• Member Since 22nd Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

twilightsparkle3562


I am a man from Massachusetts with Autism who enjoys MLP, Disney and writing!

E

Twilight Sparkle wanted nothing more than to see the Northern Stars on the Zeppelin Cruise with her family. But thanks to Iron Will, who was running the cruise, her dreams are smashed into pieces. Saddened by seeing Twilight's heart broken, her family does everything they can to try and console her.

Author’s Note: This story is to serve as how Twilight’s family SHOULD have approached the situation when Twilight started sobbing after missing out on the Northern Lights.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 62 )

This is about the sweetest thing I've ever read. Excellent job, ^_^!

As much as I have a distaste for fix-fics, this, I admit, is probably about one of the sweetest and most heartwarming things I've ever read.

Thank you! Although I was hoping Twilight’s family would do more than give her a pathetic re-enactment at the end. That is the one thing you have failed to correct.

8476978
Just my opinion. You don’t have to do anything.

8476988
Well to be honest, I am not really that great with science nor am I an astronomer, so I really don't know how often the Northern stars would return. If I knew the answer, I would correct that as well.

However, Cadence was not convinced. She knew that something was terribly wrong and she knew that it was Twilight in distress. But, she was not the only one

Was this supposed to cut off? Because i think you missed something here.

"Come on, Flurry," cried Cadence. "We've got to keep finding her!"

That would assume they're finding her again and again, what I think you meant was "searching/looking for her!".

Then, they heard the sounds of loud crying coming from in the room and it was not just any crying.

This doesn't sound right. I would use a comma right after room, and change in to inside.

Then, they heard the sounds of loud crying coming from inside the room, and it wasn't just any crying.

8477793
Ah, thanks! I'm enjoying your story so far, but i am noticing a few more errors.

"Its this whole vacation," sobbed Twilight, looking up at her mother with severe pain in her voice.

Its is used incorrectly, unless im wrong and you can use both.

As Twilight Velvet continued to try and comfort her daughter, both she and Cadence realized that there was a guilty party responsible for this and that guilty party was Iron Will.

Feels like a bit of a run-on, i'd place a comma after "this". I'll keep you updated as I read.
Edit:

"Velvet, I am beginning to wonder if this trip was really a good thing for us," Night Light said, looking over at his wife only to get a nudge from Shining Armor.

I believe you can use " I'm " here.

"I only made that deal with Iron Will," sobbed Twilight, calming down slightly, but still highly upset. "So my family and the cruise ponies could have the vacation they wanted."

Not exactly an error, per-see, but I would most likely put "very."

"I just want everypony to be happy, Cadence!" cried Twilight. "Was that the point of this trip to begin with?"

I assume you meant to say " wasn't "?

I can assure you that I will go back to running my assertiveness seminars after this cruise is over, never to do something like this again. All that myself and my staff can say is that we are sorry."

Missing a "I will".

All I wanted was for us to be together…to see the Northern stars…and…"

S should be capitalized, I don't know how I missed this before. Also, I believe it's spelled Cadance, not Cadence.

This was all I could find so far, tell me if you correct it/some of it so i might re-check later. I have studying to do and such...

All that myself and my staff can say is that we are sorry."

I believe it's "my staff and I".

Someone correct me if i'm wrong, but "me and my staff" could also work.

Imagine the odds the Sparkle family went on vacation in Ponyville.

8477209 From what I can tell, it's an optical effect of the sunset. theoretically it would happen every day. It's the viewing location that matters. I could be wrong about this though.

Also, another fault with this episode. That is not a Zeppelin.

8478315 I only put it there because there was a Twilight Sparkle featured folder in the group. You can take it out if it doesn't belong there.

This was a nice story and I agree that they should have sent somepony to get Twilight so she wouldn't have to miss the Northern Stars. Iron Will was nicer here than in the episode which is another good point.

Awwww that was soon touching :'(

It's unfortunate that Twilight missed the Northern Stars, but it seems kind of unfair to blame Iron Will for that. He didn't know Twilight wanted to do that activity, only Shining and the rest of the family did. They're the ones who let her keep signing autographs as the stars happened, they really have more of the blame than Iron Will on that count.

