• Member Since 26th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Lapis-Lazuli and Stitch

Profile of Retired Writer, Lapis-Lazuli, and his editor, Stitch / Inky. Thanks for the memories, FiMFiction.


This story is a sequel to Twilight Sparkle Exports Herself Repeatedly

After a drastic and ill-advised attempt to quash news stories regarding her previously non-existent love life, Twilight Sparkle has inadvertently given practically everypony she knows the wrong idea about herself. Or is it the right idea? She really doesn't know.

Which is starting to become a very serious problem.

The writer has no idea what he's doing at this point.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 100 )

The writer has no idea what he's doing at this point.

Ahh, welcome to the other 99% of us.


I have no idea how I got to three of these things.

Someone needs to stop me.

Stopping you is frivolous, and you know it. :rainbowwild:

*Quickly reads* Yes. Why? BECAUSE! *Faves* Luna's always RIGHT! *Gos to sob/laugh hysterically with Twilight*

Edit: Notices it's a sequel. :moustache:

Edit 2: *Realizes it's a trilogy* Huh.

Oh dear gods, here we go again!
I'll go get the popcorn!
I'll grab the sunglasses and lawn chairs!
Sorry, Twi, but all we can do now is sit back and watch the fireworks...

This is the sort of thing that makes me enjoy reading fanfiction. Because you always end up in a situation of "What? When in God's name was there a sequel to the first one and why was there a sequel to that?"

...Well, that happened.
Inky, Lapis, you'd better make a fourth one!

I know this feeling all too well...

(Reportedly, someone had also placed a bet on Discord, but Twilight had no idea what kind of odds Cadence had given that one).

'@ to fish', apparently.


Even I have no idea why there's been two sequels, and I wrote them.


More stories will be held hostage to the popularity of the newest one.

And next story, Twilight stops getting all crazy over it and decides to take Celestia and Cadence's advice and get laid already.

I have a Solution!
Step 1: Retrieve the Twilicane from wherever it happens to be.
Step 2: Open a portal and ask Nasus nicely to borrow his hittin' stick. (He's a pretty nice doge if you are polite.)
Step 3: Open another portal and jack Snoop Dogg's pimp-cane.
Step 4: Cane EVERYTHING!
Problem Solved

Wonderful piece of work, but either Twilight just needs to get laid or just break a bunch of hearts.


Twilight, I don’t need to be the princess I am to see you’ll crazy lengths for all of your friends

Missing "go to" between "you'll" and "crazy", there buddy.

2. Maybe it's my preference my being left alone 90% of the time, but I'd still tell all of them "Hell no" in a very precise and obviously more eloquent way. Then wait for the three months for the crazy hype to go away and then send out invites to three of them for private dinners and eventually pick one.

3. Why am I reading this at 4:25 am? Oh right, no new episode today. :pinkiesad2:


This guy? :raritywink:

Oh this is gunna be a right gem.

This is a fun little series, always has me grinning like an idiot by the end

It's like a multi-car pile up. I know I should look away... but I just can't.

So... How long will it be before the sequel?

Colt Eldoon’s noodle shop, (saltiest noodles in Canterlot, you betcha!)

Is he also bankrupted surgeon?

On another note, "manicure" (from manus) is for hands. For wings, how about "alicure" (from ala) or "pennicure" (from penna)?

As usual, hilarious!

I am at a complete loss as to why I didn't read the second chapter of the last one, nor why I did not favourite it at that time. (I certainly did with the first installement) - I can only assume that something must have interrupted me (or it was a very late at night or something.)

Lettsee you get out of this one, Twilight! (And you made the feature box, so there's your popularity ransom, darn you!)

Spike's taking it all rather well, or has he just not quite figured what it means for (the lack of) him and Rarity...?

Maybe the "Want it Need It" spell has an opposite? A "No Thanks, Not My Thing" spell? If it exists, Twilight could cast a low-power version of it on herself, so her friends (and the press) wouldn't be totally REPULSED by her, but it would be just enough for them to look at her and simply say "I just wanna be friends" :twilightsheepish:

That got the reaction she wanted - a pancake hurled at her head - and she ducked it just in time to see it careen past the mailmare’s head like a very wobbly frisbee.

