//------------------------------// // Chapter 2 // Story: The Resurrectionists // by Captain_Hairball //------------------------------// Smooth Operator was pressed into a back corner at the frat party, feeling sorry for himself. He’d tried to pick up on every mare at this party, and he’d come up dry. How was he ever going to get laid if mares were going to be so stuck up? Or their coltfriends so overprotective. He rubbed the fresh bruise on his cheek. It hurt. He’d read so many guides. Watched so many videos. None of the techniques worked. Not the negging. Not the peacocking. Not even just coming on to every mare in sight. There was no hope. He was going to die a virgin. “You.” Skanky Biscuits was suddenly at his side. She was wearing her parka. Smooth jerked away from her instinctively, his back knees closing in around his balls. “What? What? What did I do?” “I just had a terrible experience. It made me want to utterly degrade myself. I thought of you,” she said. “Buh buh wha?” “Also I’m pretty sure you’re not going to give me a disease. Unless you’ve found one you can get from your own hoof. Which I wouldn’t put past you.” Smooth’s lower lip began to tremble. “Why are you so mean?” Skanky sighed and facehoofed. “I’m sorry. Listen. I really can’t be alone right now. Or around my friends. And I’m pathetic enough to be willing to trade my body for some comfort. And you’re safe, if only because I know I could take you if you tried anything. So do you want to fuck or not?” “I’ll get my coat.” ✭☆✭☆✭☆✭ Skanky woke up to a chorus of moaning and squelching noises. She ascertained that none of them were coming from her own body, and looked around. She was in a dorm room that smelled like dirty laundry and microwave burritos. Smooth Operator was next to her on the bed, watching porn on his laptop. “Seriously?” she said, rubbing her eyes. “Shut up,” said Smooth. “This is what I do every morning. I’m not changing my routine for you.” She squinted at the screen. “What is that? Old Farts and Young Tarts?” Smooth looked surprised. “Yeah. #17. You know the series?” “Nice to see Dad’s still in good shape.” Smooth’s eyes grew wide with an expression somewhere between fanboy awe and total mortification. “What. Wait. What? You’re… you’re not… Studly Biscuits is your dad?” “My given name is Skanky. You think my parents are normal?” Smooth’s horn glowed. So did command-Q on his keyboard. “Oh my Harmony I’m so sorry.” Skanky waved a hoof at him. “Don’t be. I’m used to it.” Smooth shut his laptop anyway. “No. It’s weird, now.” Skanky laid her head back down and closed her eyes. “Do we need to talk about last night?” said Smooth, “I mean… I don’t know…” Skanky pulled a pillow over her head. “No, we’re not a couple now. Yes, you were good. No, I don’t have any diseases, and no, you can’t get my face pregnant. Anything else?” Smooth’s eyes brightened. “I was good?” For a brief second Skanky’s face softened. “Yeah. I was impressed you were willing to go down on your first time. That takes guts. You’re going to make some lucky mare very happy one day.” He blushed and ran a hoof through his mane. “Really?” “Yes. But not me.” “Right. Can I… um…” “No.” He ducked his head. “I only wanted a hug.” Skanky scowled. “Do you promise to cut the pick-up artist routine and start treating mares like real ponies?” “I’ll try, I guess?” She squeezed him and patted him on the back. He kissed her on the lips. She kept her mouth closed. “I’m taking a shower, now.” She tip-hoofed across the floor, opened the door, and tossed Smooth his red sock. “Oh, and Smooth? Before you have any more mares over?” “Yeah?” “Clean your damn room.” ✭☆✭☆✭☆✭ Things were business as usual for the next few weeks. Skanky didn’t see her friends much. She was busy with teaching, and with working on her film, and Hearth and Ether were wrapped up in their own research. When she ran into Smooth, things were more cordial than they had been in the past, and weirdly, less awkward. He was dating some mare now. If she didn’t know better, she’d say she’d done a bit of good in the world by making a stallion out of him. But that would be absurd — Skanky didn’t do good, it wasn’t in her nature. She knew she was evil, she could feel it, like a disgusting grub wriggling in her chest when she closed her eyes at night. She didn’t know why or how, but there was something gross about herself that no number of good deeds could undo. She didn’t see Firmament at all. She often found herself wishing she would. She’d glance sky-blue out of the corner of her eye, mixed in with