8481750 Well, to be fair, the Sparkle's did share some of the blame, but that's because they knew Twilight was doing her duties. However, there were moments where Twilight was reminded that this was her vacation as much as their's and that they were respecting her duties. Still, they knew that Twilight wanted to see the Northern Stars and see the Northern Stars with her family so, that was a double punch in the feels for Twilight.

Nevertheless, most of the blame for causing Twilight to break down sobbing belongs to Iron Will. He's wasn't really a jerk in "Putting Your Hoof Down," but he was one here.

8482157 I mean, he did offer to just cancel the trip, but he was being pretty manipulative about it, so kind of a jerk. Though I was also kind of peeved at Cadance. She could have offered to split the Princess duties with Twilight so Twilight gets a break, but she kept silent instead.

8482170 Well, she had Flurry Heart to take care of and Shining Armor...well, he was a little green at the gills.

8482187 Yeah, but both Twilights and Night Light would have loved to have watched Flurry. I feel like Cadance was just kind of coasting in this episode.

I wanted to punch Iron Will during this episode, that little prick killed Twilight's dreams...

8483209 I lost a little respect for Iron Will after this episode. He wasn't a bad guy in "Putting Your Hoof Down" but the moral of the story is...Iron Will, don't leave your day job.

You have no idea how much I hated Iron Will after I saw this episode.

Great job, by the way. :raritywink:

Twilight signed the contract, so Twilight has to deal with the consequences.:ajbemused:
Let's not forget that she had the choice to not do any of that by just staying home.

8495668 Otherwise, there would have been no episode and no important lesson at the end.

8496734
Just sayin' that she made the choice to go through with it, so every bit of torment she went through was on her alone.

Plus, if anyone should truly be the villain it would be Twilight Velvet. I mean, seriously? "When someone offers a free vacation, you immediately sign the papers and don't ask questions"?
derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/10/13/1001568__safe_screencap_sunset+shimmer_equestria+girls_friendship+games_double+facepalm_facepalm_reaction+image_sad_solo_sunsad+shimmer.png
That mare acts as if she was born yesterday.

8477209
Well based off the episode, it’s apparently something that happens every night at sunset.

But you really did do a good job of fixing their insensitive response. But despite that I still think Twilight’s family owes her another trip to see the Northern Stars with them. And I will continue to do so until someone makes it happen.

Now this is a good story.

"There's still plenty of activities," said Twilight, looking at her long list of activites. "We pass Fillydelphia on the way back. I could give Flurry Heart a quick history tour."

"That's very thoughtful," replied Cadence. "But right now, the family and I have something scheduled for you."

Cadence pulled the map away as she led Twilight towards Night Light, who stood next to a large makeshift sun.

"Behold…the Northern Stars!"

Then, Twilight Velvet lifted herself, Shining Armor and Flurry Heart into the air dressed as stars, but not just any stars, but the Northern Stars themselves. Twilight couldn't help but be moved by this gesture.

"You did all this for me?" she cried with tears in her eyes. "This is amazing! Thank you! And Shining Armor, I can't believe you are up there even though you are airsick."

"Hey!" said Shining Armor, briefly looking down at his sister crossly. "I am not…"

However, he couldn't hide his airsickness for very long and began turning green.

"Okay, maybe I am," he said, trying to not throw up as they all flew down back down to the ground.

"This is the only activity I needed," said Twilight, pulling her family into an embrace of thanks. "I love you all."

You did a good job typing out this scene. That being said, would it be okay if used this in my own fic? It starts where Once upon a Zeppelin ended (whoever guesses what I’m planning gets a cookie) and I am not confident in my ability to type out the scene.

8627592 Of course, you can. Just be sure to credit me.

you know i still feel like iron will should be in jail, i mean isn't it illegal to use the queens image for something like that without permission? same laws should apply.

So Beautiful *sobs on the inside until a tear came out of my left.*

You're better at writing than the show's current SJW idiots are.

8857417
SJW stands for Social Justice Warrior. A crazy person who thinks he/she is fighting for "Social Justice", but is actually just being an asshole.

