The pop of power this time left her hovering in midair above Canterlot Proper, fortunately for long enough for her to spread out her wings and flap them with as much vigor as she could to keep the hover from turning into a plummet. Plummeting was bad, especially over such a densely populated area as Canterlot. She’d gained a fair amount of weight and density after becoming a princess, and she might very well put a hole in somepony’s roof. Or maybe even somepony period. That’d be bad too.
Fortunately, she avoided plummeting. The next thing she had to figure out was how to approach this without it turning into yet another ridiculously awkward situation. Granted, her third and final choice for advice was not somepony given to awkwardness, but the question would undoubtedly raise her eyebrows. Especially given that she’d come unannounced and in corporeal form as opposed to using a letter. And there was always the off-chance that Shiny or Cadence might decide to chase her here to try to keep talking her into this nonsense, though it would likely take Cadence a little longer than it took her to summon the power for the spell. So instead of lollygagging about, she decided the best thing to do was simply go for it.
Finding her way home was easy, even given that she was finding it from a hundred yards above the streets where she used to trot. Over there was Donut Joe’s, bustling in the late afternoon with folks picking up pastries for dessert. And there was Colt Eldoon’s noodle shop, (saltiest noodles in Canterlot, you betcha!) And Miss Pekoe’s Tea shop on the corner, and then… then there was home.
It was a modest house near the exterior walls, and descending to the porch Twilight could smell the aroma of roasted leeks and freshly brewed coffee. She peeked inside one of the windows just to make sure she wasn’t interrupting anything ‘cozy’, and found her father curled up around a thick book alone on the couch. Which could only mean that Mom was upstairs, hammering away at her typewriter.
Sure enough, a quick hop and a leap confirmed her suspicion. Perfect. She wouldn’t even need to bother dad downstairs. She could be in and out before anypony specific could realize she was in Canterlot.
It was foals’ play to focus and teleport into Mom’s study, the faint popping sound drawing her mother’s attention away from her much-battered typewriter. “Twilight!” she half-exclaimed, eyes widening in surprise. “What’s going on? Is everything-” She stopped midword, then blew a pfft sound. “Of course everything isn’t alright, otherwise you would’ve come in through the front door.”
Twilight blushed, and her mother just tut-tutted. “Oh just take a seat, kiddo. I’ll get you a cuppa.” She hopped off her chair and trotted over to the omnipresent coffee pot that hung above the fireplace.
“Sorry for interrupting your writing,” she began hesitantly, perching herself as comfortably as she could atop a padded stool. “I know how important it is for you to not be interrupted, but-”
Her mother cut her off by almost levitating a mug into her face. “Please. What kind of mother would I be if I didn’t have time for my kids?” She grinned broadly, hopping back up onto her own stool. “Besides, Yearling still needs to send me the complete first draft before I can do much except punch up her dialogue. I swear that mare still doesn’t know how to write her own character sometimes.” She rolled her eyes a little, and Twilight opted to not bring up the little secret she knew about A.K. Yearling. “So what’s up, Twi? Colt troubles?”
She sighed, cradling her hooves around the mug. “Kinda. It’s um… Remember those letters I sent you about what was going on with the press?” She fidgeted with the coffee, taking a little sip of the cough rather strong brew. “Um, so... “ It was hard to summarize what had gone on, but she decided to do the best she could.
Her mom intercepted her thoughts, smiling wryly. “Ah, yes. Spike sent me a letter about your crazy plan, trying to get me to talk you out of it. Things ended up getting more serious than you’d intended, hmm?” Her mother drew off a fresh mug of coffee for herself, chuckling. “Always knew you were gonna be a heartbreaker, Sparkles.” She winked. “Just like your momma.”
“I am so not going to dignify that with a response,” she huffed. “This is serious, Mom. This is literally everypony who is my friend and isn’t related to me! I can’t shake them off, and I don’t know how to let them down without hurting their feelings!”
But her mom was still smiling, infuriatingly. “Well, who can blame them? You’re quite the catch, Princess,” she said, and Twilight blushed again. Only Mom could do that to her. “But I suppose that second part is a pretty big problem.” She sighed. “I still wish you would’ve gone on that date with Fire Crackle’s cousin for your graduation ball. Would have done you a world of good.”
