• Member Since 25th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen April 30th

Lapis-Lazuli and Stitch


Hi! We're Lapis-Lazuli and Inky Jay! We write fanfictions, for great justice.

Sequels1

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Part 1 of the Shadow Trilogy

As Twilight Sparkle enters her third year amongst her friends in Ponyville, she finds herself plagued with strange dreams of an unknown power whispering dark secrets to her. The voices speak of Power, of the strength to protect what she holds most dear, of the great knowledge she could attain, such that no force could ever threaten her lands, or her friends, ever again.

Though she shrinks from this voice, the lure of greater knowledge, of magical power far beyond what she currently knows is enticing and alluring to her, eating away at her resolve even as the lack of rest begins to wear her physical defenses down.

What is this voice, and what does it plan for the most faithful student in Equestria?

Note: Events diverge from canon following the events of "Games Ponies Play"

Part 2 - The Twilight Fall
Part 3 - The Twilight War
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Chapters (16)
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Comments ( 175 )

2278504
Moar is coming. Spread the word about the fic, tell your friends, hit it with a thumbs up.

great story so far... and she is obviously taking the deal isnt she?:derpytongue2:

http://twilite-sparkleplz.deviantart.com/art/Shadow-Sparkle-II-296068699
this could be a good cover art, but dont forget to ask the artist for aproval

2278821 RIght now the story is about the journey to that point. What happens then...welllll We'll see. We've got at least three or four more chapters before we get to that point, anyway. We haven't checked in with Celestia recently.

Had to make minor edits to the end of "Shadow's Tale" Chapter 7, There were some missing details that apparently got lost between the word processor and the FiM submission. they have now been re-added for the sake of greater story clarity.

Oh also, to all you folks out there that are favoriting me, Dont forget to spread the word on the fic, I always love more readers. :D

Madre de freaking dios. What a great read. Thanks for this I am eagerly anticipating what is going to happen next. You take this like and favorite and use it as fuel for more!

Seriously though, I hope this goes on for a long while this storyhas an immense amount of potential in it. And I feel as though you I've only begun scratching at the surface of what is potentially an epic tale.

2301857

Thanks so very much, GolferGuy! (Love the profile pic.) Spread the word about the fic, encourage more folks to come and read it!

And there is definitely more to come. Keep your eyes peeled, I will probably be starting a Part 2 of this story in the relatively near future.

You know, I kind of wish people who want to "Dislike" a particular piece would at the very least comment as to why they disliked it. It would be easier for me as an author to then approach my mistakes and fix them.

JUST AT THE GOOD PART!?!?!?!?:twilightangry2::twilightangry2::twilightangry2::twilightangry2::twilightangry2::facehoof::facehoof::facehoof::twilightblush::twilightblush::twilightsheepish::twilightsheepish::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile::twilightsmile:

You evil cliff-hanging writer you.:flutterrage:

Also, you are posting chapters incredibly fast. I like it!

you evil cliff hanging son of a she wolf! how could you stop this fantastic story at such a dramatic part!?

light be damned cliff hangers!

i hope you are at least enjoying the cliffhangers. :D

If anyone who is watching this story knows someone who can do editing work on stories and is willing to help me out, please let them know Im looking for someone. I'd like to have part-two of this fic series get off on a better hoof than last time.

I really feel you ought to mark this as an alternate universe story.

You think so? I really don't get into the alternate stuff until late in the story. I dunno.

I personally think the "alternate universe" tag is kind of silly. I mean technically every fic is alternate universe if anything changes. But that's just how i see it.

Definitely loved the story, and I'm looking forward to more in the next installment.

I think it should be featured and here's hoping it does.

You wrote this awesome story in just 2 weeks? :rainbowderp:
A moustache to you good sir :moustache:

2333180

Why, thank you for the Moustache! I am most humbled by thy nosehair. :D

Let me first preface this by saying that I really like the story's plot. Okay? Okay.

Over the next few weeks, I'm going to clean up a lot of the earlier chapters. Very little in the way of story modification will be done, but I feel the need to make it a little prettier and a little less incoherent at points. Once it's done, I intend to submit the completed fic to Equestria Daily and other pony fiction sites as a completed work. A 55 thousand word one shot, so to speak.