Imagine a leftist, who takes it twenty steps past the point of reason out of pure spite for anyone who isn't as leftist as him/her. SJWs are the people who wanted GTA pulled from stores a few years ago, the people who thought Elvis Presley was "Too sexual" and wanted him banned from performing a few decades ago, the people who got just Apu taken off The Simpsons recently. They're hyper-politicized willfully-ignorant cultists who are proud of how ignorant they are, because they can't handle reality and would rather believe in the lies their preachers gave them.

The crazies featured and mocked on this site: https://www.reddit.com/r/TumblrInAction/

8857824 Okay, I just wanted to know what it meant.

8857828
Sorry if that was a bit long, it's a kinda complex subject.

8857824
Politics get the better of us every single day of our lives. Left or right, it tears people away from each other and divides them. Things like the Internet and Donald Trump have succeeded in making this possible, and so we continue to live in this weary world, not accepting each other over tidbits like a kids' show or large chunks such as different religions. Perhaps some people would rather live that way or feel the world is better off divided. But the truth of the matter is, it's not.

We, as a species, are to blame for our own faults, but many times, people will point fingers at anyone else but themselves. What this world needs is something that forces us to take a closer look at ourselves and understand the collateral, if not permanent, damage we did to Planet Earth. Will we realize and understand our sins of the past? Or continue to wallow in our own pride and ignorance? The choice is ours, but the latter will certainly grant us an early grave.

This fandom has divided itself and so have many others. So what is it that makes people not accepting of our differences? Is it the color of our skin? Religion? Or just any little thing? The way humans behave nowadays is not meant to be who we should be as a species. We were created in God's image, but were we created to destroy? I hope not, but if we are, then perhaps the destiny of the human race is to fall, and as a consequence, Planet Earth as well. And history will see that humans as a species are not meant to take care of a planet.

So regarding all this, what's the answer? Stay the way we are? Or come together regardless of race, religion, and such? And I bet I know what answers I'll get.

Iron Will's apology kinda makes him a bit out of character here, even if he did it because Shining Armor threatened him. At least J. Jonah Jameson "came to his senses" in Spider-Man 2. Everything else with this story is very well written.

9007942
Huh. I have to admit, I didn't expect to hear this from you, just for the sake of honesty. Even though I've always considered "Wow, didn't expect that from you" a really dickish way to respond to a person's show of maturity. What, is a man not allowed to grow and change over the course of his life? I think change is good. Anyway, onto the real argument here.

A lot of people point to the latest controversial topic for starting fights, or for the internet for enabling these fights, but the truth is, it's people. And a certain side of the internet is making people worse at honest debates and critical thought: Social media. No longer are things discussed openly on forums and image boards for those topics. No, now you discuss them on SocMed sites, where learning someone's post history and attacking him for it is easier than responding to his actual argument. It's how you get shit like
i.redd.it/1ozwm2qc2dp01.jpg

People are so eager to label each other as demons. Bad and Wrong demons. Badong demons. Because in your tiny little bubble, the one Social Media makes for you so it can advertise things it thinks you might like to you, to think Evil thoughts and to be on the side of Evil is unthinkable.

So few people are willing to ascend to a higher level of discussion and talk about and debate ideas, goals, and philosophies. I've seen a few people suddenly start patting themselves on the back in the middle of a discussion about x political topic for having Y philosophy, as if they think it gives them more brownie points and therefore makes them more likely to be right, but that just doesn't work.

The media lies to people. News channels and news websites lie to people. Social Media puts you in bubbles where lies and lies that back these lies up and lies that agree with these lies are all you hear until you believe them blindly and believe that anyone who listens to alternative news sources are just in the same lie-bubbles you are, just the wrong ones. The media says the world's going to end tomorrow unless all its brave freedom fighters and resistance members are sufficiently cruel to those the media says to hate.

