasn't it?

I'm imagining Cheerilee with a pair of reflective glasses and an army uniform when she grills them at the end.

The underlined word should be "dessert". One does not habitually partake of a geographic area of low rainfall after eating a meal. At least, that's not how my momma raised me.

This is pretty fun and looks like it might shape into something rather interesting. Didn't much care for how quickly Cheerilee got into the whole drill sergeant role though. Could have used more from her perspective honestly. Overall though a rather nice piece so far. Added to my favorites and alert list. I look forward to the next.

Nice. Cheerilee really needs to lighten up a little bit.

3310932 Slaughter could give her a tip or three.

Anyway, not too bad. Only a few typos here and there. Quite funny in places, too. Nice mythology gags.

I like this so far. Cheerilee makes a fun drill sergeant, and I love how all the other ponies are interacting. Also, nice callbacks to the various other catastrophes the ponies have weathered. They certainly have been through a lot!

The mud bits were especially comical :-)

When in the season is this happening? Is this early on, in Fall, or is it later, during Spring or Summer?

I think my only big question so far is why the L6 haven't gotten a real trainer. Even if they don't or can't get an actual trainer from the military, I'd be very surprised if Cheerilee or Big Mac didn't know a retired drill sergeant or mercenary with actual training (or, at least, lots of experience) in whipping newbies up to par, or at least have an idea of where to look for one. Cheerilee could also participate if another pony took over the drill sergeant role. But I'm guessing a reason for this will be forthcoming, so I'm not worried.

I admit that Cheerilee as the Element of Laughter requires interpretation on the audience's part. But from the hints at the conflict this chapter and the description gives, how does Cheerilee slip into her antithesis so relatively quickly, under circumstances that aren't even dire?

A legitimate concern, but at the same time Cheerilee going drill sergeant is more or less the whole point premise of this fic, so there really wouldn't be much story worth telling before she starts flipping out, and this isn't really meant to be a long fic either. I'd also like to think that while what we're seeing here is something that's been building up behind the scenes for some time now (and RDD was even kind enough to give me a bit of a preliminary setup in Tambelon). Either way though, I did try to keep it pretty mild for most of this first chapter, with the worst of it only coming after she gets a face full of mud and so is probably more angry than crazy.

Slaughter could at that, though after this start Cheerilee might be inclined to take any advice he has to offer.

Early fall. Somewhere between 1 week and 1 month after the events of Tambelon so far as I'm concerned, but final positioning is up to RDD.

As for why they didn't get a professional military officer to train them, well the main reason is narrative conceit, keeping a tighter focus on the main cast rather than bringing in random OC's out of nowhere. Also, if they just hired some pony to come in and train them, then when he started going overboard they could just as easily fire him, even if he wouldn't take the rejection very well, such a characters would still be a very different kind of antagonist, whereas with Cheerilee the other L6 actually have to come together to help her and each other out as friends.

As for the in setting excuse, ostensibly this all just started as them deciding to get more physically fit, with Cheerilee incrementally building up from just an overbearing school teacher into more of a full on drill sergeant. Regardless of Cheerilee being the one asking things most seriously, it's something that they are all serious about and committed to, but at the same time still treating with a somewhat casual attitude, which is why they also indulging in a bit of goofing around. Further more, I think that for all of them it's also something of a matter of personal pride; they are the heroes of destiny, such as it were, and so each feels perfectly up to the responsibility of stepping up their own game without needing to bring in any outsiders. Though of course getting some help from other ponies around town is fair game, that's why Cheerilee had Rainbow Dash help design and set up the obstacle course. Some other ponies, like Big Mac, might be involved later on as well.

Well, partly it's supposed to be a build up of stress from past stories, wherein the characters have been put in life harrowing situations, often with little to no warning. No one thing ever really broke her, but it's still been building up over time. Things aren't dire now, but they have been in the past, and there is legitimate reason for her to be concerned that it might all get a lot worse before it gets better.

Cheerilee may be the Element of Laughter, but she's also a teacher, and as revealed in Hero of Oatan she first persuaded that career out of the motivation that had she and her old gang been more educated then he'd have run into less trouble while traveling abroad. This is sort of an extension of that concept. Still, the disparity between her element and her actions in this fic is something I'm going to try and address within the course of events as they play out.

