• Member Since 20th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen 11 minutes ago

Captain_Hairball


Harkness compliant since 2015.

T
Source

Someone in the human world has accused Twilight Sparkle of plagiarism. She goes on CNN to clear her name.

Featuring the unspeakably sexy Anderson Cooper!

Cover art borrowed from Pixel Kitties with permission.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 174 )

why cant 2016 be normal?

7409090

Weirdest election cycle I've ever lived through, and I've seen a bunch.

7409090

You know that Star Trek:TNG episode with the Worfs from multiple timelines? That one Enterprise from the timeline where the Borg won? We are on that Enterprise.

Fluttershy nodded. “Also I have very large breasts. It opens doors.”

I imagined Fluttershy's breasts casually opening the door in front of her while she walks places.

I knew somebody would make a story relating to THAT. I just knew it. I approve.

7409117

Now I can't stop imagining it. :twilightblush:

u earned a follow and a ponka good sir:pinkiesmile:

And thus started the constitutional amendment campaign to allow equestrians to run for the presidency of the USA.

2tail #9 · Jul 20th, 2016 · · 2 ·

This pop'ed into my head.


*Twilight comes back three months later*
Twilight: "How the buck did I get voted President? I am not a citizen, never-mind a natural born one."
Fluttershy:"Over 40% of the population protested. They all marched to their state capitals. They also get the age limit removed, and well there is no law preventing a person from being the governor of more than one state. So as you friends they started impeaching governors and voting us into multiple states. Applejack has most of the mid wast."
Twilight: "...Who is my VP?"
Fluttershy:"Sunset."
Twilight:"Oh, that is better. I will just let her run everything. You world is crazy."

*two months later*
Fluttershy:"Ah, Twilight. Some things have happened."
Twilight:".... Is there anyplace that has not put me as their leader?"
Fluttershy:"Yes."
Twilight:"Yes?"
Fluttershy:"Yes. They felt that it would be to much to put on you to run so many nations. So there is talk about the nations forming a 'Friendship union'. It will be using the old EU Parliament Building as it will no longer be needed. They want you to set down basic laws, and rules: Like all wars must be in the form of pie fights. The nations have also started picking us as their representatives for their nations."


*Next month*
Fluttershy:"I have bad, good, good, and other news..."
"Bad news is that WWIII started after you left. 1st Good news is the war was short and just ended. Other good news is it was a pie wars; no nukes. The other news is that the world as joined as one nation and wants to because a province of Equestria."

Twilight:"... ... ... ... I Princess Twilight Sparkle now proclaim Sunset Shimmer as the 5 Princess of Equestria and the local Equestrian government for New Equetria."

dam i wanted to see twilight friendship laser isis

While I absolutely love the moral of your story. I think I'll just take the lazy approach and vote for Twilight in 2016.

“Wait, your president’s a male?”
“Yep. Every single one of ‘em has been,” said Applejack.
Twilight felt a headache coming on.

:rainbowlaugh: Bwaaahahaha, I loved this! Good fic!

“Friendship rule #7 — respect your friends’ boundaries!”

IMPORTANT! :rainbowlaugh:

“Sometimes you need to apply the friendship pretty forcefully, though, before it will take.”

"And if it doesn't work out, find an ancient powerful artifact to blow them up into teeny-tiny little pieces!"

7409117 Politely.
They're possessed by Exgartuan

...

Y'know, for how ridiculous that interview was, I'm actually pleasantly surprised you didn't go overboard with this parody. You didn't go for any easy jokes or the memes; you just had Twilight be Twilight and let things play out naturally. I can't say it's as funny as the actual interview (seriously, that is just a whole new level of self-parody), but I think it's better this way. Because, well, someone in the room needs to be talking sense. It might as well be the fictional pony princess. :derpytongue2:

Seriously, this country is full of idiots.

Almost did not read this and I'm glad I did. It was a good laugh.

U.S. politics has gone nuts this election. Looking forward to it being over.

7409755

November can't come fast enough.

7409117
I can't stop seeing this either. Thanks, sis.:raritywink:

7409455

... In thy mercy.