Twilight didn’t do anything to conceal her glare. “A date with Bottle Rocket would’ve been a massive disaster, Mom. And you know it.” She didn’t even want to think about it. He was a nice enough colt, but absolutely obsessed with explosives like the rest of his mad family.
Her mother’s smile never wavered. “Of course I do, and you would’ve learned a remarkable amount from the experience.” She rolled her eyes. “Sparkles, I love you to bits, but you are so incredibly failure-phobic that sometimes I worry about you.”
Twilight wanted very badly to fire back at her mother about that crack, and all she could come up with was a muttered, “I’m not the one who beat Steppin King with a chair over losing the Gorgon Award.”
Mom’s smile turned into a grin. “I never claimed to be wholly sane, dear. How do you think I managed to raise a pair of magical prodigies without killing anypony?” She sipped her coffee. “Because I promise you it wasn’t the wine. Or the coffee. Or the adorable crayon drawings.” Oh, Celestia. She was enjoying this! “But honestly, dear. What do you want from me? I’m just a simple mare.” Her mom tilted her head to one side, obviously curious.
“I just… I don’t have any idea who I should pick, or if I should pick any of them.” Twilight buried her head in her hooves, wondering if she’d truly reached the end of her rope. “I didn’t think love was supposed to be this complicated.” Then again, the only real comparisons she had to work with were Shiny and Cadence and her parents. Maybe that had left her with a slightly skewed idea of normal.
There was a moment of silence, then a soft laugh. “Sweet Celestia, you’ve got it bad, kiddo.” She felt a tugging at her wing, and opened her eyes to see her Mom sitting next to her. “You want my advice? You’re not going to like it.” There was a serious note in her voice, and she had crossed her hooves over her chest.
Twilight nodded once. If she didn’t, why’d she come here in the first place? Her mother nodded. “First, you need to do what makes you happy.” She hopped off her stool and pulled Twilight off of hers. “I know you don’t like to hear that, but it is true. Second, you need to go speak to Celestia. She’s your teacher, I just raised you to be a good daughter.” Her mom had a twinkle in her eye. “Though I may have done too good a job, given how worried you are about your friends right now. I am proud of your for that, you know.”
Twilight wanted to glare at her for that, but Mom sounded so sincere she couldn’t bring herself to do so. “Are you sure there’s nothing else you can tell me? Nothing at all?” She tried her best not to come across as whiny, though she feared it would be impossible to do that at this point in the conversation.
Her mother paused, tapping her chin, then smiled. “Actually, yes. There is one more thing.” She took Twilight’s shoulders and looked very seriously into her eyes. Then she beamed at her, as cheery as Pinkie Pie. “Whatever you decide to do, I expect there to be lots and lots of grandfoals.” Twilight just facehoofed while her mother giggled.
~~~~~~~~~~
“And so here I am again,” Twilight said, not even bothering to fiddle with her teacup this time. Princess Celestia was similarly not paying much attention to her own faintly steaming tea, but rather to Twilight with the kind of loving concern she’d only previously seen from her teacher when things had truly gone astray. Understandable, maybe, given everything she’d just finished recounting.
Celestia’s horn glittered gold for just a moment more before the magic vanished, the sun now slowly sinking down below the horizon behind them. Somewhere beyond the study wall, Luna was raising the moon for the evening and preparing to take on the duties of her court. “Well, I was wondering when we were going to have this discussion,” she said quite cryptically. Celestia sighed with a certain amount of satisfaction as she stood up.
“Where are we going?” Twilight asked, wondering just what Celestia was talking about.
Celestia nodded to the balcony and Twilight followed, much as she had since she was a filly. At the door, Celestia kicked off her hoofboots and discarded her crown and torque onto a table with quite the disregard for what Twilight had been sure were very old Equestrian artifacts. “Well, right now we’re going to stand right here, and I’m going to prattle at you,” Celestia began in a surprisingly light tone. “After that, we’re going to go share a drink and you are going to bloody well get some relaxation.”
“I… beg your pardon?” Twilight stumbled over the words as her mentor’s tone of voice slipped into something harsher and much more casual than anything she’d heard out of her before. And that language! “I’m sorry, but what in Equestria are you talking about, Princess?” She had to get her hooves around this situation before she was completely lost.
