Velocipede: Human in Equestria stories
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Old Bios
?-2020/12/29: Cozy Glow did nothing wrong.
-2021/02/07: The magical gay horses turned me frickin' magical-gay-horse-gay.
-2021/04/01: 100% Rarity simp 24/7.
-2021/05/09: Wallflower Blush did nothing wrong.
-/5/23: A woman of color, a mom, and a cisgender Millennial who has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. Intersectional, but my existence is not a box-checking exercise.
-/06/03: Wallflower Blush Still Did Nothing Wrong.
-/06/04: Illiterate and gay.
-/07/25: A woman of color, a cat mom, and a non-binary Millennial who has been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. Intersectional, but my existence is not a box-checking exercise
-2022/01/16: With a sigh, Pear Butter unsheathed her katana. "Master, forgive me," she half-whispered to her blade. "But I must go all out. Just this once."
-2022/06/01: With a sigh, Pear Butter unsheathed her katana. "Master, forgive me," she half-whispered to her blade. "But I must go all out. Just this once." | pronouns
-2022/09/12: But my horn shalt thou exalt like the horn of an unicorn: I shall be anointed with fresh oil. | pronouns
-???: Rarity, a splendid art | pronouns
Great Stories I Found Through Comment Club
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Love Is for Squares Trixie's had a bad string of luck with love lately. Starlight hopes this means she'll finally get a chance to be with her. She's wrong. So, so wrong. Because the one Trixie becomes enamored with? It's herself. 6,176 words · 66 · 6
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How to Farm Rocks (in three easy steps) Cadance journeys out to the Pie family farm to get a lesson in earth pony magic. 10,224 words · 141 · 12
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Even More Awesome Than Me Yakyakistan is a cold place, and Scootaloo is starting to find that the chill is cutting deeper than she expected. 1,358 words · 59 · 2
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The First Second of Eternity A timeless alicorn from a bygone era, tasked to watch over the land of Equestria, begins to question her place in it as the world changes and time passes. 40,645 words · 91 · 5
More Great Comment Club Stories
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Rainbow Bro-Trip Discord decides it's time he got to know Fluttershy's family. Unfortunately, he decides to start with Zephyr Breeze. 3,754 words · 334 · 4
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But Would Anything Matter? Time's runnin' out. I just gotta keep it from runnin' out faster. 4,490 words · 177 · 8
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Celestia remains a Spider and Society Crumbles Celestia is a spider. Celestia remains a spider. And we-Well, we didn't really have anything to do with it, but we're still the ones who have to suffer the consequences. 1,269 words · 437 · 21
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dead butterflies (One of Them Will Destroy the Other) Fluttershy wants us to see the butterfly migration. 5,431 words · 150 · 8
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A Chess Story Shining Armor spends some time with his daughter while he is recovering from a war wound. 2,964 words · 119 · 5
Great Stories I Found Outside Of Comment Club
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No Catchphrase for This Iron Will knew what was coming. That didn't make it any easier to figure out what to do next. 3,129 words · 172 · 42
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The Peacock and the Jackrabbit When Rarity woke up, she noted two things. Firstly, she saw that Pinkie was already awake, staring out of the window into the sky. And secondly, she noted the colour of said sky. 1,288 words · 108 · 7
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Trixie Sexes a Chicken Trixie finally finds an appreciative audience for her mentalist act...in a poultry plant on Earth. But behind the scenes, she discovers a game of life and death where she almost always loses. 1,483 words · 35 · 15
For the longest time just by looking at your pfp at a glance I thought it was rarity on a skateboard
Tonight I readDark Art of the Dressto my wife as a bedtime story until she fell asleep. It’s still very funny and enjoyable and well written.Wait a minute; you’re not Magnetbolt!3442256
Sorry, life has been quite a struggle by first world standards. Disabled mentally ill very autistic suicidal wife and I are getting kicked out of my mom’s garage in about two weeks because I’m a piece of shit and my mom is nowhere near as blameless in our dysfunctional relationship as she thinks she is and my work has cut my hours over and over cause I keep falling asleep on the job and i’m too burned out to apply for acting gigs anymore although I have rarely gotten them anyway the last year or two, and I spend most of my energy taking care of my amazing (not sarcasm; she really is amazing) wife, not very well because I’m a dysfunctional, selfish, lazy piece of shit, and she keeps consensually burning my fingers with her cigarettes that she has taken to smoking because life is so stressful because I keep eating her dairy-free food over and over because I have very poor impulse control and she has horrible food scarcity fears and because of trauma feels like she’s being punished for being a bad girl whenever I do so. Also, she feels like a bad girl because she had to get an abortion because we are in no place to raise a child and also she has Ehlers-Danlos syndrome and a baby would tear her body apart, but anyway speaking of being a beta cuck, we’re almost certain thanks to the Mucinex she took for her ears before flying to Everfree Northwest, she got pregnant from that one snowflake cosplayer you see at conventions who’s like 6 foot four. Which I’m fine with; we’re poly. Except that he’s kind of a dick. Or to rephrase it funnierly, he both is and has a large cock.
