Smart Cookie University grad student Skanky Biscuits acts like a mean pony, but all she wants is for her friends to be safe. Now they’re involved in experiments with near-death experiences! How can she protect them when they’re literally courting death? And maybe conjuring up something worse than their own stupidity in the process…
Set one hundred years after MLP:FiM. Celestia and Luna are missing, most of the mane six have passed on, the Crystal Empire is independent, and Twilight rules alone. Whatever problems Skanky and her friends stir up, they'll have to face it by themselves.
Sex tag for sensuality, adult themes, and potty-mouthed characters. Not clop. Trigger warning for a character with suicidal thoughts.
Edited (but only intermittently proofread) by Scoots.
Why does Skanky Biscuits look exactly like Shining Armor? Skanky Biscuits is the white Unicorn with the blue mane, right?
8524815
Because they're both distantly related to Celestia.
fun read so far can't wait to see more of this
8528937
Thanks! Hope you like it!
By any chance was this story inspired by the movie "Flatliners?"
It seems quite similar what with university students and near-death experiences and what not.
8661239
100%. The original, though, not the remake.
There’s a bit of Herbert West in there too. Ether Brea is a near-anagram of that name.
Grabbing this for offline reading while out at sea. Always a fan of good long reads.
This was superbly done. A few typos here and there, but I was on the edge of my seat once things picked up. You clearly put a lot of thought into this, and I especially appreciated the matrix reference and Pinkie quoting Lovecraft.
9104927
Thank you! I liked writing this one a lot!
I... have no idea what I’m getting into with this, having never seen the original Flatliners or anything. But I definitely like what I’m reading so far.
It’s little details, like equestrian Starbucks being Quequeq’s and name dropping Carcosa and the digression about Sol, that make me intrigued by this world.
I’m quite positive this is going to end in ghosts and demons, and Death... and not the kind of story where it’s Pinky Pie taking up the job as Binky’s distant ancestor.
And the bit about Skanky being convinced irrationally that she’s evil is definitely ouch :(
So yeah. You’re managing to mix sweet, hilarious, clever, and ominous. I’m intrigued.
Well that’s horrifying. Firmament time loop with great scientists, and office hell for the next? Eugh...
I notice that the Bearer’s expressions have become part of the public lexicon. From Pinkie Swears (oh god I just got that joke) to the worst kind of science being Unfriendly.
I hope they wind up doing some fixing of things, because the signs are this afterlife is existentially horrifying. If you hadn’t said up front they’d be solving this themselves I’d expect tracking down the dead bearers and rainbowing the shit out of things... but instead we have to see won’t we.
The clipped tone of trained professionals who realize they’re utterly fucked. YEP.
This is where you need a copy of the book of coming forth by day. If Celestia really has become some kind of death goddess or something I’m expecting Egyptian parallels and in any case it couldn’t hurt. Road map for death is kind of the point of those things after all.
Of course, this kind of situation is how you’d go out and make one of those...
Regarding getting a cutie mark under those circumstances: “Dying is an art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well.”
Actually, I’ve been playing Cultist Simulator and the description of deadlestia made me think of The Crowned Growth. It’s an especially horrible god, even in that game, and one of the things it’s known for is causing zombie apocalypses among the already dead.
WELL.
So what have we learned? Most ponies aren’t lucid in death. Whether you are not mostly depends on where you are. Dead Pinkie Pie is sick and prophesying doom of the Eldritch variety. The Grey Mare probably isn’t just unfriendly to those who are still alive. And her power is leaking into the world of the living, by accident or design.
Also, something winged in the dark gave her a gift. Luna, is that you?
I don’t know about a film reel suggesting dominion over the land of the dead, but I KNOW we’ve had some lessons about not being defined by our cutie marks. And Firmament’s does. It also suggests staying aware and surviving to document the story.
Smooth really had a red pill? Eesh, lucky for him it actually does mean good at accepting harsh truths. That’s probably why he took Skanky’s advice to heart so well.
Damn, well I know we were going to have to send her in. But still. Damn.
Making up new organs to make a point. What a LOVELY way to put it.
Dying when you’re relying on someone who KNOWS you’re having an affair with his girlfriend to bring you back. Well, we knew she was suicidal.
So let me see if I understand this. Celestia has done something horrible to herself to try to protect the dead from the Grey Mare, creating an artificial afterlife as a shelter. The Grey Mare is breaking in because the seals are damaged, possibly by Mr Infinity-For-A-Cutie-Mark, who I’m beginning to suspect may not have come back to life as a foal after all.
I do recognize the quote, and the hints are all there that they need to get Firmament into the afterlife, but I don’t understand what “It’s Inside Out” means. I do think it means she’s going to be creating a safer afterlife for everyone, matching her namesake. How did she get HER cutie mark?