Also, consider that even on the show we've seen characters like Fluttershy undergo similarly drastic persona shifts, such as in The Best Night Ever or Putting Your Hoof Down. If the OFFICIAL element of kindness can go into the occasional berserk rage, than I don't think the premise of this fic is to far out of line.

Trixie doing exercises with Raindrops?
Carrot Top practicing her death-glare?
Trixie's bad experience with wheels?
So many references!!!!!

Is Cheerilee going to call them 'maggots' by the end??

And now the extreme training montage begins! Cheerilee needs to break out the inspiring 80s rock music.

Raindrops' dream was an amusing opener, though I never would've imagined bread being so... er... provocative.

This is a good, simple start to this story, with the whole crew getting into things and Cheerilee not so much freaking out yet, just trying to instill a little seriousness and discipline into her friends. She's got a point, at least, that given previous events and the very real upcoming threats that the L6 should take training themselves like this seriously.

Cheerilee's kind of the only one of the group that has experience being the leader of a group of ponies in potentially dangerous circumstances, like with her old gang. So I can totally see her having trace bits of her 'alpha of the pack' personality, combining with her schoolteacher tendencies, getting her to go into a full on drill-Sargent mode. She pushes because she cares. I'm waiting now for her to break out the training weights.

Someone is getting carried away. The element ponies are always the unstable ones.

It has a nice callback to Tambelon. About Tambelon, with another blast from the Elements, Corona is less crazy and somewhat weakened. I can see her becoming the Celestia from the future Adult Dinky and PipSqueek know and love. As it is, Celestia acts like a motherbear:

My grandfather once told me about 2 drunk idiots who came across a bearcub. Rather than back away slowly, 1 of them took a running kick at the cub. The mother tore that idiot to pieces, while his friend ran back to town, where he relayed the idiocy of his friend. Corona is like a motherbear permanently stuck in attackmode.

There is a slight mistake there. In french, qui is masculine. The feminine is que.


And that is a perfect example of survival of the not incredibly dumb.

Any chance of Cheerilee's attitude bleeding through into her day job?

"Snails this maths test is a disgrace! Now get on the floor and give me 20!"

I'm sure Scootaloo would love to try out the obstacle course particularly is they replaced the flaming hoops.


I'm sure Scootaloo would love to try out the obstacle course particularly is they replaced the flaming hoops.

What? Now way! Do you know who put those flaming hoops on the course? It was RAINBOW DASH! Why would Scoots ever skip out on an obstacle desigend by her idol?! :scootangel:


That's what I meant, if they put them back. With them removed the course is only cool, with them added then its made of pure awesome sauce.

Ah, then we are agreed.

On a related side note -- since Scoots is sort of maybe part of Cheerilee's supporting cast as well as Rainbow Dash's #1 fan, I considered mentionong that she also helpped with desinging the course. Ultimatly it felt a little forced to mention her specificaly, but it might possibly still be true.

Cheerilee. Wat R u doin. Cheerilee. STAHP.
That raspberry. I don't know why, but that stood out as such a good Trixie moment. Just exactly something she would do, and she would do it to Raindrops to boot.
Also, they been exercising, hmm? Shipping senses....tingling. :pinkiehappy:
Maybe Scoots will find a way in later. :scootangel:

Sorry it took m e so long to review, this was an entertaining ride overall, I do agree with Bree that Cheerilee seems to have snapped a bit soon given her personality, and some the scene were a bit more tell or rushed, but those where in the minority. Overall I found everyone in character, the descriptions evocative and the dialogue excellent.

Hey, I can hardly complain about the delay, given I've still not finshed that fic of yours. :unsuresweetie:

However, I'm especially glad this fic mostly meets with your aproval. As I've said elsewher, I'm aware that I'm kind of rushing into Cheerilee's breakdown, but this is intended to be a more simple three act story so I kind of needed to as prior to her snapping there just isn't much of a story tell. Ideally this is perhapse a fic that needs a whole preceeding fic to set it up (and RDD sort of gave me that with some subtle call forwards in Tambelon).

