Goats of Summer

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Rival camp counselors get each others' goats, but they've goat a bigger problem to address at summer camp.

- Chapter 1 is stand-alone if you want to avoid 'content warning' tags.
- Chapter 5 touches on some dark issues. To avoid, read that chapter's first segment, then skip to its final two.

Content Note: (throughout) massive jerkery, insults against earth ponies, pegasi and donkeys, mild 'naughty words' [not enough for the tag], bullying, southern-ish accent, (ch. 2) reference to past domestic violence, background & historical intercourse, (ch. 3-5) Narcotics involved although not glorified, (ch. 5) past assault discussed; "tawdry" museum mentioned; (throughout) new yawk-adjacent accent (using 'youse' for plural AND singular ).

Era: The year before the Summer Sun Celebration that brought us Nightmare Moon in Episode 1, Season 1.

An entry in the Fiddledust competition, themed "Kids of Summer"... which obviously was referring to goats. (Results). Excerpts from the Judge's Review:

"...Goats of Summer delivered one of the most creative takes on the prompt in the entire contest. ... an intriguing, brilliant world ... watching them (try to) interact with one another was exceptionally hilarious. The story was full of special and unique plot points that flowed so well into each other, with an ending that capitalized on the buildup and story threads that have been woven together over the course of the entire story. It was absolutely memorable and a great read!"

Image: Source on the image itself as a link. Rights (only to the image) at the link.

Chapters (5)

It Ends With Goat Pies · 14th Jul 2022 · 1,634 words
1,634
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A Light Dusting · 15th Jul 2022 · 3,320 words
3,320
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Kids Will be Kids · 16th Jul 2022 · 2,384 words
2,384
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Goatpocalypse Now (Getting the Goats) / Goatpalooza · 17th Jul 2022 · 1,333 words
1,333
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Goat It Done · 19th Jul 2022 · 2,803 words
2,803
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Comments ( 14 )

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Starlight Nova

Starlight Nova #1 · Jul 15th, 2022 · 1 · · It Ends With Goat Pies ·

- Chapter 5 covers some dark issues.

Shouldn't you add the required red tags, then?

SparklingTwilight

SparklingTwilight #2 · Jul 15th, 2022 · 1 · · It Ends With Goat Pies ·

11301059
The plan is to do so when we reach the required chapters.

Today, we only have chapter 1 published, which requires no tags and can be read stand-alone. I included the note about chapter 5 early as a courtesy for pre-planning purposes.

Tomorrow, with chapter 2 will come the first warning tags, as was noted on the story's cover page beneath the "hr" jump line. (Depending on screen size, the full "content note" discussion may require a click of the "More" button).

* Changed "covers some" to "touches on some", which perhaps better represents their presence in that chapter.

ItsYaBoiSatan

ItsYaBoiSatan #3 · Jul 15th, 2022 · · · It Ends With Goat Pies ·

Saved for goats,

only

SparklingTwilight

SparklingTwilight #4 · Jul 15th, 2022 · · · It Ends With Goat Pies ·

11301121
If you're a goat-fic-ionado, you may also like:

EExciting Words and Phrases Regarding Four-Legged Equine Mammals, and Your Future Business Ventures Therein!

Invest in magic! Conquer Equestria! All this can be yours*! (*for a fee, payable to goat.)

Other

Silent Whisper · 1000 words · 38 2 · 426 views

Meanwhile, for more from goats closer at hoof: Stay tuned.

Surprised we don't have a really goat group.

