• Member Since 9th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 20th, 2023



Too many suitors, not enough Twilight. How can a brilliant genius alicorn pony solve this problem?

Contains shipping. Contains nuts. Contents may have shifted during shipping. Do not take orally, or seriously. Use the included tools to retighten screws a week after assembly. Luna is always watching.

Many thanks to RarityEQM for quality assurance.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 94 )

Which only proves that the original is the smartest one in the bunch... :twilightsmile:

Of course, the original is just going to get MORE suitors on her travels. And thus the spiral begins.

It ends a couple generations later, when (genetically speaking) everyone is Twilight.

(laughing) orally.

“The one who grabbed Spike and jumped a train out of Ponyville ten minutes before I walked in here. She’s not getting involved in this mess.”

That's the purplesmart I know!

A brilliant solution! Everyone wins!


1. I was entertained for reading this. Have a well-earned Like. :pinkiesmile:

2. [Narrator tone]: And thus Spike & (original template) Twilight rode off into the horizon, far away from the all 'shippings & clones, and lived happily ever after.

(Spilight <3 forever.) ;p

“Usually I’d protest, but I have to agree this once,” Rainbow Dash said, to the agreement of several other pegasi, as well as Celestia. “But only a little bit sexier, okay?” she quickly added.

Say 0.02% sexier?

Overall, many claps, this is very funny.

That... That is the Twilight Solution to the Tenchi Problem... YOU HAVE WON THE INTERNET! SOUND THE KAZOOS!

Absolutely brilliant, darling!

Dat punchline tho! That was funny. Have a like!

I was completely expecting this to be stupid, with everyone continuing to bicker about "whose Twilight is the best", but those last couple of lines! Sheer genius! Twilight foresaw what was inevitably going to happen, and took steps to nip it in the bud, very nice!

For instance...

How am I gonna stop some big ol' sexy mama from planting their lips all over my structurally irresistable little behind?

The answer?

Use a Twilight.

And if that don't work?

Use more Twilights.

A problem as old as Los vs Lana or Betty vs Veronica or every anime ever made, cranked up to eleven. And you managed to solve it, in less than 2k words!
You mister, are a genius. Have a Twilight:twilightsmile:
(I was going to post a Trixie, but the Twilights are suddenly easier to find)

This is both A: a funny and insightful look at all the various Twilight ships thar exist and B: a hilarious magical adventure which could have only ended awesomely, and it did.

How can a brilliant genius alicorn pony solve this problem?

Mirror pool.

edit: Well, what’d ya know, I was right.

Brilliant story, brilliant ending. I'll be smiling for a bit after that one. Cheers mate. :pinkiehappy:

Self replicating indirectly slutty Princess is CREDIT to TEAM!

*grabs nearby Twilight*


I shouldn't have waited so long to get to something this good, but I'm glad I did. I had been away from the writing scene for some time and this has been the perfect thing for me to read to help get me back on my hooves; simple, well thought-out, wording that isn't too complicated. What more could anyone want? :twilightsmile:


Hah! Brilliant.

That final line had me wetting myself. My pants thank you for that!

Huh. OmniPolyShipping!

I think this is the most satisfying ending of any story ever.

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I'll have to confess, though, that the ending was almost an afterthought. I had written up everything else and then thought, "How do I end this properly in a way that will bring out a laugh?" Then it just struck me. Good to see it worked properly.

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I considered writing an afterscene with them on the train discussing the events, but realized it didn't contribute anything, ruined the punchline, and required making a decision on their exact relationship. I'll leave the last one open to personal interpretation.

I approve of her solution

I also approve of this.


That was the correct storytelling call in not adding more, the proverbial "Ride Off Into The Sunset" ending rarely needs an epilogue.

Plus I was joking with the Spilight bit, if it was not deliberately & blatantly obvious with the " ;p ".

(Well, "mostly" joking... ^_^ )

Nice ending, I wasn't expecting it. :twilightsmile:

The ending! LOVE IT!:rainbowlaugh:


And when everyone is Twilight...NO PONY WILL BE

Short, cute, funny, punchy...
You've got the fanfic equivalent of a small tub of popcorn right here.
Sometimes I call them 'snack-fics'.

I know you're getting this a lot here, but that ending was amazing. :rainbowlaugh:

Also, I love the 'Meet The Engineer' reference. It gave me quite the hearty chuckle. Especially given that the solution just turned out to be that they needed a bit more Twi. :raritywink:

That ending though. This is the best, easily worthy of a favorite.

Interesting I'll say that:derpyderp1:

Well...this was amazing.

Diner was served as twilight fell all over Ponyville. Fimtastic comedy .:facehoof::twilightsmile::twilightsheepish::twilightoops::twilightangry2::rainbowlaugh:

:twilightsmile: : I solve practical problems. For example, how do I answer the request for love of more than two dozen suitors?

Use Twilight Sparkle.

And if that doesn't enough? Use more Twilight Sparkle.

I wrote a review of this story here.

Nothing better than being a slut, is there Twilight? :trixieshiftright:

What if the Twilights start to fight over who gets who? :twilightoops:

5413762 Well, to quote Steven Spielberg: "Well, the first you should... I don't know."

Twilight Sparkle is like bacon. Except you don't have to kill anything to use her to fix stuff! Let us stop the rubbing of bacon on it, and rub the Sparkles on it!:pinkiecrazy:

I'm not really sure what to say. This was awesome and funny, and the ending was just the best. I think this was probably one of the better short comedy stories I've read.

5394137 Snack-fic. I think that's my new favorite word. XD

Okay, the whole thing was good, but

Fluttershy looked as though she was about to start crying, and Discord was giving her puppy dog eyes – thankfully still attached to the puppy dogs.

this was brilliant. It doesn't make a lick of sense, really, but that's the point -- it's cartoon logic in prose form. I love it and I wish more people could write like that more of the time.

5495648 Thank you! Discord can be a lot of fun to write because you can spring these nonsensical gags on the readers with him; it's pretty much in character for him to begin with. Pinkie Pie, too, to a lesser degree.

this is a good story, and this line I noticed is a good Engineer reference , From tf2 if you don't know and it was quincidance.

“You see, I solve problems,” she continued. “Conundrums of philosophy, among other things – such as ‘what is beauty’, which I’d love to discuss with anypony interested later on. But also practical problems, like this one. The answer was actually very simple, and… well, I might as well show you why I had to leave earlier.” She turned her head towards the entrance. “Okay, you can come in now.”

All that test-taking really paid off. Four times out of five, "All of the above" is the right answer on any multiple-choice question. An elegant and amusing solution to a seemingly unsolvable problem. Well done. Thank you for it. :twilightsmile:

And what have we learned today? More of anything solves everything.
Oh, and Twilight is the answer to life and all problems (she got a changeling to be friendly), no not twilight saga you vamire lovers.

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