• Member Since 11th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen Saturday

sunnypack


Although it left it, it knew that it was right, it made it down, because it didn't know what's up.

E
Source

Coming straight out of FTL, Captain Amelia Finegold barely has time to blink as her ship, Cobalt Blue, crashes into an unknown vessel in deep-space. Struggling to get ahold of an unexpected situation, things take a turn for the bizarre when she finds out the other ship isn't driven by humans. Or even occupied by humans at all.

One moment, Twilight is asleep. The next, lights and alarms blare as she comes to grips with an unexpected emergency. Problems crop up one after the other. Irreparable damage, wounded ponies, and a new alien species?!

Set in an alternate universe where Equestria became a space-faring empire.

Small note: Some revisions have been made, thanks all!

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 155 )

Sci-fi? I love it already.

But why must this Alex person be the stereotypical fuck up idiot that disregards orders at every turn? She works on a space ship and has a level of discipline and obedience equal to a five year old child! If there ain't no 'Comedy' tags on that story, I refuse to accept first contact being initiated with HUGS.

6781922 The reason people like Alex are tolerated is for one reason and one reason ONLY, they are just THAT good at whatever it is they do. At best, it takes three people to equal the work the can accomplish but the sheer aptitude they have for their job is impossible to rival

6781983 I see your point. However, they are on a space ship. On a ship, the captains word is law. Add that they are on an exploration mission, presumably long-term because, duh, exploration, some social skills become very important. This crew has to function with each other for an extended period of time, and if one of them breaks the privacy of others, boasts at every turn about her qualities, questions the captain in front of the whole crew, disregards direct orders and generally annoys her fellow crew members with her antics, she disqualifies herself, even if she is the stereotypical genius. No one likes the now-it-all. Add that they are travelling an environment where the slightest mishap or mistake costs lives, namely space, she becomes an outright liability for the crew. That incredible impulsive hug while in space suits there? What if the Sergeant interpreted her attempts at cuddling as an attack on his princess? Even a smart engineer is a dead engineer if he gets pocked/shot to death by a magic whatever in space. But lets not stop here. The captain displays poor leadership skills as she consistently fails to control her subordinate, hell, even to the point where she 1. leaves the ship Star Trek style to asses a space ship crash, something she clearly is qualified for and 2. allows the known liability that happens to be vital for the survival and repair of the ship to tag along in a dangerous environment. Also one for Twilight Sparkle for leaving the ship even if she is the person that absultely must not get space'd at all.

Oh yea liking and faving this

This could really use more descriptions and world-building.

Like, say, the part where the ponies spot the humans entering their ship. Seeing that glossed over in only dialogue was very frustrating and vague.

Or when the humans see the ponies. Just what do they see? 'Cute' is, again, very vague and boring.

We didn't even really get a sense just what human or pony gear looks like in this universe, not even stuff like the ships.

Still, room for improvement aside, I liked the first chapter. Both the Humans and Equestrians being advanced, space faring species—one using science the other magic, was a very novel and interesting twist on a first-contact story.

So I do hope to see this continued. :twilightsmile:

6782527 Ugh, yeah. I really glossed over those details haven't I?

6782738

Yeah. You did.

I can respect trying to keep things light and breezie since I tend to overdo things myself, but this went too far into minimalism for a genera as detail dependent as sci-fi.

Still, nothing a relative small rewrite couldn't fix. The characters and concept seems really solid so far, and I do hope to see this continued. :twilightsmile:

6782807 Hah thanks. I appreciate it. This fic is actually shorter than it seems. I glossed over a lot, probably unconsciously because I was racing to the ending. I forgot that while all the details were in my mind, the reader wouldn't be able to see it if I don't write it down. Well I've made some amendments and I'll tidy up the next couple of chapters. This was meant to be short and sweet.

6781922 Oh shi— I actually forgot the tag. I'm an idiot.

“Contact!” yelled Soho across the comms. “Three sighted! They…”

Amelia whirled around, wondering what had made Soho trail off so suddenly.

Then she took in the new guests. “By the stars, they’re…”

Matthias swallowed. “They’re…”

“They’re so cute!” Alex yelled, flinging herself forward.

Dammit, Sunny!

When your ego can fit inside the cargo bay, I’ll consider it.

memecrunch.com/meme/1R7QP/shots-fired/image.jpg

this is a great story I hope to see it featured if it isn't already. on another note did the equestrian ships communications array get fixed?

Liked and fav'ed. It's so nice to have a First Contact story without any threat of conflict. :yay:

the purpose of life, the universe and everything

42

At least hugs were a universal language that needed no words.

Can confirm.

Still, with so many points raised for a hypothetical first contact with humanity and an extraterrestrial species, I'm surprised you never mentioned the various microörganisms that the two races would carry.

6783761 It's because ponies and their relevant microorganisms probably don't have DNA.

This must be the cutest first contact scenario with the Equestrians.
Kudos, sir, kudos.