a crowd, but it was never her. Skanky was surprised at these feelings. They were grade A, top-of-the-line schoolfilly bullshit, and they had no place in a hard and wrinkled heart like hers. Then one day she stopped at the student center on the way to class for a coffee and a break from the cold. “Excuse me, is this seat taken?” said Firmament. “Oh! No! Of course not!” Skanky scooted sideways on her bench with maybe just a little too much eagerness. “I wanted to give you… um… a picture of your brain.” She opened her saddlebags, and handed Skanky a printout. “I don’t know if it means much to you… I know you were pretty freaked out at the end, there.” Firmament pushed her curly orange mane back from her eyes, and looked away. Skanky looked it over. A wrinkly gray oval, with some parts highlighted in red and blue. “A picture of my brain while pretending to kill myself. That’s pretty metal. Thanks.” Firmament’s eyes darted towards Skanky. “Do you like heavy metal? I mean, not that I do.” The faint note of hope made Skanky want to giggle. Maybe she wasn’t the only silly schoolfilly. By way of an answer, she opened her parka to reveal the PWAR T-shirt underneath. Firmament clapped her hooves together. “Oh, have you seen them live?” Skanky grinned and nodded. “They really have to be seen to be believed.” Firmament bounced up and down a little. “I haven’t, but I so want to!” Skanky noticed that her heart rate had increased. An opportunity was presenting itself. “If you let me buy you coffee, I can tell you all about it.” “Oh, I have to get to class,” said Firmament. Skanky’s heart went from a million beats a second to a dead stop. She made a mental calculation of how much alcohol she had in her apartment. It wouldn't be enough. She would need to buy more. “Anyway, I prefer tea. Tea and cake. You can buy me some later.” She grinned at Skanky, blushing. She had this amazing, wide, pure smile. Skanky’s heart started beating again. “You could meet me back here at eight o’clock tonight. You know, if you didn’t have anything better to do.” ✭☆✭☆✭☆✭ She didn’t have anything better to do. The little Queequeg’s in the student center was closed, so they went down to Grounds for Celebration on Mulland street, which had much better coffee anyway. Firmament was fluent in all varieties of loud, ugly music. She was conversant in the language of cinema. She could talk for hours about science things. Skanky was not especially interested in science things, but she’d learned long ago that the best way to get somepony to like you is to ask them a lot of questions about themselves. And she found she wanted Firmament to like her very much. She was surprised when she noticed the cafe staff were putting up the chairs and giving them irritated glances. “I think we need to get out of here before they put chairs on our heads,” she said. “There’s something important we need to talk about,” said Firmament, looking serious. Skanky nodded. “I’ll walk you to your dorm?” The wind was roaring downhill into their faces, rendering their hoods useless and shoving their words back into their mouths. They made it about a block before they had to duck into an alley. “This is horrible!” said Firmament. “Don’t they have weather ponies in this city?” “Listen, I don’t want to sound tacky, but my apartment is a block from here,” said Skanky. “I’m dating Ether Brew,” said Firmament. Skanky nodded. “I knew that. I asked you out anyway. I’m kind of a shitty friend, I guess. Let’s go talk about it someplace warm, though.” Skanky’s apartment was a studio, with burgundy walls, many more books than bookshelves, and mismatched furniture mostly acquired off of curbsides. Firmament took off her coat and sat on the brown plaid couch. She was wearing a plain yellow dress that was just as modest as the one she’d been wearing when they met. Skanky had thought she’d been wearing long underwear, but with her legs pulled up under her on the couch, she could see that they were thigh high stockings. Well. “Can I get you something to drink?” asked Skanky. “A cider would be nice,” said Firmament. "Totally unrelated question. What year are you?” Firmament beamed. “I’m nineteen.” Skanky levitated two bottles out of the fridge and popped them open with a churchkey. “Okay. Just checking. I like to know exactly what crimes I’m committing.” “I’m legal!” chirped Firmament. Skanky narrowed her eyes. “Not to drink.” Firmament giggled. “How old are you?” “Twenty-three.” “You look good for your age, grandma.” Skanky levitated a cider into Firmament’s hoof. Firmament