• Member Since 5th Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Broman


A guy who loves to create stories and has a big imagination. Also wishes to become a famous Actor and Director.

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Princess Cadence is baby sitting the young Twilight Sparkle during a thunderstorm. To ensure she sleeps through the night she sings a lullaby.

Warning: Incoming Dawws.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 19 )

The word serene is an adjective and cannot be used in the title as a verb.

In the short description, Thunder, Storm, Lullaby, and Fully should be lowercase, and Cadance is misspelled.

Bad first impression.

8732635
I made the necessary changes. Thank you for pointing them out.

8732638
Thank you very much. :twilightsmile:

This was all kinds of precious!

8732981
I tend to make stories that way. :twilightsmile:

8733146
I accept you approved cuteness.

Cadance knowing an old Lullaby from the Crystal Empire, where have I heard that one before? Oh, right, I came up with that exact idea earlier (And wrote one too!) I haven't seen it done before, but it is a rather interesting thing to do.
Great job with this, it was truly adorable. I rather enjoyed that Lullaby, it's quite different than the one I wrote, and conveyed the safety Twi needed in the circumstances. (No, my lullaby isn't out yet, it will be in my next chapter.)

8737845
I'm glad that my lullaby inspired you to make your own. I do hope the story was to your liking.

Actually what I was saying was that I had the exact same idea just hours before reading your fic. You know what they say, "great minds think alike."

8738555
That's cool to know. :twilightsmile:

This is good, but just one problem though. According to canon, Twilight had no knowledge of the Crystal Empire prior to it's debut episode, so it's history probably wouldn't be in any of the books that Twilight read as a filly. Eh, I'll let it slide in the name of adorableness. :twilightsmile:

8742412
Eh I try, just thought it give something fun to add to the adorableness.

Cute story! :twilightsmile:

It is my estimation that you've got talent for writing. This has good flow, much cuteness, and a nice pace.

There were quite a few nit-picky things that stuck out to me that could be improved... a few word errors in spelling or usage (mostly spelling, but they're not too bad)... also, there were several places where the same word is used almost back to back, where finding a different way to say it would be better. If I wanted to get really picky, I'd ask about the microwave... I don't know if ponies use microwaves or not, but for some reason that stuck out to me. Also, Shining Armor "heard the scream" and made the milk warm to help, but when they walked by his room, he was still asleep. It would make more sense if perhaps another loud thunder had caused a second scream about the time Cadence got Twilight to bed before she sang the lullaby, which would be the scream Shining Armor heard.

Picking nits aside, I liked it. It's sweet and fun. Good work. I'll have to check out some of your other stories. Write on! :pinkiehappy:

9149088
Thanks for that. I did do this on the fly with no editing help but I wanted to make a fun story that would be fun and relatable. Despite the little errors here and there I do hope that it was to your liking.

9149460
Without a doubt, yes I enjoyed it. :pinkiehappy:

9149475
I'm glad for that. If you want you can check out my other story, Courage, which was made on the fly but people seemed to like more.

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