Donald Trump is a good president, and the facts back that up, despite all that "Polls made by the guy that said Trump had no chance of winning now say Trump's the most hated president ever" BS. Within the first 50 days of his presidency, he'd shaved $68 billion off the national debt, an incredibly impressive feat when you remember that it had swollen into $19,947 billion under 8 years of Obama. Liberals will say that was only possible thanks to Obama for the same reason they'll say the economy's failing under Obama was Bush's fault, but let's move on. He was the reason why employers added jobs beyond expectations in both January (238,000) and February (235,000), with the unemployment rate falling to 4.7% and wages growing 2.8%. He was the reason why the Philly Fed Index, a survey of how well manufacturers are doing, hit its highest level since 1984. He's the reason why the stock market is jumping for joy, The Dow closed above 20,000 for the first time ever days after Trump’s inauguration and hasn’t stopped rising since. The Dow has surged more than 2500 points since Trump was elected – a 12 per cent spike. Trump talked Samsung into moving jobs back into the US and pouring $300 million in expanding U.S. production facilities, creating around 500 jobs. He made Exxon agree to spend $20 billion over 10 years on 11 plants along the Gulf Coast, creating a whopping 45,000 jobs for American workers. He talked Fiat into investing $1 billion in two factories in Toledo and Detroit, an expansion that will create 2,000 jobs at minimum. He stopped the Indianapolis air conditioning plant from relocating to Mexico, saving hundreds of jobs. According to the DHS, Border crossings have already dropped by 40 percent, all in 50 days.

Also, Trump killed the TPP, and talked Hasbro into manufacturing Play-Doh in a Massachusetts factory rather than in China or Turkey. All in 50 days!

America chose this man. This man campaigned in states that had lost their industries and their prosperity and their jobs, and he promised to give it back to them. When Hillary tried to use the gay club massacre at Pulse, Ohio to bash gay people and legal gun owners while defending Islam and insisting that the shooter was lying when he called himself an agent of Allah, Trump promised to fight ISIS, and he hired "Mad Dog" Mattis to do it. America chose this man, not the planted cuck who had a rally hijacked by BLM terrorists and eventually gave up on the Presidency while endorsing a corrupt ruler who embodied everything he claimed to hate. Not the corrupt queen hillary who's already gotten away with murder, extortion, selling weapons illegally to embargoed countries, not the woman who's married to a rapist, not the woman who attacked her husband's rape victim in court and said it wasn't rape because the little girl wanted it, not the woman who has bragged to her Wall Street backers about having "Public Positions and Private Ones" when it comes to her positions on political issues, and not the woman who had her campaign funded by George Soros (Lying backstabbing jewish egomaniac who sold over 50 fellow Jews to the Nazis during WW2 and got away with it) and countries where gay people are thrown off rooftops by "Radical" Muslims while the "Peaceful" ones stand at the bottom of buildings and watch/cheer.

America chose this man, and it chose right. Bought-and-paid-for Celebrity "Elites" and their fanboys and fangirls didn't choose this man, and the rich corrupt fatcats who use those celebrities as puppets also didn't choose this man. SJWs didn't choose this man. Foreign powers didn't choose this man, despite what the Clinton News Network will tell you about Sloppy Daniels and Russia and how the fact that they're now reduced to sifting through the trash of low-ranking Trump campaign officials in search of any evidence after two long years of searching hard and finding nothing MUST be proof that there's still evidence just waiting to be uncovered. Americans chose this man, and Americans are happy with their choice. SJWs are furious that nobody is afraid of being called a racist sexist xenophobic reactionary nazi bigot alt-right neo nazi any more, which is why they're currently yelling "Incel!" at people they don't like instead of "Racist!". Give them a few months, and if they're still around, they'll think of a new word.

Donald Trump is a good president. He's loved by everyone. He's doing his best to do what's right, he even makes generous offers to the obstructionists in congress, and they still refuse out of spite. And two years into his presidency, he recently tweeted that even though he has most of the congressional seats filled with republicans, he'll need the crazy rabid obstructionist pussyhat NeverTrumper Democrats in the final 10 seats they have left removed before he can really get stuff done, and as shocking as it might be... At this point, he's within his right to turn America from a state divided between the pro-America party and the anti-America party into an open one-party state. After all, liberals aren't interested in open debate or honest discussion, they just want to shut you up and shut you down and shit on you and beat you down for not being "Enlightened" like them and their little cult of "Intersectionality".