ItsYaBoiSatan

ItsYaBoiSatan #5 · Jul 15th, 2022 · · · It Ends With Goat Pies ·

11301170
It's already red, read, faved and in my secret but not so secret collection.

PresentPerfect

Author Interviewer

PresentPerfect #6 · Oct 23rd, 2022 · · · It Ends With Goat Pies ·

This is a narrative whirlwind! :O

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #7 · Nov 14th, 2022 · · · It Ends With Goat Pies ·

My campers clambered for cover, hooves pounding. Heads of most, save those of... was it... four gawkers--yep, four, tightly turned down. Not-so-tightly-stuffed hats flew into contrail updrafts, their brown and green ephemerally painting color against our oppressively cloudless blue sky.

gorgeous paragraph to start off with

'Course I caught it--Buckball forwards're good like that.

really feeling the character voice in this paragraph

I tossed my hat again and the beast responded with a constipated laugh. "Yo' not so awosome." She barely sounded like she was speaking Equuish. She didn't retrieve the hat and, due to updrafts from her repositioning, it fluttered short of its goal. "It's nawt like I'm a dawg."

somehow, yes, this dialect is as pegasus as Fiddlesticks' is earthpony. between this and the "bird-brained" from earlier, the view from Fiddlesticks's perspective is really well-expressed

I must've looked pretty perplexed 'cause she laughed again and gawked: "You're so funny looking. Maybe youse a dawg? Hare. Fetch this." Breathing hard, she whipped around, grabbed one of the campers denuded hats and tossed it toward the lake. I didn't move. "Gawt a problem?" She flicked a hoof on the underside of her jaw and pouted--an insult.

classic pegasus flirting

Filthy pegasi. ... To be fair, us earth ponies walked in the dirt and the mud and the muck--what was a little more contamination? Only unicorns stereotypically had a 'thing' about keeping their hooves sanitary--although I avoided spit when I could, unless it was wit' a friend--an' my friends knew better.

aww at least there's some self-awareness there!

She chewed something over, then smiled. "'K. Watch this." She did an aerial trick. I forced my face to remain unmoving, although it was a pretty impressive twirl and roll.

hehe love how Fiddlesticks can't force herself not to be impressed

Even if he wasn't--it was just embarassin' an' my own fault. He wasn't a pain. He was awkward and weird and I shouldn't have kissed him and I didn't think I'd have ta' see him again but-nope-nope-nope.

ooh now that's a story

She laughed. "Sorry--don't youse call yourselves that when youse farmers don't have pegasi to protect youse from the rain?"
"No," I frowned. "It's always an insult. You must be thinking of 'dirt ponies'--which still can be a bit obnoxious. And not all of us are from farms. Earth ponies are tradespeople, merchants--we do most anything. Many hail from Canterlot an' other big cities."

aww that is how i imagine intra-pony racism to be! glad Fiddlesticks stood up for herself and her campers

Ponies dug latrines for waste. We had dug ours earlier in the day. Goats did not do that. Goats stacked theirs.

hehehe so that is what the "they could stack" meant from earlier

Nopony understood goat art but we had been encouraged to politely not complain and to tell our proud host goats that it looked good or, if that could not come out believably, then at least it was "very goat".

ahaha love this! if i were a pony i would totally become a goat art connaisseuse because art is supposed to be challenging

Very goat. Very goat indeed.

very goat so true

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #8 · Nov 18th, 2022 · · · A Light Dusting ·

Four of us sat in the counselors' hut, the Drover Room as the goats called it since we were herding students like a goat drover herded its herd.

it’s so fun learning all the animal husbandry-related vocabulary we have in our language from ponyfics. and goats being their own drovers, like ponies pulling their own carts, is just a delight

After shifting like I needed shittin', I got up and left the room.

hoowee now that is a crass countryism

I bucked the back of the building, cussin' up a rage an' stompin' at the grass an' spittin'.

aww love how equine this is

Then I looked down at the musical note cutie mark at my thigh and took a deep breath.

then the contrast with the magic-mediated layer of culture and meaning on top of that equine core, augh this is art

"Fiddlesticks fancies music. Note her cutie mark,"

necessary pun

Lightning Dust moved back in her wooden chair. "Wow. Nerd."

can’t imagine LD reacting any other way (and wow she really is just an extra Rainbow Dash)

"Meh. Heard youse kicking dirt, covering it up."
"We have an outhouse."
"Thought that was just for city ponies?"
"Who in Celestia's name deemed you qualified to babysit foals at camp?"

hahaha

The lime-coated one with the red mane--Apple Bloom--a distant cousin of mine.

huh, i always thought of her coat as a pale yellow so the “lime-coated” really threw me! and yes causing all sorts of trouble due to a child’s misunderstanding is very on-brand for her

"And I was EEA-approved." The Equestrian Education Agency (EEA) licensed our counselors.

yay canonical bureaucracy

But now he was "Bulk Biceps"... an' I couldn't take that name seriously. C'mon. Really. "Bulk". Nearly laughed.

ooh nice! i guess this is a pony taking on a new name after getting their cutie mark, which explains how pony names match their cutie marks more than you’d expect by chance?