“That’s Celestia to you, Twilight. No more ‘princessing’ me tonight.” Celestia stamped a bare hoof and fixed Twilight with a fierce look. “You need a solid dose of reality, and it seems I’m the one who’s going give it to you. So sit down.” She pointed with a hoof to a soft stool sitting on the terrace. “Shut it, and let me do my thing.”
Shock was an understatement, but Twilight did as she was told anyway. It was a good way to cover for the fact that she was pretty sure Celestia had just gone cucoo. “Pfft, don’t look at me like that, Twilight.” Celestia cocked her head toward her, smiling. “I haven’t lost my marbles. I just think it’s about time I stopped putting on airs with you.”
She plopped down next to the balustrade and stretched out her very large, very well-manicured wings. It was actually distracting enough that Twilight wasn’t able to formulate a snarky comeback to all of that very straightforward speech. Twilight was still... not entirely certain what was going on, but Celestia was definitely not joking around with her. So maybe it was time to sit down and listen, at least until Celestia started repeating what she’d heard from everypony else. She figured that would take about three or four minutes.
Celestia finished her stretch and leaned back against the rail with a sly smile. She actually looked relaxed, something Twilight could honestly say she hadn’t seen Celestia do since she’d been a filly. “Good, you’ve stopped jabbering,” Celestia said, lips splitting into a grin. “Now listen close. I’m not going to say this twice.” She pointed a hoof at Twilight, making little thrusting motions. “You’ve gotten a huge kink in your think, and we need to do something about it.”
Celestia gestured broadly over the balustrade, looking more than a little wistful. “I’ve seen them come, and I’ve seen them go, Twilight. But every so often, some really special ones show up and upset the whole applecart.” She sighed, and draped her forelegs behind her, over the railing. “When this whole train started to leave the station, I figured you wouldn’t have to learn that lesson right away, but I guess life still isn’t fair.” There was a wry humor in her tone, and she almost looked wistful. “Not that I haven’t tried to make it more so.”
Twilight shook her head a little, trying to make sense of that. “What are you talking about Prin- Celestia?” It felt incredibly awkward not to use the proper title for her teacher, but the last thing she needed right now was to cheese her off. Last time she’d done that, Celestia had made her scrub the entire Guards’ barracks. “I am completely lost. Seriously.” She glared at her teacher for the first time in forever. “I feel like that time I wandered into the Manehatten hedge mazes.”
Much to her chagrin, Celestia just chuckled. “Not surprised.” She shook her head. “I didn’t educate you the way I ought once I knew you were… well, that’s part of the problem, isn’t it?” She made a come-hither gesture, patting the stone of the balcony next to her. Twilight sat down, and the very next moment felt a hoof bop her upside the back of the head with enough force to splay her flat against the floor. “Lesson one. Stop being such a silly.” Celestia admonished, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
From her newly-minted position of floor pony, Twilight contemplated her options. She could, of course, stand up and return the smack to her long-time teacher, mentor, and superior in all things magical. She could also sulk like Pinkie Pie did when nopony else was around to party with her, or she could try and play it cool as though nothing had happened in mimicry of Rainbow Dash. None of these solutions presented themselves as satisfying, so Twilight elected to remain flattened against the floor for a few more moments while waiting to see what the princess might do next.
“Lesson two,” Celestia continued, picking her up by the scruff of the neck and setting her back down on her plot. “You do realize you’ve danced this dance, what, six or seven times before, right?” Celestia dusted her off with a hoof, then planted both hooves on her hips to fix Twilight with a very amused gaze.
“I have no-” Twilight began, only to be cut off.
“Star Swirl’s time travel spell,” Celestia stated with a grin.
“That was one ti-”
“That friendship report thing.”
“Okay, so maybe-”
“Reforming Discord.”
“In my defense, that was Disco-”
“And lets not forget the whole Crystal Empire assignment.”
Twilight glared at her teacher. “That one was your fault.”
Celestia’s grin didn’t falter a whit. “I’m not the pony who left her friends in the dark just because somepony else told me to.” She looked like she was enjoying this a little too much now.
Twilight opened her mouth, shut it, opened it again, then groaned. “Okay, okay, so I overthink things sometimes. So what?” She huffed and threw up her hooves. “It’s kept us out of trouble so far!”
