• Member Since 16th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen 58 minutes ago

Skywriter


loves tiaras.


E

The Royal Ceremonial Headdress takes ages to fix up. Just ages. Plenty of time to chat about love, and time, and those big steel cups they serve alongside your milkshake.

Audiobook version: KwirkyJ

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 110 )

New Skywriter story? Take it away, Twilight!

What a sweet little vignette! I'm predisposed to it thanks to my adoration of both Cadance and Rarity, but there's assuredly nothing wrong with that. Sometimes you just have to indulge. Thank you. :twilightsmile:

That was great. :heart: Had me grinning by the end. :pinkiehappy:

Lovely! I do love your Cadænce. And your Rarity. Also your milkshake.

(It brings all the bronies to the yard, I'm told.)

Hillbe #5 · Jul 6th, 2015 · · 3 ·

:moustache: feel like a milkshake?

:raritywink: Sure my precious scales

:trollestia: cake?

:pinkiehappy: cupcakes!

:twilightoops: hay burgers?!

:rainbowhuh: fries ?

:ajbemused: Apples!

"The fact is, sometimes you just want to write a short, sweet little piece about Cadance and Rarity having a chat."

Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Or this.

Cryosite #7 · Jul 6th, 2015 · · 2 ·

Well, that was a collection of horsewords. Spoilers below.

Death.

I'm reminded of the saturation of stories that poke at alicorn immortality, with a tedious abundance of them focusing on Twilight suddenly becoming immortal, and all the losses such a long life will doom her to suffer through. So this is rather refreshing being about Cadance for a change of pace. It's also pretty great that Rarity directs her to how to live life. This story is, essentially, the exact answer to all those gloomy idiots, and precisely why immortality is an amazing thing that would be wonderful to have. While it is natural to hurt, to grieve, and to suffer loss, immortality also brings another sunrise that you would otherwise miss. You may lose the things you know, but that happens to anyone of any lifespan. Longer-lived beings get more things to cherish.

Aside from the central theme, this was also a great bit of character focus for Cadance. Being a princess is something of a nebulous concept to most. All too often we see princesses, kings and queens, emperors, presidents, and other government leaders only in the context of military conquest, national defense, or corruptly governing their subjects. We see things presented as "OK, so here is this bad thing, and we're watching the leader react to the bad thing." It's easy to get trapped in the mindset that that is all there is to those people. So here we get to see a leader, and while she is worried about the fate of her nation/people, it is presented in a more personal context. The focus is quickly on the fact that her subjects love her, and she doesn't want to disappoint them. The focus shifts to more personal concerns like her husband.

It really helps to make her feel more real and relatable.


Rarity was genuinely comfortable to read, and felt convincing. The choice of metaphors felt natural from Rarity. At least one sewing-related one, as well as a "this would be something anypony could relate to" sort of metaphor with the milkshakes. While we weren't privvy to her thoughts, Rarity, for the most part, came across as Rarity. Her choice of points not only worked well for an argument, but felt like ones that Rarity would make use of.

On to the technical stuff.

I realize it is a legitimate style, but I simply don't like the present perfect form. Nothing against the Fimfic author of that name, but it is simply jarring and, along side 2nd person, are among the top forms to actively destroy my immersion instead of enhancing it. They're only marginally below formats like Script and greentext.

There were a few points where Cadance speaks in fully unattributed dialogue. While it isn't unclear who is speaking, it makes for a detached feel that clashes with the other paragraphs that do narrate Cadance to us. We're privvy to her thoughts and feelings, but we're not given any context for those lonely lines because Cadance's attention is focused on letting us know what Rarity is up to. All in all, it really feels like it should be third person limited in order to make more natural transition from "describe scene" to "Cadance actively participating."

