• Member Since 20th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Captain_Hairball

Harkness compliant since 2015.

Captain_Hairball Joined 20th Oct, 2015 · Offline

Author Bio

Name: Capt. Horatio Herbert Hairball

Occupation: Pornographer, Space Pirate

Age: Older than soap.

Furaffinity: capt_hairball

Deviantart: capthairball

Twitter: @Capthairball

Sexuality: Writesexual

Influences: Chuck Tingle, David Cronenberg, Tony Burgess, William S. Burroughs

Religion: Crazy guy on the bus telling you about Jesus and aliens.

Relationship Status: None of your damn business.

Best Pony is: Fluttershy

Waifu: Frazzle Rock

Husbando: Shining Armor

Best Video Game Evar: Civilization series

Best Video Game RIGHT NOW: Civ VI (obviously), Deathstate

Takes Online Bios Seriously: Sort of, I guess?

Commission Rates

Every once in a while someone asks, so I'm just going to put this here so I don't have to have a conversation about it every time:

Rates: $.05/word, minimum 3K words.
Payment up front in full via Paypal, non-refundable.

Fetish or cuddle fluff only. No non-con, gore, or bathroom stuff. Commissioner gets one round of edits and I'll post the second draft.

If the rates seem high, keep in mind I'm neck deep in my own ideas and okay for money. I'm only gonna do a commission if someone makes it super worth my time. :trixieshiftleft:

A helpful chart by my awesome editor Cerulean, who ought to know.

Nov
14th
2019

James Joyce's "The Werewolves of London" · 3:25pm November 14th

This is some next level fanfic:

(Mayfair. The Newspaper-Boy holds a copy of the late edition, ink smudging onto his fingertips. Passers-by slow as they read the splashed headline.)

THE NEWSPAPER-BOY: Extra! Extra! The hairy-handed gent who ran amuck in Kent has lately been overheard in Mayfair! Extra Extra!

A PASSERBY: (admonishingly) Yeh bett’r stay away fr’m h’m. He’ll rip yer lungs out.

Read More

Report Captain_Hairball · 26 views · #natter #crossover fanfic #warren zevon #james joyce #fallout: equestria #the golden ass

Latest Stories
10

Watching

361 users follow Captain_Hairball
Captain_Hairball follows 36 users

Groups
292

Extremely Filthy Stories

I love writing filthy, kinky, bisexual clop.

Smart Cookie University Stories

  • The Resurrectionists Skanky Biscuits acts like a mean pony, but all she wants is for her friends to be safe. Now they’re involved in experiments with near-death experiences! How can she protect them when they’re literally courting death? by Captain_Hairball 24,484 words · 14 · 1
My original setting — Rarity's alma mater, a world-class university located in freezing cold Whinnyappolis.

My Best Stories

  • Trains, Tesseracts, and Alicorns Twilight Velvet and Princess Cadence struggle with a long train ride, a natural disaster, a portal to oblivion, and their own awkward relationship. Which challenge will be most difficult? That last one. by Captain_Hairball 5,970 words · 60 · 3
  • The Thing in the Sub-Sub-Sub-Basement Maud Pie and Frazzle Rock are called in to investigate a problem deep in the bowels of Canterlot Palace. What lies beyond the doors marked “speak ‘friend’ and enter”? by Captain_Hairball 2,559 words · 20 · 0
  • Perfectly Not Perfect Rainbow Dash has pulled a muscle in her wing. Not a big deal, until she tries to fly home on it in bad weather and nearly dies. Fluttershy saves her, carries her home, and takes care of her. by Captain_Hairball 1,690 words · 58 · 1
  • Why There Are So Many White Unicorns in Equestria Nineteen-year-old Princess Celestia can’t stop worrying about death. She tries to distract herself by banging every handsome stallion she can find, but her suitors are never around, and her resentful little sister is up to something. by Captain_Hairball 8,944 words · 106 · 14
Well, the ones I like best, anyway.

Seminal Favorites

I read these stories either before or very soon after I started writing fanfic, and they remain an inspiration.

Read it Later List (For My Own Reference)
288

Comments ( 42 )
  • Viewing 38 - 42 of 42
Pone_Heap
Pone_Heap #42 · February 9th · · ·
Reply

Sweet. Welcome to Epic Adventure, High Fantasy, and Sci-Fi!

Captain_Hairball
Captain_Hairball #40 · Sep 27th, 2018 · · ·
Reply

2651343

That’s wonderful to hear! Thank you so much!

Ambrosia_Firehoof13
Ambrosia_Firehoof13 #39 · Sep 27th, 2018 · · ·
Reply

Good lord...in the last two weeks I have actually gotten to take enough time out of work to finish reading the last of your 38 stories. Amazing work. Per usual.

Captain_Hairball
Captain_Hairball #38 · Mar 6th, 2018 · · ·
Reply

2575119

No. I have too many unfinished ideas of my own, sorry!

  • Viewing 38 - 42 of 42
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