• Member Since 22nd Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen October 25th

BionicBrony


I write Technicalities: a story of technology and hidden secrets, interwoven with magic. The original idea was simple, but it evolved into something so much more than that.

T

Yes, there is a crossover tag, but read down to see why it's there.

Alexander Laythem is a master engineer who lives in isolation with his AI assistant, Rose. Unforeseen events result in these scientists and engineers traversing the boundaries of reality to a world that was supposed to be fictional, forever losing their place in the human world. With the help of some of the friendlier of the native inhabitants, Alex and Rose plan to rebuild and pick up their research where it left off. But as more knowledge is gained and technologies are developed, an ancient power with an insatiable hunger for control awakens, hell bent on bending reality to its whims with the single goal of creating and maintaining the perfect society. Takes place largely during season 2.

Rated teen because of the occasional use of "strong language." Also, if you're going to favorite it, please go ahead and leave a like as well! I truly appreciate each and every one!

I've added the dark and gore tags as of chapter 39: Full Force Forward. Should be worth noting that I will downplay the gore as much as humanly possible. It's not the focus of anything, but it's there. Most of the technological aspects are referenced from the Unreal franchise, hence the crossover tag. Keep in mind, however, that crossed-over elements from the games largely take a back seat and only serve as inspiration and setting. I'm focusing on the plot itself to make it as good as I possibly can, and I'm always going over it to fix little things here and there.

Special thanks to amazing Rocinante for pre-reading and editing!

*First featured on 7/29/14!*

Chapters (48)
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Comments ( 772 )

I am going to do a feedback today. [Spoilers Ho!]

First things first, lets go over the description. The very first line is "Alexander Laythem is very unlike other humans". That is very awkward phrasing. I'm not even sure you can say "very unlike" in a legal sentence. You go on to describe that your character is somehow better at mechanical engineering than the entire industry on Earth, and then jump to something about aliens. After that, you mention that it's a general video game crossover that doesn't specifically fit to one universe.

There are a few red lights in there that may be causing some people to downvote. People are wary of video game crossovers. On any given day 3-4 terrible Halo crossovers can be expected. The only things worse for overdone stuff are Fallout: Equestria and cupcakes side stories. For this story, it may be best to ignore any video game similarities. At the current level, it's just inspiration; not a full blown crossover.

As for what I actually thought of the story... I would say that I liked it a lot. It's certainly not flawless, or elegant, but it is a fun read. I think the best thing it has going for it is that it's super exciting. So much stuff happens in the first chapter alone that I wasn't bored at any point, even with my short attention span. A lot of stories make the mistake of setting up the character too much at the start without establishing a plot, but this one just jumps straight in.

I also like how you just dumped him straight in Twilight's basement. For some reason a culture has developed for HIE's where it's considered cheap to have your character meet the mane 6 at the start. I think that makes no sense at all. If you're going to get to that, you may as well do it right at the start instead of stalling for time. You're a writer, you can do whatever you want. That may be where some of the downvotes come from though.

I like the science in the story. It makes exactly the amount of sense it should. Which is 0. I like how you just went all in for the story instead of trying too hard for the science to make sense. There's actually quite a few things in this story that don't make sense. If you think for a while about the character and how various things must have happened, it can fall apart a bit. Then again, I think the logic gaps are within a tolerable level for a story like this. You get a certain amount of leeway if you write something this crazy. No one expects it to make perfect sense.

I did have a few problems with the story. Stop ranting about the government. It's really boring and unnecessary. Alex's character doesn't really need any of that stuff to explain why he does things, so it could have been cut. The way it is, it just sounds like you wanted to rant about the government, so you dumped it in there. Avoid talking about politics in your story, because politics sucks ass. The over simplifications of human nature aren't very good either. Give the human race a little credit.

The awkward phrasings from the description appeared a few times in the story, but they were mostly unnoticeable. Structure are grammar all seem pretty good to me. Anyways, I'd like to see more of this. The most important thing is that you have good ideas. I can forgive some clumsy stuff at a few points for that.