took a sip. “Oh, this is good! Wait, so all cider doesn’t taste like stale piss?” Skanky sat down next to her on the couch. “Listen, I may live on peanut butter sandwiches and pot noodles, but when it comes to alcohol, it pays to shell out for the good stuff. So. What was this we needed to talk about?" "We need you to help us on our project. We need to record interviews about subject experiences, and we're just terrible at it. Like, amazingly, astonishingly bad at it. Who knew recording videos that don't look like total crap was so hard?" "I know this. It's called the Dunning-Kruger effect, where people who don't know how to do something think its easy. Like scientists who think art is easy." Firmament pursed her lips. "Okay. So we admit art is hard, which is why we're even having this conversation. So will you help us?" "That depends. What experiments are you doing?" Firmament cringed. "Can't tell you. It's kind of super secret. Probably against school rules, and maybe illegal." "Well, all right," said, Skanky laying her ears back. She had complicated feelings. She felt used, for one thing. Saying 'no' to this little filly was going to be nearly impossible for her. But she didn't want to go back to that lab, ever. But she was also not the type of pony who could turn down a chance to ply her trade. "I'll think about it." Firmament raised an eyebrow. "And what kind of thoughts will you think?" Skanky sighed. She couldn't lie. "That I want to do it." Firmament beamed. "My turn. The elephant in the room. Ether?” “First coltfriend.” “How’s he working out?” Firmament drew her mouth into a tight, narrow line. “That good, huh,” said Skanky. “He’s fine, really. He's just... fine. But I really want to work on this project, and… no, don’t look at me like that! That’s not why I got together with him! It was after we started the project! I’m just afraid if I dump him in the middle of it, it’ll be awkward.” “I know I’m biased, but he’s gonna know something’s not right,” said Skanky. “Listen, I’m really into you. I don’t know you that well, but I’d like us to be more than just a hookup. But I can’t do that if you’re…” Firmament kissed her. She started slowly; a sensual brush of lip against lip. But it escalated. Before Skanky knew what was happening, her tongue had been lured into Firmament’s perfect little mouth. Skanky broke the kiss. “You don’t kiss like a filly who just lost her virginity.” Firmament fluttered her eyelashes. “I said he was my first coltfriend.” “Oh.” Skanky knew she was supposed to be strong, here. Yes, Ether was an asshole, but he still deserved better than this. She should get up off the couch, and she should go to sleep. Alone. Her futon was five feet away. She was sure she could make it without Firmament following her there like an unusually seductive lost puppy. Oops. They were kissing again. So much for that. Then she was helping Firmament pull her frumpy-assed dress off over her head. It was always satisfying to get a pony who wore clothes naked, especially when they dressed so badly. The body underneath it was delicious — she was slim and graceful, but her thighs and tummy were plump with dining hall pudge. And yes, she was wearing white cotton panties. Skanky kissed her on the neck. Then the chest. Then lower. An hour later, they were curled up together on Skanky’s futon. Firmament’s slim body was nestled against the front of Skanky’s sturdy little barrel. Her panties were back on — she seemed to like them on no matter what, and not just as a sexual thing — but she didn’t mind when Skanky rolled them down on one side to get a better look at her cutie mark. It was rather complex — a blue dome, shaded to show depth, traced with a curving grid of lines that met at the top. Inside it, a crescent moon and three stars orbited around a stylized sun, like a planetarium inside a snow globe. “It’s scientifically inaccurate,” mumbled Firmament, her eyes struggling to remain open. “Just like my name. I hate it.” “It’s beautiful,” said Skanky. “How is it inaccurate?” “Th’… the ancient earth ponies and unicorns thought the sky… the sky was a crystal dome. Pegasi knew better. Always knew better. But my parents thought it was a pretty idea, so they named me after it. Apparently, the universe thinks so… thinks so too. So cruel.” Skanky giggled. “It’s all right, sweetie. It’s all right.” “I want… I want the moon and sun, but it’s inside out. It’s inside out. I’m going to get in the rocket ship.” And she started snoring. Skanky pulled the blanket over them and went to sleep herself.