There's something off with Sunset Shimmer, something not quite right. Things are...fine, her relationship is...fine, but maybe that's the problem.
An entry for Oroboro's Sunset Shipping contest
Chapters (6)
- Member Since 14th Nov, 2016
- offline last seen 52 minutes ago
Botched Lobotomy
Imprisoned (without charges) by the Paw Patrol
Botched Lobotomy
Joined 14th Nov, 2016 ·
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All right, I'm intrigued!!
I'm curious what's happening... if this was regular life I'd say Sunset is starting to feel symptoms of depression and will need to jump on that or risk her relationship.
But this is not regular life I'm reading about- there's not only magic, but there's Sci-Twi. I am suspicious about this experiment name of hers, and can only hope it really is as cute and innocent as it sounds.
Loving your writing style, btw. It's very easy to read, good flow, and like I could just sink into it.
(now to see what happens in all these upcoming chapters!)
And here goes the crediting : https://derpibooru.org/2142581?q=artist%3A5mmumm5
Not where I expected the story to go, but a nice change of pace showing the friendship between these two, while the drama with Twilight is still very much there, bubbling underneath. The whole thing feels so natural, and I like your flow of dialogue, it really feels so natural between these two.
Call me a hopeless optimist, but I feel like this can still work out. The issue appears to be more with Sunset specifically than the relationship. (Granted, that would go against the prompt, but I just want these two to be happy, darn it!)
In any case, very nice little investigation of a mystery Sunset didn't want to admit she'd already solved. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the judging.
You know, I didn't really care for this chapter until right at the very end...
This was very fitting and poignant, and I loved that it was said not even in the context of their romance, but Sunset (and the reader) pick up on it in a heartbeat. It feels like one of the strongest themes in the story.
Honestly, I think the first two-thirds of this chapter could have been cut or trimmed, I was wondering when something would actually happen! (and it did)
Kinda glad these two got a joint chapter- it's a pretty languidly paced fic, which is sorta nice but mainly makes me wonder when something is actually going to happen, although it is overall a very slice of life story, so personal preference.
Don't often see this pairing, but it works here, mainly because there's not much time to question it and it's presented naturally enough that I just go with it- the little jokes between them were a nice touch.
As for Sunset... the tension continues to creep up.
Also you really have some lovely lines in here- that last line was beautiful imagery.
When the first few paragraphs are so good, you instantly add all the author's other stories to your RIL.
...I mean, story. <.< You need to write more.
Not enough people ship Flutterjack. I think this is literally the first time I've seen them together in EQG.
Just because an experiment doesn't give you the result you hoped for doesn't mean it's not successful.
Seems like sunset is going through something that she'll have to figure out how go solve on her own.
Sounds like sunset doesn't see, to love twilight anymore imo.
Never thought I'd ever see a scene like this in a eqg fan fiction story.
Well that's good to know at least.
Because these things happen whether we like it or not, change has to happen to everyone young and old.
Oofity.
Figured she'd say that about Rainbow's place.
I'd be hyped to see whatever steam engine that was pulling the train since I'm a big train fan. But sadly i think rarity might be right that sunset and twilight's relationship isn't working anymore.
That's quite sad to know, my family has a similar issue but it's my grandfather being blind.
Figured that is what she'd mostly do.
That's rarity for ya.
Not bad I must say.
Sometimes I forget she often acts physic and I don't think I'll ever understand pinkie pie but it's not a big issue imo.
She's right, sunset will know once she sees twilight again.
She's right, no going back now.
Despite this story is very short I liked it. And it gave me a little reminder of what many people go through as time goes on.
Howdy, hi!
Definitely a banger opening. Really want to know where this story is going now with such an intriguing setup. I really like the characterization thus far of Sunset and the internal struggle is wonderfully tantalizing as a hook. Onwards!
Huh, neat. I like the build-up to the final moment and vagueness of the last piece of dialogue from Sunset. Definitely a strong story about working through one's relationship issues. The ambiguity on the ending is a nice touch, even though it seems to push towards ending everything rather than renewing their passions.
Overall, it was an enjoyable read with a really interesting concept and execution. Thanks for the read~!
ah, Rainbow Dash not expecting that from Sunset and not quite knowing what to say to that at all is just so real and relatable. all the character work so far has been fantastic, as always. just so very real and full and oof, which is kind of what i expect from you at this point
ah, that very last line of dialogue! so good that it wasn't even about her and Twilight, like Sunset is doing exegesis on her own experience of the world. and Rarity playing relationship therapist is just so very her. fantastic stuff
this is the first time i've ever read or even thought of FlutterJack and wow i love it so much! their dynamic that you portrayed here slots in so well into my brain here, particularly
it's very understandable for Sunset to feel pain from this, contrasting her own relationship with theirs. i would, too. not to mention just the difference in philosophy there is to be had from Rarity's perspective in the previous chapter. and that Ship of Theseus bit at the end without naming it. a wonderful bit of atmosphere for both the setting of the farmhouse and how the SciSet relationship works, and a metaphor for relationships themselves, intentional or not. just divine!
ugh, such wisdom in that last line! you're really good at ending these chapters on moods. and this was fantastic Pinkie inscrutability transplanted into a very ripped-from-real-life-cool-urban-person-living setting. i wish i could write characters that feel even a quarter this real!
i've always been in Twilight's shoes here, or felt anxiety about being in Twilight's shoes here, so i can just feel what is coming up next for her. that i really felt Sunset throughout all of this is a real sign of something amazing. or maybe that anxiety really was just the mirror image of Sunset's feelings in myself that i was not acknowledging then, or something.
in case you can't tell, i really loved this. just that final taking-in of the apartment. and Rarity's out-of-context words echoing in my head as i read this. an amazing example of low-concept done well, just sinking into this bit of Sunset's life and her skin. and i just loved that the only dialogue exchanged between them in this fic was "Hey"; like any good experiment, avoiding any forms of exploration that would interfere with the results.
just brilliant stuff here. it makes me feel like i am reading something truly real in a way that's hard to get to even by authors who try very much their hardest to give that sense of verisimilitude. thank you so much for it
it feels odd to call this fic comforting, because the events of the story really dont have that feeling when considered on their own, but i think it absolutely nails the feeling of a stagnating relationship (friendship or romantic) and is just so familiar and... i dunno, real. i think that familiarity is comforting, even if the content itself is not. if that makes any sense at all haha