Ego Box

"Aragon is someone everyone should know, but also deny ever having heard of."
-- Professor Plum

"Short, dark, and handsome. [...] Has a delicious accent."
-- Swan Song

"Aragon. You are what Hunter Thompson could have been, if he'd done less drugs and more hentai."
-- Bad Horse

"I'm pretty sure you are the abyss Nietzsche warned us about gazing into."
-- FanOfMostEverything

"You know how Douglas Adams described flying as throwing yourself as hard as you can at the ground and missing? Aragon fails up."

-- MrNumbers

Business Trade

You can commission stuff, here are my rates and extra info. PM me if you want a blog or a story!

And Paypal link, if you just want to tip me. Thanks!

Currently Writing

Sunsettle for This: SLOWLY CHIPPIN' AWAY THE NEXT CHAPTER YO.

TA Cute Smile, with Some Fang Showing
Equestria Girls
Dark
Comedy
Life's a witch, and then you die. Just ask Fluttershy.
Chrysalis
Fluttershy (EqG)
Main 7 (EqG)
Aragon · 6.1k words · 147 9 · 1.2k views
TCome (Around) Again
MLP: FiM
Romance
Comedy
To save Equestria, all Shining Armor has to do is stand in one spot and do nothing. A story of a pony's struggle against himself.
Sex
Cadance
Shining Armor
Aragon · 4k words · 308 7 · 2.5k views
EPetty Please
MLP: FiM
Romance
Comedy
Slice of Life
The good thing about dating Rarity is that you get to talk to her. The bad thing about dating Rarity is that you have to talk to her.
Twilight
Rarity
Aragon · 3.5k words · 307 13 · 2.6k views
EWhy She Looks So Good
MLP: FiM
Comedy
Slice of Life
I don't think you can know Rarity without being at least a little bit scared of her. If you're not, then you don't really know Rarity. This is the story of how she saved Ponyville one day.
Rarity
Sweetie Belle
Aragon · 4k words · 392 13 · 2.8k views
TIn Hindsight
MLP: FiM
Romance
Comedy
This is a story about Rarity's hips. (All good stories are.)
Twilight
Rainbow Dash
Applejack
Rarity
Aragon · 16k words · 590 14 · 5.8k views
TLove Is In Doom
MLP: FiM
Romance
Comedy
As the world ends, a group of teenagers covered in blood enter Sugarcube Corner. What follows is technically a love story.
Rarity
Sunset Shimmer
Main 7 (EqG)
Aragon · 11k words · 547 20 · 5.7k views

Permanent Index: "It Feels Rapey" -- A Caustic Guide On How Not To Write Romance

I'm an idiot who doesn't know anything about romance. And I lost my computer for two weeks. I had nothing to do, so I took out my phone and, perhaps naïvely, I thought that reading some fanfics would be a good idea.

So I spent two weeks reading shitty romantic fanfiction over AO3.

It was the mental equivalent of feeding my balls to a baby whale.

This blog series is a chronicle of the many, many mistakes I found during those two weeks, and also a shopping list of all the ways I can tell the Internet to go fuck itself.

• Part One: "It Feels Rapey" -- Three Horrible Mistakes To Avoid When Writing Romance ("Why are they in love", "That is not how humans work", and "Why are they acting like children").

• Part Two: "It Still Feels Rapey" -- Common Mistakes When Writing Romance (The "Twilight Male Character" stereotype).

• Part Three: "It Feels Rapier than ever" -- Another Horrible Mistake To Avoid When Writing Romance (The "Tsundere").

• Part Four: "Hell is Empty" -- Another Mistake To Avoid When Writing Romance (The "Filler").

• Part Five: It Feels Rapey, and it Breaks My Heart: The Greatest Mistake when Writing Romance (The "Harem Comedy", Part One).

• Part Six: It Feels Rapey: Harem Comedies, or How I Hate your Waifu (The "Harem Comedy", Part Two).