You have my curiosity with this intro...

6783778
Which could make them all the more dangerous. Haven't you heard of NASA's Office of Planetary Protection?

6783850 I should really get to reading the story so that I know if Cobalt Blue is what I suspect- an independent vessel- rather than being owned by a government or other entity that would really really give a shit about that.

6783868
Doesn't matter who owns Cobalt Blue. If you were the captain of a space-faring ship, travelling from world to world, trust me, you'd want to give a shit about any forms of life onboard. There's a reason they didn't send over Curiosity to investigate a pool of water on Mars.

6783879 Remember that Cobalt Blue is a bit of a "working-class" ship from what I've seen. When you encounter a group of aliens and within a second someone does something stupid, you don't have much time to decontaminate.

6783962

you don't have much time to decontaminate.

That's because they weren't outfitted for extraterrestrial contact. It just happened.

“Ugh, I don’t think it meant us any harm. At least, not intentionally.”
...
“QUIET!” Amelia kneaded her brow with a knuckle. “Let’s start again.” Amelia studied the purple cybernetic and decided that it was in charge. They could talk, right? She didn’t know how, but they could. Amelia nodded. From the top. “I am Captain Amelia Finegold of the private A-class exploratory ship, Cobalt Blue.”

That section needs serious revisions. Make it clear who is talking. Make it clear who can understand what. As is, it is hard to follow.

Understand, I like first contact stories, but this section made it hard to follow. I am only trying to help make the story more fluid, and therefore fun.

Now, this is a good read. I want you to understand that I enjoyed this chapter, and will most likely continue reading the rest of it. That having been said, the following quote is just woefully out of character.

Twilight swallowed thickly. “We weren’t ready for this.

:rainbowhuh: Horseshit, sir.

Twilight Sparkle - the most ocd and over-prepared mare in Equestria - not prepared for something as exciting as first contact, no matter how improbable, whilst aboard a spacefaring vessel? :twilightoops: Yeah, no, I'm gonna have to say that she most certainly would've at least thought she'd be prepared for that, and have probably several binders containing plans for various different first-contact scenarios.

Maybe she was prepared and in the moment finally realized that she really wasn't... but yeah otherwise, that's... kind of extremely OOC. You should fix that. :twilightsmile:

Why does it say complete when the author's note says that there's another chapter?

Good story.

Whats with the Next Chapter: Written by a bright future.? is it being finished by someone else like a hand off or something?

6783979 Why do people compare First Contact with the Native-Americans meeting the Europeans. the chance of a cell or virus from earth being compatible with lifeforms from another planet/solar system is unlikely unless we share similar origins like in star trek.
The only problem would have to be organisms better at surviving on a planet or environment alien to them.

Amelia groaned. “You mean first contact with the first aliens humanity has ever come across has started off with Alex tackling you to the ground, a huge misunderstanding that you were robots, and not to mention the overarching problem of smashing our ships into each other?”
Dim-light smiled weakly. “It would seem so. Perhaps it’s best if most of this were left out of the history books.”

Why not? it would certainly make for a very entertaining history lesson. :pinkiehappy:
And Dim-light... :rainbowlaugh: Priceless.

You keep writing things I like. I'mma follow you, Sunny. :twilightsmile:

I feel the setting is vague. I know two ships collided, but just how did Twilight's team get to the hallway of Amelia's ship? Where was this camera?

This was nice. :twilightsmile: A bit fast on the pacing and low on the details, but not enough to be a major problem.

Like others have said, Alex does not belong on a space ship.

Awesome story, I deeply enjoyed it, great work. :twilightsmile:

it says next chapter but also says its complete. Please we would like some Moar

Started interesting enough, but quickly devolved into "PONIES ARE CUTE DOG THINGS! AWW! HUGS! HUGS! BELLY RUBS!" sugary fodder.

Also the only Sci fi aspect of the story was the fact that spaceships and sci fi sounding terms are mentioned, but no one acts like they are a space ship crew and being in space doesn't have any impact as all the challenges of the setting are hand waved away. They could have been just some guys in a van rear ending a car surprisingly full of ponies and the story would have played out the same way as far as I got into it.

Tried to push though but honestly I couldn't stomach the cringing enough to care to finish the story, sorry.

Arn

I see shades of Doctor Who and Ramona episode 4th doctor...have you been reading "Jupiter Run"?

Arn

A little bit of Gulliver's Travels. Yahoo's still can't believe Equine's can do anything by themselves.....

hahahaha omg I can't stop laughing! AWESOME CHAPTER!

6782069

You've got a good point. The dangers of space are far too numerous to have a chief engineer who is insubordinate, no matter the skill. You can have a crew chief that gives lip, has a foul mouth, and an overall curmudgeon, but he has to obey the captain.