He'd been a bit stocky when I'd known him--good for an earth pony--less so for pegasi who needed streamlinin'. He'd been teased and picked up and tossed into th' lake. He couldn't swim. I got the water out of him and took him back to the Drover Room.

it’s interesting since one wouldn’t expect a human boy who is unusually buff and strong to be bullied by his peers, but since it’s not a positive trait for a pegasus…

My tick'lish G-spot--the indicative part of my hip-borne cutie-mark G-clef, y'know--I was so young then.

ahaha what a clarification, love it

Nary a word, but the goats liked it like that. A few bleats, a few nods, a few stomps--all they needed to convey what they wanted--which was mostly bits an' to be left alone.

dang this culture is very relatable for me

Last time he'd been unsteady--gawky. I'd helped him wit' the traditional earth steps: the cotton-pickin' line, the foreleg over foreleg, the fetlock raise, the twist, the cocky chicken dance, the ... stuff. We'd been sweaty, happy... Not important.

aww, memories! Fiddlesticks is not very good at forcing herself to not think about things

Bright an' early our campers rose--tha' pegasi especially complainin' about their backs from sleepin' on hard dirt instead of soft clouds.

yeah that does sound like a very big ask on the pegasi’s part!

"Veteran with newbie,' I'd laughed an excuse.
"Youse loves me," Lightning had winked, surprisingly chipper despite her bleary eyes--her experience on the ground had been no different from her charges'. Our campers heard and they oohed and awwed. One started a supportive cheer of "Mare Mates! Mare Mates!" Lightning laughed at the japery.
I shuddered. Never with that mare. We set off.

ehehe just love Lightning Dust’s jerkish charm. and i always love statements that may turn out to be ironic later

"Where'd you toss it?" I asked, with gritted teeth.
"Intaw a pond."

she is such a jerk i love it

"Worse trouble," Lightning Dust clarified, scratching herself in a place that maybe disturbed some small parasitic critters that had al'most certainly hopped a ride onto her.

oof, that is why i hate nature

--I had to get the journal. I raced forward with a jump, grabbed it in my teeth, turned, and ran.
Lightning Dust was on me in an instant. We tousled and rolled in the dirt. She kicked sand in my eyes, tore into my neck with sharp teeth and I dropped the book.
"Heh. Dusted!" Mealy-mouthed, she declaimed, spitting out some hair.

classic pegasus flirting

"Do it. Makeup sex?"
"No!"
Lightning Dust shrugged. "I wasn't askin' for some. I was askin' if that's what farm ponies did. Youse have a lotta relatives. Lotta kids. Like youse got three cousins at this camp alone."

ah, love how well-done this is! Lightning Dust saying incredibly forward things while still being very believable as simply straightforward and crass rather than interested, contrasting with the more serious Fiddlesticks, this is great stuff

I humored her. "Pegasi, on your off rotations meet with griffins, right?" She nodded. "Unicorns' community service goes in border areas where they become better acquainted wit' donkeys, mules an' cows. We got the goats."

aww, love the worldbuilding bringing in all the minor species that are clearly already well-known by the ponies and casually living among them

"Youse are rich. You've got land. You own your houses. Like Cloudsdale pegasi."

ooh, love this distinction. Rainbow Dash’s cloudominium is by far the most luxe of the pre-Friendship Castle Mane Six homes, it makes sense that it doesn’t represent the average pegasus’s lifestyle

I was... really, this caring instinct of mine. This was why I'd become a counselor. Well, I wanted to heal with my music--use my cutie mark--but I couldn't have that here, so I fell back on older methods...