Ongoing, I try to post a new one every month or so.

DONE saga! You don't need to read them in order!

Daring DONE! Rainbow Dash finds out that Twilight's mom is the author of the Daring Do saga. Things escalate quickly from there. by Aragon 5,538 words · 2,844 · 45
Twilight DONE! Twilight needs to rule Equestria for a whole week. There's no way this can go wrong. by Aragon 3,873 words · 1,551 · 26
Shining DONE! The day of Shining Armor and Cadance's wedding anniversary is coming. Shining Armor, wants to give his wife a truly exceptional present, so he asks the Royal Guard of Canterlot for help. Things get very out of hoof from there. by Aragon 8,846 words · 812 · 20
Parenting is Easy, I Swear Cadance and Night Light share a pleasant conversation in a café. Everything somehow manages to get really weird, really fast. by Aragon 11,525 words · 1,073 · 43

So apparently there's one cover art for each member of the Sparkle Family and only now do I realize that. Weird.

Long Story Short Continuity

Long Story Short, Things Went Down Carrot Top discovers her coltfriend is cheating on her. Her first reaction is to kick him to next Monday, even though that can get her in jail. Good news? Her friends are going to get her out of trouble. Bad news? They're all sociopaths. by Aragon 49,934 words · 862 · 44
Sow The Wind, Reap The Whirlwind Time Turner is preparing for the most important lecture of his life. One wrong move will mess up everything. Thankfully, his friends are there to help him relax. The problem is not his friends being sociopaths, but his friends being mad at him too. by Aragon 19,095 words · 318 · 10
Fridge Horror Derpy was just trying to make a sandwich. Vinyl was there too. Now the world is ending. Really, it's all their fault. by Aragon 13,571 words · 527 · 20
A Train, on Fire, Full of Orphans Lyra Heartstrings is driving a train with no brakes, on fire, full of orphans, and she's approaching a broken bridge at terminal velocity. Well. At least things can't get worse. by Aragon 3,251 words · 433 · 21
Wine And Toothpaste Beer tastes bad, Whiskey is just horrible, and Colgate does not like drinking. This is the story of how Colgate met Berry Punch for the first time, and how she saw a bartender who was clearly a ninja. Side story to Long Story Short, Things Went Down by Aragon 4,946 words · 251 · 1

Stories that share the same characters. Only the first two are actually related -- Sow The Wind is a sequel -- the rest can be read in whatever order you choose.

Stories about Celestia

A Million Little Lights Tonight, Celestia will talk to Shining Armor. With just one conversation, she needs to save Equestria. by Aragon 2,176 words · 977 · 27
Anarchive Reigns The Canterlot Archive decides to create a document listing the age of every pony in Equestria. It's impossible to mess this up. The Canterlot Archive messes this up. by Aragon 4,478 words · 1,392 · 87
Today is a Good Day to Die One night, just like that, Celestia realizes she's going to die in less than twenty-four hours. by Aragon 9,126 words · 1,379 · 44
Evil is Easy, Governing is Harder One day, just like that, Celestia decides she's going to go mad with power. by Aragon 17,659 words · 1,410 · 32
A Hell of a Time The princesses gave their magic to Twilight to prevent Tirek from stealing it. As a result, they end up stuck in Tartarus. The fact that things manage to go downhill here says a lot about the wonders of family. by Aragon 4,444 words · 3,561 · 51

I write a lot about this pony. They are usually my most popular fics, so I suppose that's good.

Nov

21st

2018

Work Within Your Limitations: Make the Idea Fit the Writing (or, How I Get Away with Shitty Prose) · 5:07pm November 21st

Something that might surprise most of you is that, when I try to humblebrag, I barely talk about the obscene size of my penis. There is nothing humble about it. It’s just generally a great thing.

No, what I always talk about is the fact that—and this is true, fucking warped as it sounds—even though I am the dumbest motherfucker on this website? I sometimes need to put, like, real effort into convincing my readers that my prose is shit.