2755170 You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar!

Honestly, that was probably the best review I could have asked for it at this point, and I agree with you on so many levels now that I think it over. Like the description... I had a tough time trying to think something up, and I definitely could have done a much better job with it, so I'm throwing that on the to-do list.

As for the crossover bit, I'm just going to go right out and say that Unreal Tournament 3 was a VERY large inspiration for most of the technological aspects, especially for naming things. For instance, before the whole fiasco, Alex makes it clear he had a robotic work-force dubbed "The Liandri." You punch "Liandri Bot" into Google and you'll find a whole bunch of neat stuff. To be honest, though, I want to be able to swap out the name Liandri for something else, but to me, the word just rolls off the tongue so easily and fits so well that I don't think I can come up with anything else that'll satisfy me. Also, other elements from the game aren't going to suddenly warp in out of nowhere, but they will be developed over time, since, as I said before, it serves as heavy inspiration. This is why I put the crossover tag, since I want to give credit where it's due. If you have any opinions on this, please let me know.

As for certain story elements themselves... I was a tad bit afraid I laid on the government parts a bit too hard. I was trying to get the point across that Alex is paranoid about government and corporate entities since he perceives them as the largest threat to him. The reason for this is further explained in chapter 3 when I go over the nature of what exactly it is he built, and I'm hoping it gets people thinking "Ah, now I get it, now I get why he's so paranoid." It's largely my attempt at trying to develop him as a character. For instance, he has a very bleak view and opinion about the human race. After all, he did practically abandon it to live with an AI and develop technology for no-one in particular. He does have his reasons, even if they're not immediately clear. Honestly, this is the first time I wrote a full-on story like this, so I don't have much experience developing characters. :twilightblush:

Anyway, I'm incredibly grateful for the time you took to read my story and give such excellent feedback, I very much appreciate it! :twilightsmile: I'd normally get straight to fixing things and patching it up, but I'm about to leave for a family camping trip for the weekend, so that's gonna have to wait... :fluttershysad:

I aquired multiple explosive orgasms from reading this book of godly godly goldy goodynessuBFA Bfvavfakmfd :pinkiecrazy:

OMG THAT ENDING OMG! Love the story As always Keep u the good work! :derpytongue2:

myohohohoh magjeck

Just wait until he learns about the princess controlling the sun. :trollestia:

2834042 I feel like if I say anything about that, I'll spoil the story. Glad you're enjoying it, though! :pinkiehappy:

woah,fucker!
dis woohoo :pinkiecrazy:

it would be cool if he gains magic powers even greater than Celestia from being inside the power cores shield :pinkiehappy:

2857461 It would! But sadly, all it does is damn near kill him. Besides, as far as magic vs technology goes, Alex is all the way on the tech side of the spectrum. Although you could say "any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." While he won't get magic powers, believe me, I have plenty of other ideas lined up. Also, I'm glad you're enjoying it so far! :twilightsmile:

This story is great! :pinkiehappy:
I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter. :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by Vonglory deleted Jul 17th, 2013
Comment posted by Vonglory deleted Jul 17th, 2013

Plot twist! Me love them good plot twists!

2976696 Aye, are they not delicious?

Love the Lama with hats reference... or was it this clip

2977033 The urge struck and I didn't resist :raritywink:

2985956 Keeping it short as usual, I see. Glad you enjoyed that reference! :twilightsmile:

Ah, so interesting. Sometimes, you just need a good build-your-own-empire story. Even though this technically isn't an empire, he is setting himself up to be a powerful player. I can't wait to see what he'll come up with to fix his heart. Will it be "project warrior"? Because I imagine that to be a special procedure turning him into a powerful, immortal cyborg "superhero".

:pinkiegasp:
its DELICIOUS
3007347
his heart is pretty busted,so i wouldnt be suprised if he went Iron-Man.

3007347 Someone is paying attention! I was afraid the mention of the Warrior Project went unnoticed by most people. :twilightsmile: Then again, it probably was...