Celestia started to laugh. “Mostly,” Twilight hedged, but her teacher kept laughing. She nearly bent double with laughter as Twilight felt her cheeks grow hotter. “Oh, stop it. Like you haven’t made some stupid mistakes before,” she snapped, crossing her hooves on her chest and waiting for Celestia to get it out of her system.
It took her almost a minute for her to get her act back together, and by the time she did Twilight was prepared to admit that maybe she had a point. Maybe. “Pfft… Sorry, Twilight,” Celestia wheezed out, patting her back. “You’re absolutely right. I am far from perfect.” She winked, slowly catching her breath. “But that’s irrelevant right now. You’ve been hoofing it all over Equestria trying to explain why you can’t be happy with your friends like this.” Celestia came back to relative sense, still half-giggling even as she finally began to sober. “So here’s lesson three. You need to appreciate what you’ve got while you’ve got it.”
Twilight… was not sure how she was supposed to take that, actually. Celestia sighed, looking up at the sky. “One thing I’ve learned from a long life, is that the special ones? The ones that really knock your sexy socks off? They don’t come around too often.” She looked solemnly at Twilight, all humor forgotten. “You got five of them all at once. I can understand how that’s a bit crazy for you, but you have to appreciate what an opportunity that is.”
It was hard not to snap at her over that, but Twilight knew that wasn’t the right way to react. “Explain,” she said instead, quietly turning to face Celestia directly. She’d been running around all day for advice this straightforward, and she wasn’t going to spurn it just because Celestia had started laughing at how admittedly insane the entire kerflopple she was in… was… ugh.
Celestia crossed her hooves quite primly, but kept speaking. “Twilight, I don’t need to be the princess I am to see you’ll go to crazy lengths for all of your friends. Nor that they’re equally nuts for you.” She shifted a little, turning her head away. “Ponies like that… You need to hold on to them as tight as you can, so you can make as many good memories as possible. Memories that’ll carry you through the lean years. Especially given how long you’re going be around.”
Twilight swallowed a little as Celestia ploughed on. “I mean, granted, it won’t be so bad nowadays. You have me, Cadey, Lulu...” She smiled just a little. “But with ponies like your friends, it’s different. They’re special, and I don’t just mean Rainbow Dash’s fine plot.” She waggled her eyebrows at Twilight. “Or Applejack’s legs, or everything about Pinkie’s-”
“Celestia!” Twilight was getting rather tired of yelling that, but it was the only way she could think of to keep that line of thought from going places she really didn’t want to be dealing with right now. “I know they’re all special, and that’s my problem! I couldn’t possibly choose between them!”
Celestia snorted in a manner more in keeping with a Stalliongrad coal-miner than a princess. “Who says you have to do that right now?” She poked her hoof into Twilight’s chest firmly. “You’re all still young. You’ve got plenty of time to be figuring out what you want to do and who you’re going to settle down with.” She clapped her hooves to Twilight’s shoulders. “Don’t waste your time with them worrying about who’s more important than who. Spend it enjoying yourself.”
She paused, then huffed. “Shoot, I should’ve made that lesson four.” She shook her head and smiled ruefully. “I don’t… relax with ponies as often as I ought to you understand.” And then she kissed her on the cheek, softly. “You’re a special somepony yourself, Twilight Sparkle. Quit wasting your time worrying about getting everything right.” She turned her around a moment later, and smacked her hard enough on the butt to send her reeling toward the door. “Now get your flank back to Ponyville! Your friends are probably worried sick about you.”
Twilight ducked her head for a moment, then smiled a little. “Thanks, Princess,” she said quietly, looking over her shoulder at the mare leaning against the marble railing with a lazy smile. “You know, this really isn’t like you.” She stopped, turning in place to fix Celestia with a steely gaze. “You’re usually a lot more cryptic and wise-old-elder in your advice. What gives?”
Celestia’s smile never wavered. “Twilight, do you ever get sick and tired of having to shoulder all of the problems of Equestria all of the time?” She tilted her head, eyes softening. “I’d like an honest answer to that, really.”
Twilight considered that for a moment, then nodded. “Sometimes I wonder why you do it, and sometimes it is a bit vexing, but I know you wouldn’t be putting me in those situations if you didn’t think I could handle it or if it didn’t need to be done. Why do you ask?” This was very strange. What was Celestia angling at?