She’s going to need to stay dead isn’t she?
Okay so serious denial going on...
And then everyone catches brain worms. Makes sense that Smooth caught it first, the Grey Mare did catch him after all.
Hearth got maggoted in her vision even after she ran away. Ten bits says she goes under the influence next.
Firmament always was a part of Celestia? It does explain a lot. I hope the memories survived. At least Celestia’s soul wasn’t there for most of that nightmare, and I can hope that her memories follow her soul (and Firmament) rather than being in this trap.
New cutie mark on death? Why isn’t she an alicorn exactly?
And I can just hope that three alicorn and a thanatomancer can bring Skanky back to life at the end of this.
Also that they can arrange a better afterlife now the thanatovores will be defeated.
And that’s resolved then. Reincarnation as a way out of that dream state for the dead? Better than nothing I suppose.
But I still think someone needs to start construction of a proper heaven. If that would attract void beasts? Then befriend the local Godzilla, then get some bells and go Tambelon on that bitch. Maybe bring the roots of the Tree of Harmony into the afterlife, Harmony is functionally equivalent to Maat right? Enforce some Harmony in the local metaphysical space.
Heh, they’re agreed a thanatovore cannot be an Alicorn. Just watch her!
I bet this is also how Luna recruits Nightmares.
And that memory of a gift from her first death trip... and the feeling that she had a grub of evil in her. Her being a thanatovore seeded by Luna explains it yeah.
So, SO glad we’re going with the Dresden model of souls, where they grow back. Firmament is still alive! Well... you know what I mean.
And there we are! Definitely a wild ride, especially because I had very little idea of what to expect. I DEFINITELY would run this afterlife differently but, fortunately, there’s possibility for change here.
These are an odd bunch to start going Twilight Sparkle on the local metaphysics like the actual Twilight did in Equestria but eh... equestrian heroes are always an eccentric lot.
10405840
Thank you for the detailed readthrough. Reviews are terrifying for me to read -- "Oh crap I made a mistake!" -- but probably worthwhile? I don't remember this one very well. It annoys me that it's not consistent with the ' Harmonism is Christianity' of Toola Roola. I want to write another story at SCU, but that one's a romance between Dumb Ox and Silvery Rose so I REALLY need to get my head around how I'm going to make that theology work.
And also how to write a romance where no one is trying to take over the universe IDK.
Anyway, if you like this one (I'm actually not sure
) my I suggest Strange Currencies? Not SCU but sort of a similar tone to Toola Roola and this one.
10405940
Yeah, Harmonism and Christianity are superficially similar and wildly different. The biggest problem, I think, is figuring out just what what this particular branch thinks you need redemption from. We are all born Discordant and only through Faust’s Grace (and this particular church who has it RIGHT) are we brought into Harmony? I expect a lot of musical and orchestra metaphors (Faust as the Great Conductor), and a great deal of emphasis on joining the Heavenly Chorus.
As to why we are born Discordant, hmm. You could do worse than straight up cribbing from The Music of the Ainur in The Simarillion. Discord told the lie that everyone could make music alone, with no need for the chorus, and the universe descended into jangling cacophony.
The naive reading of which is a tract against individuality, the sophisticated one admitting that the universe is better for being a jam session.
Anyway, strange currencies? Will have to check it out.
10406411
You are my FAVORITE PERSON right now.
Thank you for that bit of world building! One obstacle to one of my long-dreamed-of-stories down!
10406629
You’re welcome! Hope your writing goes well!
edit: Oh, since you mentioned you weren’t sure if I liked it: I definitely did. I found the setting a bit existentially horrifying but it was, after all, a horror story. I did at times find the storytelling a bit jerky, meaning that transitions could be sudden and there wasn’t always enough time to build up atmosphere or characterization. There could have also been more foreshadowing of her Cutie Mark changing in death during the flatlines, maybe take the one bit of foreshadowing about feeling like she’s got a grub of evil in her and build on it during the flatlines in a similar way, her thanatovore nature getting stronger. But that’s details. Overall really good. The best parts were when things slowed down, like taking the time to talk about the stars on the way to the bunker or the first date with Firmament. Putting out a desperate message to Twilight on the radio show: the fact that nothing came of it means less than that she was in a state to try. The Griffin Roulette scene. That kind of thing. You also did a great job building up engagement with the setting while also having a steadily increasing sense of unease until everything falls apart.
10406637
I'm a terrible under-writer. I'm proud that with my Fallout: EquestiaI've finally written something over 100K words, but I feel like that might still be under-written, and it just has a very large number of events.
Anyway, thank you for the excellent feedback! Very happy.
You can has review!