Anyway, I'm trying to write the story in such a way that people ask themselves questions. "What is the Warrior Project?" being one of them. Now, aside from the name, nothing else is mentioned. I won't say what it is, but I will say that it's indirectly referenced two other times in previous chapters, although the links aren't obvious. I'll also say that you can figure out a major detail if you do the proper Googling. I won't say what to Google, though. :trollestia: As for your hypothesis... ehh, not quite. Alex is more of a thinker than a fighter, preferring to give that job to the Liandri.

3007378 Your heart would be pretty fucked up too after getting electrocuted and defibrillated four times. Needless to say, it received an obscene amount of abuse. As for the Iron-Man thing, all I have to say is: different problem, different solution.

Their gonna have a fun time explaining why there are reports of giant robots "Terrorizing" Ponyville to Celestia. I'm kinda surprised no idiot guards tried to stop them. But I can chalk that down to no guard presence in Ponyville. Either way I'm looking forward to future updates.

3008770 They're only slightly taller than Alex, so they're not that big. The major difference is that they're really bulky and really heavy, and as a result, they end up making a lot of noise. As for the no guards bit, I'm just gonna throw that in with the same reason I didn't write a part about making sure he "owned the property first": because, as a kind reviewer once mentioned, politics are fucking boring. I didn't write a part about him having to take out a loan and gradually pay it off or what have you because I personally wouldn't want to read that. :pinkiesick:

Also, you may have just given me an idea... depends on if I can work it, though.

MOAR Chapters NAO! Also, the mount that Rose was on during the beginning, would that happen to be similar in appearance to GLaDOS chasis in Portal/Portal 2?

Why does every pony not realise that, EGGS ARE MEAT PONIES ARE EATING A CHICKENS BABY I WANT AN EXPLANATION IN THE STORY!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry about that. I got a bit of fluttershy rage there speaking of witch i would love to see her point of view on the topic. LOVE the stories though. peace.

3020539 Technically speaking, the eggs we eat aren't fertilized, so they can't actually hatch into anything. But hey, I see what you're getting at. Also, glad you're enjoying it. :twilightsmile:

3017205 Truth be told, it was inspired by GLaDOS. As such, I've thought up a few extra little nods in that direction that I'm planning on putting in later.

MmHmm... I guess Rose is Arguably Alive as well then?

3024932 That's a whole other philosophical debate... Is an Artificial Intelligence (like Rose or GLaDOS) technically alive?

Also, after Googling "Arguably Alive," I managed to find a picture on deviant art which was certainly GLaDOS inspired. So I suppose you could say Rose is Arguably Alive since I sometimes use GLaDOS as a frame of reference. She is an expertly written character, after all. Although, honestly, Rose's behavior is largely inspired by my cynical side more than anything else. :pinkiecrazy:

Comment posted by SurpriseKitty deleted Aug 12th, 2013

Angel you dick. Don't make me get 60's era Spiderman Fluttershy to come fuck you up!:twilightangry2:

He should eat angel for lunch.

Oh goody he might blow himself up :pinkiehappy:.

3046541>>3046617>>3046629

You see, there's a lot of things in life you really shouldn't do. Pissing off an AI with access to advanced robotics is one of them. :twilightoops:
I'm not saying that Rose is gonna go on an all-out bunny hunt, but she certainly won't be happy.

3046629

It's not good enough! He must burn! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAA!!!:pinkiecrazy:

3047619 Would it possible for Rose to make Angel into a nice fur hat?

3047736 As much as I'm sure people would like to see Angel get what-for, I'm not going to kill off the poor guy. Out of all the characters in the story, Rose is the one who changes the most as a person. I'll be honest, Alex is quick to embrace the idea of having friends and living out in the open, even if most of that is hidden by time-lapses. Rose, on the other hand, is much more reluctant and cynical, which is why I feel she's the most interesting character out of the two. It's also largely why I wrote this segment, to provide some insight into how she views things. Angel fucking with her is just another layer on the cake.

3050739 I don't see how making that reference makes me evil, but... okay :trollestia:

3047851Instead of a new fur hat can we get a new chapter :D prefferably before tomorrow?(aka going away to an academy for a few days :S ) :twilightblush:

You forgot to mention that dragons have hands.

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