augh love this characterization of Fiddlesticks! and oof, Lightning Dust is really sharing her vulnerabilities now. lots of learning of her pain, and growth ahead i am sure

The wind blew and a light dust settled over us as we dreamed, Lightning Dust twitching from a disturbed dream or chill every now and then. The calm probably wouldn't last.

really nice rhythm here with “light dust” preceding “Lightning Dust”. bittersweet, lovely way to end the chapter

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #9 · Nov 18th, 2022 · · · Kids Will be Kids ·

In tha' morning we were still entwined and Lightning Dust was snoring, so I carefully disentangled my forelegs and my hind and made my way to a private place ta' use as an outdoors outhouse--in other words--a pit to sit.

hehe, fun sound repetition here as well

Although city ponies might turn up their nose at eatin' flowerin' fruit from manure--tha' nutrients actually make it taste better.

as a city human i understand how the city ponies feel!

Once I did, I started shaking and... I blacked out.

oof, well that’s one reason why ponies might avoid such things…

"C-came across them in a d-ietary book." Biceps looked down at his bulging chest. "M-mentioned goats grew them... although the f-funny beans are illegal."

ooh, the kids did seem to be acting suspicious, and this makes far more sense than the prank i assumed

I shivered. The feather runs weren't just the runs as experienced by earth ponies and unicorns. Their feathers also secreted sticky, smelly, liquid for a couple days that got into everything. Pegasi diseases were disgusting.

oof! that does sound a lot worse

"You n' Lightning Dust wrassle all tha' time!" Assenting murmurs all around at the comment from my distant cousin--ugh.

heh yeah, not the best example for the foals! how did Lightning Dust even become a counselor, one might ask in a previous chapter

I pointed at the ponies who had been gathered around... conveniently three earth ponies and three pegasi. Grumblin', they hoofed off.

six ponies total, nice!

"Verbal what?"
"Wrasslin'."
"Wrestling?"
"No. Wrasslin'. Fightin'."
Lightning Dust snickered.

i would’nt be making fun of other ponies’ accents if i were youse, LD! also love how effortlessly she is a jerk

I narrowed my eyes. "Wasn't so funny for you at night when you were shiverin' and callin' for your cumulus!" I shouldn't have said that, but it made me feel good.

oof, FIddlesticks hits back a lot deeper

"Those goats weren't hurting each other--at least non-consentually--an' most ponies would be a mite upset but--that was a panic attack." Against my better judgment, I placed a foreleg around Lightning Dust's shoulder.
"You coming on to me?" Lightning Dust sneered, but she didn't remove my foreleg.

augh being a jerk as an emotional shield, love it

Silence. Lightning Dust stared and bit her lower lip. Then she shook me off her shoulder.
"Youse think youse so wise--farmer girl--country wisdom helpin' a city girl. Try to--try--try to keep up! Truth or dare on Thursday. Maybe I'll tell you then if you're so clever." And she broke off.
She didn't give me much trouble for the rest of that week.

oof! maybe not the best thing to do a Sherlock Holmes thing about but definitely hit something with that

It was Lightning Dust's chance to choose the activity and she'd chosen possibly the most childish and stupid option available--truth or dare.

so Lightning Dust, so true

Well... tarnation yuppers, Lightning Dust could be considered beautiful by my standards. Dangnabit.

ahaha

He looked at me and asked--"Truth: do you sometimes not answer your letters?"

daaaaaang knives are really coming out!

"You mule of a pony!" I shouted.
And there was silence.

ooooooph! and as a Friendship Camp counselor, too!