So unless the rules as to why she's employed here are currently unknown: firm contract, someone above the captain's head keeps Alex employed there, family relations. Because either way, Alex needs to be reigned in.

“Aww who’s a cute cybernetic doll? You are! You’re so cute!”

*nuclear facepalm sounds in the distance*

There are a few things that I feel could be better? I'm known for spewing out unedited garbage, so I know I'm guilty of a lot of the things I'm going to point out but maybe it'll help?

The first isn't actually Alex. It's the feel of the Colbalt's crew and ship. I think you meant for the crew to be a ragtag group of explorers always on the verge of bankruptcy and fighting to stay afloat in a universe of mega-corps and corrupt governments. I think that is what you were going for - it doesn't feel that way. Having Captain Lady worrying about how she's going to pay for her repairs and if she was 'at fault' and maybe have to pay for the other repairs might lend more credence to that implied 'verge of having no money' things that I think you were going for. As for the ragtag, only Alex seems ragtag - the others have too much of a professional feel to them. Having more crew interactions and showing off the ragtag-edness of the crew would help Alex feel more in-line with the rest of the people aboard. That leads into the next part.

Alex. Yes, Alex. I think you wanted an 'eccentric genius - slash - cocky maverick' mishmash for her. Unfortunately, she comes off as a bit too cocky and not enough genius. Also, cocky mavericks know when to listen to the Captain - and cocky Captains know when to listen to Spocks. Here, Alex comes across as the excessively brash teenage tinkerer more than a genius maverick. Maybe build her up a bit more, show off her chops and cut back on the backtalk. And keep her in the ship until it's obviously safe to come out. Especially if she's the only one that could get everyone out of this mess alive.

The pony involved. Why is Twitwi out here on the fringes of known space? Even if she's a junior Princess, she's still kinda important. Admittedly, she probably would be one of the first out and about in the universe - but a single ship is a bit of a stretch of what Celly and Lulu would let her get away with. A half-dozen ships maybe. Not a fleet but enough for back-up. Even after being in space for a few centuries, it's still dangerous and an explorer vessel is very much at risk if alone. (Yes, I did the exact same dang thing myself and I am kicking myself for having done it - I stand by that unnamed story in most ways but dang it all if I'm not slapping my forehead for a few of those mistakes).

I think it's a pretty gosh-dang good story myself, even if it's a bit of a stub. I just see a few things that don't mesh well together. I hope this helps? If not I can blank this because I've spent too long typing as-is and my boss is going to get upset at me soon.

Very nices! Short and sweet.:twilightsmile:

6785558 There are a number of flaws in this story I'm not happy with, most you've addressed well in your comment! A rewrite is already in the works and I think I can expand this piece a little further to meet expectations. Yes, it's pretty rushed. I was too excited with the premise that I forgot to sanity check all the assumptions I made. I tried to go for comedy and a sweet ending, but I think I hit it lukewarm instead. Thanks for your feedback it was very helpful. Gotta keep trying!

6785608
Not a problem! And don't worry, mang, I have pretty much almost literally done everything you did ... multiple times ... in the same story. Ahem. And I will still do them - even though I know when to look for them and what they look like, I will still do them ... baby steps, Minalkra. baby steps. Also, I thought the ending was sweet in a cavity-less way and had the potential to lead into more interactions twixt the crew of the Colbalt Blue and ponytime.

6785608 I'm glad I took the time to read Minalkra's comment, otherwise I might have ended repeating thing already said.

The feel of the crew was really lacking. I'm usually fast at catching thing and it still took me until the very last second to understand what exactly was the Cobalt Blue and it's crew. I kept asking myself why is Alex even here? Sure she is a genius, but she clearly lack the common sense AND the experience needed to go on outer space expedition. Between her irritating habit of purposely antagonize the ship's captain and the multiple time she acted or tried to act recklessly (and thus severely engendering herself, and even the whole ship). Keep her busy on ground and only bring her when she matured. There is a level on risk that isn't acceptable when you do something already risky like deep space exploration.

As for the Pony side, the security seem very very lax. Twilight is far away in unknown space with a limited crew, she don't even know the name of the pony in charge of her security and she decide to go unprotected to meet a new alien race. I suppose that she had reason to believe them not hostile -they did try communication first- and trying to be non-threatening, but she is basically assaulted by Alex. She should at least let her guard block the "attack". Retaliation would've been excessive and out of character but...

I also wonder why Amelia don't think she will make it to history. Humanity have a tendency to remember heroic explorer making great discovery after all.

On the plus side, I liked how you choose to make Twilight's name a composite word rather then a plain "Twilight Sparkle" directly translated. However, it would've made sense for more then just name being mistranslated if the pony language rely on a different structure then the "common"

Overall, I still really enjoyed your story. It's short and efficient, well told and these little detail only bother those who like to make nitpicking. The story and the narrative where still good enough to forget the string of the puppet. :raritywink:

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