• Member Since 11th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen Jun 10th, 2021


Although it left it, it knew that it was right, it made it down, because it didn't know what's up.


Twilight hasn't really been responding to her mother's letters. It wasn't really her fault, there was so much going on in the meantime! She thought she could have swept it under the rug, but now they're going to visit?! What's a mare to do?!

An appropriately apologetic fic to MustacheMerlin.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 143 )

I think the thing would be that your mother Twilight wants you to find your own Prince Charming and live happily ever after if you know what I mean, Just like Shining and Cadence.

Oh my goodness. I face palmed about a dozen times! Good job. Very fun to read.

I think the fuse of middle-age for Twilight Velvet has burned down to the line marked 'Grandfoals.'

Good luck, Twilight. And watch out for those tricky teaspoons.

Oh dear god, not the thing! Why did it have to be the thing?

I await more of this humorous development.

At least she won't mention that new guard pony named Flash Sentry.

I think I told you already, but I love the direction you're taking this so far!
This is what my face looked like when I saw that you had released it:

"Your little Spike Has eyes for a cute mare in Ponyville what have you been doing Twilight?"
Velvet wailed some more"Is Shining and Spike my only hope for grandfoals?"


What is this "thing" Twilight mentions?

Well Twi, it could be worse. Shining and Cadance could be bringing along a certain guard and maybe Velvet will pester Spike about his love life, too (he's what, 13, 14?). At least you'll have your dad through all of this (one member of the Sparkle family has to be sane).

It’s been such a long time since we’ve seen each other! I was getting worried that something might have happened, what with you disappearing off the grid and becoming a Princess. We know you like to make your own decisions and we respect that, goodness me, signing up to an exclusive school for gifted unicorns was something we were both proud to support! But I’d still like to keep in touch. I know, I know, I’m sure you’re busy with your studies and you’ve got your own life to live. Sometimes sending a letter once every half a year can get difficult. What would I know? I’m just your mother.

Let me know if you've met any nice Jewish boys unicorn stallions recently. I don't have any grandfoals to talk about yet, you know.

Oh, I do look forward to catching up with my daughter, particularly with any new and exciting developments that may or may not be life-altering.

I was joking :facehoof:

I've always thought of the Sparkles as a family of overbearing, loony spellblades with a habit of PMSing when mad.

I stopped reading at the "busy year" part. I mean Yes, first Winter with Tank was a continuity flub. What with there being two Winter Episodes after she got him before that episode. But I chalk that up to her having busy winters and unloading him on Flutters. But it makes no sense that all 90ish episodes takes place in one year.

But all of those events he rattled off, as taking place in one year is something to illogical. So sorry, it looks like it could be an awesome story. But I can't read this. But I'm not going to downvote it at least.


Actually it really is impossible since Winter Wrap Up Happened before Rainbow Dash got Tank. Which makes all that happen in one year even more unlikely. What with Two Winters happening between Rainbow Dash being petless, and her having a pet.

Hmm, do I see the pot calling the kettle black?

Yeah, I believe I do. Like Twilight's mother pointed out, she lives in Canterlot, not Appleoosa - Canterlot which is in visible distance from ponyville. Physically visiting Twilight is faster than sending her a freaking letter via mail. So if she actually put any effort in to it, actually paying a visit to her daughter is something she could do on each and every holiday she has.

Oh certainly Twilight could have sent the letter as well, but that's no excuse for Twilight's mom not to visit, if contact with her daughter is so important to her.

5993142 To each their own. I admit I didn't do extremely thorough research, but it was just a very light hearted crack at an image that I found personally funny. The absurdity of the statement was meant to produce hyperbolic comedy, but I guess it could be construed as a serious plot point. In any case, I'm glad you gave it a try and I'm sorry it wasn't your cup of tea (I didn't think such an innocuous statement would produce such a reaction).
5994168 That's the beauty of a biased perspective, it's deliciously biased.


Honestly the comment came across as serious (as if all that did happen in a year). And Spike's usually the straight man to Twilight's neurosis (or vise versa when his more childish mindset comes to the surface) [which would have made it honestly funny. Or highlighted that it was hyperbole. Rather than a list of everything that ever happened. Heck even a partial list [with or without Rainbow Rocks] of S3-S4 [end] would have been believable. What with their delicious snarking at each other when they need it.

With him wracking his brain and seeing all that happening in a year. It just shattered the suspension of disbelief. Like Snowflake in a snowglobe factory [I refuse to use the name they gave him in canon]. So yeah, that's really one of three only things [well 96%] that'd get me to leave a fic I start. The first one is atrocious slaughter of the southern dialect. The second, improper dialog / paragraph structure or punctuation. Then lastly, things that shatter logical probability.

Still, while there's no problem with hyperbole. It's best to either keep it somewhat constrained to some level of probability (It was a busy year is vague, and funny. What hyperbole is, and leaving it up to the readers imagination.) Then either leaving Spikes recollection vague (Spike remembered all that happened this past year (for example)) before agreeing, or playing the straightman / snarker to her neurosis induced hyperbole. Would have been funny, and been reminiscent of the show.

But when you start listing everything that's happened as happening in a year (via remembering all that's happened) you strip from the comedic purpose of that statement. Turning Hyperbole into fact (since all those things end up shown as happening in a year. Rather than the exaggeration it was initially given as.). Which if you're going for that type of humor you never want to do. If you're using that type of humor either keep things vague by giving no facts, list of things / events, or giving a definite starting point. Or lampshade the hyperbole with one character with the other being one to technically "mean it", or at least further stretch credulity.