That’s to say nothing of previous issues starting with her mom dying, and her shitty Republican stepdad kicking her out, and then her long-term partner Who fucked up her disability payments and spent a year not fixing it cause he has really bad ADHD, but refuses to be on any sort of medication because his parents were both dysfunctional drug users abandoning her because he ran out of inheritance money to take care of her and also his car got illegally towed by An incredibly evil and corrupt towing company that is in cahoots with the city of San Bernardino and steals peoples registration and they fucked up his car in the process and it cost my mom several thousand dollars to get it back for him anyway he lied about taking care of her disability payments when they got cut off cause the state thought they got married and you’re not allowed to be even slightly rich and get disability because fuck cripples amirite so she still doesn’t have disability payments and the first time we tried to apply for it again it got denied because not all the doctors got back to the govt. peeps and she has has to change all her doctors because Covid fucked everything up and she kept moving counties and now she’s in Orange County but we’re going to have to move back to LA again probably and who knows what’s going to happen with her healthcare because of that and I keep getting my food stamps denied for various reasons and it’s a fucking goddamn shit show
And I fucking Suck at getting stuff done unless I’m on considerable amounts of (orally consumed; not smoked) methamphetamine but it also makes me so indefatigably horny that thanks to that aforementioned complete lack of self control, I then masturbate literally upwards of three or four or five or six hours a day when I’m on it so I don’t get anything done anyway most of the time except when procrastination terror kicks in, and I was having success with using anti-depressants for anti horny effects but then I went off them for a clinical trial that I didn’t get into.
Speaking of, the in-patient clinical trial I did get into earlier in the summer, I got screwed over because while most of the people loved me and I made some good friends, I was so annoying someone actually pretended to be the company doing it and sabotaged me into quoting halfway through; It was really weird, so I only got like $3500 instead of $7000 and yeah there’s been a bunch of bullshit. Oh and also her exes brother sucks so Oh and also her exes brother sucks so we Couldn’t move in with him, but yeah her ex, he didn’t even dump her. He just basically dropped her off with me while he was supposed to fix up his brothers house so it would be suitable for her, then hung out with her less and less and visited less and less and talked with her less and less and never came to pick her up but on the bright side now we’re married; unsurprisingly she has huge abandonment issues.
To speak nothing of her biological dad and his family who sucks and there’s also the complex PTSD anyway the point is I suck at functioning but I have a very expert level wife and I don’t have the gym badges to take care of her so it’s been very stressful but I love her very much and she loves me and we’re going to make it I fully believe.
Sorry, I wrote one paragraph and then realized this was a good opportunity to finally put all the shitty things that have happened in one place.
Heyo, thanks for the comments on my stories. I really appreciate them. Have a good year!
I appreciate you taking the time to comment on my entries, that meant a lot. I can't wait for next year's 1,000 word contest :)
3442253
tant pis tho would've loved an entry from you