The modern left has become a violent hive mind, where "Diverse" people think the same and say the same and hate the same people for the same stupid reasons. They see themselves as a big diverse "Us" against an evil rich and corrupt omnipresent patriarchal western white male "Them". And they're willing to kill for these backwards beliefs, and riot for them. Remember when a Liberal bernie supporter opened fire on Steven Scalise, nearby cops, and fleeing innocent bystanders? Remember that time a BLM member sniped four cops, got arrested for it, and constantly ranted about eeeeevil raycis cops and his blackness and percieved oppressedness in the court? Remember the time 4 BLM members kidnapped a mentally disabled white teenager, tortured him with knives, made him drink toilet water, kicked him and cut him, all while proudly yelling "Fuck Donald Trump and fuck white people!" and proudly streaming this on Facebook and getting hundreds of thousands of likes and supportive comments from other SJWs? Remember how CNN reporters, after news of this torture attack got out, defended these terrorists and said they're blameless victims of "Bad home training" while other liberal news outlets blamed "Invisible Omnipresent Institutionalized Racism"? Remember all the chanting of "What do we want? Dead cops!" yelled collectively by BLM rioters and "Protestors"? Maxine Walters is currently calling for open harassment campaigns against Trump supporters. And I do say open, which should surprise anyone familiar with the shit these people have been doing "In secret" since the election started. See:Operation Yard Sale. See:Reddit rewriting its own fucking algorithms to make upvotes on r/The_Donald worth less than a hundredth of what votes on r/gaming and r/funny and r/news are worth, while censoring and banning conservatives and centrists and libertarians to ensure any who speak out against them on their own echo-chamber subreddits are lone people easy to dogpile and harass into silence. Also see:That time Reddit's CEO, Spez, silently and undetectably editing posts on The_Donald to accuse one of its own moderators of pedophilia, and was thanked for it by the SJWs and leftists and supposed libertarians on that website because "Only bad nazis were censored, not good proper liberal people".

These people aren't good people. These people think hating men is something to be proud of. These people think hating white people is a virtue. These people think hating white people so much you hate everything they built and invented while also claiming some other race invented what they invented is an even better virtue. These people think Snopes and Politifact are unbiased fact-checking news sources that are always the final word in truth. Even though they are shit. These people think CNN and WashPo and HuffPo are valid news sources. These people think Trump is a puppet of the eeeevil Russia, whose hackers hacked the election to make Trump win. These people think pepper-spraying children, throwing jars of piss at disabled veterans, rioting on a college campus to stop a gay jew from getting to publically speak out against them, attacking Trump supporters with bricks and baseball bats and knives, smashing up and looting stores during riots, mobbing and attacking news reporters that speak badly of them, are all good things to do. Because they've been brainwashed to think that way. Because they think once all the evil thoughtcriminals are gone, they can create a perfectly equal utopia. And because they think anyone who doesn't hold these views, or hold these views strongly enough, is a nazi who must be silenced and shamed and beaten and bullied into submission.

These people... Are not good people.

And that's why so many good people are sick of their shit.

To varying degrees, sure, but even newbies and normies are getting sick of their shit.

Some speak out against this shit on comics and video game websites, some speak out against this shit on political websites, some speak out against this shit on social media, and they're often censored for it, either by SJW mods and SJW admins, or by people who don't want to risk incurring the wrath of the dogmatic SJW hate group. Mark Dice is demonetized while Adult Diaper Shitting and Spiderman And Elsa videos stay monetized. Julian Assange can't get his twitter account verified, but some no-name just-joined liberal CNN-watcher can. Speaking out against these people online gets you censored unless you speak out on an explicitly right-wing website, and speaking out against these people IRL gets people rioting on college campuses to silence you out of fear and pure spite. Plan a rally or a march, and these people attack you with rocks and sticks and thrown bottles and smoke bombs and knives while CNN edits the footage and calls them victimized heroic freedom-fighters.