I am very disappointed she did not catch it.

So what happens next? Twilight realizes that as a princess, she makes the bucking laws and uses that cloning spell. The ultimate Solution to Shipping. :rainbowlaugh:

Personally, I think she should have just married Smarty Pants and moved to earth to hang with Sunset Shimmer and all her human buddies. :raritywink:

In the end, Luna is always right! :pinkiecrazy:

She need to go with option 4... ask help to Discord, maybe she could clone herself, or go with one and with Discord magic go back in time and be with another.

omg yes!

This was a good one.
The harem it solves all our problems!

:moustache: So that's what a harem is. . .:raritywink::derpytongue2::rainbowlaugh::yay::pinkiehappy::ajsmug::unsuresweetie::applecry::scootangel:

:facehoof: Spike!

:trollestia: Snooze you lose

:twilightoops: Wut!

Twilight Sparkle Builds a Harem

Yes. I approve of this.

-Sanity is overrated

You don't see Spike having problems with the CMC does he?

Honestly, no one seems to even remotely accept that she could be uninterested/not ready.. and that bothers far more than it should.

Im kinda surprised she didnt put her own brand of logic on the whole thing at the end. Make dating a science. She love science and magic, spin in into the whole dating problem.

Checklist, data and all that to "test" all the potential applicants.

If they want to bang her, she can at least make it happen on her terms.

Anyway, all in all, its okay.

5962584 Harems are awesome! Especially stoning the ones who cheat on you! (Just in case people don't know the REAL history of a harem.)


Twilight, you should outsource. Either that or take a leaf out of this fellow's book.

Twilight Sparkle: I'd be honored! But I'm still pretty ticked you're marrying somepony I don't even know! When did you even meet this "Princess Mi Amore Cadenza"?
Shining Armor: Twily, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is Cadance, your old foalsitter.
Twilight Sparkle: Cadance? As in the Cadance? As in the greatest foalsitter in all the history of foalsitters?!
Shining Armor: [chuckles] You tell me. She was your foalsitter.
Twilight Sparkle: Ohmygoshohmygosh! Cadance is only the most amazing pony ever! She's beautiful, she's caring, she's kind...
Young Twilight Sparkle: I am so lucky to have you as my foalsitter!
Young Cadance: I'm the one who's lucky, Twilight.
Young Twilight Sparkle: [scoffs] You're a princess. I'm just a regular old unicorn.
Young Cadance: You are anything but a regular old unicorn.
Young Twilight and Young Cadance: Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake! [laughing]

This is the official transcript so here you go, cadence cadance debate over, now just call her Candy like I do, so much simpler and not stalkery:pinkiecrazy:

5961005 No episode this week? Awwww! :fluttercry: Why not?

5960540 What if you got yourself banned for a while? Might give you some time to collect your marbles when you come back.

I asked and my parents told me. Which was when I was extremely young. I'm scarred because of it.

5963361 :pinkiehappy:

The point of the joke is "Cadenza" literally translates to "Cadence" A cadance is an entirely different kind of musical term than a cadence, which is why - as someone who used to professionally study music - My brain refuses to use the improper term. So whenever I write, I use Cadence, because I'm OCD that way damnit.

Fine. Whatever. Everyone in Ponyville is in love with Twilight. Sure, let's go with that.

5963747 I think I flip-flop on that all the time myself. It doesn't help that I think some of the wikis use both ways on the same page. I've been personally trying to stick with Cadance as it's easier to think about how she is probably a decent dancer.

Oh, come on! You made me stay up til 2am reading these! And I have an important early-morning event tomorrow!

P.S. I loved it.



Problem solved! (I think)

And now she's back to square 1 with a new set of problems on her head. She does NOT get a break at all apparently. I just want to walk up to Twilight and give her a comforting hug.

5960799 Her thought process right now has probably gone kooky.


This afternoon, peering at the comments, seeing yours, thinking smugly: "I can plan my time better. I wouldn't ruin my night for such, rather short story. I can stop at any time and finish tomorrow."

2:03AM: "dammit."

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