Celestia laughed softly, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. “Because sometimes I really get sick of having to be indirect all the time just to solve all of my problems. Dancing around the issue for hours just to get some dense noblepony to get the hint.” She giggled faintly, hiding her mouth behind her hoof. “I must say that it is very refreshing to just tell somepony something and have them be smart enough to understand me without a bunch of philosophical hooey behind it.” She cracked open one eye, and Twilight could swear it shone with sunlight. “So thanks to you too, Princess.”
Twilight shook her head slowly. “You’re just full of surprises, teacher.” She smiled faintly. “Though next time, I don’t suppose you could skip the ‘smacking me upside the head’ part?” Celestia laughed, and Twilight joined her. It was good to laugh. She had a lot to think about, after all.
~~~~~~~~~~
Spike was waiting for her downstairs. He was making pancakes, much to her surprise, and seemed quite cheerful for a dragon that had probably been dealing with a massive surge in his usual mail duties over the last few weeks. “Mornin’, Twi,” he chirruped at her, grinning over his shoulder. “You have fun yesterday?”
Twilight considered hitting him with one of the pancakes already stacked on the table, with warmed maple syrup and butter already ready for her to consume in mass quantities. It was not hard to decide that this would be a supremely rude course of action, so instead she just grunted and started building a nice short-stack while remaining dignified in her silence.
The last thing she needed was to give him ‘ideas’ as to exactly what she’d been getting up to since Celestia had given her that speech. “Got it,” Spike chuckled, flipping his latest confection and sounding way too smug for a supposedly infantile dragon. “The girls’ll be over soon, yanno. They’re probably going to fight over who gets to have you today.”
Twilight considered her pancakes, now dripping with fragrant maple syrup and wondered if she’d possibly backed herself into a corner. “Yeah, I know,” she said quietly, carefully slicing out a bite and slowly eating it before continuing. The power of delicious maple syrup and butter imbued her with the strength not to throw her dutiful assistant into a bit of luggage and flee for Griffonia just to avoid the continuing and fascinating civil war over her attention.
Spike plopped his talons on his hips and arched an eye ridge at her that was so perfectly ‘Rarity’ she almost expected him to say ‘darling’. “Are you seriously going to try to keep this craziness up?” he asked, tapping his foot on the ground.
Twilight sighed. What else could she say? “I can’t think of a better solution for now, Spike. We’ll just have to adjust.” She fetched another bite of pancake and tried not to hide behind her plate while she spoke again. “Besides, it’s been… kinda nice to spend all this time with them, you know?”
Spike just rolled his eyes. “You’re going to drive yourself batty again, I can tell.” He turned back to his cooking, humming happily. “Well, so long as you’re not driving everypony else batty around you, I suppose it’s okay. Princesses are supposed to be crazy, after all.”
Twilight was about to counter that jab when a knock at the kitchen window announced the arrival of her daily papers. She flung it open and grinned at the pegasus loitering outside. “Morning, Miss Doo. Care for a stack of pancakes?” She glanced at her assistant. “Spike seems to be making enough to feed an army in here. I think he’s trying to impress Rarity again.” That got the reaction she wanted - a pancake hurled at her head - and she ducked it just in time to see it careen past the mailmare’s head like a very wobbly frisbee.
The mailmare just chuckled and hoofed over her daily stack of magazines and newspapers. “No thanks, Princess. Got a lot of deliveries to make today.” Then she paused oddly, and Twilight wondered for a moment if everything was okay… just long enough for the mailmare to sneak in a soft kiss right on her lips. It was such a surprise that Twilight barely registered her next words, “Think about choosing me!” before flying away at such speed that Twilight temporarily confused her for a chromatically challenged Rainbow Dash.
Then she realized the mailmare had kissed her, and she nearly fell into the table from shock. “Twi? Is something wrong?” Spike asked, looking suddenly concerned. “I didn’t wing you with that pancake, did I?”
But Twilight was too busy untying the bundle of her papers and spreading them out quickly, one by one. Sure enough, on paper after paper the same variation on the same headline was splashed against the page. Pages upon pages of pointless speculation, think pieces and ridiculous theorizing about her reasoning behind her actions. It was so absurd that all she could do was sit down and laugh helplessly, brandishing the page of the Manehatten Times at Spike so he could easily read the headline:
Twilight Sparkle Builds a Harem
Spike glanced at the front page, then looked up at her quizzically. “What’s a harem?”
-Fin-