• Member Since 20th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Captain_Hairball


Harkness compliant since 2015.

E

Twilight Velvet has never really understood her daughter-in-law. Princess of Love? That seems a little shallow, even to a secret romance novelist. So when they end up sharing a train to the Crystal Empire for Hearth's Warming, things are a little bit awkward. When the journey is faced with disasters natural and supernatural, their fragile relationship will be tested to its breaking point.

Edited by Scoots, Olden Brony, and Zontargs

Cover art by author.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 24 )

Or to sum up Cadance's real problem with Twilight, and Celestia and Luna for that matter even if she doesn't say it:

She's jealous. Jealous of the fact that they actually contribute something to the world while she, doesn't add a damn thing.

Not that I hate her character. But that's what I got from that rant.

I'm going to guess that Straight Whiskey is Hemingway. Four Legs Good has presumably written at least one story whose protagonist was named Boxer.

In any case, wonderful character piece for both leading ladies. I especially love the editing spell. It's basically just magical cut-and-paste, but it's presented in an awesome and suitably arcane way. It's like Sunset Shimmer's journal; yes, it's effectively magical SMS, but it's really cool magical SMS. Plus, I'm a sucker for anything involving higher dimensions.

Thank you for this.

Ri2

I have two questions. What exactly did Cadance do to tell the station to hold the train?

...And what was the bit with the diamond dogs?!

Ri2
Ri2 #4 · Apr 3rd, 2018 · · 1 · Chapter 2 ·

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Yes, they do contribute something to the world: countless mistakes and screw-ups they keep dumping on someone else to take care of because they're too incompetent to do it themselves.

And she's totally added something! Her baby, the Destroyer of Worlds.

The endpapers of her history book were full, but the blank page opposite the copyright information would do.

When you know shit's getting serious. :rainbowdetermined2:

I have two questions. What exactly did Cadance do to tell the station to hold the train?

Telepathy to station master.

...And what was the bit with the diamond dogs?!

Nothing I can talk about in the comments section of an e-rated fic. :trixieshiftright: Maybe I'll write the scene some time.

This is a terrific story! I loved the interaction between these two and it was a different take on how I thought their relationship would be, which made it even more interesting and enjoyable.
Their mutual revelations at different parts in this tale made them more relatable and real, as well. Coming together during the battle with the space tear was awesome!

Nothing I can talk about in the comments section of an e-rated fic.:trixieshiftright:Maybe I'll write the scene some time.

I'm sure it'll be a knotty situation. :twilightblush:

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I'm going to guess that Straight Whiskey is Hemingway. Four Legs Good has presumably written at least one story whose protagonist was named Boxer.

Nailed it.

Plus, I'm a sucker for anything involving higher dimensions.

Oh, me too! That and trips to the pony realm of the dead. :trixieshiftright: I like it weird, and I like it morbid.

Thank you for this.

Thank you for liking it! :raritywink: Honored by your presence in my comments section!

8840691

Thank you so much! And thank you for your help on it!

8841816
It was very much an honor and my pleasure!

I warned you I was going to do this. :derpytongue2:

“You can do it to actual space. That’s what teleporting is. We fold the universe together at one point, then step over to the new location and push the old one away.”

[...]

“The problem is, when you fold space like that, it doesn’t always snap right back. It leaves little wrinkles in space. Not harmful on their own, not something a normal pony could even feel. And it's never caused a problem before, but they get tangled together over time and form natural tesseracts. So.”

[...]

“It’s a tear. A tear in space,” said Cadence. “This is what we were worried about. This is the worst thing that could happen.”

[...]

“Ten years ago, nopony teleported. Nopony but Celestia and one or two of her most gifted students. But then Twilight comes along. She knows the risks, but she doesn’t care. She’s popping over here, and popping over there. And It’s fine. Celestia lets her. Because she’s careful. Responsible. She learns how to smooth space over when she’s done. If she notices a bad topology while she’s passing, she neatens it out, like she’s straightening a tablecloth. Fine, fine. Everything’s okay. Except for the foals. The Harmony-damned Magic School foals. They all want to be like Twilight. So what, their parents can’t teleport? So what if the school won’t teach them? They work it out on their own. They cut corners to bring it down to energy levels a normal unicorn might be able to use. And they leave space looking like their own unmade beds!”

You know what that is? That's a bolt-on.

bolt-on (n): a feature of a setting that only appears to support some plot idea without its implications being followed and propagated to their logical conclusions and natural integration with greater society.

So, teleporting without cleaning up behind yourself rips holes in space-time and summons the Great Old Ones. There's just one problem: either Equestria should have been eaten by Cthulhu long before now, or sompony already knows how to prevent this and they've been sleeping on the job.