Alternatively, the opening "setting the scene" bits would fit better if they were told from a perspective that makes more sense for Cadance to be thinking them. For the most part, Rarity is behind her, so visual cues seem less appropriate. Explicit mention of a large mirror, and occasional reminders of the reflection Cadance is watching might work better. More focus on the touch and feel cues throughout the story, as well as the sounds of Rarity being in such close proximity would better sell the scene. More of Cadance's inner thoughts. If anyone should have unattributed lines of dialogue, they likely should be Rarity. That would sell a sense of Cadance not paying lose attention to Rarity, and being brought back to focus on her by some line of dialogue from her.

On to the "bad" non-technical stuff.

The "Darling" joke is rather stale by this point.

There was also something of an uncomfortable shifting back and forth between casual and formal. That Cadance never really invoked a casual interaction somewhat adds to this "stiffness." (No, her assent to Rarity calling her Darling doesn't really count). While also cliche, "just call me Cadance" would have worked wonders. This makes for a weird dynamic between the two characters. Despite Rarity coming across as nervous and focused on decorum, the conversation was philosophical, peppered with anecdotes, and touched on very personal details.

As somewhat touched upon in the technical portion, Cadance simply blurting out her nihilistic woe while getting her hair done in preperation for meeting the Equestria Games inspector felt weirdly forced. Again, we're privvy to her thoughts. Why didn't we have some buildup to that? Why didn't we have some time spent in Cadance's head, while she broods, and decides to break the awkward silence or something?

Despite the amount of review-words that seem to focus on negative criticism, this was still enjoyable to read. Once things picked up towards the middle, the present perfect form diluted around the dialogue, and it felt mostly satisfying by the end. While it could have been better, it was indeed something "tossed out" to break writer's block. It's not really a surprise that something "low effort" like this still winds up being pretty good when it comes from Skywriter. It wasn't intended to be a masterpiece, it didn't accidentally wind up one anyway, but it was a nice bit of reading anyway.

I liked this. A short and sweet story.

Hmm... Cute!

Nice to see Cadence and Rarity!

6174794

The "Darling" joke is rather stale by this point.

I disagree, in that I think it was well lampshaded :raritywink:

Also, I love me a good bit of Rarity having a solid head on her shoulders. Not that Hysterical Rarity isn't occasionally fun too...:raritydespair:

I think we need to make it official. You are the only writer permitted to write Cadance here on this site. Everyone else must get your permission first.

Something about the fondness with which Cadance thinks about Rarity, and the other girls, here despite only knowing them briefly through Twilight, makes me happy.

I, too, feel like wallowing in unbridled hedonism after reading this.
Very well done, Mr. Skywriter.

As per your usual standard, excellent!

It's also nice to see a look at not just the immortality thing, but the wider implications of loss in general as well. And I like that it's Rarity bascially lecturing to Cadance, for even more variety.

Fluttershy seems like the last pony ti have that conversation with.

6175616
I don't know! I suspect she's got hidden strengths. She probably deals with death more than most ponies in that town.

6175616

Fluttershy deals with small, short-lived animals every day of her life, whom she nevertheless gives her heart to again and again, however briefly. She is exactly who I would expect to have that kind of conversation.

I hesitate, trying to construct a box of words that will fit my last remaining doubt.

I really like this metaphor. I don't know why...

I quite like the pairing of Rarity and Cadance... For whatever reason, the two feel like they would be natural and easy girlfriends. Maybe it comes from both having crystals on their butts.

In any event, thanks for the fun and interesting diversion!

6175877
Gem-butt ponies unite! Rarity! Cadance! Lemony Gem! Amethyst star! I can't think of anypony else!

Thanks for reading, eh!

6175861
Y'know, at the risk of seeming like one of Those Authors, I rather liked that one myself.

6175193
I'd have to sling out the permissions left and right, then, because there are quite a few bang-up renditions of Cady that put mine to shame. Thank you for the sentiment, at any rate! :twilightblush:

6175450
Enjoy it while you got it, says Rarity.

6175477
It was sort of intended as a story about the wider implications of loss, considering the real-life event that inspired it was nothing so dire as someone passing on.

6174565
Heh. Glad you're still enthusiastic, even though it's been a while! The trick seems to be "write it all, like, in one day" because the minute I give myself time to think about it I start hating it and it goes on the scrap heap. Hrm.