Really though I like to think of her break down here is just something that's been building up over time. That's why I made sure to call back to pervios encounters with Corona or her minions. I'd also wager the events of Oaton might weigh a bit heavy on her consiance seeing as how part of the problems they faced there where troubes from her own past. As I see it this is just where things finally reach a boiling point. I do intend to dwell a bit deepr into Cheerilees psycology in future chapters, but for this opening I wanted more of an outsider looking in approach, because well, I sort of want the snap to seemingly come out of nowhere.

I did still try to be somewhat reseved, and even give her an excuse to be angry when she finally starts yelling. Plus, I don't think this is really any more outside Cheerilee's character than the occasional bout of "Fluterrage" is on the show. Besides, we've already seen in fics like Scootalong that Cheerileecan be prone to similar such breakdowns.


Hey, I can hardly complain about the delay, given I've still not finshed that fic of yours.

Don't fret too much, oh and I got someoen form the proofreader group who's also being super helpful so thank you for that suggestion, I'll have to update chapter 1 soon with all the edits.

On Cheerilee's breakdown, I can see your point and it's a good one as well, I do still feel maybe a prologue could have helped, it could also break up the set pieces if that became necessary, by taking place elsewhere. It's mostly a lack of framing, the suddenness does help contrast it against her normal behaviour though, as you said; a more steady break down, could, potentially have worked better, good mood day one, bad mood day two etc.

But I haven't seen where you plan on taking this analyses of her personality so I could also be painfully wrong and besides it's well written and your story, so what right have I to complain.


so what right have I to complain.

You have every right to complain, though likewise, I'm not really under any obligation to care. Still, I do apreciate the critique, as well as the willingness to give me some benfit of the dout in regards to execution further chapters.

Besides, of all the potential complaints I was worried you might make, I'm glad this seems to have helped the rest slip under your radar. :twilightsheepish:

ah yes, the dream sequence, it wasn't flawed even if not to my taste. But dreams are weird things anyway so yeah. Sorry if that's an unsatisfying response, it was there, but there's nothing innately wrong with it form memory.:scootangel:

Seeing the cover image, I have to make this joke:

Cheerilee: Welcome to standing up school.
Cheerilee: Aaaaand you fail.

Not to sound like a grammar freak but just so you know tacitly comes from Latin and means "silent". I think you meant to write tactically.

Ouch, that mistake was just plain embarrassing on my part. TY very much for pointing it out.

3333739 not a problem, I've seen many fanfics where (in the summary) the author misspells so many words that you don't want to even give the story a chance because of the grammar headaches that will follow, thankfully the first chapter doesn't have any that I saw. :) good luck on this and I will watch tos see where it goes :)

This seams like an awe:rainbowdetermined2:some story. I look forward to updates!! :trixieshiftleft:

Lol. Raindrops getting dreamblocked by Cheerilee's rude awakening. Although I'm sad that Cut 'n Dry doesn't get any love, such a cute unicorn too. But yeah I like Drill Sergeant Cheerilee. No real complaints, a pretty solid beginning chapter, and looks like this is going to be a fun read. I eagerly await the next chapter.

While I absolutely love Cut'n'dry, it's worth keeping in mind that was always a one way ship that Raindrops was largely oblivious too, probably because she just doesn't have any innate romantic inclinations towards mares. Which is not to say Cut'n'dry could never win her heart, though I don't think she the type to ever try forcing such a thing either. Regardless she's not likely to show up in Raindrops' dreams in that kind of capacity after only their short interactions, least of all months later. Plus, I think I tried to imply that the dream stallion was also the cover model for the book Raindrops was reading the night before and fell asleep with.

Anyway, thanks for the compliments, guess I need to put some extra effort into pumping out that next chapter.



That'd be cool. Seeing the Ninja-Sensei, Reneighssance Mare Cheerilee share her plethora of questionably legal knowledge and skills to get them into shape'll be interesting to see. Even if she only uses what she knows to get them fit-ish before they go mad.

Heh, I quite like Drill Sargeant Cherilee.

When will story continue ? :fluttercry:

er, it is training regimen not regiment

This is obligatory:





"No, Left."

I don't know, third base!

It's not like I'm Trixie"

You forgot a period.

i think

Capitalize I.