It sounds like Starswirl invented teleportation. Unless he got it perfectly right the first time, he made a few wrinkles along his high-traffic routes, and had to figure out how to clean it up. Even if he didn't, I can't believe no enterprising young foals have ever figured out how to make a cut-rate version, and left a mess everywhere. So somepony, sometime, had to take notice that things need untangling every so often. Either that, or somepony was making damned sure the foals never tried that shit again.

Case A: there's a bunch of unicorns somewhere, probably in the Principality Transit Authority, who are supposed to be straightening out spacetime every so often. They didn't do it. If things are bad enough that the Crystal Empire - Canterlot hyperspace corridor is fucked, things have well and truly gotten out of control. They need to be sacked, and probably brought up on charges.

Case B: there's a bunch of ponies somewhere, probably in some Guard formation which Doesn't Exist, who are supposed to be keeping ponies from doing shoddy spellwork that puts Equestria in danger. First they try talking to ponies, telling them that they're messing with things they don't understand, and if they don't forget all about that spell, something bad is likely to happen. If that doesn't work, they're exceedingly likely to slip in the shower and break their neck. Tragic, really. If the Guard doesn't catch them in time, well, that crater where a town used to be was probably caused by some beast breaking out of Tartarus again. No such thing as Great Old Ones. Don't ask questions. Nothing to see here. Anyway, whoever was in charge of cracking down on unlicensed teleports is probably in a shallow grave in the Everfree right now. Hopefully her successor will do a better job.

[Yes, that's the ponified Monster Control Bureau from the Monster Hunter International books. Shoot me. They're fun.]

8843716

Curses I didn't believe you. :raritycry:

But the reason this hasn't happened before...

Wait, it happens so often in my stories it occurs in porn. For slightly different reasons, but still. As bolt-ons go this is like the Lego space ship wing; I use it on everything. It just happens rarely enough that local authorities are able to deal with it. Because the hyperspace monsters aren't Great Old Ones; they're more like scavengers. Very big scary scavengers. I world built them a lot in Life After the Blitz.

Anyway, the 'home brew teleport spells' thing didn't happen until now for the same reason we didn't have steam engines in 1 AD: because it didn't occur to anyone to use the technology for something besides toys. It just didn't occur to ponies to start playing with super powerful spells until Twilight Sparkle's 'I don't give a shit let's take this apart and see how it works' attitude became fashionable. A paradigm shift is what I'm talking about here.

Anyway this is all a 7 AM ass pull and I should have actually read that essay you linked to. Am I getting to the point in my fanfic where I need some detailed world building docs? IDK; that shit's boring. But maybe. :duck:

8844154

Anyway, the 'home brew teleport spells' thing didn't happen until now for the same reason we didn't have steam engines in 1 AD: because it didn't occur to anyone to use the technology for something besides toys. It just didn't occur to ponies to start playing with super powerful spells until Twilight Sparkle's 'I don't give a shit let's take this apart and see how it works' attitude became fashionable.

Because this is neither the time nor the place, I'll refrain from continuing a debate on this and arguing why this isn't remotely the same thing, and I'll instead go with "because the author said so, that's why". But that's totally an ass-pull. :scootangel:

8844185

I freely admit I have no idea what I'm doing. :facehoof:

Not that the entire Canter River Valley being laid out like before her like a lovingly constructed model wasn’t breathtaking, but the thought of the two-thousand-foot drop down the mountainside made her just a teensy bit queasy.

Democracy in my Equestria?!?! More likely then you think!

Though that spartan society reference is top notch. Although i would say its more the fact that they used their wealth to influence decisions.

Velvet levitated her book out of the snow and brushed the cover clear. “You can me Velvet, Cadence.”

Whelp, another Outer God taking an interest in the planet now. How fun.

8846345

Technically (I’m going to say that now; it’s so me irl) it was the Theban Band not the Spartans.

8846517
I meant the

“The ancient Pegasopolans governed by the will of the ponies. Well, the will of the wealthiest mares, but still, some of the ponies.”

That totally sounded like a reference to Sparta and its system of women inheriting the mens wealth on their death. (though much of what we know about their system comes from biased anti spartan sources and guesswork).

There was a group of the wealthiest spartan women who probably had some influence on politics. But politics itself was still a "strictly" male thing even then.
Wealth can get you only so much without direct influence.

What a wonderful story! I loved the characterization work here, as well as how Velvet and Cadence bounced off each other. The little bits of magic world building were also really inspired.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Mother of whores! XD

9001192

Thanks for the review! It has helpful feedback.

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