The modern left has lumped together wildly different people with wildly different views and beliefs and political ideologies together and attacked them for not being left enough and therefore being part of "The Alt-Right". To these violent brutes, you're with us or you're useful to us or you're against us. So, intellectually diverse people with wildly differing views, people that'd hate each other and argue for months in another life, are banding together and putting their adult arguments on hold while they're still openly threatened by the violent children of the left, the rabid celebrities and "Feminist Comedian" preachers that egg them on, the rich corrupt "Elite" that fund them and terrorist training programs like The Haymaker Collective, and the corrupt governments that arrest comedians and reporters and radio talk show hosts and critics of the government for "Being grossly offensive literal hitlers". I never thought I'd meet a Monarchist I didn't hate when I was younger, but I've met a few. I never thought I'd meet people who like this ideology or that ideology I didn't hate, but they're all people. People sick of the SJW shit have gotten together to argue back against the violent authoritarian left. These good people have gotten together to say that no, they shouldn't be shot. No, they shouldn't be shamed. No, they shouldn't be silenced. No, they shouldn't be bullied into not having children through social engineering and misinformation campaigns while violent criminals and rapists are imported without background checks to replace them, and no, each imported criminal should not be given excessive amounts of benefit money with the promise of more to encourage them to have large families paid for by the taxpayer while the common men and women of said country are struggling to make ends meet as it is. No, they shouldn't have the fact that even though white people were the first race to say no to slavery, they supposedly didn't say no fast enough for the tastes of bigoted BLM racists held against them. No, they shouldn't have their votes discounted for not voting Liberal. No, their countries shouldn't destroy themselves under the orders of incompetent SJW politicians trying to one-up each other and look the most liberal. And no, their countries shouldn't adopt communism/socialism/call-it-what-you-like on the off chance that maybe it'll work this time if a sufficiently large country is forced against the wishes of its people to relive this failed social experiment yet again. And no, they shouldn't be beaten down and stepped on by the pawns of power-players in secret meetings just because the schools those power-players bought the schools those pawns went to decades ago.

We are human. We all want what's best for the world. And we should all come together and talk this out so we can find out what ideas are best for the world and what ideas aren't. But the SJWs are wrong and they're terrified that once enough people find that out and admit these "Emperors" have no clothes, they'll lose their political power and stranglehold over education, news channels, the courts, video game reviewers, colleges, and everything else they've infected and subverted maliciously over the years.

9009380
Much as I'd dearly love to argue with you about Trump, it's not worth it because I don't even care at this point. However, know this. I will find a way to get even with you for your review on my game demo, apparently having no respect that it was all I could do in three to four months and you fail to convince me that you made a genuine review instead of just making it because a "Satanist" put it together. A lot more people like/love my demo that you could ever see it for and desire for me to see it through as long as it takes. Since you're a pure Trumpist, I'm guessing you'll never understand me or even try to identify with me. That is, if I told you everything you said about me on YouTube is not true, you'll never listen.

This isn't even a good place to argue, so let's just drop this altogether before it turns into a tirade that everyone here will think I caused because... well... just because. So, regarding my game idea, just you wait.

9009608
You can't change my views on Trump? My views are backed up by facts! What are yours backed up by, what he supposedly said on a bus to his friends fourteen years ago about what he'll do to his wife when he gets home after six months in the rust belt, according to the same news network that said a Pissgate Dossier was real? Well, if that's the case, I guess we really can't come to an understanding on Trump.

As for a review of the game demo... You mean this?

Dude, it's unfinished! Don't watch it. I was even using the OBS template for a different video series at the time. I put that video up to save PC space.

I was going to make my actual review in text on DeviantArt, but then I got bored and gave up. But skipping all the usual review waffling, here are important feedback things that need to be said by me and read by you so you can make the game better:

1. Kingdom Hearts does the "Level's theme changes from exploration mode to combat mode" thing because there's a big difference between running around and exploring a level... and fighting monsters in it. The tempo changes and the theme changes to get you hyped for the minutes you'll be spending in the fight, dodging projectiles and jumping around and kicking ass. This doesn't work as well in a 2d sidescroller where you fight by mashing the attack button. Because in that demo, the songs change too quickly and you basically just hear the first few seconds of each track a lot because the fights are so simple and short. I recommend either scrapping the fight theme switching or better yet, setting the fight theme to only end after several seconds spent without attacking anyone or getting attacked by anyone. That way, the theme will play as you cut through a row of enemies and defeat a room full of enemies, while stopping once they're gone.