6174603
No shame in having best ponies, not in the slightest!

6174609
Thank you!

6174676
Well, I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.

6174784
A.J. likes apples? Boy, that's quite a headcanon you got, there! :trollestia:

6174786
I know it seems like an obvious sentiment, but it really took me a long time to convince myself of that.

6174794
Thanks for the in-depth commentary! I really appreciate it! I think your criticisms are on the mark; the topic of loss does kind of come up out of nowhere. I mean, nothing has happened in the story itself to bring it up. I've tried to spin it as an "everything is going so well, when will the other horseshoe drop" thing, but for better or for worse the precipitating event for the conversation is an actual real-life event that I shouldn't go into here. It was just... really on my mind, today, so I wrote a story about it. And I'd agree that Rarity is a bit erratic in exactly how formal she's being at any given time. I tried to lampshade it a little but it would be better if the flaw didn't exist at all, of course.

6174799, 6174805
Thanks, folks!

6174996
Rarity so rarely gets to be the lesson-giver. If anything, I worry that she's out of character just for that reason alone, because we never actually see it in the show! I think maybe you have to go all the way back to "Suited For Success" to find a time when she's the most "in the right" one of the Mane 6, but maybe I'm forgetting one...

6176062
I DRINK IT ALL UP!

6176126
<Maud>
All crystals are rocks. But not all rocks are crystals.
</Maud>

Welcome back to writing, Skywriter.:twilightsmile:

6176152
Thank you! I really hope it's not going to take another six months before my next one...

6176152 I await the day I can say the same to you.

6176006 I know that feel. If I don't write a one shot and one session, get stalled halfway through and then it takes me 5 1/2 years to finish it that is to say I haven't finished any yet.

You just made me sit down resolving to put some words into some of my unfinished fics. I've spent too much time ruminating over how much better they could be when I could just finish them and get them overwith instead...

6176324
Yes! Do that! We need to constantly remind ourselves as creators that it's better to do Something imperfect than agonize forever over an imagined, perfect Nothing. which often flies in the face of what the world tells us in practice. I'm even more guilty of this than the average person, I think.

6176134
Maud is a drab looking, sounding, and even acting pony on the outside, but deep down she really shines. We all know that's a geode on her butt.

6176606
It's not impossible! I like to think that Maud finds all rocks equally beautiful and cannot understand the popular concept that geodes are beautiful only on the inside.

You made something and put it out into the world, and that is achievement enough.

But also, I enjoyed it.

6176698
Thanks for saying so! It really helps to hear that.

Well, someone's just earned themselves a follow.

Rarity's advice regarding the metaphorical milkshake strikes me as Pinkie Pie's general philosophy on life (i.e. when dining upon life's banquet the plate cannot possibly be piled too high) having rubbed off a bit on our ever so proper unicorn. (Just the use of a milkshake as the analogy is the basis of this interpretation for me.) As the Element of Generosity I think Rarity probably has an innate sense of how gifts, wherever they come from, would hopefully be appreciated/enjoyed. :pinkiehappy:

I quite liked this. It's nice to see different pairings of characters interacting beyond rotating around the designated protagonist. (:twilightoops:)

Well, here I was going to remark on the smile that

"Good, because half the time I can't help myself. It's like a facial tic. Darling."

... brought me, only to find I've been beaten to the punch by someone who thinks the line needs to die in a fire.

Can't please everyone. But I was entertained, at any rate, and it's great to see you writing again.

I strongly suspect your friend appreciates the effort, too. :twilightsmile:

6177103
You write a story and include a silly little line, and someone decides that you're out to get them.

Stable-faced people privilege is a terrible thing.

6176006
I think we were all happy to see you writing again. :twilightsmile:

6176727
Well, she isn't wrong.

I wrote a review of this story. It can be found here.

Wonderful story and I do feel a little sad for Cadence here. :pinkiesad2:

That was so sweet, and so Rarity! Very well done!:raritywink:

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