Author Bio

Name: Capt. Horatio Herbert Hairball

Occupation: Pornographer, Space Pirate

Age: Older than soap.

Furaffinity: capt_hairball

Deviantart: capthairball

Twitter: @Capthairball

Sexuality: Writesexual

Influences: Chuck Tingle, David Cronenberg, Tony Burgess, William S. Burroughs

Religion: Crazy guy on the bus telling you about Jesus and aliens.

Relationship Status: None of your damn business.

Best Pony is: Fluttershy

Waifu: Frazzle Rock

Husbando: Shining Armor

Best Video Game Evar: Civilization series

Best Video Game RIGHT NOW: Civ VI (obviously), Deathstate

Takes Online Bios Seriously: Sort of, I guess?

Non-Pony Fiction

I am currently writing horror and xenofiction as Leonard Warren.

I do not know who Amanda Huginkis on Amazon or Horatio Bezoar on Smashwords are, but I hear they're pretty good.

Commission Rates

Rates: $.05/word, minimum 3K words.
Payment up front in full via Paypal, non-refundable.

Fetish or cuddle fluff only. No non-con, gore, or bathroom stuff. Commissioner gets one round of edits and I'll post the second draft.

A helpful chart by my awesome editor Cerulean, who ought to know.

Mar

23rd

2022

PtP'd Eight Notch · 12:24pm March 23rd

I go back and forth about which of my stories are up. ADHD. Thoughts go zoom. Right now everything but the incest is up, because I'm still not over the idea that people actually advocate for it.

ANYWAY I used Eight Notch as the basis for my first Amazon erotica, so I need to pull it from here lest Zon get pissy and suspend my account. It might be excessive because I made a TON of changes (like making them humans) but still best not to risk Zon's wrath. That is all.

Report Captain_Hairball · 60 views ·

TBrownie by Three
MLP: FiM
Romance
Slice of Life
"I cut, you pick" is the time-honored rule for sharing treats. But what if a pony is sharing love with two others? When Maud brings one big brownie home to Trixie and Starlight, they have to figure that out.
Trixie
Maud Pie
Starlight Glimmer
Captain_Hairball · 1.1k words · 44 8 · 408 views
EA Chess Story
MLP: FiM
Slice of Life
Shining Armor spends some time with his daughter while he is recovering from a war wound.
Shining Armor
Flurry Heart
Captain_Hairball · 3k words · 103 4 · 1.3k views
TNight of the Sunflower
Equestria Girls
Romance
Slice of Life
Sunset asked Wallflower on a date, and Wallflower is in a panic. Will the coolest girl fron Canterlot High even show up?
Profanity
Sunset Shimmer
Wallflower Blush
Captain_Hairball · 4.6k words · 59 4 · 957 views
TMaregnificat
MLP: FiM
Adventure
Slice of Life
Pregnant and desperate, Derpy Hooves travels into the Everfree Forest seeking the wise mare that some say lives there.
Zecora
Derpy
Captain_Hairball · 2.4k words · 185 6 · 1.7k views
TBattle of Canterlot: I Want to Break Free
MLP: FiM
MLP: Movie
Adventure
The Storm King has defeated the reigning Princesses and put Twilight Sparkle to flight. Now more than ever, Equestria needs a wise and selfless leader. Instead, they have Blueblood.
Death
Violence
Alt. Universe
Prince Blueblood
Fancypants
Royal Guard
Tempest Shadow
Raven Inkwell
Captain_Hairball · 14k words · 72 7 · 900 views
TTempest Shadow: Mooby Road
MLP: FiM
Equestria Girls
Adventure
Slice of Life
In the Human World, Tempest is safe from the Storm King’s minions, and from pony reprisals. But she isn’t safe from her greatest enemy: herself.
Sex
Violence
Death
Profanity
Pinkie
Rarity
Tempest Shadow
Captain_Hairball · 11k words · 44 5 · 793 views

My Best Stories

Maregnificat Pregnant and desperate, Derpy Hooves travels into the Everfree Forest seeking the wise mare that some say lives there. by Captain_Hairball 2,380 words · 185 · 6
Perfectly Not Perfect Rainbow Dash has pulled a muscle in her wing. Not a big deal, until she tries to fly home on it in bad weather and nearly dies. Fluttershy saves her, carries her home, and takes care of her. by Captain_Hairball 1,690 words · 73 · 4
Battle of Canterlot: I Want to Break Free The Storm King has defeated the reigning Princesses and put Twilight Sparkle to flight. Now more than ever, Equestria needs a wise and selfless leader. Instead, they have Blueblood. by Captain_Hairball 14,203 words · 72 · 7

Smart Cookie University Stories

The Resurrectionists Skanky Biscuits acts like a mean pony, but all she wants is for her friends to be safe. Now they’re involved in experiments with near-death experiences! How can she protect them when they’re literally courting death? by Captain_Hairball 24,484 words · 17 · 3