"Aragon is someone everyone should know, but also deny ever having heard of."
-- Professor Plum
"Short, dark, and handsome. [...] Has a delicious accent."
-- Swan Song
"Aragon. You are what Hunter Thompson could have been, if he'd done less drugs and more hentai."
-- Bad Horse
"I'm pretty sure you are the abyss Nietzsche warned us about gazing into."
-- FanOfMostEverything
"You know how Douglas Adams described flying as throwing yourself as hard as you can at the ground and missing? Aragon fails up."
-- MrNumbers
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Sunsettle for This: Chapter 3 is done, or maybe it isn't -- so far I have 14k words written out of an expected who the fuck knows. I want to finish the current bit of the story, so as to say, and then see how posting will go. I'm almost sure this is technically two, maybe even three chapters I'm writing in a row -- but it's the kind of thing that needs to be finished and edited at the same time before posting anything.
So yeah, let's just say I'm writing the next two chapters, and the first one is already finished. Second one is halfway done. So, this one is coming soon.
Romance Blog #7: Moment I finish the stuff detailed above, yo.
I'm an idiot who doesn't know anything about romance. And I lost my computer for two weeks. I had nothing to do, so I took out my phone and, perhaps naïvely, I thought that reading some fanfics would be a good idea.
So I spent two weeks reading shitty romantic fanfiction over AO3.
It was the mental equivalent of feeding my balls to a baby whale.
This blog series is a chronicle of the many, many mistakes I found during those two weeks, and also a shopping list of all the ways I can tell the Internet to go fuck itself.
• Part One: "It Feels Rapey" -- Three Horrible Mistakes To Avoid When Writing Romance ("Why are they in love", "That is not how humans work", and "Why are they acting like children").
• Part Two: "It Still Feels Rapey" -- Common Mistakes When Writing Romance (The "Twilight Male Character" stereotype).
• Part Three: "It Feels Rapier than ever" -- Another Horrible Mistake To Avoid When Writing Romance (The "Tsundere").
• Part Four: "Hell is Empty" -- Another Mistake To Avoid When Writing Romance (The "Filler").
• Part Five: It Feels Rapey, and it Breaks My Heart: The Greatest Mistake when Writing Romance (The "Harem Comedy", Part One).
• Part Six: It Feels Rapey: Harem Comedies, or How I Hate your Waifu (The "Harem Comedy", Part Two).
Ongoing, I try to post a new one every month or so.
Daring DONE!
Rainbow Dash finds out that Twilight's mom is the author of the Daring Do saga. Things escalate quickly from there.
5,538 words
· 18,033 views
· 2,787 likes
· 45 dislikes
Twilight DONE!
Twilight needs to rule Equestria for a whole week. There's no way this can go wrong.
3,873 words
· 11,312 views
· 1,504 likes
· 26 dislikes
Shining DONE!
The day of Shining Armor and Cadance's wedding anniversary is coming. Shining Armor, wants to give his wife a truly exceptional present, so he asks the Royal Guard of Canterlot for help. Things get very out of hoof from there.
8,846 words
· 6,590 views
· 781 likes
· 20 dislikes
Parenting is Easy, I Swear
Cadance and Night Light share a pleasant conversation in a café. Everything somehow manages to get really weird, really fast.
11,525 words
· 7,394 views
· 1,029 likes
· 42 dislikes
Long Story Short, Things Went Down
Carrot Top discovers her coltfriend is cheating on her. Her first reaction is to kick him to next Monday, even though that can get her in jail. Good news? Her friends are going to get her out of trouble. Bad news? They're all sociopaths.
49,934 words
· 6,297 views
· 833 likes
· 43 dislikes
Sow The Wind, Reap The Whirlwind
Time Turner is preparing for the most important lecture of his life. One wrong move will mess up everything. Thankfully, his friends are there to help him relax. The problem is not his friends being sociopaths, but his friends being mad at him too.
19,095 words
· 2,294 views
· 304 likes
· 10 dislikes
Fridge Horror
Derpy was just trying to make a sandwich. Vinyl was there too. Now the world is ending. Really, it's all their fault.
13,571 words
· 5,336 views
· 498 likes
· 19 dislikes
A Train, on Fire, Full of Orphans
Lyra Heartstrings is driving a train with no brakes, on fire, full of orphans, and she's approaching a broken bridge at terminal velocity. Well. At least things can't get worse.
3,251 words
· 3,935 views
· 410 likes
· 21 dislikes
Wine And Toothpaste
Beer tastes bad, Whiskey is just horrible, and Colgate does not like drinking. This is the story of how Colgate met Berry Punch for the first time, and how she saw a bartender who was clearly a ninja. Side story to Long Story Short, Things Went Down
4,946 words
· 2,564 views
· 235 likes
· 1 dislikes
A Million Little Lights
Tonight, Celestia will talk to Shining Armor. With just one conversation, she needs to save Equestria.
2,176 words
· 6,846 views
· 912 likes
· 27 dislikes
Anarchive Reigns
The Canterlot Archive decides to create a document listing the age of every pony in Equestria. It's impossible to mess this up. The Canterlot Archive messes this up.
4,478 words
· 11,079 views
· 1,332 likes
· 84 dislikes
Today is a Good Day to Die
One night, just like that, Celestia realizes she's going to die in less than twenty-four hours.
9,126 words
· 15,214 views
· 1,348 likes
· 44 dislikes
Evil is Easy, Governing is Harder
One day, just like that, Celestia decides she's going to go mad with power.
18,246 words
· 9,533 views
· 1,217 likes
· 29 dislikes
A Hell of a Time
The princesses gave their magic to Twilight to prevent Tirek from stealing it. As a result, they end up stuck in Tartarus. The fact that things manage to go downhill here says a lot about the wonders of family.
4,444 words
· 29,035 views
· 3,354 likes
· 50 dislikes
Okay, so first things first, I want y'all to know that I'm fine. I'm perfectly okay.
Good? Good.
So a couple weeks ago, my father found blood on my sheets. Figuring the time had finally come, he sat me down in front of him and told me about the wonders of growing up and the ways my body is going to change.
Then he stopped, and realized I'm actually not a woman.
So to the hospital we went.
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2466842
What the fuck. Who are you replying to and why are you doing it here.
2437920
You're welcome! I really enjoy your random comedies.
2447226
No homo though.
2447046
That quote is wildly out of context.
I am just going to leave this here, yes that is aragon speaking in that clip.