• Member Since 16th Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen Mar 14th, 2022

The Narwhal Assassin

Professional Shut-In, Armchair Orator, History Meme Fanatic, and Universal Annoyance. I argue about politics on the Internet to distract myself from the wreck that is my life.

The Second Reich

(Ignore Augen Grenadaus (the first song))
Disclaimer: The Narwhal Assassin does not approve of any wrongdoings committed by the German Empire (1871-1919), including (but not limited to) their African colonialism, the Rape of Belgium, or the autocratic Kasier. This iconography is shown entirely out of an appreciation for what accomplishments were made by the Empire.


I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.

-Robin Williams

For forty-three years of my conscious life I have remained a revolutionist; for forty-two of them I have fought under the banner of Marxism. If I had to begin all over again I would of course try to avoid this or that mistake, but the main course of my life would remain unchanged. I shall die a proletarian revolutionist, a Marxist, a dialectical materialist, and, consequently, an irreconcilable atheist. My faith in the communist future of mankind is not less ardent, indeed it is firmer today, than it was in the days of my youth.
Natasha has just come up to the window from the courtyard and opened it wider so that the air may enter more freely into my room. I can see the bright green strip of grass beneath the wall, and the clear blue sky above the wall, and sunlight everywhere. Life is beautiful. Let the future generations cleanse it of all evil, oppression and violence, and enjoy it to the full.

-Leon Trotsky

People who are hungry and out of a job are the stuff of which dictatorships are made.

-Franklin D. Roosevelt

RAIDEN: It was never going to work out for me. It even rained the day I was born.
OLD SNAKE: You've got it all wrong. You were the lightning in that rain. You can still shine through the darkness.

-Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots

You're not greedy... You're batshit insane!

-Raiden, Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance

Too much self-centered attitude, you see, brings, you see, isolation. Result: loneliness, fear, anger. The extreme self-centered attitude is the source of suffering

-The Dalai Lama

Gary: The truth is, I'm living a lie
George: Just one? I'm living, like, 20.


I'm at the corner of first, and first. Wait a minute. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe!

-Cosmo Kramer, Seinfeld

All right! But hear me, and hear me well. The day will come–Oh, yes! Mark my words, Seinfeld! Your day of reckoning is coming when an evil wind will blow through your little play world and wipe that smug smile off your face! And I’ll be there, in all my glory, watching–watching as it all comes crumbling down!

-Newman, Seinfeld

You know, a lot can happen in a week.

-Ranger Smith, Yogi Bear (2010)

Now you listen here, pip-pip. A racist mind is a racist kind. You, you take that to sleep with you tonight cause I know, it's not gonna change hearts and minds in a day. You don't give a man a peanut, expect him to have a farm the next day. But it's aright. It's alright. One day, we will all be equal on this earth. Until then, I'm gonna give you a kiss, muffin. 

-JonTron, Bootleg Pokemon Games

Am I dead yet? 

-JonTron, Foodfight!

It's very hard not to be condescending when you're explaining something to an idiot.

-Bill Maher

I'm not superstitious, but I am a little-stitious

-Michael Scott, The Office

You couldn't handle my undivided attention

-Dwight Schrute, The Office

Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me

-Michael Scott, The Office

"R" is the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it "murder", not "muckduck"

-Dwight Schrute, The Office

Our Favorite Vampire

The Eternal Question Remains

Am I an Assassin or Narwhals, or a Narwhal who is an Assassin?

Some General Information

To answer a quick question- Yes, it is mildly egotistical for me to display this information despite the uselessness of doing so. I just thought I'd share.

Age: 17
Gender/Sex: Male
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Ethnicity: White ("Caucasian" is one from the Caucasus Mountain Region), Mixed Scottish-German-Other ancestry
Nationality: American, Tennessean
Personality Type: (according to the 16 Personalities craze) INTP
Political Affiliation: Marxism
Religious Affiliation: Agnostic Atheism, formerly the Church of Christ

General Likes: Peace and quiet, rain, intelligent conversation, European history, good comedy, cartography, vexillology, alternate history
Favorite Book(s): Joe Steele by Harry Turtledove, Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien (the entire series), and Fatherland by Robert Harris.
Favorite Movie(s): Inglorious Basterds, National Lampoon's Vacation (1983), and The Shawshank Redemption
Favorite Television Program(s): Seinfeld, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and The Office
Favorite Anime(s)/Manga(s): Hellsing (the manga and OVA, the 2001 anime is meh at best), Death Note, and Tokyo Ghoul (the anime is shit, the manga is fantastic)
Favorite Video Game(s): Fallout New Vegas, Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, and Europa Universalis IV
Favorite Songs: "Moskau" by Dschinghis Khan, "Hearts of Iron" by Sabaton, and "Closing Time" by Semisonic.
Favorite Graphic Novel(s): Batman: The Killing Joke by Alan Moore, the entire Blackest Night series by Geoff Johns and other authors, and Anya's Ghost by Vera Brosgol
Favorite Restaurant(s): Little Caesar's
Most Interesting Historical Figure(s): Vladimir Lenin, Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Leon Trotsky, Christina of Sweden, Vlad III Dracula, Oda Nobunaga, Minamoto no Yoshitsune, Frederick the Great, Charlemagne, William the Conqueror, Otto Von Bismarck, Napoleon Bonaparte, Karl Marx, Friedrich Neitzsche, Catherine the Great, Ladislaus the Posthumous (Ladislaus V), and John Hunyadi
Favorite Historical Era(s): The World Wars

This is my YouTube account:

This is my account on Fanfiction.net:

This is my account on Fictionpress:

Admin and Co-Founder of The Society of Mildly Annoyed Liberals.

Founder of History Bronies.

I Like Maps


D I O · 4:14am Aug 19th, 2018

My name is Dio Brando. I'm 120 years old. My house is was at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, but is now in a nice mansion in Cairo, and I am not married. I work as the soon-to-be king of the world, and I get home every day by 8 AM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I eat a lot of bread. I'm in bed by 11 AM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm maiden's blood and doing about twenty minutes of poses before going to bed, I usually have no problems

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BREATHING God bless! God loves you, now and forever.

I've just been looking through old blog comments. Glad you're still here with us Narwhal Assassin! Thank you.

Comment posted by A TF2 Fan deleted Feb 11th, 2018

Neither the Legion or the NCR are what the Mojave needs.

Little Caesar's

You should be shot for this! Long live the NCR!

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