2. You need more enemy types, with more varied ways of beating them. Play that Castlevania game for the PS1, emulate it on your PC if you have to, because you need to add more weapons into the game.

3. I won't say anything about the art style because I'm assuming you'll put better art in the game when it's complete. If I was a dick, I'd wax lyrical about how bad things currently look. But hey, it's a demo, so the finished product has to be better.

4. Look at how other games implement Mercy Invincibility and do that. No, your character taking damage twice/three times from some attacks and instantly dying if she jumps into an enemy isn't a feature, it's a bug you need to fix. That's something that should be restricted to attacked DESIGNED to do that, like Sans's KR attacks.

5. Kingdom Hearts style sword combo swings. The game needs those, to spice up the gameplay.

6. A better difficulty curve, with an optional extra hard mode. The game's just too easy and boring right now.

7. 2d Sonic-inspired gameplay mechanics to make the game feel more exciting would be neat. It'll help make the game feel less like something simplistic cobbled together after a few hours of game maker practice and more like a 2d game that takes advantage of Unity and its flexibility.

Aaand done, that's all I wanted to say on that game. I hope you improve it, and I hope your finished product is improved by my feedback and advice.

9010809
I told you. I don't give a damn about your Trumpism.

And the contents of my game was all I could do in such a short time, and I want you to at least be respectful of that. Reviews are one thing. I'm planning to turn my game into a J-RPG, so don't expect that it'll be like Kingdom Hearts in the sense that you... uh... recommend or advise? Same for enemy types. That's all I had, and I take it you couldn't even make it to the demo boss much less beat it as several other players before you actually have. Also, did you read the instructions? I got TONS of enemies planned, including *drum roll* Alicorns! If you wish to keep pads on my progress, and I'd be very surprised if you did, come to my deviantART page. But if you say anything irrational, something that isn't constructive criticism, I can easily block you there. So, regardless of whether or not you support the idea of separating families at the Mexican border, know how to be kind, respectful, and how to give constructive criticism, like what you just demonstrated. And maybe, just maybe, I'll listen. But I don't wanna hear any more about Trump. Got it?

9010871
"Trumpism"?

What in the fuck... No. No, I am not falling for this BS again. I don't care how childish you act this time around, you are not going to bait me into saying something objectionable about the way you act. You are wrong to loathe/fear Trump, and if you want me to explain why, raise your level of discussion to meet what mine was before you said Trumpism.

As for the game, I mention Kingdom Hearts because that's clearly been a major source of inspiration, looking at the music, music-changing, enemy design, and so on. If you're going to take inspiration from something, understand why what you liked worked BEFORE you copy it. That's a very important step in learning the difference between properly taking inspiration from something and just ripping it off.

One more thing... I'm not obligated to play nice when I give you advice on how to fix your game and make it not suck. I did anyway, but I'm not obligated to do so. I'm not obligated to give you anything, and if I wanted to, I could say nothing, wait around until you release the game in 2023, and then make an Angry Video Game Nerd-style video about it, giving my critique to the audience, rather than you directly with nobody around to see. I'm being nice here, stop pretending I'm some mean old doubter who's trying to undermine you and your self-confidence. I understand that it's a demo, that's why I'm giving you advice and mentioning bad decisions to fix before any further development happens. Do you want someone who'll give you some filler BS like "Woah, this demo was made in X amount of time! Props there!"? Because that's stupid. A demo should reflect your vision of what you want the finished product to be. And a demo has no bearing on the finished product. You made a demo, good, now I expect to see a better Demo or better finished product improved by the suggestions I gave you. This isn't amateur hour, so stop thinking like it is! You're making a game, man, not some fanfiction about rainbow-coloured futanari boners on prancing lusty horses. My time is more valuable than yours, don't give me that "Be nice and maybe, just maybe I'll listen" bullshit. Do you want to make money with this product or not? What's your strat with this game, are you making a Kickstarter? A Patreon? Are you going to sell this on Steam, Itch.Io, or both?

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