Thank you for this absolutely fabulously funny story! You wrote Twilight so very true to form and the speech was just amazing. Loved the interview, too!


I'm voting this year. I'm voting for a friendlier America. I'm voting for Princess Twilight Sparkle for president!

Can I get a hug?

MY GOD, I was waiting for this!

"Ponies accuse me of plagarism, but, I just want to make you smile, smile, smile, Mr. Cooper. It fills my heart with sunshine, all the while, not just some of it."

I had no idea the Trump s***storm would go this far. I'll read this later. :unsuresweetie:

7409117 7409138
I swear to God I thought it was a Goldeneye reference, :twilightoops:

Your Highness Twilight Sparkle, considering how in your first public judicial decision you came near to endorsing slavery -- how would you defend your executive and administrative skills?

7409090
Because the Internet has escaped into the real world?
Because normal is awful and nobody would care?
Because, as it turns out, the voters actually do decide the candidates?
I don't know, it's a mad, mad, mad, mad, world and we should all be proud to call ourselves a part of it.


Also, news reporters should be forced to fight in a maze-like arena with nothing but shaolin spades and/or bladed frisbees.

7409703 Every country is full of idiots, except maybe for Somalia. They seem to have the right idea.

7409846
7409755
Lightweights. All this hope for the future that you seem to have foolishly developed throughout your lives is blinding you to the show of a lifetime! Besides, I thought Americans had guns for this reason?

Everypony knew males were too aggressive, too emotional, and too sexually driven to be suitable for high office

I know this is a joke, but...........

FEMINIST BULL****!!!

7411318

I mean, God forbid that someone holding high office be aggressive. They might actually accomplish something that makes the world better yet less profitable for once!

7411260

Besides, I thought Americans had guns for this reason?

Good guys with guns protect us from bad guys with guns. That's why everyone can carry at the RNC.

I like it!
My eye only twitched in incoherent rage once!

Everypony knew males were too aggressive, too emotional, and too sexually driven to be suitable for high office.

I'm amused, but at the same time my pride is being hurt. I'm not sure how my emotions are coping with this?.:unsuresweetie:

On the side note, I wanted to bring up Ted Cruz's endorsement of Applejack as best pony from earlier on in the election process. Why? Because I would find it amusing if Twilight had to go against Applejack for being the future leader of the executive branch. Imagine America -- which is already torn apart by every single social, and intellectual problems you can think of -- clashing out with two people -- ponies -- who are more than likely on different sides of the political compass. If only just slightly; could make for some fun satire.

7411424

I'm amused, but at the same time my pride is being hurt. I'm not sure how my emotions are coping with this?.:unsuresweetie:

I know, right? This particular quote is definitely character, not authorial, voice. :eeyup: I couldn't resist the joke, but I generally write Equestria as having equality between the sexes, rather than a matriarchy. It's just that somehow all the most qualified candidates for princess just happened to be female. :trollestia:

Why? Because I would find it amusing if Twilight had to go against Applejack for being the future leader of the executive branch.

It would be fun to take a premise like this seriously! I let Twi off the hook pretty easily in this one, to the point of her being a little out of character in turning down the desperate humans at the end. I have multiple big projects on my hard drive right now, but I might come back to "ponies-or-pony-analogues interfering in real world politics" later.

I might just Fav this so I can read the eventual shitstorm that's bound to erupt in the comments once the Trumpers, Hillaryites and Sanderstans get into it.

7411471

I'm surprised it's taking so long for that to happen! :trollestia:

7411318

It is a joke though. Deep breaths. :trollestia:

7411439

I let Twi off the hook pretty easily in this one, to the point of her being a little out of character in turning down the desperate humans at the end.

If Twi knew humans as well as any human who has lived on this planet, I'm sure she would be conflicted with whether or not she would actually want to take the humans in with open arms.

Though, if she were more like me, filled with all the cynicism of a misanthrope, and the ego of Kanye West. It probably go along the lines of, "Mwahaha, kneel before me my precious minions."

I have multiple big projects on my hard drive right now, but I might come back to "ponies-or-pony-analogues interfering in real world politics" later.