Honestly I'd say edit it. Or fix it. At least delete:

Discord, Invasion of Canterlot, Saving the Crystal Empire, Reformation of Discord, The Coronation, Tree of Harmony, Defeat of Tirek, Castle of Friendship, Starlight Glimmer, Cloudsdale Factory Explodes… Wow

So it reads as:

Spike tore his gaze away from the writing, the last few sentences slowly sinking in, his jaw dropping.

“Half a year?!” he spluttered.

“It was a busy year!” Twilight mumbled. Spike considered the statement. They really got a lot done over just nine months…

He accepted it with a diplomatic nod of his head. Then he glanced back at the letter.

See. Conveys the same thing, doesn't require extra writing. But doesn't detract from the Hyperbole, while taking it seriously InVerse.

Do you think you could make the above fix?

5994366 You make a very good point there. Looking back at it, it doesn't seem well-executed. Thanks for giving the feedback, I've made the fix.


You're welcome :twilightsmile:, and *squees* I'm going to get on this fic in about two hours (got a busy morning), but I look forward to reading it.

Well with the power of physics and nature breaking that Unicorn Magic can achieve these days, I'm sure she can find herself a good mare and still have grand babies. After all with the 750 ponies shown up to S3. 1.85 females were there per 1 male. So Mr. Right or Ms. Right probably doesn't make a difference.

Still, poor Twilight's mom hooking her up with Moon Dancer, everypony knows that Twilight got it on with Celestia after the latest Grand Galloping Gala [or G3 for short]. Good thing Celestia's coming to visit with a proverbial mountain of gems in which to distract Spike with so she can have some alone time with her recently ascended marefriend.

At first when I saw "honorary sister", I thought Sunset Shimmer was showing up for a visit to Equestria. Don't know why, it was just the first thought that popped into my head. But now I see it's Moondancer. An interesting plot this is. I'll be keeping an eye on this story, not yet adding it to my favorites though. I want to see how this goes on. But I'll still give you an upvote for this.

Plus, Luna and Celestia giving Spike a task to guard gems? I wonder what will happen with this side story.

Honorary sister? I was thinking Applejack.

This is glorious. I eagerly await the next update! :scootangel:

So far I love the concept and your brand of humor is very enjoyable. Have a few guesses of what you have in store for us, but can't be sure till we get more. Can't wait for the next chapter

6521302 Unfortunately, when time permits.

Now I can see where Twilight gotten her overreactin at. I'll say this, both Twilight and Velvet are overreacting.

Five bucks on the castle exploding

Looks like time permitted! Fun start, and poor Spike. Just generally, poor Spike.

Not just poor Spike, poor Apple family, too.

Her jittery gaze settled on a book recessed in a shelf. One labelled ‘Do not touch! Dangerous!’.

Twilight bit her lip. Couldn’t hurt to take a look, right?

Poor everyone, really.

Poor Shining, too.

We’d come to a decision and we’d rather trust a gem-eating dragon than anypony in Canterlot with safeguarding these precious materials

Spike: the only one keeping gem inflation from decimating Equestrian economy.

I have a bad feeling about this.

Oh this is BAD! I can't wait. :pinkiecrazy:

Spike raised a claw and massaged his forehead with carefully

Um, I think you mean just "carefully" or "with care" here.

Not saying this isn't an awesome story so far, it is, just saying you should get a prereader. I'd be happy to offer my services in that regard.

The Want of Grandfoals is strong in this Sparkle.

Oh dear god. Lets just pray Velvet doesn't find out about Cadence's Shipping Cave.

Ooh, I see why Twilight is freaking out. The two of them together might be almost as bad as Discord hanging out with the CMC! What if they get into a positive panic feedback loop?! Can you imagine the damage this paranoid purple pony princess could cause if properly primed?

6750365 Oh how could I have missed that? Thanks I'm an incredible goof. If you want to help out, PM me your Google Docs account! Be aware that most edits are retroactive, and this fics only updates when I have the time, which of the late is sadly lacking.

"And if you would all turn to the right view ports and gaze upon the planet, you will see that half of a continent is covered in a glowing purple glassy crater. According to historians, this disaster beneath Celestia's fair sun occurred when Princess Twilight's mother tried to get the Princess a date. Any questions?"

"Were any of the candidates mares?"

"History is a little vague on the specific gender for Princess Twilight's suitors, but according to Discord we can rest all assured that not a one of them were evil white rabbits."

There needs to be a better word for fear. :pinkiecrazy:

I know one of two ways Twilight can possible defuse grandfoal fever from her mom
:twilightblush:: I'm a Lesbian Mom. Why do you think all my friends are mares. Keeping plenty of Options.
Option one could more than obviously be a lie but can hopefully make Velvet back off for the time being
:twilightangry2:: Well Mom. Several stallions have approached me, but I turned them down. Why you ask? Because they only did AFTER I got these feather tumors on my back that make me a Princess. And that list of stallions? Specifically the ones from Canterlot? All pretty much considered me to be less than dirt before I my wings. So no, I am not interested in dating and calming your insanity for grandfoals since the only reason stallions started taking an interest is because I became a Princess.
Could be either true or a lie.
But in either case, no way Velvet would take "I am not interested in dating right now" as an answer. She is too obsessed for that to work right now.

6750058 Ten bucks says all of Equestria explodes.

10 bucks on the serious topic being the talk...

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