First, this is not a one-shot. A one-shot story has one chapter, and exactly one chapter. Even if you take it to mean "a story with no prequel or sequel", this is only Part 1. Second, this thing is rife with typos, to the point where it feels like it wasn't proofread before you posted it. An example from Chapter 3:

Shining Armor stared up at the moon, having had nothing else interesting to look at, he had been using it to judge the passage of time... and so he alone saw the shadow begin to creep along the surface of the moon, slowly darkening its light. The very sight startled him into disbelief. Luna was the sole controller of the phases of the moon, he knew - and she never deviated from her schedule of moon cycle. So why was it changing? Even more disturbing, why was it changing in the middle of the night, quickly enough that it seemed to be happening before his very eyes?

That's just the spelling aspect. As you mentioned, it also needs some work on its coherency, both overall and in individual paragraphs. This should be a helpful tool in general: http://eznguide.rogerdodger.me/

One last thing: this is just my opinion but I really feel an additional chapter should have been devoted to showing us some of the variety of Twilight's subjects as they started flowing in, the reconstruction, that sort of thing.

Best of luck!

Edit: Right, forgot something. At some points in the story it feels like you randomly decided to used a thesaurus. I don't know if that's the case or not, but it feels a little out of place.

2340976

First, thank you for the fair criticisms.

As regards to spelling and such - there is genuinely only so much I can do. All I have to work with is the Microsoft Word spellchecker and an online grammar checker that I'm not entirely sure of the usefulness of.. I really don't have the working knowledge of style high-level English writing to get more in depth than that.

I am looking for an editor and proofreader. If you yourself know one who would be willing to help me out, I would be extremely happy. Unfortunately, I still don't have a lot of visibility as a writer, so finding an editor is a lot harder than it seems.

Re: The Guide, yes, I've seen it before. But once again, I don't have the mental ability to go over 56 thousand words line-by-line and try to figure out if it's the right application of this or that rule of writing. I'm going to do the best I can with what skills I have though.

As a final note Re: The City - That's going to be covered in the second part. What was seen in this part was just the very first inhabitants trickling into the town, and some of the highlights therein. We're going to go into much further depth with the city in the first chapter of the next part.

Given that right now, that first chapter is clocking in pretty heavy on city details right now, It may actually extend into the first two chapters as the main conflict gets set up to roll.

Again, if you know a proof-reader or editor who has better mental or technological tools to work with, I would be extremely happy to bring them on board.

Thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed the plot! HOpe you enjoy the second part to come.

i love this awsome story!!!!!!!

An entire chapter of arguing whether to tell Twilight stuff she already mostly knows...

2365253 They dont know that she knows so much. Twilight also does not know that the power she is wielding is slowly corrupting her. There's a lot of information that both sides don't have, and this is supposed to reflect that.

2365280

She seemed cognizant of the corruption problem, but I guess not that simply using it influences her no matter what.

If you're looking for more exposure, I'll post a link to your story next time I see a corruption thread on 4chan; they tend to appreciate a decent story.

2365368 Sure. :D Always love more exposure. The next part is also going to have gobs of the corruption theme in it, so look out for that too.

I can edit, by the way. I am sort of busy with college stuff for a week or so, but I'll have free time occasionally. I are gud at grammir, I'm told.

2365394 I have one editor already working on the story, but if you'd like I can give you the GDoc link to help them out. The faster this gets edited, the faster Twilight Fall is going to go up.

No words can describe how interested i am in the story and i just cant wait to read the second part

It's people like you that deserve the massive respect and amazing amount of fans that others get often through luck.

You write amazing stories in impossibly short amounts of time, the number of likes this story has should be multiplied by 200, and your followers the same.

2412829

It means a lot to me to hear that. Thank you so much for your support.

If you haven't already, go give my other story The Code's Apprentice a look.

Hope to see you in the next part!

I'm confused, why is part two password locked?

2428936 It hasn't been released yet, and is still very much "Under Construction" so to speak.

The formal date for Twilight Fall's release is April 23rd. Keep your eyes on my profile for further news!

THis is such a good story, keep up the good work

okay bravo bravo bravo, i shall fave... now on to part two which i know now is out

2311734
I didn't dislike, but I really wanted to see a fight between Twi and Celly. (As stereotypical as that would be)
I absolutely LOVE it, and I still have so much to read.:twilightsmile:

the goddess Faust... genius :rainbowlaugh:

The Dark is Hasbro. Run.

hmm, when I read the blurb I thought this sounded a lot like my trilogy, but I was wrong....... it's much better! :pinkiehappy:

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