With the way the world is being turned around in blender right now, I'm sure that it's only in do time before ponies actually start having effect in global politics. I mean, it's already been in the news twice during this election process!

“Your highness? May I please have a hug?”


“Okay,” said Twilight. “Now who wants a hug?”

Are hugs with random people becoming a necessity in stories like these, where the story makes no sense without them?

7411501

Hugs are the deus ex machina of pony fic. :facehoof: I'm sorry. So sorry.

7411318

i dunno, it made me giggle considering the other side of the gender spectrum isnt all that great either :trollestia:

7411337
:rainbowhuh:... :rainbowlaugh:!
You... I like you.


I love gun control arguments, the 'Service Engine Soon' light of America. The right wing goes, "If the victims had had themselves some guns, they'd a been bulletproof and totally known who to shoot since now everyone has guns and is shooting."
If that wasn't bad enough, the left wing comes back with, "Yeah, well if the shooter hadn't had access to an Automatic Death Machine, the urge to kill and be killed would never have taken hold of their feeble psyche. No, I've never heard of The Anarchist's Cookbook; does it have vegan recipes?"

Sure I'm stereotyping, but how much am I really?

EDIT: Oh, and then both sides forget what they were actually talking about. I can't just leave out the most important ingredient in this decades old comedy!

“But we want you to have a chance to defend yourself. So we got you an interview on CNN,” said Fluttershy.

Twilight’s jaw fell open. “What? How?”

“You’re famous in our world,” said Applejack.

Fluttershy nodded. “Also I have very large breasts. It opens doors.”

:trixieshiftleft: I can't even... WHY. THE. HECK. IS THIS... ? Wh- you know what ?

https://youtu.be/5FjWe31S_0g

If other humans like your country so much they want to come live here, maybe you should try talking to them, instead of making up silly ways to try and keep them out.

Twilight Sparkle supports amnesty? Damn, now I have to change my vote!

“You support gay marriage,” said Fluttershy.

Great. Just f***ing great. I do not like this Twilight. Downvote.

Everypony knew males were too aggressive, too emotional, and too sexually driven to be suitable for high office.

I'M SO TRIGGERED

Everypony knew males were too aggressive, too emotional, and too sexually driven to be suitable for high office

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/19/7a/77/197a773221db1b150ccf578d71b8421a.jpg
#2016TriggeringIntensifies

But for reals... I saw this coming a mile away, I knew someone would write a story like this XD
Nice job man!

It had to be done though. This was an emergency.

Combine those two into one.

This guy Donald Trump is running for president, and his wife gave a speech that copied some stuff from a speech Michelle Obama gave. And later some guy went on TV and said it was okay, ‘cause you’d copied from Michelle Obama’s speech, too.

This Donald Trump guy is runnin' for president, you see, an' his wife gave a speech that copied some stuff from a speech Michelle Obama gave, and later some guy went on TV 'n' said it was okay 'cause you'd copied from Michelle Obama's speech... or somethin' like that.

Plagiarism is a very serious allegation! It could ruin my academic career! Also that argument makes absolutely no sense.”

Plagiarism is a very seriously allegation, it could ruin my academic career, and that argument makes absolutely no sense!

“Michelle Obama is your President, right?

Minor, but the word 'your' could use an indent. Just a suggestion, though.

Twilight Sparkle frowned. “Wait, your president’s a male?”

Indent 'male'.

I’m sorry. I’d just sort of assumed. Anyway. Is it possible to schedule a meeting with her to discuss these allegations?”

Okay, I'm sure you can fix this, right?

Not really. We don’t have that kind’a clout,

Replace the period with a comma.

Fluttershy nodded. “Also I have very large breasts. It opens doors.”

vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/legendsofthemultiuniverse/images/4/45/Fluttershy_EG_cropped.png/revision/latest?cb=20131005234853

:ajbemused: ... really? Did you even look at Fluttershy's EQG version before writing that? I mean, I get it, people are that stupid these days, but Fluttershy defiantly does not have a very large breast!

Okay, I had enough here. Dude, just rewrite the whole darn thing, and I'll post a second comment with my overall thought. Basically, fix the crazy amount of periods instead of comas and semicolons, that seems to be the main problem overall.

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