She tapped a hoof under one bag-heavy eye in a symbol of secrecy, I suppose. Some city thing, I guess.

huh, ironic since i could’ve sworn this is something Limestone Pie did

I was dripping wet, and I still smelled, but I cried. Something horrible had happened to Lightning Dust and her family and maybe she was just fronting and trying to build herself up when she'd arrogantly put my campers in danger on the first day and many times thereafter. I choked back tears. She had put children in danger. Our special mostly helpless charges. I sniffed. "Fine."

ah, what a mixture of feelings! really feels like i am in Fiddlesticks's head

- The author bases the goats' interest in mescal beans on some possibly dubious articles. Even if the articles are not completely true, let's assume things operate a little different in Equestria. The hyperactivity seemed important.

ooh! love sapient animal worldbuilding based on possibly dubious articles

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #10 · Nov 18th, 2022 · · · Goatpocalypse Now (Getting the Goats) / Goatpalooza ·

Goatpocalypse Now (Getting the Goats) / Goatpalooza

a very portentious title

"A goat stampede?"
"Yeah." We did not have a lot of time.

foals getting into inadvisable adventures and accidentally causing disasters seems to be a pretty solid constant in Equestria

"Wait. Goats aren't cows. You can't just herd 'em with a few nips at their heels."
"I'll dust them."
"It's not that simple... but maybe." I raised my fiddle. I'd grabbed it to make a loud sound to summon the campers, but now I had another idea. "Music soothes."

well that is certainly a way to combine their talents! love it

Then I went to work. A sample from the wildest bit I knew: The Fiddler Went Down to Tartarus.

hehe, of course ponies would have their own version of this!

She geared up for another spin, and the goats, pushed from runnin' goats behind, but stubbornly stayin'...staying upright got ready ta'--tooh run again. Celestia. Lightning Dust's accent's awful.

ah, accent Inception!

(Note, at 2:05)

hehe, love the intertextuality. and yay Lightning Dust and Fiddlesticks!

She goaded me. I did not respond. After all we'd done--selflessly--still she was tryin' ta' get my goat.

i mean would a fic heavily featuring goats be complete without using this idiom?

"Jest think about it," she said in her infuriating Manehattenite accent. I hated her so much. She saved all the campers' lives and was injured and kept goin' and did all the right things and I wanted to hug her for her sacrifice but now I hated her so very much.

oof! and now Lightning Dust is prodding at Fiddlesticks’s unresolved issues in her typical jerkish way. there is a nice symmetry there

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #11 · Nov 19th, 2022 · 1 · · Goat It Done ·

I was wrong ta' not respond to his letters. I was thinkin' we'd never see each other again since the camps would be separate for the next few years and he was older and both of us would be aged out before pegasi and earth ponies came together again.

dang, i really would’ve done the exact same thing as Fiddlesticks in her situation, especially at that young age!

And when it happened, I was afraid. He said he loved me and I panicked.
And this year, I didn't want an awkward conversation. I didn't want to make it worse.

and oof, such a well-worn story!

He forgave me. He said it made him be a better stallion. Camp. That is. The teasing. The terrible, horrible, no-good very bad days he had. He couldn't change other ponies. So he changed himself.
And I cried again. That wasn't right at all.
But the world wasn't right, he said. He could leave, he could change, but he couldn't change anypony else... though as a counselor, he could influence. So, he'd studied. He'd practiced. He got licensed. But he couldn't fly. So he couldn't serve as a pegasi counselor. He talked his way inta' the unicorn camp and they laughed at him and he told 'em that's exactly why he was supposed to be a friendship counselor--they needed to learn better acceptance.
And tha' unicorns accepted him.

ah dang, what an off-screen arc for Bulk Biceps! and it makes sense for him to regress a bit from his newfound maturity when around Fiddlesticks again

"Don't go sayin' that," she drawled... really... and pat me on a shoulder. "Plenty of other peeps are gonna hate you. Don't ever hate yourself. Ugh. I hate seein'--I caused this," she looked away. "Don't feel sorry for yourself."

augh, yeah. this is the strength of Lightning Dust!