"Well, I do have to be realistic now, don't I? And besides, we've defeated an evil duke, seems only fair I should get to reap his old title as the spoils of war."
"Why stop there?" interjected Carrot Top, "By that logic, after we defeat Corona you could be Queen of all Equestria!"

I love how they can banter so easily.

necessary for your

For you.

"Sure thing mom," he replied energetically, before hesitantly adding, "But... well, that is… if it's okay with you, I still like it when you call me your little snugglebug, no matter how big I get."

Daaw. You're getting me all warm and fuzzy over SNAILS. Jeez.

another would.


Now then, let's see...

I was just about to storm the evil Baron Von Giffinstein's mountaintop fortress, astride his own fearsome jabberwocky, which I tamed through a most expertly crafted melody, and umm

Funnily enough I actually had one of those surprisingly-coherent dreams last night myself, albeit mine was more something to do with passing a test to become part of a thieves' guild.

I do love it when dreams are mostly coherent.

"We weren't that bad."

Who spoke up?

"Maybe so, but I can levitate nearly half-a-dozen of them all at the same time no sweat,"

She actually did do that in Tales, as I recall, though it did give her a headache.

"Oh dear, you and BonBon aren't having a lover's spat, now are you?"


"Wait… what books Raindrops keeps hidden where now?"

That's something I can't wait to see in the next chapter. Lyra just staring at Raindrops the entire time or something.

"Begging a question" means using an argument to justify an argument. Example: "Starlight, you can't trust Trixie because you can't trust Trixie." What she should say is 'This left her with a question...'



Actually, I was informed last chapter that "Qui" is masculine, whereas Trixie should use the feminine "Que". Otherwise, thanks for all the corrections.

Daaw. You're getting me all warm and fuzzy over SNAILS. Jeez.

Wouldn't be the first time I've caused that reaction in one of my stories.


"We weren't that bad."

Who spoke up?

I never decided nor did it seem too important either. Figured I'd just leave that bit up to audience interpretation, so use your own imagination in reading it as whomever you think it works best for.

"Maybe so, but I can levitate nearly half-a-dozen of them all at the same time no sweat,"

She actually did do that in Tales, as I recall, though it did give her a headache.

That's exactly what I was referencing, although Lyra is probably projecting some personal bias onto the event.

Huh... learn something new every day. Although I'm not really using the phase in a formal logic context here, so I'm not sure if it actually needs to be changed, but you've given me something to think about.

"But... well, that is… if it's okay with you, I still like it when you call me your little snugglebug, no matter how big I get."


Although I do think he might rescind that particular wish, at least in public, in a few years when he's trying to impress the fillies.

"All-In-One… ALL-IN-ONE!"

The horror! The horror!

Looks like Cheerilee might have a bad case of paranoia here, it seems to go a bit against her personality. Hopefully Ditzy doesn't get too spooked by the threat to herself and Dinky.

As speaking of little D I wonder how Cheerilee will do being a full time mom, for the night anyway, will it make her more likely to want a foal of her own or put her off for the moment?


Actually, I was informed last chapter that "Qui" is masculine, whereas Trixie should use the feminine "Que".

By who? And that isn't proper French. I should know.

Glad that I could be of assistance in...poking you along on this one Emeral! Hopefully chapter three will come easier!

*starts casually sharpening a pitchfork*

Hi, i'm french, and, no, "que" is not the feminin of "qui", "que" have a meaning near to "what" and "qui" is exactly "who", whether it's a male or a female.
(we sometime use "quel" but not in this formulation, we say "quel est cette personne" which mean "who is that person", but, when we say something on someone, the one say "Qui, moi?" (Who, me?) )

(Excuse me for all the typo & errors, i'm still learning english)

7171398 7173546
Well, I guess that makes two against one -- three counting Google Translate as well, which is what I'd originally used in the first place before being erroneously corrected. Maybe my forth source was just misinformed, or maybe it's some kind of regional dialect thing. Either way, I'll change it back "qui" for now.

On the bright side, since neither of you have commented on my other two attempts to work some French in to the dialog this chapter, I'm guessing I manage not to mangle the rest too badly. :twilightblush:

Login or register to comment