"He fell out o' the pocket that keeps his... bulk... contained," I explained, using country slang for the impregnation anatomy. The slang that meant I couldn't take the first part of his new name seriously. Sure 'bulking' up meant getting fit and havin' muscles, but the lewd image floated in my mind.

ooh, love how not taking “Bulk Biceps” seriously had more behind it! and of course Bulk Biceps himself wouldn’t know it, making it another point of cultural difference between the two

With him--sweet Snowflake, I loved feelin' like I was makin' a difference. But it was too much. It wasn't right."

and oof, linking back up with Fiddlesticks’s nurturing instincts. i can totally feel her position here, and this all feels too true to life

Lightning Dust bared her teeth. "Friendly bites, nips on the neck for bouncers, y'know."

this explains why Lightning Dust’s suggestion earlier was so casual, and oof, the transactional nature of it contrasting with Fiddlesticks’s story…

"Which one? Fillydelphia's got loads: Museum of the First Republic, Museum of Liberty Belle, the Banned Classic Lit Museum, the B-" louder "C-L-I-T" softer "-M-that it?"

haha are these based on actual Philadelphia museums?

"Manipulation doesn't mean I like yah, but yeah. Later it was 'coz yah reminded me of my mother when she wasn't backing down--wasn't bein' stupid. It's stupid."
"It's... not." A weird association, I felt, but maybe not?
"I dunno. I respected you and it was a game and I kept losing and I like to win."
"You felt like you were losing? You pranked me successfully again and again and again--"
"Wasn't getting what I wanted."

oof, so many layers to unpack here! totally see this as Lightning Dust

Tha' only reason I'm relatin' this now is, years later, she said I could since she couldn't get inta' tha' Wonderbolts. An' maybe she thinks she made tha' wrong decision? But, am I right? For her... did she? But it's about more than just her, right?

and, oof. too true to life, in the saddest of ways

Pleased with the campers' work, elder goats had inspected and deemed the placement "goat enough".

ah the use of “goat” as an adjective coming back from the beginning, perfect

Then I turned away and, although I was exhausted from the events of the day, played on my fiddle a sad song, just for the two of us.

lovely song, and new to me!

I put down my fiddle, spat into a hoof and offered it to her... dirtying it, but she'd offered me one like that once before. I hated that, but I wanted ta' let her know I remembered.
So, as filthy and biologically destructive as the relational activity was, I offered hoof to her and I sighed: "Yup."

and full circle! great way to end it

out of all the stories i’ve read from you so far, this is the most different from the rest in being a low-concept, character-driven story with a conventional plot structure, and to me it’s all the more impressive that you can write such a great story in such a different style. sinking into Fiddlesticks’s viewpoint was such an immersive experience, complete with all the little cultural worldbuilding details, and the complexity and tragedy of these characters and their backstories was just a delight to absorb.

like so many of your works, this one is criminally underread, all the more so for there being more of a readership for more conventional stories.

and ugh, let me just gush about Fiddlesticks and Lightning Dust's voices one last time! just wonderful stuff

SparklingTwilight

SparklingTwilight #12 · Nov 19th, 2022 · 1 · · Goat It Done ·

11426817
Thank you again very much for the detailed read and kind words!

Re: Philadelphia Museums
Indeed.
Banned Literature.
First Republic
Liberty Bell

RE: Apple Bloom's coloration
... I may have color perception issues... Fixed from a lime to a lemon!

RE: Limestone Pie
- An interesting point! I will assume Limestone picked up the habit when she was seeing if the city or country life were for her. It seems like country ponies might have a bit of a coming-of-age decision-time in the city before they choose to return home. (ref: Applejack's youthful time in the city).
- Alternative explanation, Fiddlesticks hasn't seen anyone do it and possibly erroneously figures it is a city affectation. We'll just have to see if the habit arises again in future tales.

and ugh, let me just gush about Fiddlesticks and Lightning Dust's voices one last time! just wonderful stuff

The dialect part of the distinct voices was an attempt to rise to the challenge in the discussion on PaulAsaran's blog comments, although Paul may not be aware.. Thank you!

foals getting into inadvisable adventures and accidentally causing disasters seems to be a pretty solid constant in Equestria

--
(*Edit: if you (the person reading this) are the person whose comment I accidentally pinged and are wondering why this story pinged you, apologies. I have deleted the typoed ping but I fear that may not have wiped it from your feed.)

PaulAsaran